| Journal Entries |
| < -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------> |
 |
| Day 147 9/22/03 - "Destroy, she said my love again the end will come quickly. Don't try again to make amends you'll just end up sinking." You ever have that horrid feeling when you wake up one morning and you forgot to do something? Either that or im coming down from something. blerg, what a shitty feeling. say where's that prozac bottle i didnt quite finished yet. haha just kidding. it's monday morning and it's still my weekend. most of my friends are working. i have no one to call or bug. did i mention? what a shitty feeling!!! It's bloody hot as hell here, especially in my room, there's no AC and i feel like im being cooked. talking about basking like a hot sausage. and then there's my neverending burden of dirty clothes. either do it or come into work nude. tis not a bad idea mind you, with this fucking heat. but i might scare the customers away. eh well, no work til tomorrie... Day 146 7/18/03 - "After all he's got nothing inside. No good to give, no meaning to live. The mist engulfed tonight, every single star." Our washer broke down today. i feel like im in hell now. thank god we still have DSL haha. i've been so lazy lately with the sleeping and all i was thinking about taking the page down. blah. i havent been out in monthes and i dunno why. i dont have any desire to go either kinda weird. im turning into an old man even tho ive not even reached the legal age of drinking yet. sad really. anywho, nothing exciting ever happens in my life. its the same old crap everyday. The nu-gen brothers are once again taking a trip, we're gracing the sunny city (not to mention allergy ridden) city of San Diego. it's pride down there so we just HAD to go. all of them little faggots frolicking around who could resist? hehe. another long weekend. yippee. Day 145 6/28/03 - "I blame you for the sleepless nights, why I still cry, and how my story's never ending. I blame you for the dreams that died and making me wonder why..." Pride weekend, woohoo! even more beer, cheap sex and sleezy women! haha nevermind maybe just beer, cheap sex, and guys who looks like women. i hope i get a raise soon, cause im running out of beer money. thats not good. my only addiction down the drain due to lack on moolah. then i cant imagine what would happen. i'd be normal again *shrieks* I saw charlie's angel 2. hehe. i got pounded so hard, id be wet for days hehe. im gunna have to see it a second time, hot women with an attitude, what gay boy in their sane mind wouldnt aspire to be like that. LMAO just kidding. Drew berrymore is my idol, what can i say. i wanna have her babies. anyhoo, pink party tonight, even more sickening fags everywhere. Day 144 6/14/03 - "When love covers your eyes, you stumble in the dark." I cant sleep. God, i hate these moments, if i fall now i know id wake up in a cold sweat. we went to Metropolis today, Peter Rauhofer, world famous DJ (and Dave's husband or at least he seems to think so) was playing. the music is incredible. gosh, i love guys with talent hehe. eh who knows, someday someone somewhere out there will refer to me in such high manner. but until then i have to sleep with someone for a nice turntable LOL. nice damnit!!! Bitterness 5 entitled Jaded will soon have it's worldwide release. well ok ok im just gunna give it to my friends lol. my mind is going blank. im supposed to drive Linda down to LA with Sy. dunno if she's gunna flake on me, if she does, her fag hag license will be revoked! i cant wait. travelling is always fun. now it's only a matter of saving money for Hong Kong lol. Day 143 6/7/03 - "Look at me, here in the dark alone." Delayed, im actually writing this on monday. My god. straight seattle boys are so hubba hubba. i came so many times it wasnt even funny. makes me depressed =( why cant i be good lookin' like that yeeesh. i make it up from my charm lol. i think. well i guess my favorite vacation spot would still be Seattle but i wouldnt wanna live there. their gay district suck ass, and not in a good way. it's like 1/3 of castro. urgh, and we went up there when seattle was 90 degrees, my allergies kicked my butt. i thought i was gunna queen out and die LOL. We took a bunch of pictures. they're freaking hilarious. and i got some pics from the prom too, ill post them tomorrie. im quite amazed i dont look too bad in any of the pics. thank Bob. there's a pic of me and my sis, one of my best friend Thuy and a bunch of me in Seattle. woohoo, eat yer hearts out hehe. duh. Day 142 5/31/03 - "I've been waiting here for you, for a lifetime." Now i know how it feels like to be sober. i was literally stuck inside a rice field with no hope for escape. it was some kind of cruel joke my bestfriend played on me. eh, well i finally gave her the confirmation she needed. I came out to her and said that i was a Mormon. lol no wait, that's disturbing. She asked all night afraid that she might offend me if she asked if i was gay. so i told her. She's like 1/3 of my mom that i've never actually had the guts to say. all i need to do now is to tell my other 2 best friends. she always thought she never knew anyone gay that was close to her and all this time one of her best friend is a fag. i think it's the first step towards being a fag hag lol. i think Linda might be jealous. anywho, i had fun to say the least. I got some new pics up finally, and i think im gunna update my lyrics page too. *yawns* |
| < -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------> |
| Day 141 5/24/03 - "I tried to say I�m sorry, but everyone was gone. The clouds betray the story and everything, everything is wrong." So i'm gunna go to a camping trip tonight with my coworkers. phooey. stupid promises i make, if only i was flakey i could be out seeing Thunderpussy tonight at Mezzanine, but OH NO i had to be nice and go camping and get bitten by mosquitoes and die of malaria! oh, wait nevermind. well at least im going to church and pray tomorrow lol. that should be fun. 'sides, i have a 3 day weekend. I'm gunna be a straight noodle next weekend. I'm taking out my best friend to a special dance thingie. maybe i can get lucky with her LOL. i havent had sex in three fucking monthes. not that thats a bad thing mind you but im a guy and i think im spending too much time with my hands. that's not healthy for a boy my age. damn girls get it lucky with vibrators. guys have nuthin'. =( Day 140 5/17/03 - "Look at me, I can't hide the truth from falling at your feet. The world I cling to, is the world were you will always walk with me." We're celebrating my brother's 30th birthday tonight. he's turning 30, *shivers* middle age tends to creep up on yah. lol dont tell him that or he might go into one of them midlife crisis. i have yet to buy him nething. i can always give that excuse of not making enough money or that im too poor. =) always works. it's the thought that counts right? hehe. My allergies are acting up again. stupid light and heat. #@$@ It's such a white man's burden, why the hell do i have it? Im NOT WHITE!!! I maybe a part time potato queen but this is ridiculous. hmmm if i turn sticky would all this stop? my fear of heights, my allergies, or my chronic fear of women? oh no wait, nevermind. scratch that. stickyness is no the way to enlightenment lol... Day 139 5/10/03 - "Can�t sleep tonight, I�m still waitin� for a wonder soon to happen, and I pray. Isn't there anyone out there? I need consolation, why can�t I still be with you?" So how sketchy are you when you do water bombs instead or Sake bombs? hehe it's sad really, but i wont go into further details of that since i want to keep my squeaky clean image. It's my friend thanh's bday today, then my brother's bday next week. God i have no money to buy hm a gift. hell i think i can just be cheap and give him a CD. or buy him some E. *Start Bitter Mode.* Eh, i wish i understood why people say what they say sometimes. I was feeling down for the past week. it's a shitty feeling, i dont want to be inhibitted but i have to be. guys are liar. especially the gay ones. bastards. i seriously need a dog, then i wouldnt be so needy. hehe im drunk so i have to sleep now. *end bitter mode* Day 138 5/3/03 - "I'm not in love." Oi! I'm PMSing again. make it stop! it's the i wanna rip out my hair and scream in agony cause i have no BF syndrome. or some might say bitter. but hey thats just me. innate bitterness. I saw Xmen 2 twice, god knows how many times a came during the movie. hehe. i feel like such a kid again. it gots me excited and stuff!! eh anywho. i just finished my 4th cd. RIPDoggie's Bitterness Version 4.5, this time around it's digitally remastered version by the DJ himself. hehe im just bullshitting, but i think im getting the hang of mixing. which is more i can say with most djs in the clubs around here. *sigh* ive been so down lately its pathetic. one side im so anal, and the other im down. i was debating on whether slitting my wrists would be worth me cleaning the blood from my keyboard and monitor. lol. im a wimp anyhow. i wish it was the weekends forever. u dont have as much to worry about. Day 137 4/26/03 - "If you're standing accused and you're lost and confused, you don't have to take the blame." Things dont always turn out the way they do. i dont know who i have to blame but myself, but when i sit alone in my room everynight, i think about the words that seems to nag in the back of my head. the stinging truth i have to deal with. and i wished my mom never opened my eyes. ignorance is bliss. So Wells is cutting more of my hours. damn greedy bastards. *@#$@$* ah well. itll be a year's worth soon and i can transfer into a higher position. my coworkers are pissing me off. even john. hey, i dunno if it's just me but i've been agressive lately egads. built up tension. i need to go jerk off or something. people are just stupid. what i wouldnt do if i had powers. the population would be cut down tremendously. that pretty much means everyone who lives in the mission district LOL. Day 136 4/19/03 - "If I could solve the mystery of tomorrow. If I could make some changes in your heart. If I could see the shadows of the future, I wouldn't be alone and torn apart." Lemme think of some thought-provoking topics. eh. truth is, i cant. im bled dry and i have nothing left to say. I go out every weekend, and it sickens me. it's the same old crowd, like some bitter joke but no one was laughing. i just wanna get up and go. just leave this place and forget everything. i have this bad habit of clinging onto my past tho. it haunts me and it scares me to let go. because all i have is my past. a time when i didnt expect so much of everyone, so much from myself. but now it's just all wrong somehow. something about this feels wrong. my schizoid personality is resurfacing again. and i cant help but think, where exactly am I? what's inside there now, where I used to be? Day 135 4/12/03 - "My soul was weak, my faith was shaken. Could barely speak, my heart was breaking." It's my friend's brithday today, my very close drama queen of a friend who is equally bitter as me, if not more so hehe. you know , u can't tell how bitter you are until you meet someone like yourself. great minds think alike i guess. =) Three weeks til Xmen 2 comes out, makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. *giggles like a japanese school girl* im still a dork at heart. hey it's something to look forward to. it's not like i have a life, or a boyfriend, or a good job, or a car, or anything else. well u get the idea lol. actually, im onto my third CD, i think im getting better at mixing, but who knows, it might just be me hehe. eh, there's nothing on good on TV, they're playing all this Haysoos crap, i guess it has something to do with Easter crap, BORING! hehe, im so going to hell. Day 134 4/5/03 - "What has happen to me? Crazy, some�d say. Where is my friend when I need you most? Gone away." You ever think that life's just a meaningless cycle of laundry and bitching? i do. it just doesnt end. howsa guy supposed to relax when he bitches all day? hehe, i know i know, i sound like a broken record with a new tune once in a blue moon but hell i cant help it, lameness is genetics. So these assholes are cutting my hours soon. damn them. im getting flashbacks of way back when, while i was a whee lad working for Safeway. so much trauma. i think i feel faint. lol. anyhoo, ever since i bought my new computer, i havent had the chance to download any porn. now i need to go jerk off yeeesh, id have to use my imagination, its so sad, i always fall asleep before anything happens lol. laziness makes me asexual, eh but who's complainging. sleeping is always good. Day 133 3/29/03 - "Is it really hurt that I feel? Or is it just the thought of you that's kiliing me? I don't wanna break it and watch it melt away." I have some new pics coming up soon, as soon as my co-worker gives me the double. looks nice i must say hehe. but we already knew that. I got paid today too, nearly came in my pants when i saw how much it was hehe. sushi money! too bad itll only go on for like 4 days then ill be broke again. where's a god damn 20 year old sugar daddy when yah need one? so i got 2 more piercings. nothing more tho. one on each lobes, i must say again, its adorable lol. i fell asleep on it so one of it healed and clogged up. i had to puncture it again, not pretty at all. Im so tragic =(. I dunno it's hard. i always fall for someone and that feeling just comes down, fleeting away. and its gone so suddenly. i cant help but think it's just me. im hopeless, i know that now. Day 132 3/22/03 - "Almost drowning in a sea of sin. Can you ease the pain I feel within?" So how can you tell you're bitter? and overall unsatisfied with everyone and everybody? hehe shit, im turning into everything i abhor. Like i said so many times, im gunna grow up to be this bitter queen with cats running around. and ill just come out once every month to rape underage boys. heck doesnt hurt to have a hobby when you're old. but i disgress, im rambling again. it's one of the conditions of being sad and bitter. god damn gay diseases. So i just downloaded Celine dion's new song called i drove all night. it's a song about stalking people. yeeep, something i know all too well hehe, god. "I drove all night, crept in your room, woke u up, just to make love to you... Is that all right" LOL stop just stop. ok. back to reality. heck, im gunna have to finish this load of fucking laundry again. @$#@#$. |