Ferris Wheel
By Sara
Date Posted: September 16, 1999
Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. I'm just borrowing them for a
character romp.
Notes: This is the third installment of my "Sam's Thoughts" series.
* * *
Sam was feeling pretty good about himself this evening. He'd managed to hit
Brett straight in the face with a pie�showing he hadn't lost his throwing
arm. He'd even managed to win a stuffed animal for the little girl who'd been
looking longingly at it from afar. And best of all, he was having fun. Laura
wasn't around to criticize him about his 'childish' ways or immature
attitude. He could do what he wanted and enjoy spending time with his
students, all for a good cause. Yes, he was feeling good tonight.
What he wouldn't admit to himself was that there was one face he wanted to
see in the crowd to make it an absolutely perfect night. He kept telling
himself to stop looking at each face that passed by him, hoping to see a
blonde head with a welcoming smile and eyes he found himself getting lost in
daily despite his better judgment. He sighed, telling his mind to let it
go�she was his student. But still�
"LONELY RIDE IN BUCKET FIVE!"
The shrill call caught his attention immediately and he turned towards the
sound, noticing it came from right under the Ferris Wheel. He felt his heart
leap as he spotted Josie sitting in the bucket, looking rather embarrassed.
Before he could even stop to think, he was bounding over to the wheel and
asking Josie if the 'seat was taken.' He didn't want to admit that the smile
that lit up her face had the power to turn his insides to mush. He didn't
want to admit it�but it was a fact. He told his heart to slow down as he
settled in next to her.
He soon forgot about the effect her nearness was having on his body as
another emotion overcame him. He gripped the handle on the bucket like a
lifeline as they rode high into the air. What a great time for him to
remember his fear of heights. He wondered what Josie was thinking of this
performance. He carefully turned his head, noticing the concerned look on her
face and suddenly feeling the need to explain.
"I'm gonna tell you something here, and I hope this doesn't undermine my
position as an authority figure�" he began, wondering if that line sounded as
stupid to her as it did to him, "I'm a little afraid of heights." There, he'd
admitted it. Now she knew one of his deepest secrets. He waited to see what
she'd say.
"You're afraid of the Ferris Wheel?" she said with a soft laugh, and he had
to smile.
"It's actually more the plunging head first into the crowd part that gets
me," he admitted, feeling his breath catch as she placed a hand gently over
his in reassurance. Somehow, he didn't think it should feel that good. But he
wasn't going to remove it.
"I bet you'd feel better if you had your Gordie Howe helmet," she added with
a laugh, stunning him for a moment. He couldn't believe she remembered that
story.
"You remember that story?" he asked, almost afraid to hear her answer. He
felt his breath catch as he saw the blush creep across her face.
"I remember everything you say�" she started, and he told himself to control
his heart rate as he heard her finish, rather awkwardly "in the classroom."
She remembered what he said. She was interested in it. In him. He didn't know
if the thought terrified or excited him more. He decided he'd figure that one
out later. He simply sat back, enjoying their comfortable silence, until
Tommy's loud voice broke it. He winced as their bucket rattled, barely paying
attention to what Tommy was saying, until he caught the "Mr. Coulson rocks my
world" line. His annoyance was growing, and he could see the boy was
disturbing Josie as well. He sighed, wondering how to explain young men.
Wondering why he was even trying.
"I'd like to tell you we all grow out of it, but that's a lie. Some of us
will always be rattling cages," he said in a resigned voice, staring into
space as he contemplated his words. Her soft-spoken 'why?' made him suddenly
think of his situation with Laura. Before he knew it, he found himself
talking to Josie about how he should grow up and commit to Laura, move to New
York, become a man�only to realize he didn't want to do anything like that.
He was happy where he was, right at this very moment to be precise. And he
had to admit a big part of that happiness was because of Josie. But still, he
shouldn't be talking to her about this, it just wasn't � 'proper.'
"I'm sorry, I really shouldn't be telling you all this," he managed, seeing
her soft smile as sad look came into her eyes. He wondered who had hurt her
in the past. He found himself wanting to hurt them back. Anyone who hurt
Josie�well, they'd have to deal with him.
"It's nice to have someone to talk to," was her soft reply as she looked away
from him, making him realize that yes, it was. He agreed, looking off into
space again as well, determined to get things back on the right track. He had
no choice in the matter. But that still didn't ease the pain he felt at
seeing her start to withdraw from him again. He wanted to relieve that pain.
But how?
"Well, all I can tell you is when you're my age, guys will be lined up around
the block for you," he heard himself say. As soon as it was out, he found
himself having to fight the major realization that he wanted to be the only
man for her. No waiting in line for her. The thought of anyone else with
Josie was making his stomach turn. He knew he was in serious trouble here. A
fact only reinforced as he saw a smile finally reach her eyes as she answered.
"You have to say that because you're my teacher."
Suddenly he realized where this was leading and knew that right here, wasn't
the place to continue this discussion. He didn't trust himself around her
tonight. They were both too vulnerable, too tempted to give in to the
emotions simmering around them. He thought he knew when to strategically
retreat, and said the expected answer, not meaning any of it deep down.
"Actually, I shouldn't say that, because I'm your teacher," he finished
softly, looking into her eyes for a moment before she lowered them and
blushed. He turned back to the front of their bucket as it descended from the
top of the park towards the ground. He closed his eyes, forcing himself to
ignore all the emotions, the temptations, the desire coursing through him. He
was too close to her, he was her teacher, he was too old for her, there was
so much stacked against them.
But what scared him the most, was that every time he looked into her eyes, he
could see that she was feeling the same attraction he was. She might not
even be aware of it, but it was so obvious from the trusting way she never
hesitated to meet his gaze, the way she smiled at him, and the little things,
like brushing a hand over his, or finding an excuse to touch his arm. Lord
knows he was finding ways to do the same to her.
They were headed for a major disaster. He needed to stop this now, tonight.
It could only end badly for them both. But as he watched her hair blowing in
the breeze, listened to her slight laugh every now and then, and every so
often, locked eyes with her, he knew he was fighting a loosing battle.
He was falling in love with his student. And it was the scariest, most
wonderful feeling he'd ever felt in his life�despite the near hopelessness of
the situation they were in.
What had he gotten himself into? And did he really want to get out? Those
questions spun through his brain as he and Josie climbed high into the night,
lost in their own little world above the amusement park. He never wanted to
come down.
* * *
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