Aug. 27, 1999
Pigskin State University
Fall Semester - Day and Evening Classes Begin on Sept. 12th
COURSES OFFERED:
ACCOUNTING: Study how much it will cost a husband to bribe his wife so he will not need to accompany
her to the mall when a football game is on.
Prerequisite: JEWELRY $301 or SHOES $201
ANTHROPOLOGY: Analysis on the sudden disappearance of those phony Dallas Cowboy fans that emerged
in the Bay Area a few years ago. Evaluate their existence and why they never had Texas accents in the first place.
ART: Introduction on how to explain to your wife the artistic beauty, grace, and poetry of the cheerleaders
who are wearing skimpy outfits while performing to "Getting Jiggy With It."
BIOLOGY: Study of lower life forms that exist at the Oakland Stadium during Raider games. Laboratory
work includes the dissection of these spineless creatures.
BUSINESS: Develop skills in organizing profitable weekly football pools at work without getting busted
by management. Earn extra credit if you can distribute parlay cards during work hours.
CHEMISTRY: Study how the combination of Nacho cheese, bean dip, beer, ice cream, and uncooked
burned meat in your stomach can produce a substance more powerful than the nuclear bomb.
COSMETOLOGY: Introduction to basic application of cosmetics and other feminine products especially
designed for male Raider fans only.
Prerequisite: HOME ECONOMICS 101
ENGLISH: Emphasis on proper grammar while screaming at your TV after players make dumb plays.
Expand vocabulary by learning to say words besides "You suck!" and "You moron!"
FILM: Review and analysis of the San Francisco 49ers' 5 Superbowl Championships. Study how the
49ers remain the most successful team of all time. Raider fans will review all Barbara Streisand movies.
HEALTH SCIENCE: In depth analysis of the secrets behind the Cowboy fans' success of living healthy
lives despite taking only one shower a month. Learn how Lysol is not a disinfectant, but can be used as perfume as well.
HISTORY: Analysis of why the Raiders are still bragging they are the best by bringing up their past
success even though they haven't made the playoffs in years. Analysis of the actual age of Al Davis's tinted glasses
and review his combing patterns since his inception in the NFL.
MATHEMATICS: Basic techniques to help students determine if they should take the +7 points or
bet on the "over or under." Calculate the actual miles to Los Angeles, the future home of the Raiders...again.
MUSIC: Introduction of students to solo work in belching, armpit noises, and harmonic flatulence
when their team scores a touchdown. Student must be able to perform "We Will Rock You" by mid-semester.
PHYSICAL EDUCATION (BALLET): Introduction to narrative movements especially designed for
male Raider fans only with strong emphasis on grace and proper posture. Only pink tutus are allowed.
PSYCHOLOGY: Learn simple responses to your wife when asked "What are you thinking?" while
you're watching football. Analysis of what responses work best on which part of the month or on the degree you
have messed up after an argument.
READING: If you can read this then you are not a Raider fan.
SOCIOLOGY: Introduction to the scientific study of the behavior of the Dallas Cowboy fans on
why they can change teams and loyalty in the middle of the season. Learn how bandwagon can be more than
a form of transportation.
THEOLOGY: Study of how becoming a San Francisco 49ers fan can be a religious experience
and the revelation that they are the greatest franchise in the NFL.
ZOOLOGY: Study of why men become pigs when surrounded by other men. Analysis of their
mating calls of grunts, ogles, and drools.
REGISTRATION PROCEDURE:
Must possess a pair of tickets to any of the following 49er games and are willing to sell them at face value.
Oct. 17th - vs Carolina Panthers
Nov. 17th - vs Pittsburg Steelers
Nov. 29th - vs Greenbay Packers
Dec. 12th - vs Atlanta Falcons
Please contact Dean Ron Clemente at x65324 to register. Classes are forming now.
