Nov. 17, 1999
Disaster Preparedness: What You Should Know
For more than 30 years, the Macaroni Disaster Relief has been the cutting edge of disaster relief activities, helping
people prevent prepare for, and cope with emergencies such as earthquakes, hurricanes, fire, flood, Y2K, PMS,
and the "1999 San Francisco 49ers Season." With the new millenium only a few weeks away, the whole world have
expressed concerns about this year's 49ers Season. That's why MDR has published the following information about the
"1999 San Francisco 49ers Season" - its potential effects and what you can do to be prepared.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS:
What is the "1999 49ers Season" and why are we concerned?
The "1999 49ers Season" is a known glitch or "bug" as it is sometimes called, was created a few years ago because of
poor drafting, chaos in ownership and management, salary cap, free agent busts, players past their primes, injuries to
key players, and the lack of busty cheerleaders to inspire the players (this is the most critical reason).
When the Year 2000 comes, we will see 49er bandwagon fans abandon ship faster than you can say "quiche." There have
been signs of glitches this season already, as was the case in the game against the Pittspuke Steelers when Steeler fans
outnumbered the 49er fans by the 4th quarter at 3Com Park.
When could the "1999 49ers Season" happen?
Most experts anticipate problems may happen when it's time to renew your season tickets. You will begin to question,
"Should I pay $100 for a pair of tickets, or should I get that hair transplant I've always dreamed of?" Your wife will
have similar thoughts, "Should my husband pay $100 for a pair of tickets? Hmm...for $200 more I can buy a nice
pair of shoes instead."
What do you need to be prepared for this disaster?
1) Insecticide - Raider fans will start pestering you on how the 49ers suck. They have waited for a long time for this so
try to get the "extra strength" kind.
2) TUMS - watching bad football while eating barbequed dead meat will surely cause indigestion.
3) Plenty of cash - those "Football Sundays" will be a thing of the past because you will get bored watching the 49ers lose.
You now have plenty of free time to accompany your wife to the mall, flea market, and garage sales.
4) Blankets - you'll need them because your in-laws will likely stay with you more often since you'll have more time to
be with them while not watching football.
5) Flashlight - with your in-laws staying with you, you'll start arguing with your wife, so off to the doghouse with Fido
you go! That's when you'll need the flashlight.
6) Teddy Bear - it can get cold in that doghouse you know...and leave Fido alone!
7) Flowers and chocolates - your desperate move to try to kiss and make up with your wife.
8) Jewelry - you've gotta be kidding if you think flowers and chocolates will be enough.
How do I know I'm not affected by this disaster?
To verify if you are "1999 49ers Season" Compliant, it is advisable to test if the value of your tickets have not crashed yet.
MDR will gladly take a pair of of tickets from you for the Nov. 29th game against the Green Bay Packers.
Make sure those tickets are in "Face Value" Mode. Contact your local MDR Rep, Ron Clemente, if you have a
pair of tickets. We are glad to help you in your time of need.
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