July 16, 1993
Coming this Fall...the return of the longest running soap opera from the same creators who brought
you "One Life to Grieve," I Hate My Children," and "Liposuction Hospital."
THE YOUNG AND THE CLUELESS
The Cast Of Characters:
STEVE YOUNG
The title character. This is our hero who is strong and invincible, but is still suffering from "chokophilia," which is a rare disease where the
victim suffers from sweaty hands when carrying a football and shaky knees when the state of Montana is mentioned. He is the highest paid
gun slinger west of the Pecos. But his doom is imminent just like the other previous highest paid gun slingers like Dan Marino, John Elway,
and Jim Kelly...each died an ugly death when they reach the ultimate battle - the Superbowl. Our hero will try to defy the odds unlike the others.
GEORGE SEIFERT
A brilliant psychic. He happens to have a knack of waking up in the middle of the night with the revelation that an old brittle "Barry Manilow look-alike"
will lead a football team to the promised land. Little did he know that this "Barry Manilow look-alike" will probably lead a team to the Superbowl, but not
the team George predicted.
EDDIE DEBARTOLO
The sneaky little devil. He whispers to the coach's ear to say and do things, but denies that he had anything to do with it. This devil used to lure young
innocent football players with money to do his evil ways, but the angels of NFL Heaven put a lock in his wallet because he's been a bad bad boy.
JERRY RICE
A war veteran. He was Steve Young's roommate in the Emergency Room after suffering from a concusion. He wakes up in the middle of the night calling
his mommy because of nightmares from the memories of the war. His frequent flashbacks - being bombarded by DB's because his QB coudn't throw a football
to him while he's running in stride.
STEVE BONO
The impostor. He wants to win the affection of Steve Young's friends because he can imitate this "Barry Manilow look-alike." He is our villain who wants Steve
Young's job. He should be killed.
THE DEFENSE
A bunch of unknown extras who will probably have cameo appearances once in a while during the season. This used to be a strong supporting cast with such
characters like Ronnie Lott "The Transformer," who sawed-off his fingers just for his team, Charles Haley "The Fireman," who has the natural talent to extinguish his teammate's
burning car, Pierce Holt "The Ogre," he plays football with just one eye, and Tim Harris "The Streetdancer," who performs a special walking routine just for cops at the side of the
street. But they are all gone now.
THE OFFENSE
It's still there, but nothing to write home about. Do not expect any academy awards or miracles. The magic is now gone (sigh).
There you have it. The first show of the season will be on August 1st so don't miss it. This was the highest rated show last season until the network decided to move it at the same time slot
with Dallas during "Sweeps Week" when Dallas showed the episode "Who shot and messed up Jimmy Johnson's hair?" This season looks promising, but we might see its demise by midseason
which is why viewers' support is terribly needed. That's is why you should sell me your pair of tickets for the game against the Falcons, Rams, Vikings, and Bengals. Just watch the game on TV
to increase the show's Nielsen's Rating. Thank you for your faithful support.
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