Dec. 6, 1993
A Disturbed Young Soul
As all of you know, Christmas time is upon us once again. It really bugs the hell out of me when people waste their time wrapping gifts
with fancy papers, tags, and ribbons. Why bother wrapping when it will only either be mock turtlenecks, sweaters, gloves, or thermal underwears?
Why can't people be creative when giving Christmas gifts? The only person who gets great Christmas presents is your wife because if you mess
it up, you will know how it feels when you have your "chestnuts roasting on an open fire." Or worst yet, "Jackfrost will be nipping more
than your nose" if she throws you out of the house. Let's face it! If you are a kid, you get great toys, but if you are a male adult on Christmas Day,
you are totally screwed! Because not only do you get nothing but lousy stinkin' gifts, but you have to pay for your credit card bills later.
I was in my office this morning (which in my case, the restroom) doing some serious cogitating and tedious work when I found out something disturbing...again
that I must personally relay to my beloved fellow human being. Don't worry, I washed my hands before I got out. Anyway, while I was going through the motions
in there, I saw this sign that said, "We Proudly Use Recycled Paper." EXCUSE ME?!!! I try to do my part in preserving the environment as much as I can, but there
are only a few things that can be used more than once and toilet paper is not one of them!!! Can you just imagine who used it last prior to rubbing it to your derriere?
I get hungry just thinking about it
Why am I talking about lousy Christmas gifts and spending quality time in the restroom? I think it's because we are celebrating our company's Christmas potluck and exchange gifts.
But do you know what irratates me the most besides the smell if this foreign dish I just devoured on? It's the lack of people selling 49ers tickets during the playoffs. Oh sure, when they
are games against the Bengals or Oilers, tickets are popping out everywhere. I'm still here at working so just look for the guy with bulging pants...it's not what you think although I wish
it was the reason. It's from all the food, you perverts. It's not hard to spot me. Just look for a cube with a sign that says "Will Work for 49er Tickets."
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