December 22, 1994
Then and Now
I just recently had my 10-year high school reunion, and I've never been around with a bunch of fakes other than a recent "Hair Club
for Men" convention. Oh my, has it been that long already? It seems like only yesterday when I was still dazed and confused on what
I should do in my life after high school. I wanted to be in the NBA, but I was too short and weeny. I could've been a lawyer, but I forgot that
I was born with a heart. I wanted to become a priest, but that decision quickly faded when puberty finally hit me at 17 just before graduation.
I'm still wondering today what would have happened if I was a sculptor, but then again...no.
Things sure have changed in 10 years. I remember how our neighbor used to tell her kids not to run around with scissors in their hands. Now
that they've all grown up, she tells them, "Don't run around with a loaded Uzi in your hand." Those silly kids...
Music surely has changed. Today, it has to have sex, violence, vulgarity, or politics so your record will sell...and that's just Gospel music! Ten years
ago there weren't anything controversial with the music we listened to except in a few instances. One was when my buddy accidentally said,
"Dude, that Boy George sure is pretty." The other time was more of a very serious matter because our school was almost closed down
when a riot almost broke out. Because students listened to rock, soul, new wave, and muzak, there were always conflicts. It all started when some
breakdancers were performing in a hallway when some Barry Manilow fanatics replaced the tape in the breakdancers' boombox with "Mandy."
The breakdancers took out their knives while the Manilow fanatics took out their sharp pens from their pocket protectors. Disaster was about to
strike and couldn't be avoided until...somebody played "To All The Girls I Loved Before" by Julio Iglesias and Willie Nelson. It was a
message. The students came to their senses that if two opposite people from totally different species can get along and make music together,
then they can, too. I mean, one is a dashing debonair while the other looks like he gargles Lysol. How this song became a hit with these two
together anyway? I guess it's like putting hot chocolate fudge on your Bar-B-Q steak...you know it is yucky, but somebody will like it. Anyway, so
peace was restored in school and everybody was happy although they were still puzzled because "Willie Nelson," "girls," and "love" sure
didn't add up.
Back in high school, I always get a regular haircut to look cool with the girls. Now, people notice that I get a haircut all the time, but the truth
is I'm just losing hair or my forehead is gaining ground. I do remember how we used to watch girls walk by during class breaks. It's kinda hard
to do it now when your girlfriend is next to you...or people will look at you if a middle-aged man is staring at teen-agers. I told my girlfriend
that it's perfectly natural for men to look at other pretty women, but she didn't buy it so I had to explain it in a different way. I told her
let's say you're walking on a street, and there's a construction worker that is bent down while working and wearing a loose pair of pants and an
untucked shirt. We have all seen this gruesome sight before, you know, it is what you simply call "Bad moon rising at the crack of dawn."
You stare at it then you try to look away, but you can't and you just have to stare at it for as long as you can. Well, that's why staring at pretty
women is the same thing as staring at construction workers because they're just both disgusting sights! She finally understood what I meant.
Ten years ago was also a memorable year although the year started lousy. That's because in January of 1984, the 49ers lost to the Redskins in
the NFC Championship Game. Even without Dwight Clark and down by 21 points, the 49ers tied the game in the 4th quarter only to lose in the
last few seconds on a Moseley field goal. That year ended on a high note, however, when on the last game of the 1984 Season, Gary "Big Hands"
Johnson sacked Jeff Kemp of the Rams for a safety and sealing a win. It was the best season the 49ers ever had when they won the Superbowl against
Miami in 1985 at Stanford.
This year didn't start well also just like ten years ago because the 49ers lost to the Dallas Cowpies, but the end of the year will be great because the 49ers
will end up in the Superbowl. Like they say, "The more things change, the more they stay the same." Ten years ago I saw Joe scrambled for more
than 50 yards againt the New York Giants in the playoffs so I'm hoping to see Steve Young do the same...if somebody will sell me a pair of playoff tickets.
Come on, can anybody help this balding, hopeless, weeny-looking, mentally disabled 49er fan?
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