Nov. 24, 1998
Weather Forecast: November 30, 1998
Windy conditions will prevail over Northern California as cold arctic air dives in to the state. Blustery North to Northwest winds up
to 200 mph can be expected. People under 300 lbs. or anybody wearing a toupee are advised to stay indoors.
Rain is a strong possibility with flash floods that will reach up to 50 inches by midday. It is advisable to move to higher ground or keep
handy those inflatable dolls that you secretly hide in your closet. Once again, stay indoors.
Seismologists are also predicting a strong earthquake in the Bay Area with a magnitude of 10 or higher. Please stock on healthy junk
food and simply avoid going outdoors especially if you had a recent breast implant surgery.
Isolated humongous hail storms are also expected so it is advisable to carry hard hats or those neat inflatable football helmets that you
can only buy at the Home Shopping Network at 3:00 in the morning...so I've heard, I don't really know, it's not that I have a lonely life
or anything. Stop staring at me! Leave me alone! Again, please stay indoors.
Snow is also in the forecast in San Francisco for the first time since God knows when. It is advisable to wear something warm and stay
indoors. We do not condone wearing some kind of fur coat because it is cruel to animals although I've heard that dogmeat is good for
broth especially in these cold and windy nights.
The air quality in San Francisco has reached its worst condition as smog settles in the once crisp and clean sky of the Bay Area. Satellite
indicates...wait a minute! It's not really smog, but the dirty air we are seeing is just caused by a cumulative bad case of BO by the whole
city of San Francisco. In any case, you especially would want to stay indoors for this baby.
The National Weather Service has a 99% accuracy in their guesses...I mean "predictions." It is simply advisable that Nov. 30, 1998 is not
a good day to be outdoors. Unfortunately, the game of football is played under any weather condition in which is the case when the 49ers
will play the New York Giants in a worthless game that night. It is best to get rid of your tickets while you still can. A special hotline has been
set up for anybody who wants to unload their tickets.
Please call (800) SCA-LPER or x65324. This has been another public service annoyancement.
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