HOW TO INSTALL LOVE
Customer Service (CS) Rep. : Yes, Ma'am, how may I help you today?
Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install LOVE.
Canyou guide me through the process?
CS Rep. : Yes, I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready to
install now.What do I do first?
CS Rep. : The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your
HEART ma'am?
Customer: Yes I have, but there are several other programs running
right now.Is it okay to install while they are running?
CS Rep. : What programs are running ma'am?
Customer: Let's see, I have PAST-HURT.EXE, LOW ESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE,
and RESENTMENT.COM running right now.
CS Rep. : No problem. LOVE will gradually erase PAST-HURT.EXE from your
current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it
will no
longer disrupt other programs.LOVE will eventually overwrite
LOW-ESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own
called HIGH-ESTEEM.EXE.However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE
and RESENTMENT.COM.
Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn
those off ma'am?
Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
CS Rep.: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE.
Do this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM
have been completely erased.
Customer: Okay, done. LOVE has started installing itself automatically.
Is that normal?
CS Rep. : Yes. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall
for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?
Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?
CS Rep. : Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You
need to begin connecting to other HEARTS in order to get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops. I have an error message already. What should I do?
CS Rep. : What does the message say?
Customer: It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS."
What does that mean?
CS Rep. : Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. It means that the
LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been run
on
your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things, but in
nontechnical terms it means you have to "LOVE" your own machine before it
can "LOVE"
others.
Customer: So what should I do?
CS Rep. : Can you pull down the directory called"SELF-ACCEPTANCE"?
Customer: Yes, I have it.
CS Rep. : Excellent. You're getting good at this.
Customer: Thank you.
CS Rep. : You're welcome. Click on the following files and then copy
them to the "MYHEART" directory: FORGIVE-SELF.DOC, REALIZE-WORTH.TXT, and
ACKNOWLEDGE-LIMITATIONS.DOC. The system will overwrite any
conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you
need to delete VERBOSE-SELF-CRITIC.EXE from all directories, and then
empty your
recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely and permanently gone
erased.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with new files. SMILE.MPG
is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that PEACE.EXE, and
CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART. Is this normal?
CS Rep. : Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but eventually
everything gets downloaded at the proper time. So, LOVE is installed and
running. You should be able to handle it from here. One more thing before
I
go.
Customer: Yes?
CS Rep. : LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules
toeverybody you meet. They will share it with other people and then return
somesimilarly sacred modules back to you.
Customer: I will. Thanks for your help. By the way, what's your name?
CS Rep. : You may call me the Divine Cardiologist, also known as The
Great Physician, but most call me God. Many people feel all they need is
an annual checkup to stay heart-healthy, but the Manufacturer suggests a
schedule of daily maintenance for maximum efficiency. Put another way, keep
in
touch . . .