********** The Secrets of a Woman *********** 
  
 "Fine" 
This is the word we use at the end of any argument 
that we feel we are right about but need to shut you 
up. NEVER use "fine" to describe how a womanlooks. 
This will cause you to have one of those arguments. 

 "Five minutes" 
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five 
minutes that your football game is going to last 
before you take out the trash, so I feel that it's an 
even trade.   
  
 "Nothing" 
This means something and you should be on your toes. 
"Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a 
woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside 
down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an 
argument that will last "Five Minutes" 
and  end with the word "Fine". 
  
 "Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows) 
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman 
getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the 
word "Fine". 
  
 "Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows) 
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I 
don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" 
in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and 
"Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five 
Minutes" when she cools off. 
  
 "Loud Sigh" 
This is not actually a word, but is still often a 
verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud 
Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment 
and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here 
and arguing with you over "Nothing". 
  
 "Soft Sigh" 
Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft 
sighs" are one of the few things that some men 
actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is 
to not move or breathe and she will stay content. 
  
 "Oh" 
This word followed by any statement is trouble. 
Example; "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to 
him about what you were doing last night". If she says 
"Oh" before a statement, run, do not walk, to the 
nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" 
when she is done tossing your clothes out the window 
but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 
days. "Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies 
that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more 
to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows "Go 
ahead" followed by acts so unspeakable that I can't 
bring myself to write about them. 
  
 "That's Okay" 
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a 
woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she 
wants to think long and hard before paying you back 
for what ever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" 
is often used with the word "Fine" and used in 
conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead". At 
some point in the near future when she has plotted and 
planned, you are going to be in some mighty big 
trouble. 
  
 "Please Do" 
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is 
giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse 
or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you 
have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, 
so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay". 
  
 "Thanks" 
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say 
"you're welcome". 
  
 "Thanks A Lot" 
This is much different from "Thanks". A woman will 
say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at 
you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some 
callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". 
Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud 
Sigh", as she will only tell you "Nothing".