Arranged marriage....
I don't know who wrote this. Its specially useful for desi people in US
Its not only humorous but there are good tips for aspirant grooms.
There are times in a person's life when he needs to take crucial decisions
on his own. Marriage is one of them. Believe me, the decision on whom
to marry is the most important decision a person will make in his life.
After marriage, your wife is the most important person in your life. She can
make or break your life. The mere thought of this is very frightening.Some of the questions that crop up are -
* What sort of a girl do I marry?
* Will she adjust in my family?
* How can I decide on a girl by just meeting her for a few times?
* When should I get married?
* This is my life. So, I should choose the girl I marry, but then what
if I make a mistake?... so on and so forth...
I will try to address these & many more questions in the following
sections.The Nine Rules of Arranged marriage
* Rule 1 - Magic no. 28
In an ideal scenario, a girl goes to college at the age of 18. By
the time she graduates, goes for her post graduation and/ or works for
1-2 years, she will be about 23- 24. This means that she has spent about 5
years away from her home. In the 5 years period, she would meet many smart
guys at college or during her first few years on job. So, in all probability it
would be difficult to find a good girl older than 24 yrs. Secondly, in
Indian families there is lot of pressure on the girl's to get married
by the time they become 24-25.
Statistics says that there is a generation gap after every 5 years.
So, in such scenario, one would prefer to marry a girl who is about 3-4
years younger to you. Thus, working backwards, an ideal age for a guy
to get married is by 28. Earlier the marriage, the better it is.
Well, as we all know, in the current market scenario, there will
never be stability in our career. So, I believe there is no such thing
as, "I will marry when I settle down".* Rule 2 -- Subset of marriage-able girls
At times you hear statements like, "I am not getting the right
match, I will look after 3 months, I will find a better match then".
Well the truth is otherwise. The subset of unmarried girl looking for a
match is fixed. From this subset, there would be girls who would get married &
there would be new girls added who would be looking for a match. The net
result is that at any given time, the variety & number of marriage-able girls are
fixed.* Rule 3 - Competition for girls
Like all other facets of life, there is lot of competition for good
girls. In my own case, I was rejected by girls. So, if you are looking for
a girl who is post graduate, done her Engg, is working, very beautiful,
smart, from a good family etc. etc, just think again. There are other
guys who are also looking for similar girls & probably they are better off
than you in terms of career, looks personality etc. Given a choice every guy
would like to marry Aishwarya Rai, but then for all Ashs in the world,
there are many Salman Khans who also want to marry them. So, set your
expectations accordingly.* Rule 4 -- Understanding girls
You would have met a lot of people during your life. As we all know,
its difficult to judge a person based on a few meetings. I am sure you
would agree with me that in case of girls it is even more difficult to
understand them in a few meetings. I am still trying to understand my wife...
;-)..Understanding your spouse is a life long assignment. So, then how do
you select a girl based on a few meeting? This is where you need to take
the help of your parents/ friends & latest technologies like email/ chat to
choose your girl.* Rule 5 - Society expectation
The selection process is tough on every one who is involved in the
process. In arranged marriage, involvement of family & society is
pretty high. You can't meet a girl 3-4 times & then say no to her. It is bad
for her future. So, you should have a good short-listing criterion. Meet
only a few girls & be sure what you are looking for. It is for the benefit of
everyone involved.* Rule 6 -- Marriage between equals
Unlike love marriage, in arranged marriage you also marry into the
girl's family. In arranged marriages, family support plays a major role
in ensuring a successful marriage. This is where the compatibility of
social status, family values & caste/ religion plays a major role. Its
important to note that in case there is a perfect match between the two families,
the marriage is destined to succeed.* Rule 6 - Know yourself
Unlike love marriage, in arranged marriage you first marry a person
& then fall in love. So, it's very important that you do a
self-assessment on the kind of person you would love. They say, "Opposite attract",
while they also say, "Bird of same feather flock together". So, you take a
call on what sort of person you like. Take a pen & paper; write down the kind
of attributes you are looking for in a girl. Say, she should ideally have
the looks of Sonia, the style of Monica, the voice of Sheena, the patience
of Rashmi. You will certainly not find the perfect girl, but then you
would have a good idea of what you are looking for. The secret here is to set
some minimum criteria for selection. Don't forget rule no.3 here.* Rule 7 -- Girl's Beauty ( read why to choose beautiful wife)
A girl's looks attract, but then no one wants to end up marrying a
dumb blonde. It is like buying your bike. When you initially buy it,
you are crazy about the looks, but later on you love it for its reliability,
fuel economy & comfort level. Similarly, a girl's looks are important, but
then it should not be the most important criteria. Later on it life, you
will get bored of her looks. It is then that her personality & behavior will
make all the difference to your marriage. I am sure your parents will be able to
advice you a lot better on this topic.* Rule 8 -- Taking advice
As I have mentioned in the next rule, it's very important that the
final decision on whom to marry must necessarily be yours. However, don't do
the mistake of isolating yourself from the world while planning your
marriage. Discuss with your parents & very close friends on this issue.
They are your well wishers. Secondly, in such important matters its
necessary that you analyze all possibilities. Remember, I am not suggesting that
you follow others' advice, but don't forget to take their advice.* Rule 9 -- Own decision
All said & done, it's your marriage & your life that is at stake.
Once you are married, you & your wife are the only persons who will be
facing the music. Don't marry a girl just because your parents or
friends asked you to do so. After marriage, if things don't work out & you end
up saying, "It's because of my friends or my parents that I married you",
then your marriage is destined for disaster. If the girl is of your choice,
it is you who will be responsible for whatever happens. That's when the
marriage works out perfectly. So, ensure that you marriage the girl of your
choice.How to approach the selection process?
From the day, a person decides to get married; the selection process
takes a minimum of 3 months. The whole process needs a lot of patience &
commitment. The ideal steps to be followed are:* Definition phase -- Define the minimum criteria for the kind of life
partner you are looking for in terms of education, physical appearance,
social status, family values, future career plans. Remember the Rule 3
here.* Lead Generation phase -- Place ads in various newspapers, magazines,
websites, through friends, family friends, family societies &
association etc. You need to exhaust all possible means of getting biodatas at one
go. Remember the Rule 2 here.* Short listing phase - Based on your selection criteria, short-list
the interesting biodatas. The general process followed for
correspondence is as follows:
The initiator sends a one page profile of himself/ herself
Based on the profile, the receiver sends his/her one page profile
along with request for detailed profile, photo, horoscope
The initiator then sends the requested information along with a
request for similar information
The receiver send similar information If the biodata is selected,
it is passed over to the next phase* Casual interaction phase - Based on shortlisting, about 7 to 10
biodatas are taken forwarded to this phase. The next step to follow
here is to exchange email/ chat ids. The guy & the girl then interact for 10 -
15 days to try & judge mutual compatibility through email/ chat.* Family interaction phase - Based on the earlier phase, about 5 leads
are taken for consideration in this phase. During this phase, the
parents get involved & check the background information about the families to
find mutual compatibility.
*
* The dating phase - Based on the earlier phase about 3 leads are
taken forward to this phase. During this phase, the guy & the girl
interact by going out alone for 2-3 times. The guy needs to prepare a set of
simple questions like who is your favorite star, what are your hobbies? He
needs to use his judgment to analyze the girl based on her responses.
*
* The D-day phase - Finally, the D-day comes when the guy has to
select the girl he wants to spend his life with. If the process if
followed systematically, there will be no ambiguity in deciding who should be
your life partner.Finally, my dear friends, marriage is all about compromises. In spite
of all the planning that you do, there are a lot of uncertainties in a
marriage. In fact this is the best part about marriage. Just remember that the
person you marry must be of your choice. In such case, there would be no going
back for
both of you.A few words of advice: To make your marriage a success; just believe in
the age-old virtue,
"Never do anything to others that you don't like for yourself".Enjoy the selection process, it is fun.... ;-) ..
Happy searching .........