Late one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving
very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled
the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that
evening.
"Aye, so I have. 'Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads
stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then
there was something called "Happy Hour" and they served these
mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five o'
those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and O' course I
had to go in for a couple of Guiness - couldn't be rude, ye
know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for
later .." And the man fumbled around in his coat until he
located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for
inspection.
The officer sighed, and said, "Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you
to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test."
Indignantly, the man said, "Why? Don't ye believe me?!?"
THE NEW DRUNK DRIVING TEST
A juggler, driving to his next performance, was stopped by the police.
"What are those knives doing in your car?" asked the officer.
"I juggle them in my act" said the juggler.
"Oh yeah?" says the cop. "Let's see you do it."
So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives. A guy driving by sees this and says, "Wow, am I glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're making you do now!"
NEW GOVERNMENT WARNINGS
As most Americans are familiar with, the federal
government mandates health warings on Alcoholic
products to warn people about the potential negitive
effects. This is also an increasing occurence in other
countries as well.
1. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to
think that a "2" is a "10".
*think about it, it took me a minute...*
2. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to
tell the same boring story over and over again until
your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
3. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to
thay shings like thish.
4. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to
believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to
telephone them at 4 in the morning.
5. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you
wondering what the hell happened to your pants.
6. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to
roll over in the morning and see something really
scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).
7. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause
of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
8. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion
that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really,
really big guy, named Chuck.
9 WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people
are laughing WITH you.
AND Instead of warning women not to drink when they are
pregnant --- the new guidelines should read...
10. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause
of pregnancy in the world. Proceed with caution.
A Lutheran minister is driving down to New York to see the
radio show and he's stopped in Connecticut for speeding. The
state trooper smells alcohol on his breath and then he sees an
empty wine bottle on the floor, and he says, "Sir, have you
been drinking?"
And the minister says, "Just water."
The sheriff says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
And the minister looks down at the bottle and says, "Good
Lord, He's done it again!"
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