DISCLAIMER: The characters and concept of Voyager belong to Paramount, what they do in this story is my fault. Feel free to replicate this as you wish for personal use, keeping this disclaimer and author/e-mail in-tact. For use on a web page etc., please ask for permission before using/posting.

Copyright 1999 by NODA
[email protected]

RATING: NC-17

THANKS: I wish to thank all my beta readers for their help. Excellent advice was offered even if it wasn't always taken! Also, special thanks to Gina B. who helped me by co-authoring the tough parts when imagination failed me.

STORY NOTES: Yes, the dreaded parallel universe story. Since there's no way this would ever happen in canon, think of this as coming from *way* out in left field. Janeway takes a "jump to the left, then a step to the right" and does the Timewarp again.

*TIME PASSAGES*

Kathryn Janeway sat at the head of the table in the conference room, her gaze touching her senior staff. The white knuckles of her folded hands at odds with the calmness of her voice.

"How far away is this nebula?" she asked.

Harry Kim looked to his right, then left before answering the captain. "Two days, but we could come in contact with the radiation at any time. It shifts, sending out tendrils of chronoton radiation like a solar flare, with no discernible pattern. I don't see that there's any way we can navigate around the flares."

"And there isn't a way we can avoid this entire nebula?"

"According to my calculations," Seven of Nine stated, "to successfully circumnavigate the phenomenon would take us six months off our present course."

"Unacceptable," Janeway said, pressing her lips into a thin line. "We'll have to find some way to protect ourselves from the inherent temporal distortions. Any suggestions?"

"An anti-chronoton bubble might be a possibility," B'Elanna said.

"Anti-chronoton bubble?" Chakotay asked.

"In theory, it works like a warp field," B'Elanna explained to the group. "Forming a buffer around the ship, protecting us from time distortions."

"You said 'in theory,'" Janeway commented. "I take it this hasn't been accomplished with any degree of success?"

B'Elanna was about to speak when Seven interrupted her.

"Species 665 have effectively dealt with temporal anomalies in this manner for centuries. Perhaps, with some modification, the technique may be transferred to *Voyager.*"

"Get on it," Janeway ordered. "Doctor, what are the medical risks to the crew?"

"If this bubble works, I would say minimal. The shielding that protects the ship should protect us as well. I would say the greatest risk would be to you and Seven."

Janeway looked over at Seven. "Why us over any of the others?"

"I've run an analysis of the crew and for some reason you and Seven have traces of chronoton particles in your system. I can't explain it, why the two of you out of the entire ship."

Janeway chanced a glance at Seven. She knew why there were traces of chronoton radiation in her body. The incident with the *Relativity.* But, of course, the Doctor would know nothing of their encounter with the time ship. Seven's face was perfectly schooled as her eyes met Janeway's in understanding.

"Now, in anticipation of this," the Doctor continued, unaware the captain's attention had wavered, "I've been able to modify Seven's neural implants to counter-act the effects of temporal distortion. I'm confident the results will be successful," he added smugly.

"Captain," the Doctor said, turning his attention to her, "The presence of these particles makes you even more susceptible. Think of it like an allergic reaction to a bee sting. A first sting, and you may not experience any symptoms, but upon a second sting, you have a violent, sometimes fatal reaction."

"I see. And what would the symptoms of such a reaction be?" Janeway asked.

The Doctor's voice suddenly seemed to be distorted, as if coming from a great distance. "Blinding white light, followed by a headache, incredible fatigue, body aches. . . ."

As the Doctor described the signs of radiation poisoning, Janeway felt herself being pulled, experiencing the symptoms as he explained them. She found herself chuckling at his ability to show her what chronoton radiation felt like, merely with his description.

"Quite an effective demonstration, Doctor," Janeway said as her vision began to clear. "How did you manage *that* little inter-active experience?"

There was no answer.

"Doctor?" she asked, still unable to see clearly. There were halos around many of the objects in the room. Slowly, her sight began returning to normal. But what she saw was far from normal. It wasn't unfamiliar, just impossible. It only took seconds to recognize what she was seeing, even if she questioned what her eyes were telling her. It was her alcove in the pre-fabricated shelter she and Chakotay had shared on New Earth.

*********

Kathryn was sitting on a bed, but it wasn't her bed. This one was larger. Built for two. Swallowing, trying to grasp how it was possible for her to be here of all places, she attempted to rise, but felt as though she were made of lead. Arms and legs refused to function, even as they tingled and burned with the sensation of returning blood flow.

Kathryn heard movement in the main room of the shelter. Was it Chakotay? Her other self? How far into the past had she come? The larger bed would indicate it was a time period later than when she and Chakotay had been rescued. Perhaps in this timeline she and Chakotay *hadn't* been reunited with *Voyager.* If she didn't already have a splitting headache, all this temporal business would surely give her one.

Trying once more to move, she unsteadily got to her feet. "Hello?" she called out, barely managing to make it to the doorway of the alcove.

"Hold it *right* there," a male voice warned. Kathryn looked up to see Chakotay standing in the middle of the main room, phaser trained on her, shock registering on his face as he recognized her.

"Ka. . .Kathryn? But how. . . You're dead!"

Chakotay continued to stare at her in open-mouthed shock, frozen in place until she tried to take a step forward. Still unsteady, Kathryn faltered, starting to collapse. Chakotay was across the room in an instant, catching her before she hit the floor.

"Gods! It really *is* you!" he cried. "I thought for sure I was going mad!"

"Chakotay," Kathryn whispered. "I'm not who you think I am," she managed as he lowered her to the floor. She tried to sit up straighter, but was crushed to his chest as he hugged her tight.

"I don't care who you are. You look like Kathryn, you feel like Kathryn. I'll be happy to believe you're Kathryn."

Before she could answer, Kathryn found herself on the receiving end of a breath-stealing kiss, as Chakotay poured all his grief, joy and amazement into a single passionate act.

Using what strength she had, Kathryn pushed against his shoulders, severing their contact. Hurt and confused, Chakotay looked at her once more, running a hand through her hair, tracing her face with his fingers.

"It's shorter," he said. "And you're in uniform."

"That's what I've been trying to tell you, Commander. I'm Kathryn, but not *your* Kathryn."

The use of his former rank seemed to have the effect she desired. "I can't remember the last time you called me that," he said.

Putting some distance between them, he helped her to her feet once more.

"Since you can't be 'my' Kathryn, who are you?"

"This is hard to explain," she said, accepting his help as he held her forearms, steadying her.

"Voyager, *my* Voyager, is presently near a nebula that's emitting an incredible amount of chronoton radiation. We know that from time to time, 'spikes' or 'threads' of this radiation have reached incredible distances. The ship is still two days away and we've already been affected by minor time anomalies. B'Elanna and Seven have plans to try to create a bubble around the ship, hopefully protecting us from these spikes, but I was pulled away before I had a chance to see if they could make it work."

"Wait as second," Chakotay said, waving his hand to stop her. "Seven what?"

"What do you mean?"

"You said 'B'Elanna and Seven. Seven what?" >{? Kathryn smiled. "I forgot, you've never met Seven of Nine."

"'Seven of Nine?' Sounds like it could be a Borg designation," he joked until he saw the serious look on her face. "You've got a Borg on board?" he asked, incredulous.

Kathryn sighed. This was going to take a lot longer than she thought. "Chakotay, before I go on, tell me what you meant when you said I, I mean your Kathryn, was dead."

Chakotay turned from her, shoulders slumping. There was a long, tense silence. Kathryn wasn't sure he was going to answer her.

"She finally died, a year ago this month," he said quietly.

"'Finally?' What happened?"

"After our first year here, I thought Kathryn had given up the notion of finding a cure for the disease that stranded us here." Chakotay chuckled ironically, "I should have known better. She just got better at hiding what she was doing." Clearing his throat, he continued.

"We were happy here. At least I was. We'd done pretty well as far as establishing ourselves a homestead. We'd expanded the garden, did the same to the house."

For the first time, Kathryn looked beyond the room she had known during her time on the planet. There was a log addition to the front, giving the shelter a roomier, homier atmosphere.

"Anyway, while I was 'settling in' as she called it, she apparently was still working on a cure. It wasn't until the secondary symptoms set in that she'd confessed what she'd done."

Again Chakotay had to stop, overcome by emotion. He was still facing away from her, voice low.

"I noticed she was tired all the time. I asked her about it. She tried to be brave, but she broke down, crying that she was so sorry she hadn't trusted me enough to tell me what she'd been doing. When I finally got a straight answer out of her, I found out she thought she'd discovered an antidote. She claimed she didn't have a choice, that the serum had to be tested on someone affected, so she took it herself, without telling me. I guess she was afraid I'd try to stop her.

"I was angry she'd deceived me, keeping all this to herself. When I found out her discovery didn't work, how instead it merely canceled out what immune properties the planet provided, I went crazy. Yelled at her for being so selfish, thinking she was still in charge, accepting unreasonable risks because she was--had been-- the captain."

Chakotay clenched his hands into fists. "I didn't mean anything by it, I was just scared. So scared we wouldn't find a cure for her 'cure.' We worked exclusively on it for weeks; nothing worked. In the mean time, Kathryn became weaker, sicker every day. She wouldn't tell me how bad the pain was, but I could see it in her eyes. She suffered terribly at the end."

Kathryn felt her throat constricting at the anguish in Chakotay's voice. Even though he was talking about "her" death, she felt disconnected from the woman he was talking about. Kathryn could certainly see that was the course of action "she" would have taken had she been the one left here.

Chakotay turned around, tears in his eyes. "You know the last words she said to me?"

Kathryn silently shook her head.

"She said, 'I'm so sorry, Chakotay. Sorry I put you through this and you're going to be alone. I never meant to hurt you.' Even at the end it was about me, not her. She never once complained of the pain, or had a moment of self-pity."

There was a long silence, then he said, "She's buried out there," nodding towards the trees. "I talk to her everyday, as if she's still here. I suppose that does make me crazy."

"No," Kathryn said, stepping closer to him. "It makes you Human."

Chakotay stared at her. "I'm sorry," he said, apologizing for his intense study of her. "It's just seeing you standing there. . . ."

"I know, or rather I think I understand. I'm sure this seems almost a dream to you. I'm not sure I believe it myself," she smiled. "I mean of all the places, all the time lines I could have ended up in, why here?"

"I can't answer that. All I can tell you is I thank the gods you *are* here." Chakotay enfolded her within his arms once again, causing Kathryn to tense at the invasion of her personal space.

"What's wrong?" he asked, surprised by her distance.

"It's just that. . .well," she searched for a delicate way of phrasing things. "It's obvious from your greeting, and the bed," she said, nodding towards the alcove, "you and your Kathryn had become intimate."

"Yes," he stated. "You and I, I mean the other Chakotay. . . ."

"We're friends," she stated a little too vehemently. "But that's all."

"I see," he said, backing away from her. "I'm sorry."

Kathryn looked at him, wondering if he were apologizing for taking liberties with her or the fact that she hadn't become closer with "her" Chakotay.

A moment of awkwardness passed between them before Chakotay asked her to continue with the story of her sudden appearance. Seeing she was still unsteady on her feet, he offered her a chair at the table.

"Okay, now explain to me again how it is you're here. And I want to hear what's happening on *Voyager*!"

Kathryn laughed. Of course he'd be starved for information, but one thing at a time.

"First of all, I don't know how long this 'interlude' is going to last. I'm sure once the crew realizes I'm gone, they're going to do everything they can to pull me back, so don't be too surprised if I suddenly vanish."

"It can't be anymore surprising than your appearance! Spirits, I had no idea who would be in here! I've seen Vidiians once, from a distance, but it doesn't mean they couldn't come back." Chakotay sat across from her, unconsciously picking up her hand, not even realizing he'd done it until Kathryn pulled her hand away.

"Sorry," he said sheepishly. "I keep forgetting. You'd think I'd remember, you look so different with short hair."

Kathryn cleared her throat, uncomfortable with the way Chakotay brought things back to a personal level.

"You seem pretty accepting of the fact I am who I say," Kathryn observed. How do you know for sure?"

"There are differences, but I suspect, down deep, you're still the same Kathryn."

Kathryn felt herself tearing up at his words. It had been so long since she felt like "herself," she had begun to wonder if there was anything left of the woman she had been.

"I'm just glad you're here."

"Chakotay, I don't know how long I'm going to be here. It could be minutes, or hours, I don't know. You can't start thinking this is permanent. I'm not supposed to be here."

"I know," he said, head bowed. "It's just it's been so long, since I've talked to anyone real. Hell, I'd even settle for one of the Vidiians at this point!"

This time it was Kathryn who initiated physical contact, taking his hand. "I know it's had to have been terrible for you. I can't imagine how lonely you must be. I wish there were some way I could take you back."

"I don't," he said honestly. "I can't leave her," he said, gesturing with his head towards the woods. I know it sounds silly, but. . ."

"I understand," she said, gripping his hand more tightly. "I'm feeling a little stronger," Kathryn said, changing the subject. "How about we go for a walk. I'll tell you more about *Voyager* and you can show me what I've missed here."

*********

Kathryn was exhausted. Even the short journey to the river had almost been too much. Chakotay was practically carrying her as she leaned against him on the return trip to the house.

Even so, she was glad she'd gone. So much and so little had changed. The garden was larger, as he said, so was the shelter. It looked much more like a cabin now than Starfleet portable housing. The woods, meadow and river remained the same. The path was a little more worn, but looked as she remembered it. Breathing in the scented air, she felt relaxed in a way that she hadn't felt since the last time she'd been here. Although, in the back of her mind, Kathryn knew this was little more than a dream, it felt wonderful to indulge in it for the moment.

Sitting on the riverbank, Kathryn told Chakotay of her timeline. Their rescue and subsequent cure; new races and conflicts; problems that never seemed to end. This current predicament being a prime example. They continued talking as they ventured towards the shelter.

Once in the house, as Chakotay helped Kathryn to the bedroom, she started to protest.

"No, Chakotay, I'll stay out here. I'm not going to take your bed away from you."

"Nonsense, you need to rest and you can't do it on this hard bench."

"What about you? You won't get any rest either."

"I'll sleep outside in the hammock it's. . ."

"No," she interrupted, "I won't hear of it."

"Kathryn, it's not like I haven't done it before. In fact I spend many of my nights in that hammock. I feel closer to her there."

Unable to think of an argument for his statement, Kathryn backed down. "All right, you win. Thank you."

"You're welcome. There's an extra blanket. . ."

"I remember," she said, with a tired smile. Suddenly serious, she turned back to him.

"Chakotay? If I'm not here in the morning, if I'm pulled back, I just want to tell you I'm glad you and your Kathryn made things work. I wish. . . .well, I wish things could have been different. For all of us."

Chakotay gave her a warm smile. "Sleep well, Kathryn." Taking a step closer, he kissed her forehead. This time she didn't tense at the close contact, smiling at him.

"You too."

Removing her boots, Kathryn wondered if Chakotay had kept any of her counterpart's nightclothes. She felt as if she'd been in her uniform for days instead of hours. A hot shower would have been heavenly, but she was just too tired. Rummaging through dresser drawers, Kathryn found a nightgown. She smiled at the way the other Kathryn's clothing lay intermingled with Chakotay's, as intermingled as their lives had been.

Once under the covers, she couldn't help but think of this Chakotay and his Kathryn sharing the bed. She stretched her hand out, caressing the spot next to her. Had the other Kathryn been happy here with him? She said she regretted leaving him alone as a consequence of her actions, but did she regret it for herself too? Had she finally found a place where she truly belonged only to botch it up as she always had?

Slow tears leaked from her eyes, down the sides of her face, into her ears. She tried to tell herself it was just her overtired state, but she didn't believe it. To witness what she could have had with her Chakotay if only. . . . Kathryn's mind clamped down on that thought as she angrily rolled to her side. She'd made the only choice she could, under the circumstances. It was no use pondering the "what ifs."

*********

Kathryn woke confused. Coffee. She could swear she smelled coffee! But who. . . .A rush of adrenaline coursed through her as she immediately sat up, trying to reconcile her surroundings. New Earth, her sleep-fogged brain told her, as memories of the previous day sank in. Running a hand through her tangled hair, Kathryn slid off the disheveled bed. Judging from the disarray of blankets, she hadn't had a restful night. Still, she felt better than she had the day before. Her headache was nearly gone and she felt much stronger.

Grabbing a robe from a hook on the wall, Kathryn entered the "kitchen" of the house. She leaned against the doorframe of the alcove, watching Chakotay moving with ease and confidence as he prepared breakfast.

"I forgot how good you were at that," Kathryn announced, grinning at Chakotay's startlement at her sudden apperance in the room.

"I thought you were still asleep," he said, taking in her appearance. "You always did look better in my robe than I did."

Kathryn looked down, realizing for the first time whose robe she'd grabbed. Blushing, she changed the subject.

"Is that *real* coffee?"

"As real as this planet offers, at any rate. I found some wild bushes growing at the higher elevations, tried transplanting them and it worked. It's not exactly the same as Terran coffee, but a close match. I analyzed it; there's twice the caffeine for one thing," he said, handing her a mug.

"And the problem with that would be. . . .?"

Chakotay smiled at her banter. "I almost forgot how much I enjoy your sense of humor."

"Who's joking," she grinned, blowing on the dark liquid, trying a sip. "If this lives up to your claims, I'll have to take some back with me."

Chakotay instantly went silent, turning his attention back to the eggs he was cooking.

"I'm sorry," Kathryn apologized. "I know how hard this must be for you to have me here like this, and I act like I'm on vacation, taking in the local culture."

"It's all right. I guess I just keep forgetting. Or maybe I want to forget that the last years didn't happen."

Kathryn was at a loss for what to say. Fortunately, Chakotay announced their meal was ready.

"More foods you've discovered?" she asked.

"Yeah, we decided we should conserve our replicator energy for things we couldn't find or make. We had some marvelous times foraging. Sometimes we'd be gone for days at a time, just living off the land. Of course, it was always nice to come home. Many of the plants we found we transplanted to the garden. It was a lot more efficient than going out to look for food every day."

Kathryn nodded and tried the eggs. "These are good!" she exclaimed, as if the prospect surprised her.

"We thought about trying to domesticate the birds, but they're so plentiful, we thought it a waste of time."

"What kind of birds are they?"

Chakotay laughed. Well, I thought they looked like chickens, and you--Kathryn--thought they looked like ducks. So in the end we decided to call them 'chucks.'"

Taking another bite, Kathryn joined in his laughter. "Say, did you ever build a boat to try navigating the river? My Chakotay and I talked about it. In fact, it was while we were discussing the boat, Tuvok hailed us. I always felt bad that we never got a chance to take that boat trip."

"It feels strange, doesn't it?"

"What does?" she asked, looking at him over the rim of her coffee cup.

"Referring to them as 'my' Kathryn, and 'your' Chakotay. It gets confusing."

Kathryn nodded in agreement. "I don't know what else to call them, do you?"

"No," he sighed, "but it makes this seem even more surreal."

They ate in silence until Kathryn leaned back, declaring herself full. "I can't believe I ate that whole plate of eggs!"

"You must be feeling better," Chakotay observed.

"Much. So, what's on the agenda for today?"

"I don't know about you, but I have some work to do in the woods."

"Can I help? I don't seem to have any pressing plans at the moment," she smiled at him.

"I'd love some company."

After a quick clean-up of the breakfast dishes, Kathryn went to change. Chakotay still had all of his Kathryn's clothes. Some she recognized from what would been the same timeframe she'd been on New Earth.

Slipping on an old dress made her feel as though she had truly returned. Picking up her uniform, she wondered if it might not be more appropriate to wear it. Not only to remind Chakotay who she really was, but herself as well. She wasn't his Kathryn reincarnated. With regret, she removed the dress. She too was getting caught up in the fantasy of being back in the familiar surroundings; she couldn't lose her perspective.

Stepping through the doorway, Kathryn watched the expression on Chakotay's face change. She almost felt guilty for the disappointment she saw reflected there. She could tell he wanted to make some comment on her choice of clothing, but held his tongue.

"What do you have to do today? Last time you were building something in the woods, you kept it a secret from me."

"I did? Oh, right, the bathtub. Well, that was the last surprise I ever got passed her!" he said, gathering his tools. "In fact, she helped with this addition. I couldn't have done it by myself."

"Funny, I don't see her, or myself being much for building log cabins."

"We did what we had to. She was quite good at it actually. The engineering end, especially."

"Naturally," Kathryn teased him. "Shall we?"

Walking into the woods, she said, "so you still haven't told me what you're making."

"Didn't I? Hmmm. Must have been an oversight," he said, secret smile gracing his lips as he headed deeper into the forest.

"You're not going to tell me, are you?"

"You'll see, once we get there. Something's never change," he mumbled under his breath. "Thank the Spirits."

"What was that?"

"Nothing, I said I have to remember to thank the Spirits before I begin my work."

Kathryn didn't buy it, but wasn't about to question him; it was difficult to hold a conversation while walking single file. Instead, she focused on his figure before her. She'd forgotten how good Chakotay looked in casual clothing. While he didn't look bad in his uniform, it didn't do much for him in the sex appeal department. She'd always been attracted to men in uniform, but in Chakotay's case, he looked better in his native clothing. Or out of it, she thought, remembering the day she'd caught a glimpse of him bathing in the river years ago.

Kathryn blushed at the thought. She hadn't actually *seen* anything, other than his back, but even that was enough to make her jumpy around him for days afterward. God, she'd been a grown woman acting like a girl who'd sneaked her first look at a sex-vid.

"Kathryn?" he asked, stopping and turning around.

"Hmm?"

"You're so quiet, anything wrong?"

"No, just lost in the past, I guess."

"Lost in the past while experiencing another reality," he said. "Sounds like one of those time paradoxes your so fond of!"

Kathryn could see he was teasing her, so she let the joke slide. "So, are we there yet?"

"Just a little further. You okay? You're face looks flushed." Chakotay placed his hand on her forehead, trailing it over her face.

At his contact, she blushed all the more. "I'm fine. Just the heat, I suppose."

Continuing down the path,Chakotay seemed to accept her answer. It wasn't long before they came to a rough patch of cleared ground. It was obvious he'd used the spot before by the crude sawhorses he'd made from saplings.

"Welcome to my workshop," he said, gesturing around the clearing.

"I like it," Kathryn smiled. "I can see you spending hours here working on your creations. So, what's today's project?"

"I'm hoping to finish that bench, there," he said, pointing to a half finished piece of furniture. "I wanted one for the garden. I've got the hammock, but sometimes a bench would be nice, too."

Kathryn agreed and offered to help. "What can I do?"

"At the moment you can help by being a log sitter. One of the most important jobs there is." Kathryn couldn't tell if he was serious or not from the tone of his voice.

"My father was a champion log sitter," he said.

"Sounds like a tough job," she quipped.

"Actually, it is. Kathryn did it, but she didn't like it much."

"I can believe that," she said, trying to find a comfortable position on the uneven surface of the log.

"So," Chakotay said, starting to saw the log, "tell me more about the crew. How's B'Elanna? Harry? Hell, even tell me about Tuvok! You told me how this Seven of Nine came to be with you, but not much about anyone else."

"Let's see," Kathryn said, trying to decide where to start. "B'Elanna's doing great, she and Tom still have their squabbles from time to time, but they're still together."

"Wait a second," Chakotay said, pausing mid-cut. "Tom and *B'Elanna*? Half-Klingon woman about so tall with a temper twice as big? Are we talking about the same person?"

Kathryn laughed. "Yeah, it was hard for me to believe at first too, but they're surprisingly well-matched."

Chakotay just shook his head. "Next you'll be telling me the Doctor's got a lover!"

"Well, not 'lover,' exactly, but he has been spending a lot of time with Seven."

"Gods, you leave for a few years and the whole ship goes to hell," he teased. "So what other unlikely pairings are going on?"

"I don't know for a fact," she said, leaning closer as if someone might overhear the captain gossiping, "but I think Samantha Wildman has a thing for Neelix."

Chakotay made the unfortunate mistake of having taken a drink at that moment, spraying water suddenly into the air.

"WHAT!? Okay, now I *know* you're pulling my leg."

Kathryn was laughing so hard at his reaction, she was unable to speak for a moment. "I'm serious! He's great with Naomi, so I guess I can see how Sam would find Neelix attractive for that reason, if nothing else."

"Kathryn, there's two words that do not belong in the same sentence: 'attractive' and 'Neelix.'"

Laughing even harder, she nearly fell off the log. Chakotay caught her, chastising her earlier ridicule of her job.

"See? It's not as easy as it looks!"

"It would be if you'd stop making me laugh!"

"Well, you stop telling me impossible stories about the crew and you won't have that problem! Borgs in Engineering, Tom and B'Elanna in a romantic relationship. Maybe I *am* glad we were never rescued!" Abruptly, the teasing stopped.

"Chakotay?" Kathryn gently asked, sensing his change in attitude. "Do you really mean that? I mean, if you'd had the choice, would you have chosen to stay here?"

Chakotay exhaled, rubbing his chin. "Boy, that's a tough one." After a moment he continued. "Of course we always hoped we'd be reunited with *Voyager,* but as the years went by, I thought about it less and less. I suppose Kathryn thought about it more than me. Not so much that she was stuck here with me, but that somehow she'd let the crew down by not personally getting them home. I think that thought weighed on her a lot. I suspect it's what prompted her to continue to try for a cure, even after we'd become lovers."

"I think you're probably right. I know that's how I'd feel, and we are--were--practically the same person. Here we go with those damn time paradoxes again," she tried to joke. Sensing his change in mood, she added more softly, "I'm also sure that she loved you very much, she just felt she had a prior obligation to the crew."

Chakotay's eyes bored into hers, then moved to her mouth She could tell he was thinking about kissing her, but held himself back. Taking a step backwards, he put some distance between them. Nervously, he ran a hand over his head and his restrained shoulder-length hair. Strange she hadn't really noticed the change in his appearance until the motion brought it to her attention. The way he wore his hair, pulled back, gave the impression it was still short.

"I loved her too. So much it still hurts when I think about it. I suppose that'll never change."

"I'm sorry, Chakotay. I wish there were something I could do, but I'm not her. Our experiences shape us as much as our personalities. I've lived through and done things your Kathryn never has. We're not the same woman."

"I know," he said, quietly. "It's just that you look so much like her, sound like her. You even smell like her."

Kathryn found herself blushing at his personal references, uncomfortable with where their conversation was leading.

"Sorry," he said, slightly embarrassed himself. "I didn't mean to put you ill at ease. Why don't you tell me more about the ship."

Kathryn told him more stories of alien encounters, carefully avoiding any references to budding personal relationships among the crew. Even though they continued to laugh, there was a slight tension between them, both afraid of saying something to upset the other.

*********

Days stretched into weeks as Kathryn found herself still waiting to be "rescued" from this time line. Surely they'd noticed her absence. Why hadn't something been done? Perhaps they'd tried and just hadn't been successful. Kathryn had faith in her crew. She knew they'd stop at nothing to get her back, until there were no options left. Had they reached that point? Had she been assumed irrevocably lost?

She'd been living each day under the assumption she would be taken back at any moment. Not only was her permanent guest status hard on Chakotay, it was difficult for her as well. She was tired of helping out when she could be working on projects of her own.

The work of cataloging the flora and fauna of this world had fallen to the wayside as Chakotay and his Kathryn worked on more practical aspects of their survival. Most of those tasks had been completed. The garden certainly needed tending, but it wasn't the project it had been in the beginning. Perhaps she could pick up on the planetary research where her counterpart had left off.

Every morning Kathryn noted the relief on Chakotay's face when he saw she was still there. If she were frustrated at *Voyager's* lack of success, he was elated by it. She could hardly blame him. When she was gone, he'd be alone again.

Sitting down to their typical breakfast of eggs and fruit, Kathryn announced she was tired of waiting around.

"I want something to do," she stated, starting on her second cup of coffee.

"You do have something to do, the garden needs weeding," he said.

"Yes, I know, and I plan to do it, but I mean something a little more. . .long term."

Chakotay looked up at her from his food. "I'm not sure I know what you mean."

"Ever since I've been here, I've been a house guest. Giving you a hand here and there, but never really contributing anything beyond the superficial."

"What did you have in mind?" he asked, cautiously.

"I want to start cataloging the plants here again. And maybe adding some touches to the house. Those poor excuses for rugs, for one thing. Something a little more colorful would help." At his silence, Kathryn guessed she'd offended him.

"Is that all right?" she added.

"All right? It would be wonderful! Kathryn, I know you've been restless here, expecting to disappear as quickly as you came, but you can't put your life on hold, waiting for it to happen. It's what you did the last time," he added quietly.

"I know. I don't want to make the same mistake again. The first thing I'm going to do is get rid of that hot, old uniform. Would you mind if I borrowed some of her clothes?"

"I think she'd like that," he said, face breaking into an elated grin.

Kathryn returned his smile. "Then I guess I better get dressed! I've got a big day ahead of me!"

She couldn't believe how excited she was at the prospect of having actual work to do. She should have done this days ago.

Kathryn started her cataloging in the garden as she cleared weeds. First taking note of the wild grasses she removed. Then she recorded the plants Chakotay and his Kathryn had domesticated. She was so immersed in her work, she didn't hear Chakotay's approach until he was practically on top of her. Startled by his sudden appearance, Kathryn's Starfleet training automatically kicked in. She jabbed Chakotay hard in the ribs, knocking the breath out of him before she even realized what she'd done.

"Ohmigod, Chakotay! Are you all right? I'm sorry!"

"Fine," he managed to gasp out, even though he was doubled over. He was still trying to catch his breath as Kathryn helped him to his newly-finished bench.

"You don't sound fine! Let me look!" Pulling up his shirt, Kathryn saw a red mark forming on his ribs. Chakotay flinched as she touched the spot. "I think I may have cracked your rib!"

Chakotay nodded mutely as her fingers roamed the rest of his side. Kathryn gently prodded the area, but didn't feel anything abnormal.

"I don't think I did any real damage," she announced, her hand resting on his chest. "I don't know what came over me, I didn't even realize I'd moved until I hit you."

"Well, you can't say your self-defense training is lacking," he tried to laugh, but he didn't have enough breath for the action.

"Just to be sure, I'll get the regenerator," she said, starting to get up.

"Can't," he wheezed, trapping her hand against his chest. "It broke last year. I dropped it while climbing."

"I guess you're going to be pretty sore tomorrow," she said, remorse filling her eyes as she looked at him.

"Then I guess you're just going to have to wait on me hand and foot, won't you?"

"Don't push it, Chakotay, I could still break that rib, you know! I really am sorry," she apologized again.

"I know you are. I should know better than to sneak up on Starfleet's finest," he smiled.

Kathryn looked down, seeing he still held her hand. Realizing it at the same time, Chakotay released her. Immediately she missed the warmth of his body and the hand covering hers.

She couldn't help noticing how much she unconsciously touched him lately. She'd missed that. Missed that with all her crew. She literally used to have a "hands on" approach to her command style she no longer seemed to possess. When was the last time touched Paris' arm as she stood near him at the conn? Reassured a distraught Ensign with her hand on their shoulder? When was the last time she simply touched Chakotay's hand in a meeting? She didn't like the answers she was discovering.

But here, things were different. Away from the demands of the ship, she found herself touching Chakotay all the time. It had become so natural she'd hadn't even realized it. Kathryn thought back to the day she'd arrived in this timeline, when Chakotay had grabbed her and kissed her, not fully recognizing she wasn't his Kathryn. His familiarity had made her uncomfortable, but no longer.

Recalling the kiss, she wondered if "her" Chakotay kissed with as much passion as this one did. It was sad to think she'd never know.

"Kathryn, relax. I really am all right," he reassured her, wrapping his arm around her shoulder, pulling her close, avoiding the tender area on his left side. She allowed the action, craving this contact now, rather than fighting it.

They sat quietly, as she relaxed against him, listening to the sounds of birds in the trees. She was tired from her work in the garden. It felt good just to sit, enjoying the peacefulness.

At first Kathryn hadn't noticed Chakotay absent-mindedly playing with her hair, stroking her neck until his hand moved lower, to trace her collar bone. Feeling self-conscious, Kathryn sat up, moving away from his warm embrace.

"I guess it's my turn to cook dinner," she smiled. "Are you sure you trust me?"

"Well," he said, stretching his legs out, placing his hands behind his head, "under my expert tutelage, I'd say you've become passable."

"Passable?! Why you arrogant. . ." She feigned a move to strike him.

Chakotay cut her off, grabbing her wrists. "Remember! I'm an injured man!"

"You don't know what 'injured' is until you've had an elbow to the rib *and* indigestion!"

"Okay! I give!" he tried to laugh.

Halfway to the house Kathryn turned and announced, "besides, we're just having a salad. I figured I couldn't mess that up too bad! So all you're worrying was for nothing!"

*********

Each day as she awoke, Kathryn wondered if today was the day she'd be returned to her timeline. Her emotions warred constantly. Should she let go? Accept her life here? Or did she continue to remind herself she was Captain Kathryn Janeway of the starship *Voyager* and this was just an unusually long away mission?

This was one part of her New Earth experience she didn't wish to recall. She'd had hard enough choices the first time around; she wasn't looking forward to facing them again.

She knew how Chakotay felt. He missed what he'd shared with his Kathryn, but he would never pressure her now. Just as her Chakotay hadn't when she'd first been on New Earth. She'd witnessed the depths of his emotions when she gazed into his eyes. As she had on her prior visit to the planet, Kathryn felt guilty she didn't act on her feelings, keeping Chakotay at a distance.

Would it be so terrible to admit she cared about him? To give him a night with "his" Kathryn? The trouble was, she *wasn't* his Kathryn, and she knew sleeping with him wouldn't be just for the night. On either of their parts. Was she afraid of hurting him or being hurt herself? Their relationship was hardly something she could analyze, like a formula, but she always seemed to try. Weighing the pros and cons of every situation. Always planning for the day when she was back on *Voyager*."

Climbing out of bed, entering the main room, Kathryn noticed Chakotay was missing. He couldn't be far, she guessed, as the coffee he'd prepared was still warm. Pouring a cup, she headed outside to enjoy the morning sun.

Once outdoors, she spotted Chakotay, digging in a spot adjacent to the garden. He had his shirt off, and even though the temperature was moderate, he was perspiring with his labors. Kathryn stood for a moment, looking at him. Watching the play of his muscles under the skin of his arms and back.

She swallowed. God, this isn't what she needed to see, given where her thoughts had been a short time ago. Deciding she should let him know he wasn't alone, Kathryn greeted him.

"Morning, Chakotay."

"Kathryn! I didn't hear you come out!" he exclaimed, surprised at her arrival.

"I guess that makes us even for yesterday," she smiled. "What are you doing?"

"Digging," he teased her.

"Yes, I can see that, but why? The garden is already quite large."

"I thought we should start an orchard."

"I see. What made you come up with that?" she asked, moving closer to him.

"Those apple-like fruits we found the other day. I haven't seen any growing wild around here and it would be handy to have them a little closer to home."

"Logic worthy of Tuvok," she said, taking a sip of her coffee. "Want some help?"

Chakotay took the cup from her, taking a drink then handing it back. It didn't even occur to Kathryn to question an action of such familiarity.

He looked at her appraisingly. "Getting dressed might be a good idea."

Kathryn looked down, realizing she was still in her nightgown, the lightweight fabric doing little to hide her form underneath. She blushed then said,

"You're right. I'll be back in a moment."

Choosing a sleeveless dress, Kathryn grabbed a piece of fruit on her way back outside. Chakotay had found a shovel, handing it to her as she joined him.

"You really don't have to help. It's pretty slow going."

"All the more reason you could use a hand," she said, finishing the soft fruit. "Doesn't this hurt your side?"

"Not really. I think the exercise helped loosen it up, actually. I guess you're not as good at inflicting injury as you thought." he grinned.

Kathryn ignored his comment. "How big are you going to make this?"

Chakotay showed her by walking the location where each tree would be planted. Kathryn's eyes grew big at the amount of work before them, but said nothing.

"I know it looks like a lot, but we don't have to finish it today. I thought I, well we, could work on it a little each day."

"Sounds good, Commander," she replied as if he'd issued an order.

Chakotay smiled. "Then hop to it, Captain!"

He dug into the sod, showing her how he'd been working the soil, the ground soft from the recent rain. It wasn't long before the two of them fell into a rhythm, chatting as they worked.

After about an hour, Kathryn quit, stretching her back, watching Chakotay's seemingly tireless efforts.

"Don't you ever need a break?" she asked.

Chakotay stopped, leaning on his pick, breathing slightly harder than normal. "Some of us are just in better shape," he teased, wiping the sweat from his brow.

"Oh really," she said, pretending to reach for her shovel. Instead she grabbed a clod of dirt. Throwing it at Chakotay, she hit him squarely in the chest. He gave her a warning glance as he dove for a chunk of dirt of his own. Before he had a chance to throw it, Kathryn took off running, heading to the rear of the shelter.

"You'll never out-maneuver me in a tactical situation, Kathryn!" he called, tossing the ball of mud from one hand to the next. She stuck her head around the corner of the building, trying to ascertain his location, when the mud ball struck her on the forehead.

"Chakotay! You're going to regret that!" she yelled, even as she tried to quell her laughter. The thought that she was having a mud fight with her First Officer struck her as immensely funny.

Dirt and insults continued to fly as Kathryn made a break for the trees on the other side of the clearing. From out of nowhere, Chakotay came flying at her, tackling her to the ground. Kathryn struggled in his grasp, but there was no escape.

Picking up a handful of dirt, Chakotay held it over her. "Who's the best?" he asked, grinning as he drifted the earth onto her face. Kathryn was laughing too hard to answer. He took the dirt, painting a line across her forehead and cheeks.

"Who's the best?" he repeated.

"I am," she said, finally managing to grab a handful of damp earth herself, smearing it across his chest.

"Wrong answer," he said, taking more dirt, trailing it down her neck. Suddenly the smile dropped from his face as his hand moved lower, into the top of her dress. Kathryn too stopped laughing as they froze for the moment, each uncertain how the other was going to react.

Kathryn couldn't look away from the desire she saw in his eyes. He'd tried to disguise it on many occasions, but now his emotions were clearly in his gaze. Kathryn made a decision. Slowly, she took her free hand, placed it on the back of his head, drawing his mouth to hers.

Their first kiss was tentative, no more than a mere brushing of lips. The next was longer, more intense. Neither spoke, afraid to break the spell that had descended upon them, as their mouths met once more.

Kathryn closed her eyes, nearly reeling from the effect he was having on her senses. She never expected to be so aroused just from his kisses. God, what she'd been missing all these years!

Chakotay's lips made a trail down the side of her neck he hadn't smeared with dirt, as Kathryn reached up to loosen the tie holding his hair back. Sliding her fingers through the strands, she pulled him closer.

She gave herself up to the feel of his warm lips as he nuzzled the sensitive spot below her ear. As his teeth nipped her earlobe, any thoughts Kathryn had of whether she should be doing this or not totally dissolved. The fingers of her one hand ran lightly over his back, enjoying the smooth texture of his gleaming copper skin. Her other hand dipped down at their sides and squeezed around a fresh handful of damp ground.

"Ow! Wait, Chakotay. Stop!" she suddenly cried, feining distress.

Chakotay immediately rolled off her, leaning on his elbow. "What? Kathryn, are you all right? Did I hurt you?" he asked, concern and bewilderment evident in his voice.

Kathryn sat up. "No, Chakotay, it's just that�" she said, raising the hand holding the squishy earth. Chakotay's eyebrows rose a split second before her hand made contact with his face. Kathryn smeared the mud from his forehead down to his chin, and then quickly hopped to her feet. "I *had* to do that," she finished with a victorious smile.

Chakotay sat up and wiped the mud from his eyes the best he could. "Oh," he said menacingly, as he began to get up, "you're going to pay for that."

"I'm sorry, Chakotay," Kathryn said, backing away from his slowly advancing steps. "I thought you might enjoy a facial. I hear mud is very good for the skin." She tried her best to hold back the giggle that was on the verge of erupting.

"I'll tell you what I'll enjoy. I'll enjoy making you *pay* for that!" Taking a few more steps toward his prey, his eyes glinted with the promise of revenge.

Kathryn lost her footing as she tripped over a mound of dirt, but quickly regained her balance. "Chakotay, let's be reasonable about this," she gave a nervous laugh. "We can work something out, can't we?"

"Sure we can. Come here," he commanded, crooking his finger at her.

"Now?" she asked, backing into a small bush.

"Now," he said, and was almost upon her.

"I'm sorry, you'll have to catch me first! " Kathryn cried, quickly side-stepping around the bush just as Chakotay lunged for her. He missed by a few inches as she ran into the woods.

Deftly dodging between some small trees, Kathryn hoped the mud in his eyes was slowing him down. She heard him give a small cry of pain from somewhere behind, but kept running. She couldn't believe she had done that. She would never have done anything like that on the ship, but what the hell? He deserved it!

Coming to the edge of the woods, Kathryn ran across the grass leading down to the river. Now that they were on open ground, Chakotay was quickly gaining on her. Running all the way to the river, she stopped at its gently sloping bank, hurriedly scanning the water in both directions.

Kathryn heard footsteps behind her and turned around to find Chakotay standing six feet away, both of them out of breath from their race. Her eyes were drawn to his left arm. Just below the shoulder was an angry red scratch about three inches long.

"You're cut," she said.

"Yes. I am," he said, advancing on her once again. Pieces of dried, caked mud fell from his face as he grinned wickedly at her. "No where else to run, Kathryn?"

Kathryn looked around again. "Let's say we're even," she smiled at him.

"We're not even�.yet," he said, now standing directly in front of her.

She remained frozen, his nearness stealing her breath as her recent run had. Chakotay's bare chest was inches from hers. But before she could give it another thought, he had an arm behind her back and another under her knees, picking her up.

"Chakotay, what are you doing?" she squeaked, fairly sure what he had in mind.

"Making us 'even,'" he said, walking into the river.

"No," she laughed. "Chakotay, put me down. Enough, okay? I give up."

"Okay," he said, and dropped her.

The shock of the cool river water on her over-heated skin took her breath away as she plunged beneath the surface. Gaining her footing, she came up sputtering, hair plastered to her face. "Damn, that's cold!" she burst out, brushing the dripping tresses out of her eyes. Her dress felt heavy as it clung to her like a second skin. Kathryn looked around for her assailant but saw no sign of him. "Chakotay?"

Just then she heard him emerge from behind her. Before she could turn about, Chakotay's strong arms wrapped around her middle and she was pulled against him. Kathryn could feel the heat of his body seeping through her wet clothes, warming her back.

"Chakotay, I said I give up," Kathryn told him, not sure if he intended to give her another dunking, but not wanting to move because she enjoyed the feel of his body touching hers.

Disappointment shot through her when Chakotay released her waist, only to have her heart skip a beat when his hands slid up her body cupping her breasts. His thumbs rubbed over the rigid peaks, which were very much outlined by the thin material of the wet dress. A soft sound escaped from the back of her throat.

"*Do* you give up?" he asked quietly in her ear.

Kathryn closed her eyes as the sensations he was creating wrecked havoc with her reasoning. Beneath the water her hands drifted back and touched the outsides of his solid thighs. "Yes," she whispered, leaning her head back on his chest. "I give up."

"Oh, Kathryn," Chakotay said, bringing his head forward till his lips met the spot where her neck joined her shoulder. His mouth felt warm on her cool, damp skin, and she flushed despite the waist-deep water they were standing in. Chakotay reached for the buttons running down the front of her dress, undoing them one by one until it was open to her middle. He peeled the wet material off her shoulders, down her arms, sliding it between their bodies till it lay undulating in the blue-green water swirling around them. Kathryn's bra straps followed the path down her arms her dress had just taken. Chakotay released the closure and set the white satin free in the river where it was slowly swept away with the current.

Placing his hand on the bare skin of her stomach, Chakotay's chest came in contact with her back again, only this time it was skin on skin. An intense heat was spreading through her, causing Kathryn to gasp when Chakotay's other hand found its way back to her breast. He circled his callous-roughened palm over the hardened tip, sending the most marvelous tremors shooting through her body. Kathryn could feel his need for her pressing into the small of her back, and as she tried to reach between them, she was suddenly spun to face him.

She looked up at Chakotay; the feral need she saw in his eyes was echoed in her own. Kathryn reveled in the feel of his mouth coming down hard on hers. Her lips parted and Chakotay didn't hesitate to deepen their kiss. As she sucked greedily on his tongue, her nails dug into his shoulders, creating tiny crescent moons in his skin. Chakotay broke the kiss and ragged breaths were torn from their throats as they gulped air they had withheld from each other.

Moving his lips along the white skin of her throat, Chakotay lingered briefly at the hollow where her pulse was beating wildly before continuing his sensual assault downward, kissing and tasting his way over the rising swell of her breast. When he reached the sensitive nipple, Chakotay's mouth closed over it as he drew it in. Feeling totally consumed by her need for him, Kathryn shuddered. Had she really been denying herself, denying *them* such pleasure all this time?

"Chakotay," Kathryn croaked out, "I can't believe�. All these years�."

"Shhh�Kathryn," Chakotay said, lifting his head and gazing into her passion-glazed eyes. "Don't say anything."

Kathryn reached behind his neck, pulling his head down to hers again, their mouths clinging to each other's as if to a lifeline. With his hands on her waist, Chakotay began slowly backing her up out of the river, his mouth never leaving hers. When they were on the grass once more, Kathryn dragged her hands down his sides, stopping at his hips. She slipped a hand between them. Her palm came in contact with his very evident arousal, straining against his water-logged pants. Chakotay moaned into her mouth as she gently rubbed up and down.

He took a step back, breaking their kiss, stripping the soggy dress off her hips and legs until it pooled at her feet. He followed with her underwear and then his own clothes. Chakotay took Kathryn's hand and pulled her down onto the soft grass until she lay aside of him. He kissed her lips�her face�her neck. Kathryn sifted her fingers through his hair, running them along his back, memorizing the play of his muscles beneath his skin as if one day she would have need to draw on the memory.

Chakotay's hand skimmed down her body, over her hip to her thigh. It drifted to the inner side and back up again. His fingers found and caressed the moist flesh between her legs and Kathryn gave a small cry, biting his shoulder. She feared she would never be sated, her thirst never slaked, as her need for him overwhelmed her, drowning her in its intensity.

"Please, Chakotay," she pleaded as she writhed under his ministrations.

Chakotay answered her pleas by positioning himself over her, making their union complete. Kathryn stared into eyes that were burning black fire. Each watched the play of emotions on the other's face as Chakotay began to move. When he increased the pace, Kathryn wrapped her legs around his hips, trying to remain as close to him as possible as he took them to dizzying heights. When she could hold out no longer, she bit her bottom lip as the tidal wave of passion carried her away on its rolling crest.

With her name on his lips, Chakotay soon followed with his own release. Rolling onto his side, he carried her with him. They lay in the grass together, spent, replete, kissing tenderly.

Kathryn reached up to stroke his face, coming away damp from the unabashed tears he'd shed.

"I missed you so much," he whispered.

"Chakotay," she gently reminded him, "I'm not her."

"I know," he sighed. "And I'm not him. But that really doesn't matter right now, does it?"

Kathryn hesitated before hugging him back. "No, it doesn't."

Chakotay kissed her the top of her head, caressing her arm as they lay naked in the bright sunshine of their own Eden.

"I don't know that this was how I envisioned the day when we started working on the garden," Kathryn smiled, rubbing her cheek on Chakotay's chest.

"Isn't this better than 'mucking around in the dirt?'" he quoted her.

"Hmmm. Much," she replied, drowsy from the sun and her exertions. "Although, we managed to get more than a little dirty *outside* of the garden."

"Good thing we took care of all that mess," he said, mumbled.

"Good thing."

"Feel like going back to the house?" he asked. "I don't know about you, but I'm starving."

"Always thinking of some appetite," she teased. "You're right. We should head back before one of us gets a nasty sunburn!"

They made it to the kitchen, only to made love again on the table before finally making their way to the bedroom. Exhausted, they both fell onto the bed, this time merely to hold each other, snuggling their bodies together.

Kathryn was spooned to Chakotay, his breath stirring the drying tendrils of her hair. Running a lazy hand along the arm encircling her waist, she felt truly relaxed and content for the first time in five years.

God, five years! Had it really been that long since she'd allowed anyone this close to her? Since she'd made love to a man? She smiled with contented pleasure, reveling in Chakotay's warm presence surrounding her.

"I love you," he whispered sleepily, hugging her closer.

"I. . . ." she was about to confess her own feelings, but he was snoring. It seemed a terrible indulgence to sleep in the middle of the day, but whose schedule did she have to keep? The planet's cycle was the only chrono they had to obey. So, she too slept.

Kathryn woke to the sensation of lips pressed to the back of her neck. Turning in Chakotay's arms, she smiled at him, running a hand along his cheek.

"How long have we been asleep?"

"Not long. I was thinking. What if we forget the orchard for the rest of the day and go on a picnic? We still didn't get anything to eat," he grinned at her.

Kathryn pulled her head back, looking him in the eyes. "You're serious?"

"I don't know about you, but I'm not really in the mood to work anymore," he said, his eyes twinkling at her.

"Well, it has lost some of its appeal," she admitted. "What do you suggest?"

"I was thinking, we haven't taken that boat trip yet. Let's do that."

Kathryn was a bit taken aback. "Well, that's a little more than a stroll to the river."

"Why not? We can work on the garden tomorrow or the next day. It's not going anywhere."

"You're right," Kathryn said, extricating herself from Chakotay's embrace. "I just have to find something a little more appropriate to wear," she said, acknowledging her state of undress.

"I happen to like what you don't have on," Chakotay smiled, wrapping his arms around her waist. Kathryn pushed at his shoulder, going to the dresser to find something to wear. Opening the drawer, she spied her uniform. Still in a playful mood she slipped it on.

"So, now that I'm the Captain again," she laughed, "I'm taking over this expedition. What food would you like to take with us if this is going to be a picnic?" Just then, there was a blinding white flash and Kathryn had the nauseating feeling of being in two places at once. Her body was immensely heavy; she couldn't move.

*********

"What food would you like to take with us if this is going to be a picnic?"

"Captain?" Tom asked, "B'Elanna and Seven are good, but I hardly think it's going to be a 'picnic!'"

Janeway's vision began to clear. She looked around the room. The conference room. She was back on *Voyager!* Looking down, she noticed she was seated in her chair, dressed in her uniform as if nothing had happened.

"How long was I missing?" she asked, feeling so tired, she wondered at how she remained upright in her chair.

The crew exchanged confused glances. "Missing, Captain?" Harry questioned.

Janeway looked at each member of her crew. "Yes, missing, as in how long was I gone?"

Chakotay looked to the Doctor as if he were waiting for the EMH to declare her unfit for command. "Captain," he said gently, "you haven't gone anywhere."

Janeway was speechless. Of course she'd been gone! She'd been gone for at least six weeks! She glanced over to the man on her right, now looking at her with concern. He obviously wasn't the same man she'd been with moments before. His close cropped hair and spotless uniform illustrated that point.

"Captain?" Chakotay asked, touching her hand. Janeway jumped at the contact, noticing the concern on her crew's faces.

The Doctor stood, crossing over to Janeway. He waved a diagnostic wand over her, making typical noises over the readings.

"There's evidence of elevated chronoton levels, indicative of a time displacement, but Captain, you've been here the whole time."

"Test the rest of the senior staff," Janeway ordered. "No one else experienced any time distortions? Not even Seven?" she asked hopefully. All of her crew shook their heads. The Doctor finished his survey, announcing,

"You're the only one with the elevated level, Captain. I'd like you to come to sickbay with me. I can run more conclusive tests there."

"Yes, of course," she agreed, distracted. She had to have been gone for *some* period of time!

"Computer," she called out. "Have I been on *Voyager* through this entire meeting?"

"Captain Janeway was missing for .25 seconds."

Silently, Janeway nodded. At least she had some confirmation that she hadn't imagined the entire episode.

"Captain, if you'll come with me," the Doctor prodded her.

"Yes, of course," she repeated, trying to rise. Halfway out of her chair, she collapsed onto the deck. Chakotay was by her side in an instant, but Janeway was nearly unconscious. The last thing she could remember was Chakotay slapping his comm badge ordering a site-to-site transport for herself and the Doctor.

*********

Janeway woke to the glaring lights of sickbay, her moan alerting the Doctor she was conscious.

"Do you have to have those damn lights so bright?" she growled, her voice hoarse.

Handing her a glass of water, he ordered the lights lower. "Funny thing about lighting and doing my job." Janeway gave him her best "I'm not amused" stare as he helped her to a sitting position.

"How are you feeling?"

"Like I've got the worst hangover ever," she said, resting her elbows on her knees, cradling her pounding head.

"I'm afraid I can't do much, other than give you an analgesic to lessen the pain," he said, pressing a hypospray to her neck. "I'm sorry to say I don't have any remedies for temporal disorders. Unfortunately, I can't make any modifications to your neural patterns like I can Seven," he chatted on. "Actually, you're doing better than I had expected."

"You mean this could be worse?" Janeway tried to laugh, but it only made her head throb harder.

"It could be a lot worse!" the doctor admonished, beginning to rattle off more symptoms she could be experiencing.

Janeway placed her hand on him. "I get the picture, Doctor."

The Doctor looked at her hand resting on his arm, surprised she'd made physical contact with him.

"Um, well, yes," he said, stepping back from her hand. "I'm taking you off active duty until . . ."

"Doctor!" Janeway started, cutting him off.

"Captain, do you really think you're capable or returning to the bridge? If you can walk across the floor and out the door, I'll consider it."

Janeway gritted her teeth. She wasn't going to let a little thing like this keep her from her post! Standing on wobbly legs, she tried to hide the fact she was using the bio-bed for support. The Doctor crossed his arms, watching as she made the first tentative steps away from the bed.

She stumbled into his arms, breathing hard. "Maybe one day off wouldn't be such a bad idea," she acquiesced. The doctor was helping her back to the bed as Chakotay entered sickbay.

"Captain, are you all right?" he asked, quickly crossing the room to give the doctor a hand.

"I'm fine," Janeway said, trying hard not to faint. She found herself staring at Chakotay, comparing the face of the man before her to the man she'd just left. There were subtle differences. This Chakotay had more lines around his eyes, and they were harder, colder. As if they'd seen much more than his counterpart. And he had. When had his experiences aged him? She hadn't noticed the effects their ship-board life had had on him until she'd witnessed what a different change in lifestyle had done for him. Even when she first materialized on New Earth, and he was mourning his Kathryn, Chakotay never looked this tired.

Without thinking, Janeway placed her palm on his cheek, "I'm sorry I did this to you," she said.

Chakotay's face reddened at her words. "Are you sure you're feeling all right, Captain?" he asked, pulling her hand away from his face.

"I'm just tired," she mumbled, her eyes heavy lidded.

"Captain, I'd like you to remain in sickbay," the doctor said.

"No, you said there was nothing you could do for me. I want to sleep in my own bed," Janeway said. "It's been over a month," she tried to joke, but to her own sense of time, it was the truth.

"Very well," the doctor sighed. "I'll transport you to your quarters. I'll send Commander Chakotay with you as well."

"That's not necessary," Janeway said tersely. "I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself."

"Yes, I saw that when you tried to cross the room," he replied. "He doesn't have to stay; I'll put a monitor on you."

Janeway started to protest but the doctor held his ground. "It's either that or I *will* confine you to sickbay and I *do* have the authority to do so."

Janeway sighed. "All right. Where do you have to put that thing?"

"At the base of your skull," the doctor said, turning her head to attach the monitor. "There, now that didn't hurt a bit, did it?"

Janeway stared at him, but remained silent as the doctor called for a site-to-site transport for her and Chakotay. Seconds later, she was standing in the middle of her quarters. They felt as alien to her at that moment as they had the first time she'd returned from New Earth.

Janeway started to take a step towards her sofa, but felt her knees buckling. God, she hated being so weak and helpless! Before she could fall, Chakotay caught her by the elbows.

"Let me help you, Captain."

She couldn't help noticing the distance between their bodies, the formal way he addressed her; it was so unlike the way the other Chakotay treated her. As he helped her across the room, Janeway turned to look at him.

"You haven't called me 'Kathryn' in a while," she observed. "I don't mind when we're not with the crew, you know."

Chakotay smiled slightly. "I guess there haven't been many opportunities lately that we *haven't* been with the crew."

"I know," she sighed.

She knew it was her fault. He'd tried to engage her in activities outside the bounds of duty, but she always managed to evade his invitation. After enough rejections, the offers stopped coming. Janeway couldn't remember the last time they'd had dinner together, or even a cup of coffee in the mess hall. Most of her contact with him had been in an official capacity, in her ready room. It just came as a bit of a shock after the intimate relationship she'd developed with the other Chakotay.

Once settled on her couch, Chakotay asked, "I got the impression you didn't want to talk about your experience in front of the crew. Can you tell me what happened?"

Janeway shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Never had she wished for the energy to pace as she did now! It was hard to look him in the eye, knowing only a short time ago she'd been making love to him. And yet it wasn't him.

"Well," she started, "at first I wasn't sure what was going on. The doctor was explaining the effects of temporal displacement, and as he's describing symptoms, I was experiencing them. I thought he'd found some way to illustrate his speech with a little inter-active demonstration," she laughed. "When my vision cleared I recognized where I was, but it was impossible."

"Where did you go?" Chakotay pressed.

Janeway hesitated a moment. "New Earth." She watched as the implications of her statement took hold in his mind.

"New Earth? But how? When?"

"When would be parallel to our time, but in that timeline, you and I weren't rescued. As to how? Your guess on temporal mechanics is as good as mine."

Chakotay was speechless. After he began putting some of the pieces together, he asked,

"If it's an alternate timeline, then you ran into yourself?"

"No, in that timeframe, I'm. . .dead," she said, looking away from him.

"And me? I mean the other Chakotay?"

Janeway continued gazing in the opposite direction. "You're, or rather he's still there."

Chakotay was pacing. "So you've spent the last what. . . .?"

"Six weeks," she supplied

"Six weeks with him on New Earth, but you were missing from the ship only .25 seconds."

"Correct."

"Gods, this doesn't make any sense," he said, running a hand through his hair.

"You're telling me?" Janeway smiled.

"How did she die?'' he asked gently, sitting next to her again.

"Apparently I--she--thought she'd found a cure to their disease and tried out the 'antidote' on herself as a way of testing it on Humans. It didn't work. All it did was cancel out whatever it was in the environment that had protected us. . .them."

"Sounds like something you'd do," he said, his lips turning up into an ironic grin.

"You don't have to remind me," she said, looking down at her hands.

"I'm sorry, Kathryn," he said, covering her hands with his. "It couldn't have been easy facing your own death."

"Well, I guess you could call it fortunate that she'd died before I arrived."

"How long before?"

"One year," she said, remembering the pain on the other Chakotay's face when he'd told her.

"That's a long time to be alone," Chakotay admitted. "I wonder what he'll do now that you're gone," he added quietly.

"I wonder the same thing," Janeway said, fighting the urge to cry. It had to be her state of exhaustion, she tried to rationalize. "He knew I could be pulled back at any minute, but the last few days, we both seemed to forget that. Or rather I had begun to accept that I might be stranded in that timeframe. I think he was hoping I would be."

"I can understand that," he said, gazing out the window of her quarters, as if imagining himself in his counterpart's position.

Janeway's eyes were barely open as Chakotay returned his attention to her. "I'm sorry, Kathryn," he said. "I should have realized how exhausted you must be. We'll talk about this tomorrow."

"Mmmmm," she mumbled, failing in her effort to raise herself off the couch.

"Let me help you," Chakotay offered.

". . . .can do it," she slurred as Chakotay's arms closed around her, picking her up. Feebly, she tried to struggle from his grasp.

"I can manage, Commander," she said more forcefully than before.

"Just once, let me help you, all right?"

Janeway was tired of fighting. She was just plain tired. Besides, it wasn't the first time she'd been in his arms, either in this timeline or the other. Allowing her head to rest on his shoulder, she let him carry her to her bedroom.

"Do you need anything?" he asked, setting her on the bed.

"Just my nightgown, but I can get it."

"Kathryn," he admonished once more. "Where is it?"

"Upper left-hand drawer," she replied, remembering her nightgown on New Earth had been in the same location. Chakotay handed her the garment, slow to remove his hand, almost as if he were reluctant to let it go.

"Well," he cleared his throat, "if you don't need anything else. . . ."

"I'm fine, Chakotay, really. Thank you for all your help."

He gave her a quick nod and a wink. "Not a problem. Good night."

"Good night," she echoed.

Once alone, Janeway slipped into her nightgown. It was almost all she could do to climb beneath the covers. Grasping her extra pillow, she hugged it close, wrapping her arms and legs around it.

"Oh, Chakotay," she sighed. "I miss you."

*********

The next few days were hectic for Janeway as *Voyager* prepared for their crossing near the nebula. Seven and B'Elanna worked extra shifts in an effort to integrate Species 665's technology with their own. If this worked, Janeway thought, they would have one more piece of valuable science she could add to their arsenal in their quest for home.

Tom had taken to calling the area of space "the Nebula of Eternity." Not only for its temporal distortions, but his estimates for navigating their route as well. He claimed even with the modifications to the shields, "it was going to take a year and a day to get around that thing." Tuvok, of course, had rebuked Paris for his imprecise terminology, but the name Eternal Nebula stuck. Janeway chalked it up to too much Captain Proton.

While she kept busy, Janeway didn't have time to reflect on her "interlude" on New Earth. There were moments, however, when she'd find herself staring off, recalling her experiences. She found she truly did miss Chakotay, even though he sat next to her every day. Janeway missed the freedom to express her feelings for him.

Janeway's eyes focused on the the interior of the mess hall once more in time to see Neelix heading towards her.

"Why the sad face, Captain?" Neelix asked as he set a cup of coffee before her.

"What's this?"

"My latest coffee blend. I think this one comes the closest yet." Janeway tried a tentative sip; she'd been the victim of Neelix's experiments one too many times to take a mouthful.

"It's not bad! Actually, it's rather good!" she exclaimed, taking a larger sip of the piping hot liquid. "It sort of reminds me of. . ." She cut herself off before she could finish the sentence. As of yet, Chakotay was the only one on board who knew of the extent on her temporal displacement on New Earth. Everyone else assumed she'd had *some kind* of time distortion experience, but hadn't questioned her about it. She probably shouldn't have told Chakotay either, but she hadn't exactly been thinking straight when she returned to this time.

"It reminds you of?" Neelix prompted her.

"Home," she said with a sad smile.

"Captain, if something's bothering you. . .if you need someone to talk to, you know where to find me," Neelix said, giving her an encouraging smile.

"Thank you, Neelix, but everything's fine." Janeway's hand rested on his. Patting her hand with his free one, he gave her a silent nod before heading back to his kitchen.

Janeway tried more of the coffee, cocking her head in amazement. "This really *is* good," she said to herself.

"Torres to Captain Janeway," B'Elanna's comm voice interrupted her.

"Janeway here. Go ahead."

"Captain, Seven and I have finished installing the necessary components to the warp field generator. We thought you might like to witness a test before it goes on line."

"Indeed I would, Lieutenant. On my way. Janeway out." Setting down her cup, Janeway turned, nearly running into Chakotay.

"Commander! Good! B'Elanna and Seven are ready to test their chronoton bubble. Care to join me?"

Chakotay looked down at his tray of non-descript food. "Nothing here that can't wait," he smiled.

On the way to the turbolift, he commented, "you're looking better."

"Yes, I think so too. I believe the effects of my time jump are finally starting to wear off," she said, chancing a glance in his direction. It was hard to look him in the face, especially when they were alone.

"I'm glad to hear it, but that's not exactly what I meant." When she gave him a questioning glance, he elaborated. "You've seemed, well, almost depressed since your 'return.' Not inefficient in the least," he was quick to add. "It's just that when you're mind's not occupied with ship's business, I see a look come over your face. You miss it, don't you?"

Janeway wasn't sure how to answer, or if she even *should* have this discussion with him. They hadn't when they'd been on New Earth together. She wasn't sure she could this time.

"Chakotay, I realize I've been a bit 'mopey' lately, and I appreciate your concern, but this isn't the place to have this talk."

"So where and when is? Kathryn, the last time neither one of us acknowledged what our experiences on the planet meant to us. I think it's when we started drifting away from each other."

"Drifting away? I thought you still considered me a friend?" she said, stepping into the turbolift.

"I do," he sighed. "But even you have to admit things haven't been quite comfortable between us for some time."

"Engineering," she called out, staring at the ceiling, the floor, anywhere but at him. Janeway could feel his eyes on her, making her nervous. "We've been busy," she supplied lamely.

"That's not the reason and you know it. Ever since we were in the Void something's changed. It's like a part of you died. But when you came back from New Earth, it was as though that part of you had been reborn. You aren't the same woman you were when you entered that meeting the other day. You're fighting the memories of what happened there, and it's starting to show."

Janeway looked up at him, concern creasing her brow.

"Don't worry. No one's talking about it. Yet. I realize this isn't the time or the place. Just promise me there *will* be a time?"

Before Janeway could answer, the doors to the turbolift opened, depositing them in Engineering.

"Captain, Chakotay, good. We can start," B'Elanna said impatiently. Obviously she'd been awaiting their arrival by pacing, while Seven stood ram-rod straight, hands behind her back, watching the motion of the Chief Engineer. Seven took her place at a console adjacent to B'Elanna's, looking to her for instruction.

"Now!" B'Elanna called, pressing buttons simultaneously with Seven.

There was a rather squat looking device now attached to the warp core, appearing to have the equivalent of almost arms and legs encircling the core. It looked vaguely Borg, but not entirely. Janeway watched as the matter/anti-matter mix flowed into the chamber. The patterns and colors were different from anything she'd ever seen.

"B'Elanna?" she questioned, wondering if this were safe.

"It's okay, Captain. It's operating well within safety parameters."

Janeway looked to Seven who appeared calm watching the demonstration. Chakotay's face grew more animated as the swirling mass filled the inside of the reaction chamber. He turned to Janeway, smiling,

"It looks like it's working!" Stepping over to a display unit on the wall, he pointed out there were now two rings encircling *Voyager.* "Captain, take a look at this! If I understand these readings, I think they did it!"

Janeway strode over to the panel, nodding her approval. "Excellent job, people! When can we begin moving forward into the nebula's space?"

B'Elanna and Seven exchanged glances. "That's the only bug," her engineer told her. "At the present time, we can only keep the bubble stable a maximum of three days."

"But according to our calculations, it'll take nearly a week to travel through the area of affected space," Chakotay said.

"That's the problem," B'Elanna added sheepishly.

"Well, we'll just have to try to make it in three days," Janeway stated.

"That's the other 'bug' as Lieutenant Torres puts it," Seven said. "The ship could make it across the affected area of space within those parameters if it traveled at top speed. However, due to the modifications necessary, *Voyager's* top speed is now only Warp 6.56, putting us back within Mr. Paris' estimates of a week."

"Damned if you do, and damned if you don't," Janeway muttered.

"Captain?" Seven asked.

"Oh, nothing. Just an old Earth saying about neither choice being better the clear choice." Seven was about to speak when Janeway held up her hand. "Nevermind. Any suggestions on what we can do?"

"Seven has an idea," B'Elanna said, "but she's being too cautious."

"And Lieutenant Torres isn't cautious enough."

Obviously the two had argued over it. "What's the idea," Janeway asked. B'Elanna gave Seven a smug look, waiting for her to explain her theory to the captain.

"By mixing the matter and anti-matter 'hot', the bubble can be maintained for a longer time period, but it also increases the instability factor to point 459."

"Still within the safety margins," B'Elanna pointed out.

"Just barely," Janeway acknowledged. Heaving a sigh, she addressed Seven and B'Elanna. "Get a report to me by the end of your shift. I'll give you my decision in the morning."

*********

By the time she received the report, Janeway had more or less made up her mind. The facts from the report only supported her decision: it was an acceptable risk to get the crew home.

She of course, was the one in the most jeopardy if the bubble collapsed. Each exposure to chronoton radiation increased her susceptibility exponentially. But it was worth the gamble if it got *Voyager* closer to home. Janeway authorized Seven's solution and coordinated the ship's flight plan with engineering within a matter of minutes. All that remained, was to wait. Hold her breath for a week until they were free of the Eternal Nebula.

The first two days, Janeway caught up on reading. The extra stress on the ship caused by the chronoton bubble generated even more reports than usual. By the third day, she was starting to relax a little. It looked as if they might actually make it.

Now, almost bored, Janeway welcomed the sound of her door chime.

"Enter," she called out, looking up after a moment to see Chakotay standing before her desk.

"Problems, Commander?"

"Actually, no, Captain. Quite the opposite." Moving his hand from behind his back he revealed a pot of coffee. "I understand Neelix has come up with a coup in his quest for an acceptable coffee substitute. The crew's raving about it."

"I had the pleasure the other day," Janeway said, rising to retrieve two cups, motioning him to a seat on the sofa. "Surprisingly, it's very close to the blend Chakotay had on New Earth."

"Funny you should mention that," he said, tugging nervously on his ear. "We never had that conversation we talked about in the turbolift."

Janeway poured them each some coffee, but declined to join him on the couch. "I thought perhaps you'd forgotten. I wish you had," she said pointedly, making it sound almost like an order.

"Kathryn, ignoring what happened, *a second time,*" he stressed, "is not going to make it easier to live with."

"I'm not having any trouble dealing with it," she said, almost light-heartedly.

"Yes, you are. I see how you look at me when you think I'm not looking. I know you're thinking of him."

"I was gone less than a second!" she said with a forced laugh.

"Kathryn, you may have convinced the crew that's all that happened, but I know the truth."

"And what truth do you think you know, hmmm? Just what I told you. How do you know I didn't just make the whole thing up? "

"Is that what happened, Kathryn?" Chakotay was on his feet, closing in on her. "If that was the case, you would have stuck to your story that you only felt disoriented for a few moments. No, you were on New Earth. You didn't have the presence of mind to lie at that point."

"At that point? So you think I'm lying now?"

"I think you're very good at evading my questions when you want to."

"You're right," she sighed, looking away from him. "I didn't lie to you. I was on New Earth."

"You let go, didn't you? You stopped expecting to be rescued, didn't you? That's what's been bothering you, hasn't it? That you could give up on the crew, the ship and have a life there."

Janeway was silent, turned away from him. "I suppose that's part of it, yes."

"Part of it?" he asked, forcefully turning her to face him "But not all." Chakotay stared into her eyes for a moment, then realization dawned on him.

"You slept with him, didn't you?"

Janeway wrestled her way out of his grip, striding away from him.

"Answer me!"

Janeway whirled on Chakotay. "Who do you think you are, coming in here under the pretense of a friendly chat and then accuse me? Even if I did, what business is it of yours?"

"Kathryn," Chakotay said, voice restrained. "Did you sleep with him? I do have a right to know since he is--could be--me."

"No," she said. "Could have been. If we hadn't been rescued."

"So, you did sleep with him," he said quietly, backing away from her, running a hand through his hair. "Spirits, I can't believe I'm jealous of myself!"

"Chakotay," she said, moving closer to him, her anger evaporating, "I told you what happened to his Kathryn. In their timeframe, they'd become intimate shortly after the time you and I had been rescued."

"So, if Tuvok had been a little slower, things might have been different," he laughed ruefully. "My timing always was lousy."

"We don't know that things would have developed the same way," she said, taking a seat on the sofa. "But I'm guessing they would have," she admitted. Chakotay didn't miss the confession in her statement.

"If that's how you felt, then why. . ."

"Why didn't I pursue it once we were back on the ship? You know the answer to that."

"But we never even *talked* about it! You just decided there was no way and that was it."

"And that's the way it's going to stay," she stated firmly.

Chakotay sat next to her, taking her hands. "You know I don't agree with your reasoning."

"That's your prerogative, but my mind's made up. It was the right decision then, and it's the right decision now."

Chakotay's jaw clenched as he tried to contain his anger at her unilateral decision, once again. "Tell me one thing?"

"If I can," she swallowed.

He flashed her a shy grin. "Was I any good?"

The impertinence of his question caught her off guard. "Very good," she found herself smiling.

"I don't suppose you'd consent. . . .Just for informational purposes?"

"Chakotay," she sighed, giving him a sad look. "Didn't you just hear a word I said?"

"I had to give it a shot," he said, trying to hide a dimpled grin.

"What am I going to do. . . ."

"Torres to Janeway!" her comm badge chirped.

"Go ahead!"

"Captain! We've just lost stability on the chronoton bubble!"

"Understood. How soon until it's repaired?"

"Maybe an hour, but the ship has to come to a full stop!"

"Then you better get to work, Lieutenant! Janeway out." Turning to Chakotay she said,

"How long until the crew begins to be affected?"

"An hour's the outside of the safety margin, but knowing B'Elanna and Seven, they'll have the ship protected again before time's up."

Janeway nodded, starting to head for the bridge as Chakotay grabbed her arm. "No, you're coming with me to sickbay," he said reaching for his comm badge.

"Sickbay? There's nothing wrong with me!"

"There will be if you're exposed to more radiation! Sickbay's the most protected part of the ship."

Janeway wanted to argue with him, but he was right. "Very well, I'll report as soon as I know the bridge is secure."

"I'm sure Tuvok's got the situation under control. I'll check on things as soon as I'm sure you're safe," he said. Chakotay activated his comm badge. "Computer, site-to-site transport to sickbay for Captain Janeway and myself."

Janeway didn't get a chance to argue as she felt the familiar tingle of her molecules disassembling, only to be replaced by a blinding white light. . . .

********

Kathryn's eyes were beginning to adjust to her surroundings as her legs collapsed. She wasn't in sickbay. The kitchen, her mind told her: she was back on New Earth. Crumpling to the ground, she couldn't decide if she were relieved or not.

Lying on the floor, trying to catch her breath, Kathryn's head throbbed with such an intense pain, all she could do was take small gasps of air. Where was Chakotay? She was starting to worry. What if she'd returned to a time when he no longer existed here? What would she do, if she were stranded here alone?

As her vision continued clearing, she looked about the room. It was well-kept. He must be here somewhere, she reassured herself. Kathryn tried to sit up, but couldn't move. It was as if every bone in her body had been removed, yet they ached. Sleep. She needed to rest, then perhaps she could attempt moving again to look for Chakotay.

Kathryn was starting to doze when she heard the door open. Chakotay was humming a little tune, no doubt in an effort to keep himself company, she thought. She smiled faintly at the familiar notes, turning her head to address him.

"Chakotay," she croaked out of her dry throat.

"Gods!" Chakotay practically screamed at the unexpected voice in his kitchen, dropping his armload of fruit and eggs. "Kathryn?" he asked incredulously. "Spirits, it *is* you!" he cried, rooted to the spot as if she'd vanish if he moved. She made a feeble attempt at moving, jolting Chakotay from his stupor.

Instantly he was by her side. "Are you all right? You're so pale!"

"I could use a little help," Kathryn admitted weakly. "Every time this happens it's a bit worse."

Chakotay picked her up, heading towards the bedroom. "There's a tea I've discovered that should help with the pain. I'll make you some in a moment."

Kathryn was like a limp rag in his arms. She couldn't deny she was happy to see him, but after the argument she'd just had with her Chakotay, his closeness felt awkward.

Lying her gently on the bed, Chakotay placed his palm on her forehead. "Spirits, Kathryn! You're like ice!" He pulled a blanket over her, tucking in the edges. "I'm going to make that tea. You could use something warm. Besides, I have a bit of a mess to clean up in the other room.," he grinned

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. I guess there's no way I could avoid that though."

Chakotay smiled, placing a kiss on her forehead. "I'll be back with the tea in a minute. Try to rest." He was at the doorway when he turned to her once more, struggling to keep his voice even. "I never thought I'd see you again in this lifetime."

Kathryn rolled to her side, curling up in the blanket. She never imagined she'd see him again either, nor had she expected to feel so elated now that she had. She wouldn't admit to "her" Chakotay that she missed this, but she had. She hadn't realized how much until she saw him again. The love in his eyes warming her as no blanket could. The trouble was, she couldn't keep referring to Chakotay on *Voyager* as "her" Chakotay, when the man in the other room had more of a right to the designation.

Why did this have to happen now, of all times? she asked herself. Her ship, her crew were in danger of chronoton radiation poisoning and she was off having a tryst in another reality. She could only hope once B'Elanna and Seven stabilized the ship, she'd return to *Voyager* once more. That *was* what she wanted, wasn't it? If she had the choice?

Before she was forced to answer her own questions, Chakotay returned with the tea. Helping her to sit up, he held the mug for her, cautioning her to take small sips.

"If you take a big gulp, it might not stay down," he warned. "It tastes terrible."

"Ugh!" Kathryn said, pulling back, making a face. "What *is* that stuff?"

"You discovered it, you tell me."

"I did? Are you sure it was me?" she asked, trying to clarify whether it was herself or her counterpart who'd made the actual discovery.

"You did. When you started cataloging the plants," he reminded her. "There was a vine you described in your notes whose leaves contain a large amount of salicylic acid. It was a key ingredient in ancient Terran pain relievers."

"Well, if it tastes this bad, it must work," she grimaced. Kathryn managed to finish half the cup before she refused anymore.

"That's a new cup, isn't it?" she noted, lying back down.

Chakotay looked at the mug in his hands. "It was kind of an experiment, really. My sisters were excellent potters. One day, I was thinking of them and I decided I should see if any of the males in our family had a talent with clay. Must be the one thing I can't do," Chakotay said, his eyes teasing her.

"Only one? You're too modest," Kathryn said, yawning.

"You should get some sleep," he said, standing. "When you're feeling stronger, you'll have to tell me what happened when you returned to *Voyager.*"

"I will. Thank you, Chakotay."

He smiled warmly at her, running his hand over her cheek, into her perspiration-damp hair. He hesitated a moment, almost shy before he bent to kiss her gently. "I'm so glad you're back."

"Me too," Kathryn smiled, acknowledging the fact to herself for the first time.

*********

Kathryn woke feeling the solid presence of a warm body pressed against her back. Momentarily disoriented, she started to struggle out of the arms that held her, then realized where she was and who she was with. Relaxing slightly, she turned to see Chakotay watching her.

"'Morning," she smiled as her eyes met his.

"More like afternoon," he corrected.

Kathryn turned so she was facing him. "How long have I been asleep?"

"Almost two days."

"Two days!" she cried, running a hand through her tangled hair. "No wonder I feel the need for a shower!"

"I was starting to get worried about you," Chakotay confessed. "But your breathing was normal, so I figured this wasn't unusual. Although, I'm not sure what's considered a 'usual' recovery period for inter-dimensional travel."

"I hope I don't make a habit out of it," she said. "It's not a pleasant experience."

"How are you feeling?"

Kathryn flexed her arms and legs as much as she could with Chakotay still holding her. "Better, I think. I need to get out of this bed and stretch."

"Are you sure you want to get out of bed?" he asked, grinning at her.

Kathryn couldn't help returning his expression, leaning in to kiss him. Breaking their contact, she sighed,

"Yes, I do, for more reason than one." Placing her hand on his cheek, rubbing his lips with her thumb, Kathryn's eyes glowed. "You look like you could use a shower too."

"I always said we should do what we can to conserve water."

Kathryn felt positively giddy as he helped her out of the bed, pausing to kiss him every few feet as they made their way towards the bathroom. Chakotay didn't need any encouragement to take her hand, following her lead.

*********

Kathryn was wrapped in a towel, sitting at the table drinking a cup of coffee. It felt like such a wicked indulgence when she thought of her crew. But what if she were gone only for the blink of an eye like last time? If that were the case, then her crew would be practically in the same spot when she returned, so it wasn't like she was actually off gallivanting while they worked to save themselves. It was more that she'd taken a side-step to their reality.

Also dressed in just a towel, Chakotay joined her, disrupting her musing. "Let me guess," he said, pouring himself a cup of coffee, sitting across from her. "You're thinking about *Voyager.*"

Kathryn smiled at how well he knew her. "Am I that obvious?"

"Kathryn, you wouldn't be who you are if you *weren't* thinking about the ship. What's bothering you?"

"The usual. I shouldn't be this relaxed and content while they're fighting for what might be their lives."

Chakotay picked up her hand, threading his finger's through hers. "Is there anything you can do about it?"

"From here? No," she had to admit.

"Then what good does it do to obsess on what can't be?"

Kathryn was a bit by surprised by his words. Isn't that what the Chakotay on *Voyager* did? Obsess on a relationship that could never be? Or did she give him just enough to let him hope she'd change her mind someday? Where did hope end and obsession begin?

"I suppose you're right," she conceded for the moment. "Until there's something I *can* do, it seems pointless to worry. So," she said, changing the subject, "what kind of a day is it outside? It feels like it's been ages since I saw the sun."

Rising, hands still clasped, they took their coffee outdoors. Once settled on the bench, Kathryn noticed the orchard. The last time she'd seen the patch it had been the crude beginnings of the extended garden. Now, rows of trees grew, starting to bear fruit. Looking at him in disbelief Kathryn asked,

"How long have I been gone?"

"Five years," he said, his voice thick.

"Five years," she repeated. "But it's only been a little over a week on *Voyager!*" she said, shaking her head. "This is going to drive me crazy. Do you know the entire time I was here with you last time I was gone from the ship only a little over a second? The crew didn't even notice I was gone!"

Chakotay wound his arm around her shoulders, pulling her close. "I don't even try to understand it. I have enough paradoxes going on right now." He sighed, staring off to the right of the garden to where his hammock hung.

"I still talk to her," he said, gazing at the location of "her" grave. "But when I think of you--of both of you--it's two different people I'm thinking of. I'm not sure I'm explaining it right. I love--loved--her, but I love you too. And I don't know if I love you because you remind me of her or if it's because of who *you* are." Chakotay turned to look into Kathryn's eyes. "You're two separate people, and yet you're not. Do you know what I mean?"

Kathryn nodded. "I know what you mean. I think that's why I was having so much trouble with Chakotay on *Voyager.* I'd look at him and see you, know you're a part of him, in a way, and yet you're not the same. I think that's what's so hard for him to understand. How I could make love to you and deny him a chance at a relationship."

"Kathryn, I wouldn't think you were disloyal if you became involved with him. He *is* me, in a way, I suppose." Chakotay laughed. "You're right about these damn paradoxes."

"That's not the reason," she said quietly, sitting up straighter, moving away from him. "I just knew we couldn't have a relationship on *Voyager* so I never allowed it to happen. I still don't think I should let it happen."

"But why not?" Chakotay asked, sincerely confused. "Am I unstable or something in that timeline?"

Kathryn smiled. "No, of course not. But what if we had a disagreement in our personal lives? Or came to the realization it wasn't working? *Voyager's* a small ship. It would be awkward."

"That's it? That's you're excuse?"

"It's one of the criteria I've based my decision on," she stated, crossing her arms.

Chakotay was laughing. Really laughing hard, as if she'd told him the most humorous tale in the Universe. "Kathryn," he said, catching his breath, "that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! What if we--my Kathryn and I--had thought that way? You're argument could apply to us as well: it's a small planet, where did we go if things didn't work out? The point is, you make it work. I'm not saying we didn't fight. We had some major battles, but we got through them. Just like you and Chakotay would."

"He's a distraction," she added, "one I sometimes can't afford. There are times I *have* to remain focused on the ship."

"And you don't think I--he--wouldn't understand that? Give the man some credit! What's distracting is fighting an attraction! Acknowledge it and it's no longer something that preys on your mind. Once Kathryn and I stopped fighting our feelings for each other there was so much more. . .peace," he said with a wistful sigh. "And what about us?" he asked. "Aren't you more comfortable around me now than you were?"

"It's all a little too new," she said, suddenly shy, "but yes, I feel more relaxed with you now."

Chakotay pulled her back towards him again, giving her a reassuring kiss. "And things will only get better."

"This probably isn't permanent," she gently reminded him. There was a long silence then he said,

"I know. But that doesn't mean I can't relish the time we do have. Just promise me you'll think about what I said? If, when, you're sent back, at least *consider* the possibility of having more with him? For both your sakes."

Kathryn rubbed her head on his shoulder. "I'll think about it."

"Good!" Now, how did we get on such a serious topic anyway?" he teased her. "It much to nice an afternoon for such talk."

Chakotay looked down at their towel-clad bodies. "Maybe we should think about getting dressed."

"Or not," she smiled, pulling his towel away. "I've had some good advice about not fighting an attraction."

*********

Kathryn and Chakotay never spoke of how much time she may or may not have on New Earth. Each day was treated as if it would be their last, never taking for granted the second chance they'd both been given at happiness on the planet. The first thing Kathryn insisted on was the boat ride she'd missed not once, but twice. She laughed at the irony of disappearing ever time a boat trip was mentioned. Secretly, she half-expected to see a flash of white the minute she set foot in the boat. Her fears were unfounded after they'd shared several trips on the river since that day.

Kathryn also discovered she was quite good at preserving food. Although the weather stayed reasonably warm year 'round, there was a dry season when the abundance of the wetter months needed to be processed for storage. Chakotay had teased her, of course, until he saw she'd applied he knowledge of chemical compositions to her work, actually improving upon the methods he'd shown her.

"You know," Kathryn said one night while she was preparing the apple-like fruits for drying, "I never saw myself as the domestic type."

Chakotay tried to hide his grin. "It's not a role I would have cast you in."

"I mean, I suppose I've speculated on what I would do once we made it back to the Alpha Quadrant, but I always thought it would be something to do with Starfleet or I'd be at a research facility somewhere. Now I'm not so sure. Living off the land has a certain appeal I never expected to find!"

"I don't know if living with a replicator qualifies as 'living off the land,' but I know what you mean. We are fairly self-sufficient and it *is* satisfying," he said, handing her another fruit to slice. "Personally I think it's the company."

"For both of us, I think," she said, giving him a peck on the cheek. "God, if only my mother could see me now!" Kathryn laughed. "She'd never believe her 'little Katie' who fought tooth and nail against her traditionalist upbringing would grow up to embrace those ideals!"

"I think your mother would be very proud of you."

Kathryn gave Chakotay a warm smile. "I know she'd approve of you."

"Maybe one day I'll--I mean the other Chakotay--will have the chance to meet her." There was a sadness to his voice, and Kathryn touched his arm.

"Perhaps, but it's you I wish she could meet."

"Kathryn, we've been over this. He *could* be closer to you than just a First Officer."

"I don't want to talk about him right now," she said, effectively ending the conversation.

"Here's the last of them," he said handing her the two remaining fruits, choosing to join her in ignoring the topic that always lay between them. "Did you have any thoughts on what we might do tomorrow?"

"Well, there's those soft red fruits I was planning on making into jam, and then. . ."

"I meant for fun. We've been working hard at this for over a week. Let's take the day off."

Kathryn backed up slightly, looking at him as if he'd lost his mind. "Chakotay, we've got all this work to do that. . ."

". . .that will wait one more day. Come on, wouldn't you like to take a break?" Kathryn grinned. His charming smile was having it's desired effect.

"Yes, it would be nice to do something else for a change. What do you have in mind?"

"I was thinking about rock climbing."

"Rock climbing!" she cried. "How is that taking a break?"

"It's not a long climb. Once we're at the top we'll have a picnic, enjoy the last of the really warm weather. What do you say? The view's fantastic!"

Kathryn couldn't help but smile at his attempts to cajole her into accepting his invitation. And he claimed *she* was like a little kid, wheedling!

"Okay," she conceded. "Just so long as we take it easy. I don't have much experience with rock climbing."

"You'll have an excellent teacher," he assured her.

"Oh, and who will be joining us?" she teased.

Suddenly, Chakotay's expression changed, as he pulled her tight against his chest. After a moment, Kathryn drew back, surprised by his abrupt change of mood.

"Chakotay? Is everything all right?"

"I. . .yes, fine," he tried to smile, but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Okay, let's have it. What changed from a minute ago?"

Chakotay started to disengage himself, but Kathryn wouldn't let him go. "I, uh, just had this feeling you wouldn't be around much longer and I wanted to spend some time with you."

"What makes you think that? I've been here close to a month and nothing's happened."

This time Chakotay was more insistent in his efforts to move away and Kathryn let him go. "I was meditating this afternoon."

Kathryn remembered seeing him on the edge of the woods, making a point to give him some privacy. "I know, so?"

"I had a vision, and in it you left me," he said, his back now towards her as he absentmindedly toyed with fruit scraps on the table. Kathryn walked around him, forcing Chakotay to look at her.

"We both know it can happen at any time, but that doesn't mean it's going to be soon," she tried to reassure him.

"I know. I can't explain it," he said, finally meeting her gaze. "I don't know how, but I know it's not going to be long."

Kathryn wrapped her arms around him, resting her head on his shoulder as his arms encircled her. "I believe you," she said quietly. "Let's leave this mess for now." Kathryn took his hand, tugging him towards the bedroom.

They made love several times that night. From passionate denial to a slow, sweet good-bye that left them both in tears. Neither spoke beyond endearments, afraid to discuss her immanent departure for fear of upsetting the other. Tomorrow they would climb Chakotay's cliff, and God willing, at the end of the day she would share this bed with him once more.

*********

Chakotay was half-way up the rock face while Kathryn had made little progress. He'd called encouraging words to her, but she just didn't have his knack for finding niches for hand and foot holds.

"Maybe you should go all the way up and get lunch ready," she yelled up to him over the rush of the wind. "I'm going to be starved once I finally get there!"

Chakotay laughed, maintaining his position on a small outcropping, waiting for her to join him. "I already told you, 'loser' makes lunch. I gave you a head start!"

"Some head start," she shouted. "You passed me in about five minutes!"

"Can I help it if you're slow?"

"No, but you could have evened the odds a bit. At least we could have done something I've done before!"

"Stop complaining," he teased, "You're doing great! About another hundred feet and you'll be here, then we're a little more than half way." "Half-way? What happened to a *short* climb? We'll have to turn around and come back once I get up there!" Kathryn tried to hide her grin. She knew Chakotay didn't take her complaining seriously. Actually, she *was* enjoying herself except for the scrape on her knee. She was even gaining a little confidence, taking larger, riskier moves than she had an hour ago.

Determined to make it to his position before he could hurl any more insults her way, Kathryn over-extended her reach, barely grasping a small hand hold. Her following foot wasn't quite as fortunate, missing a small outcropping by mere centimeters.

"Chakotay!" she cried involuntarily as she hung by little more than her fingertips on the rock face.

"Hang on, Kathryn! I'll be there in a second!"

Kathryn watched as he quickly descended to her level. "Are you okay?" he asked, capturing her around the waist, helping her to a place she could stand.

"I'm okay," she said a little shakily. "Just let me rest a minute and I'll be ready to go."

"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea," Chakotay said, joining her on the ledge. "We don't have to finish. We can have lunch by the river."

"No," she stated firmly. "I want to finish this."

"I guess I should know better than to imply Kathryn Janeway can't finish what she starts," he grinned at her.

"Damn straight. Now, why don't you lead the way once more and I'll see if I can keep up this time."

Chakotay gave her a quick kiss, then started to move up the rock face. He was swinging wide to get past her when Kathryn heard a crunching sound seconds before she saw Chakotay fall.

Kathryn watched with horror as his body fell, almost in slow motion, slamming onto a narrow ledge where they had rested on the first leg of their climb. The un-anchored rope trailed after, coiling on him like a snake.

"Chakotay!" Kathryn screamed, moving as fast as she could down the face of the cliff, heedless of the scrapes and cuts she accumulated on her descent. What felt like hours, in reality took only minutes until she reached him.

"Chakotay!" she called again, checking to see if he was still breathing. He was. Thank God! "Chakotay! Can you hear me?" There was a moan of pain, but his eyes remained closed. Kathryn noticed his leg was at an odd angle, obviously broken. She was afraid to move him, but she couldn't leave him here, either. This was one of the things she'd always worried about: one of them getting injured and the other nearly powerless to help. The medical supplies Chakotay had left were little more than a first-aid kit, especially since the regenerator was broke.

Kathryn took a deep breath, willing her nerves to calm. First she had to assess how badly Chakotay was hurt. Then she had to do something about getting him off this cliff. Trying to rouse him only caused him to moan in pain, but she had to know if he could feel his arms or legs.

"Chakotay!" she spoke sharply. "You've got to wake up and tell me where you're hurt!" Biting her lip she struck his face, loathe to inflict even more pain on him. It seemed to have the desired effect.

"Ka. . .Kathryn?" he rasped. "Wh. . . What happened?"

"You fell," she said, checking to see if he were bleeding anywhere. There was a gash on his broken leg that needed attention. Taking off her long-sleeve outer shirt, she tied the arms as tight as she could around his thigh, slowing the flow of blood. She had to fashion a make-shift tourniquet. He couldn't continued to lose blood.

"How?"

"The anchor worked free," she stated, trying to keep her voice even so she didn't alarm him more than necessary.

"Impossible," he swallowed. ". . .checked it."

"Well, I don't know how it happened. All I know is you're lying here with a bleeding, broken leg and God knows what else wrong!"

"It's going to be okay," he said, fumbling to take her hand. "We'll get through this."

"You're the one who's hurt and your reassuring *me?*"

"Looks like you could use it," he started to cough, galvanizing Kathryn into action once more.

"God, what I wouldn't give for a medical tricorder now!"

"I think it's just my leg," Chakotay said, trying to sit up, gasping in pain.

"Chakotay! What if you hurt your back! You shouldn't be moving around!" she said, attempting to push him back into a reclining position.

"Kathryn, you know as well as I do that you can't do anything up here; we've got to get off this cliff."

How could he be so calm? Kathryn wondered. No doubt he was going into shock, yet he was telling her what course of action they should take!

"I know. I'm going to have slip this rope around you and lower you to the ground somehow." Kathryn looked about, spying an exposed tree root she could loop the rope over to give her some leverage. Chakotay's eyes had closed once more, his breathing labored.

"Chakotay, you're going to have to help me," she said, shaking his shoulder. She explained how she planned to get him to the ground, but needed his help to push himself off the rocks as she worked him down the cliff.

"Do you think you can do that?"

"Yes," he mumbled. "I have to."

"Good!" she called, hopefully encouraging him. "You'll have to get yourself over the edge while I hang on to the rope." God, she hoped she could hold him! She had the rope wrapped around her twice, feet braced against the root in an effort to counter-balance him. If he fell from this height, with his current injuries, she didn't think he'd survive.

Slowly, fractions of a meter at a time, Kathryn allowed the rope to slide around her, trying to pace his descent so he didn't swing into the cliff. She knew the pain of the rope cutting into his arms and chest had to be nearly as bad as the pain in his leg.

Finally Kathryn felt the rope go slack. He must be on the ground. Peering over the ledge, she saw his body lying in what had to be a painful position.

"Chakotay?" she called out to him. No answer. He must have passed out again. Kathryn quickly rearranged the ropes for her own climb down. Chakotay had given her a rudimentary lesson on descents. Most of his instruction had centered on going up, not coming down. Trying to imitate his actions when he'd come to her aid, Kathryn worked her way over the edge of the cliff.

Somehow she made it down. She couldn't say what technique she'd employed, but she was on the ground and that was all that mattered. Chakotay was still unconscious when she made her way over to him. She'd tossed their day packs down before lowering him, and now was searching through his for a heavier shirt. Even though it was a warm day, the wind was cool. She didn't need him slipping any further into shock than he already was. Unable to raise him to slip the shirt on, Kathryn covered him instead, tucking the edges around his arms.

She straightened him out as best she could, checking the bleeding on his leg. There was still a slow seep. She must not have tightened the cloth tight enough. However, it didn't appear as life-threatening as it had, and she decided to leave well enough alone. Kathryn debated whether or not to try to rouse him to tell him she was going to return to the house to get a tarp so she could drag him back. There might not be many medical supplies there, but she had a better chance of treating his wounds indoors than out in the elements.

Chakotay groaned, sparing her the decision. "Kathryn?"

"I'm here," she said, holding his hand as tight as she could. "I have to go, but I'll be back with a way to get you home. You just hang on, okay?"

"I'm so cold."

"I know. It'll be better soon, I promise." Kathryn bent down giving him a kiss on his unresponsive lips. "I'll be back as soon as I can." Placing his hand and arm back under the shirt, she gave him one last hopeful smile. Then she started to run. She hadn't gotten far when a now-familiar white light surrounded her. . . .

*********

"No!" Janeway cried as she realized she were no longer outdoors, but on the floor of sickbay.

"Captain!" The Doctor called, rushing to her side, helping her to stand. Janeway tried to fight off his assistance, as if by pushing him away, she wouldn't be there.

"I have to go back!" She cried, fighting him with little strength she possessed from her time jump. "He's hurt!"

"Who's hurt?" he asked, confused by her ranting.

"Chakotay!"

"Captain, Commander Chakotay is on the bridge."

"No, the other Chakotay! He's hurt! I have to help him!" she cried, panic starting to set in.

"Captain, I fear you're suffering from temporal psychosis. The Commander is fine, I assure you!"

"He fell!" Janeway continued to try to explain. "He broke his leg and he's bleeding from the same leg! I had to put a tourniquet on it to slow the bleeding!"

The doctor's brows knit in worry as he tapped his communicator. "Doctor to Commander Chakotay. I have the Captain in sickbay."

"Understood, Doctor. I'll be there in a moment. Chakotay out."

"See?" the Doctor tried to reassure her. "He'll be here any moment. There's nothing wrong with him."

"You don't understand," Janeway mumbled to herself, attempting to fight her debilitating fatigue. She had to stay awake until Chakotay arrived. He'd understand what she was talking about. He'd help her convince the doctor she had to go back.

* * *

Janeway woke with a start, looking around sickbay for Chakotay. He'd fallen asleep in chair next to her bed and was still dozing when she called his name.

"How long have I been asleep?" she asked urgently, struggling to sit up.

Chakotay blinked his eyes several times, forcing himself to alertness. "Um, six hours, I think," he said, checking sickbay's chronometer.

"Six hours! Chakotay! How could you let me sleep! I have to get back! He's badly hurt! He could be dead by now!" Janeway was approaching hysteria as the doctor approached her with a hypospray.

"That better contain a stimulant or you're not touching me with . . . that thing!" She cried, leaning away from the doctor.

"As I told you, Commander, I believe Captain Janeway is suffering from temporal psychosis. She's behaving quite irrationally."

"Of course I'm behaving irrationally! Chakotay's hurt and neither of you will help me!"

"Captain, as I tried to explain earlier, the commander is perfectly fine," the doctor said, motioning in Chakotay's direction.

"I'm not the one she's talking about," Chakotay supplied.

"Would someone care to tell *me* what's going on before I'm forced to run a self-diagnostic to make sure *I'm* not suffering some kind of psychosis?"

Chakotay quickly filled him in. "Now the pieces are starting to fit," the doctor said. "When you materialized here earlier without the captain, you neglected the little bit about *where* you thought she was."

"I thought the fewer people who knew, the better," Chakotay explained.

"How long was I gone this time?" Janeway asked, rubbing her forehead, as if the action would alleviate her headache.

"Not quite an hour," the doctor informed her. At least it was about fifty minutes from when the commander called for the transport."

"Chakotay, the anti-chronoton bubble, have B'Elanna and Seven stabilized it?"

"Yes, it took them about fifty minutes," he told her.

"So, the length of time I'm gone seems to correspond to the duration radiation exposure," she said. "I wonder if the effects of the radiation could be simulated."

"Why would you want to do that, when we've been doing everything in our power to keep you *from* being exposed?" Chakotay looked at her as if he was beginning to believe the doctor's diagnosis of psychosis.

"I think if I were exposed to the exact level of radiation I experienced upon my disappearance, I could be transported back to that timeline and help Chakotay."

"It's possible, I suppose, in theory," Chakotay said, rubbing his chin. "But you know as well as I do how mercurial time is. To end up even close to the same time would be a miracle. Besides, how would you simulate the radiation?"

Janeway's brow furrowed, concentrating on a solution. Her ship was being bombarded with chronoton radiation, surely there had to be a way to collect some of the particles and concentrate them to the same level as when she'd disappeared. Suddenly she looked up at Chakotay.

"The Bussard collectors," she said. "They operate outside the warp field, and I would imagine the anti-chronoton bubble as well."

"Yes," Chakotay admitted cautiously, looking as though he wasn't quite sure what she was suggesting.

"Couldn't the collectors be re-configured to collect chronoton particles? Just long enough to get what would be necessary to recreate the level of radiation I was exposed to?" Janeway looked from Chakotay to the doctor and back again.

"It sounds as if it would work. Again, in theory," Chakotay agreed.

"You're both crazy!" The doctor said, disbelief clearly registering on his face. "Captain, I don't know if you could physically survive another jump! Your electrolyte levels are dangerously low now! Not to mention the trauma to your neural pathways! I'm surprised you're even conscious! On second thought, with this ridiculous scheme of yours, I'm not sure you are!"

"Doctor, just because I agreed with the captain's hypothesis doesn't mean I support what she's planning to do."

"Well," the doctor said archly, "at least *one* member of the command staff has retained some common sense."

Janeway stared at Chakotay. "I know you're trying to protect me," she said, "and I appreciated it. But I *have* to do this! I can't let him die. Surly you can understand that." She knew he grasped her implied meaning. In this timeline they'd recently argued over her feelings for the other Chakotay. He'd know she couldn't abandon him now.

Heedless of the doctor's presence, Chakotay called her by name. "Kathryn, I realize why you want to do this. But even you have to recognize the danger involved here! You might not recover from this! You heard what the doctor said. What if the jump kills you? How is that going to help him? And what about the ship? You're willing to leave *Voyager* without a Captain?"

"That isn't fair, Chakotay," Janeway whispered, turning away from his intense gaze.

"And risking your life on a whim is?"

"It's not a whim," she said, turning back to him. "I didn't tell you earlier, because I didn't think it was important, but when I returned to New Earth this time, it was five years later. What would be five years into the future, at least in that time frame. So far, most of the events in both realities have been parallel. The divergent factor being we were rescued and they weren't."

"I'm not sure what you're trying to say," Chakotay said.

"What if Chakotay's accident is a preview of what might happen to you in five years? What if you find yourself in a similar situation in the future and you die because I didn't save you when I had the chance?"

"That's pretty far-fetched," he said.

"But not outside the realm of possibility," she said. "Who can say what events his accident may trigger with the cross-over of our universes? If I hadn't been in his timeframe, Chakotay wouldn't have been climbing that cliff, wouldn't have fallen. I'm the one who contaminated that timeline. I have to go back to correct it."

"Okay, so maybe you did cause certain incidents to take place because of your presence. But won't going back complicate things further?"

"I honestly don't know, but I have to try."

"You aren't going to budge on this, are you?" he asked.

"No."

Chakotay sighed, turning to the doctor who'd been avidly following their conversation. "Doctor, I'm going to talk to B'Elanna about the possibility of collecting the chronoton particles. I'll need you to give me an estimate on how much we're going to need."

"Commander! I can't believe you're going to allow this! Either of you!" he cried. "I want you to know I'm going to be putting my objections in my report!"

"Noted," Janeway said, tight lipped. "Besides the particles necessary to send me back, I'll need another supply to return me to *Voyager,* plus a hypo of stimulants to keep me going once I'm back on New Earth." When the Doctor didn't move, Janeway barked at him. "Now, Doctor!"

"Very well," the Doctor huffed. "If you'll excuse me, I have to calculate the amount of radiation you had at the cellular level when you returned. In the meantime, I want you to rest. This is something I *will* not debate. There's nothing you can do until I have the particles, so you may as well enjoy the accommodations."

Janeway accepted his command with silence, sliding back down on the bio-bed. She didn't bother telling the doctor she couldn't have done anything if she'd tried. Her attempts to convince Chakotay had taken what little energy she'd managed to recover. Even the doctor's irritating humming couldn't keep her eyes open.

*********

It was several hours later when she felt Chakotay shaking her shoulder. Janeway suspected he'd finished his task in engineering earlier, but feigned a recent completion to allow her extra time to sleep. She didn't call him on it as she was actually grateful for the additional rest.

"Any trouble from B'Elanna?" she asked, rubbing her eyes.

"She was curious, naturally. When I said the particles were needed for an experiment you wanted to run, she made some comment about me doing some pretty menial chores these days, but that's the only thing she said to me."

"B'Elanna showing restraint? Maybe she's from a parallel universe as well," Janeway tried to joke, hoping to ease the worry evident on his face.

Chakotay gave her a weak smile. "The Doctor said it's going to take a few minutes to arrive at the right concentration of particles. Kathryn," he said, taking one of her hands, "what happens if you don't hit the right spot in time? I don't think we can try this again."

"I know. I can feel the strain this has had on me. I know this is my only chance. I guess I'll just have to have faith I'll end up where I'm supposed to be."

"You don't have to do this," he tried one last time to change her mind.

"Yes, I do. Please don't make this decision any harder than it already is."

Any further comments he may have made were silenced by the Doctor joining them. "I believe I've come up with the correct radiation variance. Captain, I want to state once again. . ."

"Yes, Doctor," Janeway sighed, turning her shoulder to him for him to inject. "Let's get on with it."

He handed her two hyposprays, the first he said contained the stimulant, the second another vial of chronoton particles. Grim faced, he applied the hypo to her upper arm. Janeway's vision swam in a way that was unlike her other experiences. Instead of the flash of white light, she felt as if she were being pulled in two different directions. Like she was in two places and yet neither.

The pain was terrible. Then, when she was sure she could take no more, the white light enveloped her, speeding her to her destination.

*********

Kathryn lay panting on the path that led either to the river or the cabin. Looking up at the sky she could see it was later in the day than when she'd left, but what day was it? Had she made it in time to help him? Deciding her best course of action was to check the house, Kathryn placed the hypospray of stimulant against her neck. It took a few moments before she felt some of her fatigue fading, allowing her to slowly climb to her feet. Her head was swimming, but after a few deep breaths, the vertigo became manageable.

As she half-stumbled to the house, Kathryn felt more of the drug kick in. She had no idea how long the hypo would keep her energized. However long it lasted, would have to be enough, she thought. She could feel the strain this was causing her. There was no doubt in her mind this was her one and only chance.

"Chakotay?" She called out, entering the dwelling. No answer. Looking around the kitchen, Kathryn noticed the remnants of the breakfast she'd shared with him that morning. Chakotay had been anxious to get going so she'd left the dishes to soak. At least it appeared she'd arrived on the same day.

"Damn," she muttered to herself. "If only I'd arrive sooner!" She couldn't fault the doctor for missing the mark. After all, the fact he'd hit the same week was a miracle, let alone the same day.

Following through with her plans to retrieve a tarp, Kathryn practically ran back to the river. Chakotay appeared to be asleep, but she suspected he was unconscious once more.

"Chakotay," she said, giving him a gentle shake to rouse him. "I'm back."

"Kathryn? You're here? When you didn't come back, I thought. . . ."

"I know. I'll explain once I've got you home."

"I was talking to the spirits. Telling them I was ready to come home," he said his voice sounding dreamy.

"You *are* going home, just not to a spiritual one if I can help it. I've brought a tricorder and a regenerator from *Voyager.* I should have you fixed up in no time. I doubt you'll be able to walk, but I should be able to heal your wound."

Kathryn passed the tricorder over Chakotay's body. Nothing happened. Not one diode glowed. Checking the power source, it appeared fully charged.

"I don't understand it," she mumbled to herself. "There's no reason why this tricorder shouldn't work!"

"Maybe it has something to do with the phase variance between our two universes," Chakotay suggested.

Kathryn nodded. "Each universe has it's own energy 'signature,' I guess you'd call it. Powered instruments from my universe won't work here because they're slightly out of phase. Damn. That means the regenerator isn't going to work either." On the off chance her theory was wrong, Kathryn tried the device anyway, with no results.

Kathryn ran a hand through her hair, sighing. "I guess we're back to plan 'A.' I need your help. Can you roll over onto your side?"

Between the two of them, they positioned Chakotay on his left side, then Kathryn placed the bunched up tarp against his back.

"Okay, good," she breathed. "Now the other side. I know it's going to hurt because of your leg, but I can't get the tarp under you any other way."

Chakotay took her hand for a moment. "It's okay, Kathryn. We're going to make it." She nodded, taking strength from his support. If she didn't care about him, didn't love him so much, this wouldn't be so difficult. But to see him lying there, still slowly bleeding after all the time she'd been gone, unnerved her.

"I know," she said, leaning over to kiss his cold lips. "I'll have you home before you know it." Kathryn helped Chakotay to roll the other way, grabbing the folded tarp from under him as soon as he moved far enough. Chakotay bit his lip to keep from crying out, but a moan escaped anyway.

"I'm sorry, but there's no easy way to do this," she said, gathering up excess material near his head. "I'm going to try to move you now," she warned. Kathryn pulled with all her might. God he was heavier than he looked! How was she ever going to make it back to the house with him?

It was slow going, with many rest stops, but she wasn't about to give up, not when she'd come this far. Night was falling, increasing the chill in the air; just what Chakotay didn't need. Why hadn't she thought to grab a blanket when she'd been at the house? He'd passed out once more, which was probably for the best, Kathryn reasoned. She could feel her own energy lagging, prompting her to take another shot of stimulants. Looking at the vial on the end of the hypospray, Kathryn could see she had only one dose left. She didn't have much further to go. Hopefully her strength would hold out.

Kathryn had never been so grateful to see the half-log structure ahead of her as she was that night. Both moons were full, a rare blessing that was even more appreciated now since she needed the light to find her way. Just a few more feet and she'd have him inside.

Chakotay groaned in pain as she dragged him over the threshold. She stepped away from him only long enough to take a long drink of water, returning to position him under the bright kitchen lights. Kathryn witnessed the full extent of Chakotay's injuries. Dried, caked blood crusted the edges of the cut on his thigh, even as fresh blood continued to seep from the wound. Not to mention the odd angle his leg was at.

"How bad is it?" Chakotay's voice rasped.

"It's not good," she replied honestly. "But I'm going to do my best to help you."

"I know you will," he tried to smile.

Kathryn assisted him in taking a drink of water before fetching a blanket and pillow. "There's no way I'll get you up onto that bed," she said. "You'll have to make do here."

"It's fine. I'm just glad to be home. Who's bright idea was it to go rock climbing anyway?" he managed to joke.

Kathryn gave him a reproving glance. "You've come up with some ridiculous ideas in the past, Chakotay, but I think this one tops them all. Now how do I make that tea you gave me the last time I came back? It should help you with the pain and maybe put you to sleep. I don't think you're going to want to be awake when I try setting your leg."

Chakotay gave her the instructions, telling her where the dried leaves were stored. After the water was put on to boil, Kathryn returned to him, explaining her disappearance to distract him as she worked on his leg.

"I was pulled back on my way here to get the tarp, that's why I was gone so long," she said, removing matted cloth from his thigh.

"I figured that must have been what happened," he grunted. "I was sure I was going to die there," he stated matter-of-factly. "I knew there was no way I could make it back here on my own, and I didn't have the strength to even attempt to treat myself. I can't tell you how relieved I was to see you."

Kathryn nodded. "I was practically hysterical when I showed up in sickbay, ranting how I had to come back and help you. Naturally, the Doctor and Chakotay tried to talk me out of it."

"I wouldn't be me if I didn't try to stop you," Chakotay quipped, his voice getting weaker.

"Actually, you, or rather he, fought me less than the Doctor," Kathryn said, working faster, feeling as though she were running out of time.

"I think the tea's ready," she said, placing a reassuring hand on his chest. "I'll be right back."

Chakotay trapped her hand against him. "Kathryn, I don't know how it is you were able to come back when you did, I just thank the Spirits you did. I love you."

Kathryn still felt uncomfortable repeating his sentiment aloud. "If you don't let me go, we'll never get you patched up."

Chakotay gave her a slight nod, releasing her hand. "How did you manage to come back at the right time? I thought your other appearances were based on the chronoton fluctuations affecting *Voyager.*"

Kathryn stirred the leaves into the boiling water. "I had the Doctor simulate the radiation level I was at when I returned to the ship by injecting me with chronoton particles. I didn't plan on getting back so much later."

"Kathryn, I don't understand how time works any more than you do, but consider that some things are constants. Perhaps this accident is one of those things that's a constant. Maybe there's no way you *could* have returned at another time."

She didn't have an answer for him. Returning to the tea pot, Kathryn strained the leaves, adding a bit of cold water to the tea so he could drink it. She held his head, helping him to drink the noxious liquid.

"I don't know what's worse, the taste of that tea or the pain in my leg," he tried to joke.

"I think it's the tea," Kathryn smiled, running a hand over his forehead, down his cheek. I'm going to wait a few minutes for that to take affect before I try to set your leg, and sew the wound."

"Talk to me, Kathryn. I love the sound of your voice."

"What do you want me to say?"

"Tell me a story."

Kathryn's smile deepened, and she dropped her eyes. "Like the one about the Angry Warrior?"

"How about a sequel," he suggested, eyes starting to droop.

Kathryn thought for a moment. "The woman warrior too had found peace. The odd thing was, she hadn't known it was what she'd been seeking until she discovered it. Together She and the Angry Warrior found something that was greater than either of them. The woman warrior was most surprised by the fact that she wasn't diminished by him. That even when they were apart she was stronger for the union." Kathryn looked down to see a dreamy smile on Chakotay's face.

"Kathryn, did you only put one kind of leaf in the tea?"

"There were some next to it that looked similar, I thought they were just more of the same, so when I used all of the first I added a few from the other container, why?"

"They've got hallucinogenic properties. Not that I'm arguing, mind you," he smiled again. "That was a beautiful story," he drawled. "Kathryn, I think you just said you loved me."

"I guess we both needed stories to voice it the first time," she said shyly.

Chakotay's eyes were looking decidedly glassy now. Maybe it wasn't so bad she'd added a narcotic to his tea. It would make what she had to do easier knowing the pain had been deadened.

Setting Chakotay's leg had been more difficult than Kathryn had originally envisioned. Her lagging strength wasn't helping matters. It took all her might, but eventually, she snapped the bones into place, causing even the drugged Chakotay to cry out in pain. After splinting his leg, she checked the job she'd done sewing his wound together. She'd had a terrible time performing the action. Not because the action itself was so difficult. It was just that if she allowed her mind to think about the nature of what she'd been doing, she started getting nauseous. Kathryn knew it was necessary, but the thought she was using a needle and thread on his flesh made her sick to her stomach. She'd never take a regenerator for granted again!

Kathryn had taken the last of her stimulants, half-way through her ministrations, and now they too were wearing off. She needed rest as badly as Chakotay. Cleaning up from her make-shift surgery, Kathryn crawled under the blanket she'd covered Chakotay with. She didn't want to be far from him when he woke, even if the bedroom was only a few feet away. Wrapping her arm around his chest, she lay her head on his shoulder, sharing and receiving his warmth.

*********

Chakotay was the first to wake late the following day. Both had been so exhausted, neither hadn't moved from the positions they'd fallen asleep in. Consequently, his movements roused Kathryn. Sitting up, she rubbed a hand over her eyes.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, moving to check his leg.

"Like I fell off a cliff."

Kathryn gave him a warning glance that silenced any further attempts at ineffective humor. "There's still a little blood oozing from your leg, but the stitches seem to be doing their job. Do you want me to make you some more tea? I promise I won't send you on an unexpected vision quest this time."

"Actually, no. My head's still a little fuzzy and I hate that feeling. I think I'd rather live with the pain for now."

"Okay, but if it gets too bad, let me know."

"I will."

Kathryn felt Chakotay watch her as she crossed the room. Stumbling slightly from the dizziness she was experiencing since the stimulants had worn off, she tried to hide the fact she'd grasped the table as she passed it.

"What about you? You seem a little unsteady on your feet."

"I'm okay," she stated sharply, as if by commanding herself to be, it would be so.

Chakotay was silent for a moment, then said. "I guess I didn't think of it yesterday, but how did you manage to get me back here? Usually after a time jump you're weak as a newborn."

"I had the Doctor give me some stimulants," she said tersely, her back to him. Why was she suddenly so angry with him? His questions were certainly understandable. She would have wondered the same thing had their positions been reversed. So why did his probing set her teeth on edge?

Chakotay struggled to a sitting position. "Kathryn? What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong!" she practically shouted. "Why does something have to be wrong? I'm just a little dizzy. You know time distortions do that to me!" Without warning, Kathryn suddenly burst into tears. Furious at her lack of control, she turned away from him once more, wiping the offensive moisture from her face.

"Kathryn. Talk to me."

Taking a deep breath she modulated her voice. "I told you. Everything is fine."

"Come over here."

"I need to make some coffee," she lamely stated, beginning the preparations.

"That can wait. Please come here." Kathryn put down the coffee pot, obeying his request.

"Sit down. Now, tell me what's wrong."

Kathryn took a seat on the floor next to Chakotay, not looking at him. When she did look up, there were tears in her eyes once more. "I was so scared," she whispered. "I was so sure I wouldn't get back here in time, or that even if I did you'd be dead. I don't know why I'm so angry. I mean you're all right now and. . . ." Her voice trailed off as a fresh batch of tears flowed, her shoulders shaking as she sobbed.

"Shhhh," Chakotay soothed her as he pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her. "You had a lot to contend with. It's all just hitting you now."

"It's not like I haven't been in a crisis situation before. I have to make decisions that affect people's lives all the time," she said.

"But it isn't often that it's so personal. Kathryn, I know you make life and death decisions daily about the crew. I know you care about them, but it's not the same as when you're involved with someone."

"I know. That's why I can't have this on the ship," she said, pushing away from him. "You keep telling me that I could have a relationship with Chakotay on *Voyager,* but you just saw how I fell apart! I can't afford that when there are over a hundred lives at stake!"

"And when did you 'fall apart' as you claim? *After* the fact. You remained strong until the crisis was over. No one expects you to be unaffected by events like this. In fact if you *hadn't* been, *then* I would have been worried about you."

Kathryn took a deep breath, feeling better than she had a few moments ago. The emotional release had been as necessary as sleep had been. "Let me take a look at your leg," she said changing the subject. Chakotay seemed to understand her need to leave the topic, complying by letting her examine him.

"It looks pretty good. How does it feel?"

"A little numb, actually."

"I suppose that's better than it was," she said, standing.

"Much better. Thank you, Kathryn. You saved my life." Returning to making coffee, she blushed at his words. *No more than you saved mine* she thought to herself. God it was going to be hard to give this up! Not that they didn't have their challenges--yesterday had proven that--but she was going to miss just *being.* Allowing 'Kathryn' a life as well as Captain Janeway. She'd stay a day or two, make sure he was going to recover, but then it would be time to return to the ship. Besides leaving him for a final time, she wasn't looking forward to the physical end of returning to *Voyager.* This would be her most difficult jump yet. Hopefully it wouldn't be the one that killed her.

Shaking off her morbid thoughts, Kathryn joined Chakotay with a mug of coffee, handing him one as well.

"I'm not sure this is what the Doctor would prescribe after a traumatic accident, but it's Dr. Janeway's cure-all."

"I think this will help tremendously, thank you." He tried a tentative sip as she sat cross-legged on the floor next to him. He was having a difficult time drinking and holding himself up at the same time, so she moved behind him, allowing Chakotay to lean against her.

"You make a nice back rest," he said, turning his head to look at her.

"Well, don't get too comfortable. Today's project is going to see if we can get you into bed."

"Kathryn, I think maybe we should wait a day or two, until you're stronger."

*He knows,* she thought. He knows that I have to leave soon and he's just delaying the inevitable.

"Chakotay," she said, sliding her arms around him, "you know I have to go back."

He was silent, suddenly very interested in his cup of coffee. Kathryn brushed his hair back behind his ear, placing a kiss on his temple. "It's amazing I was able to come back at all."

"I know," he whispered. "I just think about what's going to happen when you're gone. I've always done well, being by myself, but gods, Kathryn, I'm going to miss you. Again."

Kathryn pulled him tighter. How many times would he lose the woman he loved? "You know what's the hardest for me, is that I've seen what my life could be like if things were different. Remember that writer from the twentieth century? Dirkins or Dickens I think it was. Any way, he wrote a story about a man who was given a second chance at life. A chance to see how things would have been different if he'd chosen a alternate path. I feel like I've had that chance too. And it's changed me. I see that I can't keep myself so isolated from the crew. I need people. I need to connect with them and in my self-imposed isolation while we were in the void, I cut off my only means of support. I'm going to have to work on that."

"And what about Chakotay? Are you going to work on that as well?"

Kathryn stared at the afternoon sun streaming in the cabin's windows. "I haven't forgotten I told you I'd think about it," she said, "but I can't make any promises." Looking back down at him she added, "he's not you, you know, and I'm going to miss you terribly." Kathryn's voice caught as she confided in him.

"I stopped thinking of you being a manifestation of her a long time ago," Chakotay said, putting down his coffee cup, hugging the arms that surrounded him. "I love you Kathryn, but for the woman you *are* not the woman you were."

"Thank you," she breathed into his hair. Neither moved for the longest time, relishing just holding one another.

*********

Kathryn stayed nearly a week, making sure Chakotay was going to recover, but she knew the longer she delayed her departure, the more difficult it would be. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she stared at the hypo in her hand. One shot and she'd find herself back on *Voyager.*

Watching Chakotay sleep, she wanted nothing more than to crawl back under the cover, to wake up with him. But the moment to make her decision had come. The Doctor had warned her the chronoton particles would lose their effectiveness after 144 hours, and her time was nearly up. She was sorely tempted to let the mixture in the hypo expire, but what of her ship? Her crew? She owed them her return. As much as she loved Chakotay, she couldn't sacrifice them for her personal happiness. Hadn't that been her credo all along? That the ship and crew came first?

Kathryn stood, and leaned over Chakotay, kissing him good-bye. She hadn't told him when she'd planned to leave, feeling it was better this way. He would awake to find she'd disappeared. Clutching the coffee mug he'd made, she whispered her farewell.

"I have to go now, Chakotay. I love you." Pressing the hypospray to her arm, Kathryn felt the room tilt, as the white light overtook her.

********

Janeway sat at her desk in her ready-room, toying with a crude pottery coffee cup, eyes staring off into her office, focusing on nothing. *Voyager* had cleared the nebula days ago, terminating the need for the chronoton bubble. Although she spent the rest of the trip across the nebula recuperating in sickbay, Janeway kept tabs on the effectiveness of B'Elanna and Seven's shielding. The two women had done an outstanding job, and she noted so in each of their files.

The Doctor insisted she remain on restricted duty for at least a week upon her release from sickbay and it was driving her crazy. Physically, she felt fine, but he deemed it necessary for her to "take it easy." If she took it any more easy, she'd be asleep. Janeway suspected it was her mental state the Doctor was more concerned with at the moment. Didn't he realize that getting back to work was the cure she needed? All this extra time only intensified her feelings of loneliness, providing her with too much time to reflect on New Earth.

"Captain?" Chakotay asked, noticing she had drifted from their conversation.

Shaking her head slightly to clear it, Janeway apologized. "I'm sorry, Commander. You were saying?"

"I was saying these fuel consumption reports could wait for another time if you're not up to it."

"What I'm not up to is you and the Doctor treating me with kid gloves! Neither one of you will let me do my job!"

"Forgive me, Captain, but you have been a bit distracted lately," Chakotay said.

"That's because I haven't had anything to occupy my time!" she snapped at him. "I'm sorry, Chakotay. That was uncalled for," she said, still fingering the empty mug before her.

"That's new, isn't it?" Chakotay said, noticing the cup she played with.

"In a manner of speaking. Chakotay made it. He said he wanted to try his hand at pottery."

"It feels strange to hear you speak of him using my name. But he was me, I guess. Gods," he said, running a hand through his short hair, "if this is confusing me, I can't imagine what it's doing to you!"

Janeway gave him a small smile. The first genuine one she'd had since returning to the ship.

"May I?" he asked, indicating the cup. Janeway handed it to him and he examined the workmanship. "I'm not very good, am I?"

"Maybe you'd have better luck," she said, "after all, your sisters are noted for their pottery."

Chakotay looked at her in disbelief. "I never told you that."

"He did."

Chakotay shook his head. "I can't believe the parallels between our lives. That they would have been the same up to the point of our rescue."

"It does seem rather incredible, doesn't it? But who knows how the currents of time work. I know *I* sure don't want to think about it. Okay, Commander. Let's finish up these reports. I've wasted enough time today."

Chakotay smiled at her unintentional pun. "Well, the fuel consumption reports are all pretty standard, so I would say there's no reason to re-hash what we've discussed last month. So, the only other thing is Tom's request to direct a play. He says he wants to do it without benefit of the holodeck. He says more people can get involved that way."

"Are you sure this is Tom's idea? Getting people involved usually falls under Neelix's jurisdiction."

"According to my information," Chakotay said, glancing down at his padd, "this request it from Paris. Apparently he wants to start getting things organized for a performance near Prixin and Terran holidays."

"What does he want to put on?" Janeway asked, surprised to find he'd managed to pique her interest.

"It's a 'ninteenth century classic,' or so he claims."

"Not something from the twentieth century?" she laughed. "What's the name of this 'classic?'"

"'A Christmas Carol,'" Chakotay said, rubbing his chin. "Say, isn't that the one where some old man is visited by ghosts to show him the error of his ways?"

Janeway swallowed. "Yes," she said then clearing her throat she added. "Tell Tom to go ahead. If you'll excuse me, Commander, there's something I need to see too."

Janeway practically bolted out of her office, leaving a surprised Chakotay in her wake. She didn't know where she was heading. All she knew was she had to get away from him and the way he reminded her even more of the other Chakotay.

*"Promise me, Kathryn. When you go back you'll let him into your life. I can't stand the thought of you being alone."* His words echoed in her mind. He couldn't stand the thought that she'd be alone as he was now. She had a ship full of people she could talk to. He had no one. And she had promised him to think about it. But hadn't she been? Hadn't she been obsessing on both of them? The one in the other universe she couldn't have and the one on her ship she claimed was equally inaccessible. But that wasn't entirely true. She was the one who'd declared him off limits, not the other way around. All it would take would be a single sentence. That is if he'd still give her a chance. Janeway wandered the ship for nearly an hour, trying to decide what to do.

*Take a chance, Kathryn,* she heard her inner voice speak. Her hand was shaking as she raised it to her comm badge.

"Computer, what is Commander Chakotay's location?"

"Commander Chakotay is in his quarters."

Janeway headed for the nearest turbolift. She had to do this now, before she lost her nerve. It was only a matter of minutes before she stood outside his door, nervous as a teenager. Her hand hesitated over the call button.

"You have to push it to get it to work," she heard Chakotay's voice behind her, causing her to jump.

"What are you doing out here? I just asked the computer where you were and it said you were in your quarters."

"I was, about a minute ago. I dropped a data chip somewhere and I was retracing my steps. Found it," he said, proudly holding up the chip. Janeway was even more nervous now that he'd blown her entrance.

"So, what did you need to see me about? You didn't leave the meeting that long ago."

Janeway ignored his veiled comment that she'd been the one to end the meeting since she'd been the one to practically run from the room.

"Chakotay," she said, straightening up, gazing into his eyes. "I've been thinking a lot about New Earth. I think it's time we talked."

The End.

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