NODA
Kathryn sat on the porch of the cabin gazing out at the placid waters of Lake George. It was summer now, as it would be on Earth. She never confused this simulation with the real thing since, to be honest, writing holo-programs had never been her strong suit. Not that she didn't have an eye for detail. As a scientist she usually noticed things that others often missed. It was more that she was impatient. More interested in the final result than the journey getting there. Looking around at the re-creation, she noticed how the trees weren't exactly right. How the line of the shore deviated from what she remembered. Even the cabin had flaws, making the scene seem a little off-kilter.
Kathryn smiled slightly at her observations. She wouldn't take the time to fine-tune the program and yet she would sit here and obsess about what was wrong with it; the imperfect perfectionist. The juxtaposition carried over into other aspects of her life as well. She sat there with Starfleet on the one hand and Chakotay on the other trying to decide where to place her loyalties. Both had betrayed her on occasion. Starfleet with its hidden agenda and Chakotay with his defection. How she wished this were a cut-and-dry issue, but it wasn't. There were extenuating circumstances on both sides and it was up to her to decide what she was going to do about the possibility of forgiving Chakotay.
Her resolve against him had weakened considerably. It wasn't only her sexual attraction to him, it was professional as well. Chakotay still exhibited qualities that she found admirable in a person: taking a bad situation and seeing the possible good. Setting his personal beliefs aside to do what needed to be done. Loyalty. Again there was the duality. He'd set himself apart from his People when they'd worked at Headquarters, as he was separating his beliefs about the Maquis to help Starfleet now. And loyal. He'd been loyal to Starfleet when they held up their end, just as he'd been loyal to the Maquis before they misplaced his trust. It was a position she didn't envy him. Through it all there'd been one constant: his love for her. Kathryn could now see that that was a constant they both could believe in. She no longer questioned his claims that he'd tried to contact her. If he were merely trying to gain her sympathies, he would have lied when he told her he'd make the same choice to join the Maquis again.
Kathryn wondered about that now in light of the new evidence that'd swayed him back over to Starfleet's side. Would he still claim he'd done the right thing, knowing it would eventually lead to this place? She suspected he would, for that was the type of person Chakotay was. He maybe wouldn't win the war, but he'd succeed in holding off the Cardassians for a short time and even that brief reprieve for Dorvan was worth the sacrifices he'd made.
At his core, Chakotay was still an honorable man. He'd made some bad decisions in her eyes, but who was she to judge? Hadn't she made some bad decisions as well? To blindly follow Starfleet when she knew in her heart she should have helped colonists that cried out for her assistance? The waters around this issue had become impossibly muddy; there was no hope that there was a right or a wrong side anymore. They just had to make the best choices they could at the time and hope they'd made the right call in the end.
So where did that leave her with Chakotay? Mark had been right when he said he emanated his love for her. When she was in his presence his love felt warm and comfortable, like a blanket wrapped around her. Could she honestly say that she was ready to live the rest of her life with out that warmth? That support? Kathryn still had her same arguments against him, but they were starting to pale. When had he managed to snake his way into her heart again, to melt her icy reserve? Was it the last time she'd seen him in her Ready Room, or the first time she spotted him in *Voyager's* Brig? It didn't seem to matter, because she'd convinced herself it would be acceptable to give him another chance. Mark's conversation and arguments had helped, but Kathryn suspected she was headed down this path even before Mark gave her permission to go with her heart.
Standing, Kathryn walked the length of the porch, rubbing her arms in a nervous gesture. Now that she'd come to an actual resolve, she found herself wondering what she was to do about it. Show up at his quarters and essentially say "take me, I'm yours?" She smiled at the absurdity of it, but it provided her with a humorous mental image for a moment.
Just then she heard someone coming up the path and she was struck by an incredible sense of deja vu as well as irony. Chakotay'd found her in almost the exact same position months ago, when she had once again, come from a conversation with Mark.
What if it wasn't him? It might be Cavit, or even Tuvok come to express his concern at Chakotay's possible access to sensitive area's of the ship. There was only one way to find out who it was. Peeking around the edge of the building she saw Chakotay coming up the path, sheepish grin on his face. She'd caught him again, just as she had those months ago.
"We've got to stop meeting like this," Kathryn said, leaning up against the square support post of the porch. "Don't tell me Phoebe sent you."
Chakotay climbed the stairs to join her, but stopped on one of the steps just below her, their eyes even. He searched her eyes for some hint of her reaction to his appearance. Kathryn's expression was neutral and he couldn't tell if she were upset with his intrusion or not.
"I was heading to Holodeck 1 and I noticed this program running. I knew it had to be you, although I was surprised to find it unlocked.
"Why's that? I didn't think I'd have a lot problems with pedestrians at this time of the night. What are you doing up, by the way?"
"I couldn't sleep. It seems there's been a lot of changes in my life lately. What about you? Isn't it kind of late for you as well?"
"'It seems there's been a lot of changes in my life lately,'" she quoted. Kathryn moved back to her chair and took a seat. She'd designed only one chair into the program, so had no seat to offer him. Instead he followed her up onto the verandah and leaned against the railing.
"I've just come from talking to Mark; he gave me a lot to think about."
Chakotay wondered briefly if she hadn't immersed herself in her Lake George fantasy so deeply that she thought she'd just spoken to Mark.
"Oh?" he asked, not quite sure how to proceed.
"You probably think I'm hallucinating," Kathryn said with a smile, as if reading his thoughts. "I contacted him via sub-space," she clarified.
"You broke a regulation?" Chakotay asked incredulously. "Those channels are for official business or emergencies only," he needlessly stated.
A blush crept over Kathryn's features. "I know. But at the time it felt like an emergency. I really needed to talk to someone."
"You could have talked to me," he said shyly.
"It would have been a little hard to talk to you *about* you."
Realization dawned on Chakotay: Mark had been contacted for his advice on Kathryn's feelings toward himself. Mark had probably thanked God, that Kathryn had appealed to him. It no doubt gave him the perfect opportunity to reassert his claim to her. He could just imagine the man telling Kathryn how Chakotay was wrong for her, as he had probably warned all those months ago. Mark had no doubt gone on tell Kathryn that he forgave her temporary infidelity and would take her back on any terms. And Kathryn was probably here to decide whether or not to accept his option.
Chakotay stood away from the railing and started to leave. "I'll leave your thoughts then," he said quietly.
Kathryn saw the pain reflected on his face and realized he'd misinterpreted her words. Stopping him by placing her hand on his arm, she turned him to face her.
"Chakotay, Mark was rather supportive of you, actually. For some strange reason, he thinks you're the man for me."
"He does? He actually said that?" Chakotay couldn't believe what she was telling him. Mark Johnson, her ex-fianc� was advocating she take him back?
Kathryn smiled at his apparent disbelief, standing to face him. "He seems to think I'm a little 'ridgid' in my adherence to Starfleet and that I should give you another chance."
"He really said that?" Chakotay asked again.
"Not in so many words, but that was the gist of it. I think what really convinced me that you'd only been working in you People's best interests was when Mark asked me what I would do if the situation were reversed. What would I do if it were *my* mother and sister that were being threatened. Or my crew for that matter. I had to admit I would have probably made similar choices."
"What is it that you're saying, Kathryn?" Chakotay asked, trying not to let himself get his hopes up.
"I'm saying that I may have been a little too. . .harsh in my judgment of you and I'm sorry I haven't been a little more understanding of your situation."
Chakotay was still rooted to the spot not wanting to move for fear of shattering the bridge that was beginning to form between them. Kathryn stepped closer and wrapped her arms around him.
"I'm tired of missing you, Chakotay. Can we give this another try?"
Chakotay fell into her embrace and pulled her so close Kathryn was having a hard time catching her breath. She didn't even realize he'd been crying until her shoulder began to feel damp.
Kathryn pulled back and held his head in her hands, using her thumbs to wipe the tears away. Her own eyes were threatening to spill as well, as she leaned in and gently kissed him. Chakotay pulled her close once more, deepening their kiss. Kathryn was beginning to feel lightheaded and a bit overwhelmed. This time she was more insistent as she pulled back from him, hands on his chest. Their foreheads continued to touch as she said,
"Let's take this one step at a time. I do love you, Chakotay, but I need to keep my perspective right now. This mission *has* to take precedence. You understand, don't you?"
"Of course I do," he said, unwilling to let her out of his arms. "I never thought I'd hear you say you love me again, 'Ryn," he sighed. Kathryn smiled, this time relishing his use of her nickname. Giving him one more light kiss she pulled back further, but kept his hand clasped in hers. She started to lead him towards the exit when he said,
"You know, I don't mean to be critical, but there seems to be something a little 'off' about this program."
Kathryn's smile turned slightly embarrassed. "I'm not very good at writing holo-programs," she confessed. "Maybe you could help me straighten things out?"
"I'd love to," he said. "It seems a little too quiet, don't you think? Didn't you program any loons into this simulation?" he smiled.
"That's what I forgot!" she cried. "I knew there was *something* but I couldn't put my finger on it. Well, when we put the loons in, let's not forget to add an extra chair to the porch as well."
Chakotay pulled her into his arms once more and she allowed him to do it, so long as things didn't start to get out of hand. She felt his hand trace her collarbone as his lips gently caressed hers. Almost abruptly he pulled back, realizing something was missing.
"You're not wearing your necklace," he said; his tone sounding hurt.
"I left it on Earth," she said, hoping this wasn't going to be the start of another argument.
"Kathryn, did you really think you could get me out of your heart so easily?"
She shrugged and said, "I thought it was worth a try."
********
Janeway sat on the Bridge going over the ships systems with Cavit. So far, everything checked out; all systems were back within specified limits, except for warp drive and B'Elanna promised it by the end of her shift. Janeway planned to give *Voyager's* repaired engines a test by heading straight to the Badlands. Nechayev had supplied her with Kurt's latest reconnaissance as well; it was hoped that between Chakotay, Cardassian and Starfleet intelligence, they would quickly apprehend Seska. Any additional Maquis would be considered a bonus.
Chakotay wasn't allowed on the Bridge except when asked by either the Captain or the First Officer. He'd tried to find some diversion as he waited, but most activities only emphasized he was waiting to be called. He wished he could be doing something useful. He'd heard Kathryn mention that B'Elanna hoped to have their warp engines back on-line by the end of her shift and he wished he had security clearance to give the Engineer a hand. He'd like to be doing something helpful as well as a chance to talk to his "cell mate" again. Chakotay knew between Cavit and Tuvok he wouldn't get within a deck of Engineering. They'd given him a communicator, but Chakotay suspected it was a way to keep tabs on him rather than facilitate communication.
Perhaps if he tried to meditate. Placing the objects of his medicine bundle before him, he picked up the *Akoonah*. "*Akoocheemoya*," he began. "I am far from the bones of my People." Suddenly he stopped and opened his eyes. He was apprehensive. He hadn't tried to contact the Sprits since he'd agreed to help Starfleet. What would his father say to him, knowing he'd rejected his People once more? Chakotay couldn't bear the thought of his father's disapproval. He'd felt a few tentative words in his mind that he assumed had been planted by his father. Probably at Lakita's insistence, Chakotay thought ruefully. Kolopak still had the power to manipulate him, even in death. Perhaps even more so now; who could argue with a Spirit?
Chakotay knew part of his problem in contacting the Ancestors was because he'd yet to have a successful vision quest to help him find his animal guide. When all this was over, he'd have to take time to do that. Maybe he and Kathryn could go away together. Perhaps to Lake George, since the place was beginning to have as much meaning for him as it was to her.
Thoughts of Lake George conjured up memories of Kathryn's holo-program. Since he was still waiting for word from the Bridge, he decided to suprise her with a redefined version of her get-away. Replacing his articles in the hide bundle, Chakotay removed the stone he'd taken from the real Lake George, hoping it would help inspire him. Heading towards the Holodecks, Chakotay felt an almost imperceptible sensation of increased speed from the ship, causing a grin to spread across his face. B'Elanna had kept her promise and gotten *Voyager's* engines back on-line.
*********
*God, it's good to have warp drive back!* Kathryn thought as *Voyager* cruised at top speed towards the Badlands. She hadn't been able to keep the smile from her face at the renewed capabilities of her ship and the competent staff she had under her command. Although it wasn't necessary, she'd made a ship-wide announcement thanking them all for their recent efforts. She wanted them to know how much their labors were appreciated.
"Mr. Paris, what's our ETA to the Badlands?"
"At present course and speed, approximately 14:00 hours, Captain."
Two hours, Janeway thought. She needed to talk to Nechayev again as well as Chakotay and Cavit. Calling her First Officer into her Ready Room, she assigned the Bridge to Tuvok.
"Commander, I'd like you to have Chakotay join us for this meeting with Admiral Nechayev." Janeway addressed him, taking her seat at her desk. Cavit's scowl caused her to question him.
"Do you have a problem with this, Mr. Cavit?"
"Only that I've never agreed with this in the first place," he stated, not ready to take the seat across from her. "Frankly I thought you'd be more opposed to this arrangement. You seemed to be the other day."
"Chakotay and I have resolved some of our past differences," she stated, wondering why she felt the need to defend her choices to a subordinate. Perhaps she still felt a little disloyal for her decision to let Chakotay back into her life.
"I see," was all Cavit said. Slapping his communicator, he addressed Chakotay.
"Chakotay, here," he spoke into the air.
"Please come to the Captain's Ready Room," he heard Cavit announce.
"On my way, Chakotay out." He stood, brushing off his pants. *Sure* he thought. *Just because I found something to do!*
*********
Admiral Nechayev had given them the latest maps and charts supplied by the Cardassians plus an interesting piece of news: the Maquis ships seemed to have disappeared. The Cardassians were claiming they'd chased them into a plasma storm where they said they'd been destroyed. Nechayev and Starfleet didn't buy it. The probes would have detected some debris, or other evidence, such as a resonance trace from the warp cores. The Admiral informed them the status of their mission remained unchanged, regardless of what the Cardassians believed. Until Starfleet had some hard evidence, they weren't giving up.
Chakotay was poring over the new charts Nechayev provided them with. "The Maquis base is here," he said, pointing to a small class M planet. "In the Terikof Belt."
"That's beyond the Moriya System," Cavit observed.
"That's where they would be headed, if they weren't destroyed by a plasma storm," Chakotay said, staring at Janeway, effectively ignoring Cavit.
The Commander didn't miss the look that passed between his Captain and the Maquis. Things had definitely changed since their meeting the day before and Cavit didn't like it. It wasn't jealousy, he reasoned. He had no romantic intentions towards Janeway, but he didn't like the fact that the man could get her to accept him so easily. Trying to draw Chakotay's attention away from the Captain, he stated,
"The plasma storms have been measured at levels three and four. Even with the Cardassian charts, it's going to be difficult to maneuver through them.
"Agreed," Chakotay said. "Tom's going to have to be on top of his game to keep us out of harm's way.
Just then Janeway heard Tuvok's voice over the comm system. "Captain, we are at the edge of the Badlands."
"Acknowledged," she responded. "Gentlemen?" she said ushering them towards her door. "Shall we join the others on the Bridge?"
Once seated in her chair, Janeway gave the order to follow the last known flight pattern of the Maquis ships. She could feel Chakotay's presence behind her, standing near Harry at Ops. It was comforting to feel him there, although she knew Cavit wouldn't agree. She could feel the animosity radiating from him as he conferred with Chakotay in her office. With any luck they'd finish this mission soon and Chakotay and Cavit would be out of each other's hair.
She hadn't thought about what would happen once this mission was complete. She was no doubt bound for an extended assignment. And Chakotay? He wouldn't be in prison, but they wouldn't be together either. Kathryn knew she'd offer him the use of her house, request he take care of Molly and the puppies, but what would he *do?* He'd been in Starfleet all his adult life and knew no other. Not that his considerable talents couldn't be of use in civilian life, but he *hated* being planet side for long periods. Maybe a commercial pilot, or working on a freighter. It was probably the best he could hope for.
Kathryn chanced a glance back at Chakotay. He was conversing quietly with Harry, unaware of the disapproving looks Tuvok was giving him for distracting the Ensign from his duty. For both Chakotay's and her own sake, she almost hoped the mission *would* take longer than expected. She didn't want to lose him, now that she'd just found him again.
"Captain, I'm reading a coherent Tetryon beam scanning us," Harry's worried voice interrupted her thoughts.
"Origin, Mr. Kim?"
"I'm not sure. There's also a displacement wave heading towards us." Nervousness was creeping into his voice.
Janeway was on her feet. "On screen," she called out. "Analysis."
"Some kind of polarized magnetic variation," Harry said.
"We might be able to disperse it with a graviton particle field," Cavit suggested.
"Do it," Janeway barked. "Red Alert. Move us away from it Lieutenant."
"New heading forty-one Mark one-eight-zero," Tom called out, making the course change.
"Tom, give the Commander a hand with the graviton field," Janeway ordered, nodding to an Ensign to take Tom's place.
Cavit had moved to the Tactical station, where Tom joined him. Their combined effort at the console accomplishing their goal.
"Initializing graviton field." Cavit announced. The aft viewscreen showed a shimmering, wide-spread blue beam heading towards the wave.
"The graviton field had no effect," Kim announced.
"Full impulse!" Janeway ordered, her hands starting to clench.
"The wave will intercept us in twelve seconds," Harry stated, eyes wide. He was so engrossed in his task he didn't feel Chakotay's comforting hand on his shoulder.
"Can we go to warp?" Janeway addressed Tom's replacement.
"Not until we've cleared the plasma field, Captain."
Harry's voice raised in pitch as he cried out, "Five seconds!"
In her periphery Janeway noticed Cavit move to retake his position in the chair next to hers. She took her eyes from the viewscreen for a moment and glanced around the Bridge. All the occupants were focused on their duties, except for Chakotay. In the time span of a second they stared at each other for an eternity. He gave her a reassuring smile, imparting his strength to her, allowing her attention to return to the viewscreen.
"All hands!" Janeway called out, "Brace for impact!"
*********
The End