RATING: NC-17
SUMMARY: Janeway and Chakotay engage in some after-hours, extra circular activities.
DISCLAIMER: I don’t own the characters, THEY, meaning Paramount does, and I just manipulated them for a time. No money is being made off this (as if!), so let me have my fun. This story may be reproduced and/or archived, but for any use, other than personal, please let me know where it’ll eventually end up. Also, please keep the header/disclaimer/author/ E-mail bit in tact when reproducing this.
WARNING!: This story contains material unsuitable for those with tender sensibilities (if you have them, you know who you are, and if you don’t know what this means, then you’re *definitely* too young to be reading this).
NOTE: This story is entirely the fault of Meredith Brooks’ song, “What Would Happen,” and some pre-Valentine’s Day melancholy (always a brides maid, never a bride!). I usually see Janeway and Chakotay as being closer to their television versions, but these images of them would NOT leave my mind until I hashed them out, but I suspect they’re still in there somewhere just waiting for the next catalyst.
Copyright 1998 by NODA E-mail: [email protected]
“. . .What would happen if we kissed?
Would your tongue slip passed my lips?
Would you run away? Would you stay?
Or would I melt into you?
Mouth to mouth, lust to lust,
Spontaneously combust. . .”
Meredith Brooks
It was late. Alpha Shift was long over and most of the Beta Shift as well, as Kathryn Janeway sat at her desk mulling over reports. God, there never seemed to be an end to them! She stared at the latest one, and couldn’t make head nor tails of it. The style was completely erratic and confusing, and she had no more idea when she finished it, what it was about than when she started. She hated to succumb to stereotypes, but there was no question in her mind that the report had been written by one of the former Maquis. Even a first year Cadet could have been more concise. She was getting irritated. She was hungry, tired and bored, and there were still more PADD’s she had to go over before the next day’s briefing. Standing and stretching her cramped muscles, she tapped her comm badge with the sharp motion of her frustration.
“Janeway to Chakotay.” It took a moment, but then the sleepy voice of her Commander came over the communicator.
“Chakotay here. Captain?” He thought it was Kathryn he had heard, but he couldn’t be sure it was actually her, as he had the sound of her husky voice still ringing in his ears from the dream he had been having.
“Oh, Chakotay,” she said, her tone apologetic, “I didn’t realize how late it had gotten. I’m sorry I woke you.”
“It’s okay,” he said, straightening up on the sofa in his quarters. “I just dozed off while reading. It’s probably a good thing you woke me up, my back would have been killing me in the morning. Where are you?”
“In my Ready Room, why?”
“You’re *still* working? You told me five hours ago you were going to knock off and get something to eat,” he admonished her, ignoring her question.
“I didn’t call you for a lecture,” she returned.
“Why did you call?”
“It’s this report,” she said, “I think it has to do with energy consumption, but I’m having a hard time deciphering it. I think it might be from one of your people, Moses.”
He smiled at her last comment. He had made some quip once, a long time ago, about feeling like he had to constantly fight her for every concession she gave the Maquis, and she had jokingly referred to him as “Moses,” the deliver of his people, after that. She rarely called him that anymore, as *their* crew had become so much more integrated. She must be tired to blame the inefficiency of the report on the Maquis as a whole.
“I know it’s late, and you’re off duty. . .”
“Which is where you should be,” he interrupted
“But I was hoping you could give me a hand with this. I really would like to be up-to-speed for the briefing tomorrow,” she continued, as if he hadn’t cut her off mid-sentence.
He could tell from the sound of her voice she was rubbing her eyes and face trying to relieve her fatigue. There was no question as to whether or not he would help her. She should realize there was no request of hers he would ignore if it were humanly possible for him to fulfill it.
“Give me a minute, okay?”
“Of course. Chakotay?”
“Hmmm?”
“Thank you.”
He smiled again, and it reached his voice, “No problem. See you in a bit. Chakotay out.”
Kathryn took her place at her desk again, and picked up a new report, but she found she couldn’t concentrate on the information. Her mind kept drifting to Chakotay and the thought of how he must have looked when she had woken him. Stretched out on the sofa, PADD in hand, snoring lightly. His face would have lost the furrow of concentration he sometimes wore, his mouth slightly open in his relaxed state. She found herself thinking about kissing that mouth, to rouse him from his slumber with a passionate, soul-searing kiss. . . . She mentally shook herself and tried again to concentrate on her work.
*It must be a full moon,* she mussed to herself, knowing with certainty that there were no planets with moons, full or otherwise, anywhere near *Voyager.*
On her third attempt to resume her duties, she heard the chime of her door.
“Come in,” she called out. The sight of Chakotay in a pair of baggy pants and a loose shirt, striding confidently into the room caused her to blush, remembering where her thoughts had been, only moments before.
“Hi,” he said casually. “Those the reports you have to finish?” He asked, indicating the stack of PADD’s on her desk.
“I’m afraid so. I think I need a whole pot of coffee to get through these, even with your help. Thanks again for letting me interrupt you.”
“I told you, it’s no bother,” he said, taking a seat in the chair opposite her, the desk between them. “Are you feeling all right? Your face is flushed.”
“Is it?” She asked, placing her palms on her flaming cheeks. “It’s just a little warm in here, I guess.” Standing and heading for the replicator, she offered him something to drink.
“I’ll have some tea,” he said, “I don’t need any caffeine right now, and neither do you until you’ve eaten something. I don’t need you in Sickbay for a week while the Doc gives you a stomach transplant.”
Kathryn looked over at him to see if he were just teasing her, as he often did about her coffee habit, but he was totally serious.
“In fact, I won’t look at one byte of data until you’ve sat down and had something substantial.”
“Blackmail isn’t an option,” she teased, but there was a note of seriousness in her voice.
Chakotay stood and joined her at the replicator. “Computer, chicken salad sandwich on whole wheat, with some carrot and celery sticks and an apple.” When the food materialized he carried her tray to the low table before her sofa and pointed to her to sit. She stood stubbornly, arms crossed in defiance.
“Eat, or I leave,” he threatened.
“Well, since you put it that way,” she said, crossing the floor to take a seat next to him on the couch. “Who would have ever thought the fierce Captain of the Maquis would turn out to be such a mother hen,” she groused as she picked up her sandwich and took a bite. “You replicate a mean ‘school lunch,’ Chakotay.” Her snide comment reminded him, and he returned to the replicator and ordered a glass of milk.
“Drink it all, and I’ll let you ‘graduate’ to some coffee.” He rejoined her and stole one of her carrot sticks. Kathryn’s mouth went dry as she watched him take the carrot between his strong, white teeth, and she tried not to imagine what it would feel like to have those teeth nipping at parts of her body. Reaching for her milk to relieve her throat of the lump of sandwich that was stuck there, she almost knocked it over with her trembling hand.
“See? What did I tell you? Look at how your hand is shaking, and you want *more* caffeine?”
*If you only knew,* she thought, replacing her glass on the tray. She had a milk mustache from her drink, and without thinking, Chakotay reached over to remove the white droplets from her upper lip, almost, but not quite tracing the fullness of her lip. It was like an electric shock to both of them. It would be so easy to draw his thumb into her mouth, all it would take was for her to open a little wider. . .
She backed up slightly, embarrassed now, and said,
“Thanks, I think that’s got it.” Chakotay nodded, but continued to stare at her mouth, wishing he had used his tongue to remove the liquid from her lip. Kathryn felt him staring at her and began to grow uncomfortable. This wasn’t what she had in mind when she called him up her to help her out! However, she could hardly blame him when her own thoughts were taking similar directions. She had to put this back on a professional level fast, for both their sakes.
“We really should get started on those reports,” she said. “If I promise to finish all this while we work will that satisfy you?”
*Satisfy me?* He thought. *Lady, you finishing that sandwich isn’t about to do it.*
“Okay,” he said aloud, “but I’m serious about the coffee.”
“Deal,” she said carrying her meal over to her desk. Once settled in her chair she picked up the offending report as Chakotay stood behind her, looking over her shoulder at the display of the PADD.
“See what I mean?” She asked him, after he had a chance to peruse the data.
“You’re right, it is pretty confusing,” he agreed. “I guess I’m going to have to have a chat with Michaels about how to write a proper report. Look here,” he said, pointing to a line of information on the screen. I think this was the energy level at the beginning of the month. At least that’s a starting point.” Chakotay had one arm braced on her desk, and reached around her with the other to point out the data, practically encircling her with his arms. His head brushed the top of hers as he leaned forward to show her which line he meant. Her hair smelled glorious. He couldn’t quite name the scent, but he was beginning to drown in it. It was all he could do not to bring his arms around her and hold her in his embrace, even if she was still seated in her chair.
“And this must be the level mid-month,” she said, pointing to another line. She could feel his breath on her cheek, tickling her ear as he spoke. His proximity continued to unnerve her, but she did her best to maintain her composure. “And this would be. . . .”
“The end of the month,” he finished for her. He spoke softly, his mouth next to her ear, the breath a gentle caress. She turned her head slightly and saw the look in his eyes, and knew it was mirrored in her own. She let her gaze drop, and they came to rest on his sensual lips, and she knew she was about to find out for real what that mouth would feel like on her own. She wasn’t sure who actually closed the distance between them, for all she could remember was wanting him to kiss her and the next moment he was. It started out gentle, tentative, their lips merely pressed together, but when Kathryn opened her mouth to him, and urged him with her tongue to do the same, the dam of control Chakotay tried to keep in place cracked and fell away. Arms wound around each other as they pressed their mouths even closer together. Breaking apart only to catch their ragged breathes, both were rapidly burning out of control. As Chakotay’s tongue dipped into her waiting mouth once more, their tongues battled for supremacy. He pushed the computer terminal to the side of her desk and sent Kathryn’s unfinished dinner to floor with a crash, wondering only for the briefest of moments if the sound had been carried to the Bridge. When there was no signal at the door to investigate, the thought of the crew beyond the walls left his mind. Laying her on the cleared surface of her desk, Chakotay began to tug at the closure of her uniform, his mouth still refusing to leave hers.
Kathryn was dizzy. She couldn’t think. God, she couldn’t be thinking if she was allowing this to continue! Her Ready Room for Christ’s sake! How would she ever sit at this desk again and accomplish any work? For a moment, she had almost cleared her head, when he moved her terminal and sent her meal flying, but then his mouth was on hers again. That wonderful, erotic mouth. The one that could flash that smile at her and she’d go weak in the knees, even on the Bridge. He was beginning to undress her. She should stop him, tell him this couldn’t be, that there was a Command structure and protocols to be obeyed, but every fibre of her body fought with her conscience, and her body was beginning to win the argument. The throbbing and the wetness between her legs was demanding to be heard, as the pleas from her mind became pleas to him instead.
“Chakotay. . . .” she moaned
At first he thought the utterance of his name was going to be the prelude to her telling him to stop, before they went too far. He didn’t know if he could stop. He never wanted anything so much as he wanted her at this moment. And it wasn’t just because he hadn’t slept with a woman since Riley. It was Kathryn he wanted. Her spirit, her body, her soul, all of her, all the things that he loved about her. All the things that he vowed he would wait for. He couldn’t believe the moment had actually arrived. He was working rapidly to divest her of her uniform and she was doing the same to him. His shirt came off a good deal quicker than the uniform was. Damn those one-piece jumpsuits, anyway! Pulling off her boots, he didn’t bother removing her socks, as long as they weren’t a hindrance, he left them in place.
Kathryn’s hands were sliding up his bare arms and over his chest as she pulled his head down to hers again and once more assailed his mouth. He continued to push the uniform from her body, and she sat up slightly on her desk, helping to remove the arms, but unwilling to let his mouth leave hers. Helping him pull the red and black material down passed her hips, she kicked it away when it reached her ankles. His hands caressed her breasts through the thin material of her turtleneck and he was rewarded with another moan. Unwilling to wait to feel his tongue on her breasts, she removed her upper garment herself.
She didn’t have to wait long before he obliged her. His devoured first one breast, and then the other, sending a rush of warmth and wetness to the juncture of her legs that was already on fire. He pulled her panties off in one sweeping motion, leaving her naked, except for her socks.
“No fair,” she said, working on the drawstring that held his pants around his hips. She couldn’t seem to get the knot, so Chakotay helped her, kissing her again as he slid the pants and his underwear off in one motion.
Kathryn had seen Chakotay shirtless when they had lived on New Earth, and the memory of it had kept her warm on many a cold night, but it was nothing compared to the beauty she saw before her now. The harsh light of the Ready Room caused him to seem paler than he usually appeared, which meant she must look like a ghost in comparison to him. The sight of his arousal sent another current of electricity through her and she could wait no longer to feel him inside her. Wrapping her legs around his waist, she drew him closer, opening herself to him.
Chakotay had always assumed Kathryn had a beautiful body, even though her uniform did nothing to promote that fact. He had the memories of catching her wrapped in a towel, fresh from her bath, but even that had done little to enlighten him as to her true beauty.
“Gods Kathryn,” he spoke for the first time since they attacked each other, “you’re so beautiful!” He made her feel beautiful. Even before tonight. Every time he looked at her she had felt cherished, beautiful, loved. “I want you so much!” he moaned into her hair as he drew her closer.
“I’m yours,” she whispered back. That was all it took to destroy the last of his will power as he entered her and claimed her for his own.
Kathryn gripped the edge of the desk as Chakotay thrust himself deep inside her, building the most incredible tension she ever hoped to experience. “Oh God!” she cried out, not caring if the moan resonated throughout the entire ship.
Spurred on by her declaration, Chakotay moved even faster until he felt her spasms grasp him and she called out his name over and over as his own release came. He pulled her close as he practically collapsed on top of her, the sheen of perspiration between them making their skin feel slick.
“Kathryn,” he said, his breath still ragged from his exertions, “thank you.”
He spoke her name with such reverence, she wanted to cry. Sliding her arms around his back to hold him as closely as he held her, she kissed his neck, his throat, and finally she moved back to his lips. It was a gentle, answering kiss to his spoken thanks. She didn’t know what to say to him, especially now that the heat of her passion was dissipating and her conscience was beginning to reassert itself full force. As the comprehension of what she had just done hit her squarely, she tried to sit up, pulling away from him. Chakotay tried to hold onto her, but she was insistent.
“Kathryn?” He asked, hoping against hope she wasn’t going to destroy what had just happened to them by declaring it a mistake. The look on her face spoke volumes, and he knew instantly that the Captain had re-entered her Ready Room.
He released her from his arms and stood up, allowing her to scramble off the desk in search of her scattered clothing. Pulling on her turtleneck and sliding her panties back up her legs, she handed him his underwear as well.
“We have to talk about this,” she stated, beginning to pace in front of the desk she had just vacated. Chakotay replaced his underwear, taking a seat on the sofa to watch her pace. The fingers from one hand were paused before her mouth, chewing on her thumb, and concentrating on what she wanted to say, while the other hand rested on her hip. Kathryn knew the next words out of her mouth might well be some of the most significant that she’d ever speak to him, so she thought carefully about how she wanted to phrase her thoughts.
She didn’t want to hurt him, it was the last thing she wanted to do, to add insult to injury after the way she abruptly pulled away from him. And she couldn’t say it was his fault, they both had over stepped the boundaries they had unconsciously set. Hers due to protocol and his out of deference to her wishes. Even now she couldn’t say she hadn’t wanted it to happen. There were moments she could have stopped him, had she truly wanted to, but she knew in her heart she hadn’t wanted to. She wanted him as much as he wanted her, and that knowledge terrified her.
Chakotay watched the war she was having with herself. Well, that was a consolation at least, he thought. The fact she hadn’t blurted out this was all his fault because of his lack of control, gave him a slight amount of hope. He should have realized this was going to be her reaction, that even though their need was mutual, she would deny herself in the name of duty, and she would make sure something like this didn’t happen again.
Kathryn still hadn’t spoken, continuing to hesitate before him. Once again, in an effort to lighten her burden, he took the initiative and said,
“I’ll save you the trouble, Kathryn. This can’t ever happen again, we both lost sight of our obligations and gave into the needs of the moment. Does that about cover it?” He stated, bitterness edging into his voice.
“Chakotay. . . .”
“What? Are you going to deny it’s what you were about to say? Or at least the gist of it?”
“No,” she replied helplessly.
“Then what’s the problem, Kathryn? Are you going to change your position? Will anything I say make a difference? You know how I feel. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t give myself to you and then be told I can’t touch you again. Maybe before we chose this path I could have continued to ignore what my heart was telling me, but not any longer.”
“So what is this, a threat? An ultimatum?” She bristled.
“Just a statement,” he sighed. “I want you in my life. To be a part of my life, not just as my commanding officer, or some incidental social fringe.”
“But we’ve almost always been more than the sum of our ranks,” she said, her tone bordering on pleading.
“Yes, and for awhile, it was enough. But it isn’t anymore.”
“So what are you saying is, either I accept you as my lover or lose you as my First Officer?
“Why do you have to make a choice? You can have both!” Chakotay stood and crossed over to where she was still pacing. “Kathryn, I know we’ve had this discussion before, and we always end up arguing in circles. What are you so afraid of? If we became lovers the ship would stop dead in space? That you wouldn’t get your crew home? That you’d loose your credibility with the crew? I’ve got news for you, if we were engaged in anything even *close* to what they’re already speculating, there’s not a chance you’ll loose their respect.”
Kathryn blushed, for she had heard some of the rumors, in fact they may have been what started her thinking along these lines in the first place, wondering if she *was* capable of some of the actions her people had already ascribed to her. But that didn’t change the fact she felt she couldn’t compromise her convictions in this case.
Chakotay saw her drifting away from him again, closing the door between them. Grabbing her by the upper arms he forced her to look at him. “People have been making difficult relationships work since the dawn of time, and we’re no different! We’re both professionals! We can handle this in a professional manner!”
“Yes,” she said, trying to pull away from him, “We can handle this in a ‘professional manner,’ by not getting involved.”
“We *are* involved,” he said, lowering his voice and staring at her mouth, “whether you like it or not.”
His nearness was unnerving her again. How was it possible to want him so much so soon, and in the middle of an argument? She saw him staring at her mouth and knew he was going to kiss her again, and God help her, she wanted him to! She had to stop this. This time she *would* be strong, as she should have been earlier.
He pulled her struggling body closer and kissed her ear, breathing her name as only he could say it. She felt weak. When had her traitorous body turned to Jello?
“Chakotay. . . .” She said, trying to put some strength into her quivering voice.
“Hmmm?” He mumbled against her neck as he slowly started his accent with his lips towards her mouth.
“Please. . . .”
“Please, what?”
“Don’t. . . .” She managed, without conviction.
“Try to say that as though you mean it,” he said, just before he claimed her lips. His kiss drove the last coherent thought she had from her mind. Some where there were alarms going off in her head, but she chose to ignore them as a rush of warmth ripped through her like a phaser blast. He had asked her what she had been so afraid of. It was this. That with one touch he could completely strip her of all her resolve, her wisdom. No amount of training at Starfleet had prepared her for his assault on her senses, she was powerless before him. That was probably the core of her fears; how easily he could make her lose control, and how easily he took it.
Kathryn wound her arms around his naked back and pulled him closer, surrendering to her body’s demand. Breaking their breathless kiss Chakotay whispered in her ear,
“Let me love you, Kathryn, the way it should have been for our first time together.”