| "Fear and Stress" ~April 16, 2001~ |
| I don't doubt that most of us, if not all of us, have been afraid at some point in our lives. Fear can manifest itself in a lot of ways. Fear of heights, fear of darkness, fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of being honest, fear of consequences... But one thing I have noticed about all fears is that they are based in the future. You would not be afraid of heights if you were not anticipating ascending them, nor darkness if it were not impending. Failure, rejection, honesty, consequences - all are forthcoming. This is why fears are almost always unwarranted. We let our imaginations run away with us and build up things to be worse prospectively than they ever could be realistically. So why do we do it? I wish I knew... If I knew, then maybe I could keep myself from doing it. I could barely concentrate on anything Sunday evening because I knew as night approached that my "week from hell" approached ever fast. I was fearful of what it held. Auditions, concerts, recitals, lessons, final exams, regular exams, papers, rehearsals... Everything due with no time to do them. I feared going to sleep knowing that when I woke, the week would just be beginning. The worst was yet to come. As of now, I'm living one day at a time. Trying my best to get things done early, quickly, and properly. The first audition, lesson, and rehearsal today went well. I have studied for my exams tomorrow, and hope and pray to do well on them. I pray even more that God would hold the sun in place for an undetermined number of hours tomorrow until such time as I complete my Chemistry and Ed. Psych. papers; for tomorrow is the only day in which I have a block of time available that would be sufficient for the completion of these two assignments. Things look okay for now, and I suppose that as long as my friends keep praying (as I know they are), all this will turn out right. (And for my own sake, I had better leave off here before I run out of all the poetic literary writings I could otherwise use for my papers.) Hoping to see you on the other side... |