Just Thinking...
It wasn't s'posed to be this way...
That wasn't in the script.
I feel like I've been cheated;
I feel like I got gyped.
It was s'posed to be so special,
And beautiful and pure...
I thought that was okay with You,
And now I'm not so sure...
I didn't even know him,
It didn't mean a thing...
I didn't know what heartache
Three flights of stairs could bring.
My reasoning was shameful -
To spark some jealousy.
So I used a nameless person,
But did he too use me?
Did he care at all about me?
Or my personality?
Or did he go for beauty
And just what he could see?
I think that was my problem...
No one had before...
No one thought me beautiful
Or wanted to see more...
But all he wanted was the outside,
And there's more to me than that.
So next time strangers beckon
To go ahead and chat...
I'll gracefully decline,
Say, "Thank you anway...
But I'm not looking for what you are,
So kindly go away." :)
I know that I screwed up.
It was a stupid thing to do.
But God, can You forgive me?
That's what I want from You.
And one thing more I pray -
'Cuz God, I need Your help -
Please help me Lord to learn
How to forgive myself.
I know I can't go back;
It will never be the same...
But help me to forgo the guilt,
And stop assuming blame.
And when at last the time will come
When the RIGHT one comes along,
I know that love will be the pow'r
That makes the act so strong.
So forgive me, my true love,
For the gift I gave away,
But I promise you, it won't affect
The sweetness of "someday".
That gentle kiss was meant for you,
But God has told me this:
That when, at last, our lips shall meet
We'll know...
...we've never been kissed.
~January 29, 2000