Music Jokes!!
(As taken from A Working Musician's Joke Book and A Musician's Dictionary)
Q: Why are pianists' fingers like lightning?
A: They rarely strike the same place twice.
Q: How do you know when a flutist is at your door?
A: The doorbell speeds up.
Q: What is perfect pitch?
A: When you lob an oboeist into a dumpster without hitting the rim.
Q: Why do clarinet players leave their cases on the dashboard?
A: So they can park in the handicap zones.
Q: How do you keep someone from jumping up and down on a bass clarinet?
A: Why would you want them to stop?
Q: What is the difference between a saxaphone and a train whistle?
A: Train whistles have tone quality.
Q: What is the difference between a baritone saxophone and a chainsaw?
A: The exhaust.
Q: How do you insult a saxaphone player?
A: Call him a bassoonist.
Q: What do trumpet players use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: What did the French horn player say after the conductor yelled "Back to
bar one!"?
A: Where are we? My parts aren't numbered!
Q: What do you call a trombone player with a beeper?
A: An optomist.
Q: What is the dynamic range of a bass trombone?
A: On or off.
Q: What do you do if you run over a euphonium?
A: Back up.
Q: Why do tuba players have pea-sized brains?
A: Because alcohol has swelled them.
Q: What did the tympani player get on his I.Q. test?
A: Drool.
Q: Why does a violinist keep a cloth under his chin when he plays?
A: Because there aren't any spit valves.
Q: Why are viola jokes so short?
A: So violinists can understand them.
Q: Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes?
A: So you don't have to restrain the cellists.
Q: What happened to the guy that fell through a harp?
A: He is in the hostpital. Rooms 25 to 40.
Q: What is the difference between a bull and an orchestra?
A: The bull has the horns in the front and the ass in the back.