por Matt Hanley
Artículo publicado originalmente en octubre de 2000 en el Daily Illini, diario estudiantil de la Universidad de Illinois. Lo reproduzco sin permiso porque el original desapareció de la red, así que vayan a joder a otro.
When I entered this school, it was not my goal to make everyone hate me. But then I got this column, started spouting off and have moved ever closer to that end. An abbreviated list of people who hate me would include engineers, the Division of Intercollegiate Athletics, tow-truck companies, the med school, bar owners and employees, my roommate... the list goes on and on.
Despite that growing list, I will offer a few thoughts on men and women — at the risk of isolating the rest of the people on this campus. It seems to me that in the endless dance that we call dating, men and women are working from two different manuals. Men say one thing, and women hear "Let's get married." Women say something else, and men hear... nothing, because Battlebots is on.
Maybe it would be easier to be gay since, at least in theory, you would have something in common with the object of your affection. But not all of us have that luxury. So thousands of relationships on this campus start and then fizzle fast because of misunderstandings and miscommunication.
Since I have some free time on my hands, I've developed a theory to help.
Here's how it goes: I figure that 85 percent of men are jerks and morons. That might be a conservative estimate, but I have some faith in my gender. These are the guys whose hairstyles can often be substituted as a description for their personalities: crusty, slick, greasy, obnoxious, etc. They think women revolve around them and the ground they walk on. These are not good dudes.
Next is the 5 percent of the male population who are undateable for reasons of personal hygiene and/or because they are newspaper columnists. While this segment of the population is probably very nice and has many interesting things to tell us, they usually can't be approached without gagging. So they are out of the dating equation.
That leaves the 10 percenters.
The 10 percenters are the nice guys. The guys who will take care of you when you're sick, buy you flowers and woo you as you've never been wooed before. They won't cheat on you or play games with your head. They'll just respect you, care about you, tickle your feet and bring you ice cream when you have three tests the next day.
These 10 percenters do exist. They are not some Loch Ness monsters of college life. Unfortunately, these 10 percenters seem to be elusive to many women. But statistically, they're around. This fall, 35,908 students enrolled at this University. Assuming half are male, then throwing out the 1,000 that are already attached — that still leaves 2,590 great guys just waiting by their telephones.
I know what you're saying: How do I find these wonderful males? Does the University have a club for them? Is there some sort of online warehouse for 10 percenters?
Or, as my friend Jackie says, "You need to gather them all in one place so we can mingle with them."
So true. But, you see, by their very nature the 10 percenters are hard to find. It is their signature feature that they will generally not approach random women and ask them out. It would be against their nature. Instead, they pursue from afar, getting to know a girl slowly until finally she says, "We're just too good of friends to risk that friendship by dating."
And, instead, the woman ends up dating a jerk. And too often her reason is "because I don't deserve any better" or "sometimes he's nice." That's not good enough. All the 10 percenters are being left at home to play Nintendo 64 because of attitudes like that.
The fact is that there is no reason women should have to put up with any nonsense from a guy who thinks he can do anything just because he's a guy. Women deserve the best and should demand the best. Then the percentages would be be normalized. Too many girls think they can't do any better than the 85 percent or don't deserve any better. Survey says: "You're wrong."
Just because the 10 percenters are hard to find does not mean you should not pursue them. Although they may be elusive, they are easy to identify. You can tell pretty early whether or not he's a 10 percenter. Does he tell you he's crazy about you or does he say things like "I'm not ready to commit to just one person right now"? Does he think you're beautiful or tell you to lose a few pounds? Let's face it, you already know whether he's a 10 percenter; you're just hesitating on giving him the ax.
(If you're looking for a more specific way to contact these guys, several of my friends have offered to supply their names, phone numbers and credit histories.)
So go out there and demand the best. Tell the guys who act the way that George W. Bush describes writers for the New York Times act to shove it. And when you find your ten percenter, hold on to him. Don't date him for eight months and then decide you're not in love with him anymore. That would suck.