Jokes
Two guys are out hiking.  All of sudden, a bear starts chasing them.  They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up after them.  The first guy gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on.  The second guy says, "What are you doing?"  He says, "I figure that when the bear gets close to us, we'll jump down and make a run for it."  The second guy says, "Are you crazy?  You can't outrun a bear."  The first guy says, "I don't have to outrun a bear... I only have to outrun you.
You know you're addicted to coffee if...
     You sleep with your eyes open.
     You have to watch videos in fast forward.
     You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
     Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
     The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
     You can type sixty words a minute with your feet.
     Instant coffee takes too long.
     You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
     You short out motion detectors.
     You help your dog chase its tail.
     Your first aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an IV hookup.
     You answer the door before people knock.
     You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.    
This farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks.  So he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he had a rooster which he would sell.

The other farmer says, "Yeah, I got this great rooster, named Randy.  He'll service every chicken you got, no problem."

Well, Randy costs alot of money, but, the farmer decides he'd be worth it.  So, he buys Randy and takes the rooster home.  He then sets him down in the barnyard and gives the rooster a peptalk, "Randy, I want you to pace yourself now.  You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me alot of money.  Consequently, I'll need you to do a good job.

"So, take your time and have some fun," the farmer ended with a chuckle.

Randy seemed to understand, so the farmer points towards the hen house, and Randy took off like a shot.

WHAM!  Randy nails every hen in the hen house 3 or 4 times, and the farmer is really shocked.

After that the farmer hears a commotion in the duck pen, sure enought, Randy is in there.

Later, the farmer sees Randy after a flock of geese down by the lake.  Once again, WHAM!  He gets all the geese.

By sunset he sees Randy out in the feild chasing quail and pheasants.  The farmer is distraught -- worried that his expensive rooster won't even last 24 hours.  Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next morning to find Randy as dead as a doorknob -- stone cold in the middle of the yard with buzzards flying overhead.  The farmer saddened by the loss of such a colorful and expensive animal, shakes his head and says, "Oh, Randy, I told you to pace yourself.  I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself."

Randy opens one eye, nods towards the buzzards circling in the sky and says, "SHHHH, they're getting closer..."
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