THE GREASY CORNER HERITAGE GAZETTE

March 6

Goodmornin' Folks... This here's yer rovin' r'prter Herman H Fly a bringin' th' nooze t' ya from high atop th' tower in Beautiful downtown Greasy Corner.

At th' top o th' nooze this mornin' we have a change in plans fer this here Fridey nite. As r'ported t' ya las week "Th' Ladies Fer a Better Greasy Corner Benevelent Society" wuz t' hold thar monthly meetin' this here week .... ah have jes been informed thet they is gona postone it fer one week due t' a minor but painful injury suffered by Ms Pearl Womphatter the current chair person o the organization. Seems th' injury occurred yestidey while Ms Womphatter en her husband Jim wuz a tryin' to fix th' roof on their house. According t' the police report it seems thet Tom was a sittin' up on th' ridge o th' roof a holdin' on t' th' chiminey with th' left hand....en a holdin' on t' a rope with th' right hand...... down at th' udder end of th rope....'bout half way down the roof ....Ms Womphatter wuz a nailin' th' shingles back on thet th' wind had blowed off las week...Wail they wuz purty much dun en Ms Womphatter wuz a puttin' th' finial nails in when Henry Hoogin th' town drunk comes a walkin' down th' street....looks up on th' roof...en a seeing hiz ol drinkin' buddy Jim up thar....he throws up hiz right hand en yells out at th' top o hiz voice....."Hi ya Jim" ....En ol' Jim being th' pleasant fella he is returns the greeting by a lettin' go o' th' rope with his right hand and returns th' gesture along with a big ol' grin...According t' Henry's account he ain't never seen nutin so graceful in hiz whole lafe as whut happened next .....Seems Ms Womphatter dun a full backward flip off th' roof followed by two complete summersauts as she rolled across the soft dirt in her petunia patch. Her only injury was a pulled shoulder muscel she suffered when she throwed the claw hammer at Jim knockin' him off th' utter side of the roof en into th' wash tub. The Docs say Jim will be laid up fer a few weeks while his busted leg mends. This also means thet th' monthly meetin' down at th' Th' Kowhockey County Chamber of Comerce and Marble shooting Faternity Club House will also be set back one week. After talkin' to Fletcher Beanball the Sergent of Arms down at th' club this seems t' be t' th' vantage of all as th' special guest star fer th' entertainment, Sarah Belle Tompkins, wuz gona be busy this week up in L'il Rock a performin' fer a fund raisin' event fer President Billy but kin make it next week.

Wail as most o yew know... las Thursday Feb. 29 wuz th' leap day on th' calander, or as it better know 'round chere, Saddie Hawkins day.....Now fer a most o yew folks this is jes 'nother day o th' year.... but fer a lot fellas 'round these parts.... this kin be a day o' pure panic....Ah mean if yew is a young unattached man who dun managed t' git beyond yer 18 th bithday en never got marched afore th' justice o th' peace with a shot gun in yer back ...yew is at risk t' become th' personal property of sum husband huntin' gal who's gona take advantage of th' oportunity t' claim her hunk... Take th' case of Annebelle Jerdain .....Now ah knows it's impolite t' be a gossipin' about a poor gals looks en all..., but let's face it folks,... th' only way this gal is ever gona be considered attractive is the day mud fences become collectors items.....Ah s'pose sum o yew has been a noticin' thet Annebelle's been sitting in th' middle o main street since las thursday afternoon a lookin' down thet open man hole.....Wail it seems she tried t' ambush Jerry West, th' High school football star as he wuz a crossin' the street.....Lucky fer Ol' Jerry he's got good eyes and quick reflexes....When he seen Annebelle a running rat at em with her arms out streached en her lips all puckered up ready to make her claim on his body he had the present of mind,.. not t' mention the shear panic strength.... t' pry open th' cover t' the sewer line in a flash en jumped rat in head first.....Annebelle missed em by less then a second en all she got outta it was the effects o th' splash thet come outta th' hole.....Bound en determined t' git her man she announced her intentions to stay rat there up til he comes out....Seems th' whole town has turned out to offer their moral support fer Annebelle..... Th' police have set up a traffic barrier, somebody dun brung her a chair en an umbrella and th' ladies auxilary from th' fire department has been a bringing her th' meals....all she needs now is a port o pot en she'll be thankin' she's back home on th' farm......Yes sireer! Seems all the world loves a lover.....Betcha she's gona be real upset when she finds out ol Jerry crawled through th' danged pipe en come out inside the sewer plant 10 blocks away 30 minutes after he jumped in th' hole.......

Wail thet's 'bout it fer this week folks....y'all have a gooden....