On Thursday, June 21st, Valerie woke complaining of an ear ache and she seemed a little warm. I gave her Tylenol and she ate a good breakfast. Then we went outside, to play for the day. She ate a good lunch, but fell asleep before dinner. I thought she was tired because she'd been out in the fresh air all day, and I thought she might be getting an ear infection. She woke at 9:00 PM; was tired and didn't want to eat. I gave her some Tylenol and we went to bed. Friday~ she woke up at 7:00 AM throwing up. Having four kids, I've seen my share of stomach flu, but this seemed different. I called her pediatrician and scheduled her in at 4:30 PM. We spent the day waiting for the appointment, dozing on the couch, drinking water and juice and throwing up severely. She was also running a temperature, but I couldn't give her anything because nothing was staying down. The doctor checked her out. She didn't have an ear infection. He said there was a flu bug going around right now. When I asked about her being so sleepy, he said it was normal for this flu. Her temperature was 101.6. He told me to give her 1/2oz. of water every twenty minutes until she quit throwing up, give her Tylenol and he needed to see her right away if she became hard to wake or disoriented, and let her eat anything she wanted. She stopped throwing up. I gave her Tylenol and she ate some noodles and a cookie. She still seemed very sleepy but doing better. Saturday~ Valerie woke up at 6:30 AM, throwing up. It was the first time since 4:00 PM the day before. She went back to sleep till 10:00 AM, but when she got up she seemed better. She didn't want to eat but she drank a whole cup of juice. Her temperature was down. She spent the day dozing on the couch, drinking water or juice and eating popsicles. She didn't have an appetite all day but I got her to eat about 5 noodles towards the evening. Her temperature was up again so we gave her more Tylenol. At bedtime, dad became concerned that she hadn't eaten, so he made her a milkshake and she drank all of it. I went to bed with her at 1:30 AM. Sunday morning at 2:45 AM, I woke in a pool of diarrhea. Valerie was breathing fast and shallow, her eyes were wide open and her body stiff and distorted. Seeing her I just panicked. I woke dad up, screaming "we have to take her to the ER right now!" We jumped in the car and headed for the hospital as I dialed 911 on the cell phone. That memory haunts me even now. the wide eyed scared look in my babies eyes, and I couldn't help her. The ambulance met us, and took her temperature. It was 105. They let me hold her, while they gave her oxygen and sponged her off with cool water. At the hospital they gave her medication to stop the seizures, but it wasn't working. They did a cat-scan and it showed a little brain swelling. That's when they told me they thought she might have an infection in her brain. It was decided to transfer her to a hospital that specializes in pediatric care. At the new hospital they stopped her seizures with medication They did another cat scan that showed more swelling. They did an EEG that showed she had brain activity, and a spinal tap that showed just a hint of cloud. They determined meningitis. Valerie now laid there eyes half open, lifeless, and iv lines running everywhere. Towards the end of the evening, Valerie started having a hard time breathing so they put her on a ventilator and put in a catheter. With every new machine and tube they put in my baby, I felt another piece of her slipping away. My mother said it can be redeemed. We prayed. We had the hospital chaplain pray. We had our church pray. We had all the churches in our area pray. I kept thinking of that scripture that says "humble yourself before the Lord and He will lift you up." So I went to the bathroom, laid my face on the floor, and begged for my daughters life. Monday~She was a little responsive. They would pinch her toe and she would move her foot. Her pupils would dilate when they shined a light in them. She would move her head when I played with her hair. They took her for another cat-scan, and put in a feeding tube. Her right eye had swollen, so they called in an eye doctor. He said she would most likely be blind. I didn't care as long as she lived. Tuesday~I hadn't eaten or slept. I refused to see visitors. I refused to leave Valerie's room. I had so much hope. I just sat by her side, singing to her, and talking to her, begging her to hang on and fight. I kept telling her I couldn't live without her. I put pictures of her up in the room. I wanted the Doctor and the nurses to see the real Valerie, how beautiful, and how happy she was. They did another EEG. Her blood pressure dropped, so they gave her a blood transfusion. My pastor came by, in the evening. He laid hands on her and we all prayed over her. After he left, her heart rate and blood pressure stabilized. We thought for sure she would be alright. Wednesday~After Valerie's morning exam, and after the Doctor read her cat-scan and EEG, They decided to take her off the ventilator, to see if she could breath on her own. she was breathing, but with great difficulty. The doctor called my Mom and me into his office. He told us that Valerie's eyes were no longer dilating. She had no eye reflexes. She wasn't swallowing. She no longer moved when he pinched her toe. He said these are basic/primal responses. He showed us her cat-scan. The black areas were dead. Her frontal lopes were black, and on both sides of her brain. The middle was gray. He said the EEG showed that she had brain activity, but it wasn't normal. I'm thinking "So she is going to have brain damage. I can deal with that. I can take care of her." He said they have done everything medically they do. It was up to Valerie and God now. It was time for my miracle. I knew God would heal her. He told me to call my husband, and to bring the kids to see Valerie. Right before Robert and the kids got there, Valerie quit breathing. They turned the ventilator back on. A nurse took the kids to a room and showed them a doll that had IV's, a ventilator tube, and a feeding tube. She explained what everything was for. Then she brought them to see Valerie. They touched her, talked to her, and gave her kisses. The nurse then took them to draw pictures for Valerie. Robert was talking to the Doctor during this and they were looking at her cat-scan. He told Robert that 80% of her brain was dead. He didn't think Valerie was going to make it. It was time to think of organ donation. This is the first time I thought she might die. Robert went to Valerie. He sang the Barney song over and over. She started to cry, her eyes started blinking. She squeezed his hand. She swallowed. She crinkled her nose! She started spontaneous breathing!! We were so excited. We kept singing, and talking to her. After a while it all stopped. She never moved or breathed on her own again. Robert told Valerie that if she needed to go, it was okay. His grandmother was waiting for her. She was a wonderful lady who would love her and take good care of her, so it was okay. He released her. I made Robert go home. My nerves were shot. I broke out in hives all over my body. My lips swelled. I knew I also had to release Valerie. How could I tell her it was okay to leave me? How could I live without her? I closed my eyes and pictured the wholly spirit as a blanket wrapping around Valerie, lifting her up into the light, and setting her on Jesus' lap. I prayed, make sure she is always happy and never scared. Never let her suffer anymore pain. Thank you for giving her to me. She has blessed my life and given me so much joy. I release you. Go with God. I love you now and forever. Amen I felt her spirit leave. They came and took a lot of blood, to test for organ donation. Valerie's body started to shut down. Her blood pressure dropped. She stopped digesting food, and began to pee out. They were able to control all of this with medication. The doctor came in and looked at me. I shook my head and he gave me that "I know" look. We both knew, my baby was dead. Thursday~ The doctor came to test Valerie for brain death. I knew she was gone and couldn't stand to see them mess with her anymore. I waited in the waiting room. I heard the ventilator alarm go off. When they finished their test, I was told I could hold her. My Mom held her first then me. She was still hooked up to all of the machines. I held her close, sang to her, rocked her, and stroked her beautiful soft hair. My Mom said she looked like she was sleeping in my arms. I held her for the longest time. I knew this would be the last time I ever held my baby, and it would have to last for the rest of my life. I didn't get my miracle, but Valerie gave 4 other families their miracle, through organ donation. Two infants in California are alive because of Valerie's heart valves. A 3 year old little girl in California, is alive because of Valerie's liver, and a 48 year old woman in New Jersey, has life because of Valerie's kidneys. My precious angel has given life and spared other parents from suffering the loss of a child. Midi Selection: You'll Be In My Heart