Area Man Knows Unsettling Amount About Nationwide Age-Of-Consent Laws
ROANOKE, VA-- During a conversation at a party last Saturday, financial analyst Matt Brady revealed a disturbing familiarity with various states' age-of-consent laws. "I  mentioned to Matt that I'd be visiting family in Pennsylvania over the weekend, and he says, 'You oughta pick up some chicks there, 'cause they only gotta be 16,'" friend Danny Brosnihan said. "Then he says, 'South Carolina's the best: 15.' I mean, that's seriously creepy." Brosnihan said he later heard Brady talk about a bill pending in the Hawaii legislature that would lower the state's age of consent to 13. 

Brady, 26, who maintains a "teen-beat.com" webpage dedicated to stars such as Britney Spears and Mandy Moore, also tends to display other disturbing behaviors.  He has been known to incessantly boast about his "huge pipes," and seems to be insecure about his inadequate penis size when among friends.  Despite these shortcomings, he remains able to lead a relatively normal life, noted Brosnihan.