Copy of my notes for the presentation to Outward Bound in Sao Paulo


Our brains are full of chemicals. We have emotional needs. We need emotional vitamins to fill these needs.

If we don't get our daily supply of emotional vitamins, we get sick, are stressed, can't work well, can't help others, are not happy.

Emotional vitamins (hugs, appreciation, empathy, understanding, etc. ) balance brain chemicals.

- Rejection is similar to physical pain in the brain

Acceptance vs Love - Sarah - Felt accepted 0 by dad. "he doesn't accept my clothes, my music, my friends, my beliefs"

We work, learn at our best when our brains chemicals are balanced.

We need to feel empathy for each other. To feel empathy for another you have to feel your own feelings.

You can't feel empathy if you feel defensive. - Example of abandoned/idiot

Painful vs negative feelings. We don't say to our stomachs "stop being so negative."

- Some people are more sensitive than others.
- Some babies have more potential for processing emotional data, so develop that. Mozart.

In extreme cases, when our emotional needs are not met, we feel so much pain we kill ourselves to stop the pain.

What are your emotional needs? 10 min
AAC FIRST UV - Accepted, Appreciated, Cared about, Free, In control, Respected, Safe, Trusted, Understood, Valued

At the meeting the group also listed connection, recognition, significance/meaningfulness, harmony

Think about a conflict you had. What did you need emotionally? What did they need emotionally?
Conflict Resolution, Listening

When you have a conflict, remember it is a conflict of needs. Identify the needs.

"CONTROL" - Conflict of needs trying to ruin our love/life

Listening: Don't interrupt, defend, debate, judge, invalidate.

Invalidation the opposite of understanding - Don't worry. Don't be sad. You don't have to be sad. You don't have any reason to be depressed. Don't be angry. Don't cry. It was just a small thing, not a big thing.

Ask how understood - Washing up story

Practical Suggestions/Tools

- Develop your emotional vocabulary.
- Find at least one person you can practice emotional literacy with.
- Teach it to your children. Be honest with them about your emotional needs.
- Express your feelings instead of issuing commands, predictions.
- Pay attention to your emotional needs.
- Ask people how they feel.
- When someone feels bad because they made a mistake or hurt someone, ask "What would help you feel better?"
- When someone feels bad, let them talk. Listen. Say "ok, what else?"
- Use the zero to ten scale. Cuanto bem? How understood? How accepted?
- Track emotional data.




Collecting and Tracking Emotioinal Data

Ask people how ok or how fine or how "bem" they are, and then after they answer, say, "why x?"

You will learn a lot more about the person and establish a reference point for that person. W

hen their number changes from the average you can pay more attention to reason for the change.

Ask people what they think their biggest emotional needs are.

Ask others who know them what they think that same person's biggest emotional needs are.



Emotional literacy

Part 1

Expressing feelings with 3 word sentences starting with "I feel ...."

Being able to identify and name specfic feelings.

Not "I feel like... " or "I feel that..."

Part 2

Identifying the emotional need that corresponds to each feeling.

I feel rejected ---->Need: = acceptance

I feel judged ---> Need=understood


Paul Hein, dos EUA, fará uma apresentação sobre o que ele chama de nossas "vitaminas emocionais", e as nossas necessidades emocionais.

Ele vai explicar por que precisamos dessas vitaminas emocionais para ser emocionalmente saudável.

Ele vai nos oferecer ideias práticas sobre como podemos começar a colocar mais importância em nossos sentimentos e nossas necessidades emocionais.

Ele vai nos ensinar sobre como podemos coletar e usar dados emocionais para que possamos começar a usar esta informação e começar a fazer mudanças pequenas, mas importantes nas formas como nos comunicamos e vivemos. Ele vai explicar como isso pode melhorar as nossas vidas pessoais, nossas relações de trabalho, nossos relacionamentos românticos, nossos relacionamentos com nossos filhos, nosso sistema educacional, as nossas empresas e nossa sociedade.

Paul é um escritor independente e pesquisador que deixou o mundo corporativo para começar seu próprio negócio e viajar.

Ele viajou para 60 países e trabalhou durante os últimos 15 anos como voluntário na prevenção do suicídio de jovens.

Sua missão agora é ajudar a tornar o mundo um lugar mais emocionalmente saudável.

Ele visita o Brasil este mês.


Paul Hein