|Paulish is a language
inspired by Marshall Rosenberg's Non Violent
It is a language which helps people clearly, concisely and directly communicate their feelings and needs, in particular their human emotional needs. It is a language based on universal principles such as equality and mutual respect.
It was especially developed to help people identify their emotional pain and the corresponding unmet or unsatisfied emotional need.
The general idea is to talk very specifically about feelings.
Here is an example of a conversation using Paulish.
In this case the wife feels noticed, acknowledged, listened to, taken seriously, considered, respected and she has been given an opportunity to fully express herself. All of this helps create and maintain a strong, close and secure connection with her husband.
In another "language" the conversation might have gone something like this:
This would leave the wife feeling invalidated, silenced and not taken seriously.
Or it might have gone like this:
Try to imagine and list the feelings the wife might have in this scenario. And try to predict what the chances of divorce are going to be!
Some people have already told us that Paulish seems "unnatural" or "arificial" but we believe this is just because we have all been taught to speak in other, less emotionally healthy ways. If you were the wife, which way would you prefer?!
|Paulish is espeially helpful to sensitive,
non-aggressive people who don't like to control others
and who don't like to be controlled. For example, a
sensitive mother might say to her child, "Honey, I'm
afraid if you go out without a coat you will catch a
cold." Notice the mother does not give an order and
a prediction such as "Put your coat on! You are
going to catch a cold."
A mother who respects and accepts her children will accept their decisions child's decision and over time the child will learn how accurate the mother is about her fears. Some parents, for example, are very afraid of things happening to their children and teens so they become over-protective and the child or teen feels more controlled than cared about.
This shows respect to the child and the child will feel cared about not controlled.
When children or teenagers feel cared about but not controlled, they have no reason to be rebellous.
|Although Paulish is similar to NVC there are some important differences. We have started to summarize them in this table.|
|Paulish is also closely
connected to a theory for preventing and healing from
emotional pain or emotional or mental health problems.
This theory is the painful emotions theory. It basically
states that when you feel some painful feeling, or a
feeling which others might call a "negative"
feeling, your body and your instinct is telling you that
there is some need which is unmet or unsatisfied.
For example, when you feel hungry, you need food. When you feel thirsty you need water. We don't say to our stomachs "stop being so negative", instead we simply eat the food our bodies need.
You misunderstood me. vs I feel misunderstood.