I’D SAY: ‘DON’T GET ME STARTED!’…BUT YOU ALL KNOW I’M SELF-STARTING ANYWAY!

ASSORTED POLITICAL RANTS

Make no mistake, it does my blackened heart no end of good to see Miss Donita Rumsfeld brought down (hardly the first time that’s happened…but I digress…) and Rick Santorum and his brood weeping on television. I’d put on a fuzzy-brushed hat and dance the Schadenfreude Polka with few reservations. And a House containing a socialist, a Muslim and a female Speaker is one in which I’d be more inclined to squat than its predecessor. However, in light of the fact (let us not forget) that the Defense of Marriage Act was brought in by Democrats, and the Vietnam War arose during that party’s tenure and the Donkey has been making an Ass of itself of late capitulating to more right-than-centrist tendencies, let us not assume that things are necessarily going to go through a sea change.

On which point, in light of the fact that the above mentioned short-skirted Secretary of Defense is facing an admittedly largely symbolic and probably unsuccessful attempt to bring charges against him, I can still harbour hopes that Briar Mule Runny in Canada will face treason charges (for declaring war without recalling Parliament in 1991) and Jejune Cretin will be arraigned on assault (for attempting to strangle a protestor some years back). One would propose judicial intervention against Geode Clerk, but no one seems to be able to make a positive identification of him. J

In light of recent moves, need I point out that each time you attack a queer, be it physically, verbally or legislatively, Pasolini, Sal Mineo, Matthew Shepard and Brandon Teena die again? And, in case you were planning on applauding at that, may I observe, without necessarily threatening you, strategically inflicted nerve damage could leave you with permanently limp wrists?

If, as Jello Biafra states on his latest rantfest, In The Grip of Official Treason, it is true that the Bush junta was planning on extending socialized health care to FETUSES, it is now even more obnoxiously clear that the pro-life (or pro-birthday, as someone recently proposed for a re-christening) movement doesn’t give a FUCK (you should only pardon the expression) about the life of the POST-born. The second you’re in the world, bye-bye, health benefits…but every life is sacred, right, folks? Oh, wait, sorry, let me qualify that…every WHITE, AMERICAN life is sacred.

On which point, thought it’s obvious to the verge of a cheap shot, Rush Limbaugh has an awful lot of nerve suggesting OTHERS (cf. Michael J. Fox) aren’t taking their medications properly. Perhaps some stem cell research should be done to see if terminal foot-in-mouth (or other orifice) can benefit from its revelations.

Speaking of people who could benefit from stem cell research, medication and perhaps a good solid scare (I mean OTHER than looking at popularity polls, economics projections and the increasing debacle of Iraq et. al.) – it’s too bad that Dick Cheney can’t run for a third term as President (unless, of course, that tacked-on martial law act that just got snuck in has anything to say about it…).

Speaking of Iraq – no, I wouldn’t say I’m sad that Saddam Hussein may not be among us much longer (ed. note – still am not). However, um, isn’t there quite enough blood spilt in Iraq? Doesn’t the US government (oh, I’m sorry, yes, it was an international effort (right)) have enough footage of Middle Eastern people being tied up with ropes around their necks? And, to paraphrase Macbeth, I see a long row of executioners, each with a noose in his hand…

(municipal elections, November, 2006) Meet the new boss, same as the old boss. No-one for whom I voted was elected. On the other hand, most of the mayor’s cronies went bye-bye, so perhaps he won’t have quite as well-lubed a ride this time around. Piece of advice, though, Harv – show up at Pride this year and promote your ugly entertainment center next year BEFORE mentioning the proclamation and you may have Stonewall or the Toronto Bathhouse Riots on your hands. Fair warning…

THE ‘WHY DID YOU GO?’ AND ‘ARE YOU STILL HERE?! NO? GOOD!’ LIST FOR THE YEAR

CBGB’s – I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Being evicted by a homeless association is a sick, sick joke… L

Slobodan Milosevic – to quote one of my own lyrics: ‘Milosevic was a son of a bitch – I know that’s not nice to his mother.’ J

Sheik Jaber al-Ahmad al-Sabah – emir of noted free nation Kuwait (you know, the place whose oil was being defending in the name of democracy in 1990-91? Where a woman’s word is worth nothing against a man’s? A country without elections, though we all know how representative THOSE can be? Ringing any alarm bells yet? J

Tom Cruise and Mel Gibson – okay, so they’re not dead yet – but their careers are on life support. J