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BEARS, BURLESQUE, BANDS AND BURRITOS: A RELATIVELY BRIEF OVERVIEW OF THE FRUIT MARKET ZINE/ARTS FAIR, MARCH 30, 2003, SNEAKY DEE’S, TORONTO, ONTARIO, CANADA)*

(Art (c) Susan Malik)

Somehow, I have managed to never attend a ‘zine convention in my many years of unprofitable, self-indulgent autopublishing.  They tended to be on weekends, which, until 2001, it was difficult for me to swing, as most of my work tended to be on Saturdays and Sundays – and even once I switched places of employment, I still only had Sundays off, and had to work Monday, which meant that extensive traveling was out (I don’t get jetlag, or at least haven’t went anywhere where it was a huge concern yet, but I do suffer badly from long bus trips within the same day, which is how I get around between major centers here in the Great White North).

However, that changed in 2002, when I managed to get the coveted Monday-to-Friday shift, and I now had weekends available to me (which has allowed me to test whether my purity and homebodiness is natural or environmental – a little of both, I think– I mean, I haven’t gone out drinking and debauching in the Babylonian wilderness of Toronto – but I have been hanging with those wild beasts (who frighten me – and I want them to…) the Bears at last, and have been known to drink water or pop and engage in ursine embraces and bear buddytime until all hours…).

Anyway, to get on topic (there’s a TOPIC?), when I heard that the lovely and talented Jon Pressick of TRADE magazine (www.tradequeerthings.com) was putting together an extravaganza (I had exchanged correspondence with him before over his stylish sodomite publication), I knew I just had to go.

Thus, I made up copies of all my issues of Ponyboys, plus a smattering of my poetry ‘zine Sister I’m A Poet…All Over This Town and one back number of Noise Queen, and hopped on a bus at an ungodly hour to get to Toronto for 11 AM  (I didn’t think most fags, dykes and switchhitters in that evil city knew of that time’s existence beyond rumour and inference, but I was seemingly wrong…).

          After breakfast at the restaurant I always go to because it’s across from the bus terminal, I hopped in a cab and sped off to Sneaky Dee’s, which is evidently a Mexican eatery, more or less.

          I found a table, and was fortunate enough to be sandwiched in between a woman named Sasha, who does burlesque performances (check out her site www.thescandelles.com,launching in May), loves Leather Bears (I’m somewhat fond of the species myself…the fact that I was wearing a Bear cap and a leather vest gave her a hint of my identity…) and was selling pasties for both men and women (she said she had a Bear-themed set, but either she didn’t have them with her or I forgot to ask to see them…I can’t remember…they’re the tasseled things women wear on their nipples while stripping, though the men in her show evidently do as well…which is only fair…I like the titillation (no pun intended) of knowing I’d have to do some work to get at those tasty boy-breasts…), and the CIUT-FM Sex City booth (one of whose members noticed the predominance of Bear and Puppy motifs on my ‘zine covers and asked me my opinion on bestiality…those accustomed to my big mouth (and don’t bother…) will be startled to know I don’t have a position paper prepared on the subject…I simply stated that these were fetish images, and that I had no desire to fuck real dogs or bears…the latter would have fatal consequences, I should think…).

Just down the way was pornographic literature, in the form of Blot (a little journal I had a back issue of, and traded for another…) and Alphabet Soup  (a collection of filthy tales by the partner of the former’s editor, more of which to be discussed in reviews elsewhere in the ‘zine).  In the case of the latter, try [email protected] for info.

Up the way was a very happy discovery.  Una Crow and Vix Spooky used to do a ‘zine called Mad Cow that I just adore, and I managed to get some back issues AND a new publication, MONSTRESS, which is up to issue three and just as cool! Write to [email protected] for more details.

More exciting, I got to meet Scott Treleaven, who did THIS IS THE SALIVATION ARMY ‘zine, and the videotape of the same name (more info at www.scotttreleaven.com and www.artmetropole.com ), who looked nothing like I expected, but was nice and  huggable.  I hope to talk to and see him some more (oh, stop it –I mean in a friendly, fraternal way…).  Here’s the money shot, for which I thank Sasha’s finger on the button and eye to the lens…

I also encountered Gentleman Reg, who is in THE HIDDEN CAMERAS (www.musicismyboyfriend.com - album, THE SMELL OF OUR OWN, out on Evil Evil ,by the time you read this, in Canada, and on Rough Trade UK elsewhere) and also has a solo career on Three Gut Records  (www.threegutrecords.com ), which, judging from his one-man performance, is kind of gentle, soulful, sexy music (I could be wrong – I have not heard it…).  Unfortunately, I thought he was a redhead, and it seems he is a blond…oh, well…you can’t have all your cute-boy fantasies fulfilled… J

          Rufus Poser, late of Poser ‘zine (punk porn philosophy) was there from Vancouver, and was accompanied by The Skinjobs, the new band of Mr. Kim Kinakin (formerly in Sparkmarker, and also the editor of Faggo), which is in a punky/metallic/political-but-fun mode, and is a nice mixture of sexualities (all queer) and musical approaches.  Check them out at www.agitproprecords.com/skinjobs.  I did take a picture or two, but they really didn’t work all that well, as I was far away at my booth (which is also why I could not see THIS IS THE SALIVATION ARMY when it was screened…but I got a copy for, as Scott put it, ‘my own private masturbatory viewing’).

          Got to meet a former member of The Plath (a Toronto grrrl band), who noticed my G.B. Jones t-shirt and struck up a conversation (this also led to me meeting  Daryl, a friend of Ms. Jones.  G.B. is not  a morning person and had commitments that evening, so could not come) and said she would send me a CD, as I gave her mine.

          As to the hawking of my own wares, I think I came out even, though I sold no CDs.  Had several ursines stop at my table (Bear hats – they’re like honey to a cub…), one of whom is on the Bear mailing list and said it was nice to put a face to the postings (as it happens, Bill looked  as I expected –  tall, big and bearded…said he’d check me out in the Archives (my issues – no, there is no clone of me…), and another one of whom was a Transbear (love them FTM daddies… J).  One fellow bought a copy of all but one issue (he said he had that one – can’t figure out HOW…).. 

          There is talk of another Fruit Market next year, and perhaps at Toronto Pride in June.  I’ll keep you posted.

And now the obligatory embarrassing story.  It was dark at Sneaky Dee’s, and this Wolf of a fellow stopped in front of my table.  I was staring at his belt buckle trying to figure out what it was and he noticed, and I rolled my eyes and said: ‘I don’t normally stare at men’s belt buckles – really!’ , which led to him blushing.  Ah, well – wouldn’t be a queer event without some prurient, deviant voyeurism.

*I should add that the proceeds from the admission charge went to The Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgendered Youth Line, a peer support service, and that there were also jars to collect for the legal defense of anti-war demonstrators