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Four men, an engineer, an accountant, a chemist and a government worker were bragging about how smart their dogs were. To show off, the engineer called to his dog. "T-Square, do your stuff." T-Square trotted over to the desk, took out some paper and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. But the accountant said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Spreadsheet, do your stuff." Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into four equal piles of three cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good. But the chemist said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was good. Then the three men turned to the government worker, and asked, "What can your dog do?" The government worker called to his dog, "Coffee Break, do your stuff." Coffee Break slowly got off his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, crapped on the paper, sexually assaulted the other three dogs, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for workers' compensation, and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.
On Knowledge: It takes a touch of genius -and a lot of courage -to move in the opposite direction." His Understanding of the World: about the universe." is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods." 
will be fought with sticks and stones." all, be a sheep." counted counts." (Sign hanging in Einstein's office at Princeton) On Life of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?" spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind." thinking... the solution to this problem lies in the heart of mankind. If only I had known, I should have become a watchmaker." latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence." source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed." means nothing. People like us, who believe in physics, know that the distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion." tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat." in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest... a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty." On Science and Education we created them." in school." 
are still greater." but an equation is something for eternity." and z is keeping your mouth shut." as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality." from everyday life with its painful crudity and hopeless dreariness, from the fetters of one's own ever-shifting desires. A finely tempered nature longs to escape from the personal life into the world of objective perception and thought." pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity." An elderly couple were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary, so they decided to return to the little town where they first meet. They sat in a small coffee shop in the town and were telling the waitress about their love for each other and how they met at this same spot. Sitting next to them was the local cop and he smiled as the old couple spoke. After the waitress left the table, the old man said to his wife, "Remember the first time we made love, It was up in the field across the road , when I put you up against the fence. Why dont we do it again for old time sake? The wife giggled like crazy and said "sure, why not." So off they went out the door and across the field. The cop smiled to himself, thinking how romantic this was and decided he'd better keep and eye on the couple so they didn't run into any harm. The old couple walked to the field and as they approached the fence they began to undress. The old man picked up his wife when they were naked and leaned her against the fence. The cop was watching from the bushes and was surprised at what he saw, while the husband thrashed his wife. With the vitality of a youth, the wife bounced up and down excitedly, then they both fell to the ground in exhaustion. Eventually, they stood up, shook themseves, and got dressed. As they walked back toward the road, the cop stepped from his hiding spot and said, "You must have been a wild couple when you were young." "Not really," said the old man," when we were young the fence wasn't ELECTRIC."
1. The US interstate highway system requires that one mile in every five must be straight.
These straight sections are usable as airstrips times of war or other emergencies.
2. The Boston University Bridge is the only place in the world where a boat can sail under
a train driving under a car driving under an airplane.
3. Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten.
4. Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
5. In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.
6. February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
7. The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth II, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel
that it burns.
8. Isaac Asimov is the only author to have a book in every major Dewey Decimal category.
9. Columbia University is the second largest landowner in New York City, after the
Catholic Church.
10. Cat urine glows under a black light.
11. Back in the mid to late 80's, an IBM compatible computer wasn't considered 100%
compatible unless it could run Microsofts Flight Simulator.
12. Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
13. In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
14. Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the child reaches
2-6 years of age.
15. Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.
16. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19.
You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make
change for a dollar.
17. The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
18. Michael Jordan made more money from Nike annually than all of the
Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
19. No NFL team which plays its home games in a domed stadium has ever won a Superbowl.
Is this still true?
20. The first toilet ever seen on television was on Leave It To Beaver.
21. In the great fire of London in 1666, half of the city was burnt down but only
6 people were injured.
22. One of the reasons marijuana is illegal today is because cotton growers in the 30s
lobbied against hemp farmers - they saw them as competition.
23. Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
24. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan.
25. The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop
and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capras film, It's a Wonderful Life.
26. It was discovered on a space mission that a frog can throw up.
The frog throws up its stomach first, so the stomach is dangling out of its mouth.
Then the frog uses its forearms to dig out all of the stomachs contents and then
swallows the stomach back down again.
27. Armored knights raised their visors to identify themselves when they rode
past their king. This custom has become the modern military salute.
28. Sylvia Miles had the shortest performance ever nominated for an Oscar
with Midnight Cowboy. Her entire role lasted only six minutes.
29. Charles Lindbergh took only four sandwiches with him on his famous
transatlantic flight.
30. Goethe couldn't stand the sound of barking dogs and could only write if he had
an apple rotting in the drawer of his desk.
31. Stewardesses is the longest word that is formally typed withonly the left hand.
32. Armadillos have four babies at a time and they are always all the same sex.
33. To escape the grip of a crocodile's jaws, push your thumbs into its eyeballs-
it will let you go instantly.
34. If you toss a penny 10,000 times, it will not be heads 5,000 times, but more like 4,950.
The heads picture weighs more than the tails, so it ends up on the bottom more often.
35. Hydroxydeoxycorticosterones is the longest anagram in the English language.
36. Los Angeles's full name is
El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de Los Angeles de Porciuncula.
37. An ostrichs eye is bigger than its brain.
38. Al Capones business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
39. The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds.
40. Wilma Flintstones maiden name was Wilma Slaghoopal,
and Betty Rubbles maiden name was Betty Jean Mcbricker.
41. A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
42. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321.
43. The Ramses brand condom is named after the great pharaoh Ramses II who
fathered over 160 children.
44. If NASA sent birds into space they would soon die, because they need gravity to swallow.
45. Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.
46. The computer term byte is a contraction of by eight.
47. The average ear of corn has eight-hundred kernels arranged in sixteen rows.
48. The famous split-fingered Vulcan salute is actually intended to represent the first letter
(shin, pronounced sheen ) of the word shalom. As a small boy, Leonard Nimoy observed
his rabbi using it in a benediction and never forgot it; eventually he was able to add
it to Star Trek lore.
49. The term "the Boogey Man will get you" comes from the Boogey people, who still inhabit
an area of Indonesia. These people still act as pirates today and attack ships that pass.
50. Underground is the only word in the English language that begins and ends
with the letters und.
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