I have come here many times since then,
Always in daylight before. This time it is night.
Was it tonight, so many years ago?
The moon is full, and I can barely see
The old, time-worn stones that litter the courtyard.
Not that I need to see them.
I can feel the path before me,
I could walk it blind.
The castle walls seem different somehow,
And I am reminded that even now, you live here.
"You live."
So strange to think those words
So long after . . . but I know that
Somehow you do. You brought me here,
Here to this ancient place of decay.
This place is sacred to you.
I pick my way through the pallor of midnight
Until I find myself at the temple gates.
"No, not here, I beg you."
But you do not hear me. Or perhaps you do.
The gates swing open, and for the first time in years
I see you. I want to cry out, I want to tell you,
"My Hana, my flower, do not leave me!"
The words threaten to strangle me.
"O spirit, O shade of my beloved,
Why do you torment me? You are as beautiful as
You were in life. More beautiful, perhaps.
Will you not speak?"
You reply by kneeling in front of the ancient temple bell.
Its tarnished bronze hulk is illuminated by
The pale light of the full moon, amplified by your presence.
I want to turn away, I know what is next,
But I cannot move.
"Why, apparition, must I re-live this?"
You produce a small blade from the fold of your kimono.
"Please, spectre, cease this torture!"
You grasp its hilt with both of your delicate hands.
"Dread phantasm! I implore you!"
You wince as the blade sinks into your soft belly.
"You mustn't show me this!"
You slowly, painfully, drag the blade up your torso.
I fall to my knees, watching your blood
As it flows freely onto the ancient temple floor.
The temple-bell rings a ghastly note that echoes
From beyond the grave.
Because you could not forgive yourself, you took your own life.
I arrived too late, I could not stop you.
Because I could not forgive myself, I burned my ancestral home.
For years I have wandered, a ronin.
Now I have returned to see you die once more, and I know
I cannot live without you.
I take one last, long look at the full moon outside, then
I kneel in front of the temple-bell, both hands on my sword.