Tall Chick with Long Legs
HOME
PAGE
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich
behind him, and as he sits, the waitress comes over
and asks for their order.
The man says, 'I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke,'
and turns to the ostrich. 'What's yours?' 'I'll have the same,' says the
ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order.
'That will be $6.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out
exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and
the man says, 'I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke,'
and the ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.'
Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays
with the exact change.
The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer.
'Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come
up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?'
'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning
the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a
Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.
My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything,
just put my hand in my pocket, and the right amount
of money would always be there.'
'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would
wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always
be as rich as you want for as long as you live!'
'That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money
is always there,' says the man.
The waitress asks, 'One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?'
The man sighs and answers, 'My second wish was for a
tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say.'
Why Parents Drink
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees
about an Urgent problem with one of the main computers, dialed the
employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.
"Hello."
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised, and wanting to! talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your
Mommy there?"
"Yes."
"May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered,
"No."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the
boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the
boss asked, "May I speak with! the policeman?"
"No, he's busy", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered
answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like
a Helicopter through the earpiece on the phone the boss asked,
"What is that noise?"
"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now truly alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team
just landed the hello-copper."
Alarmed, concerned, and even more then just a little frustrated
the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled
giggle:
"ME."
Clinton's & The
Bush's Train Ride
George and Laura Bush and Bill and Hilary Clinton are
traveling by train
to the Super Bowl. At the station George and Laura each buy a ticket and
watch as Bill and
Hilary buy just one ticket.
"How are the two of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks
George
W, astonished at what he is seeing.
"Watch and learn," answers Hilary.
They all board the train. George and Laura take their respective seats but
Bill and Hilary cram into a toilet together and close the door.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around
collecting tickets.
He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket, please." The door
opens
just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.. The
conductor takes it and moves on.
The Bushes see this happen and agree it was quite a clever idea, so after
the game they decide to try a similar plan on the return trip.
When they ! get to the station they see the Clinton's at the window buying
a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Clinton's
see that the Bushes don't buy any ticket at all.
"Aren't you taking a terrible chance by traveling without a ticket?"
says Hilary.
"Live and learn," answers Laura Bush.
When they board the train the Bushes cram themselves into a toilet and the
Clinton's cram into another toilet just down the way. Shortly after the
train leaves the station, George W. leaves their toilet and walks over to
the Clinton's toilet, knocks on their door and says, "Ticket, please"
(And you're still trying to figure out how the Democrats lost that
election.)
RE: Christmas Party
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 01, 2003
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on
December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House.
There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing
traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO
shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:opt. Exchange
of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be
over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This
gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at
that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 02, 2003
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We
recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with
Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're
calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other
employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day.
There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have
other types of music
for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Patty
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 03, 2003
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a
non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this
request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only"; you
wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?
Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the union
members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe $10.00 is a
little chintzy. NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: October 04, 2003
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim
holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours.
There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time
of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill
House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party- or else
package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that
work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest
from The dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the
restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do
not have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be
flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the
person asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed though. We
will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for
those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for
those people with high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits
as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar"
desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All @#$%^&* Employees
DATE: October 05, 2003
RE: The Fucking Holiday Party
Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party
at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the
table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it,
and you'll get your @#$%^&* salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you
know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard
them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten
holiday! Drive drunk and die,
The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 06, 2003
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll
continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided
to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with
full pay.
Happy Holidays!
RETURN TO HOME
PAGE