I now have panic attacks under control because, after many years of one psychotherapist and then another, I found a wonderful woman psychiatrist who finally actually listened to me. I can say in all truthfulness that she literally saved my life and gave me a new one. She put me on a drug for depression that was found to also block panic attacks. With a few restrictions, I now live a pretty normal life - but only after many years of suffering and struggling, thinking I was "crazy" or sick! I know there are millions of women who struggle with this disorder and feel helpless or embarrassed to talk about it. Or worse, they are frustrated because they are not finding the help they need. And I think you, as a public figure and as a woman like the rest of us, admitting without guilt or shame that you are afflicted with it, could be encouraging to other women. Can we go "off-track" here for a minute and talk more about it?

Adele: You know, it's fascinating to me how many women are struck with this! To me, we're all better off getting the word out there so others can ask questions, get help, and know that they're normal!

I also suffer from depression and OCD (obsessive/compulsive disorder), and for a while even suffered from social disorder and agoraphobia. You're so lucky you found someone! I spent literally years being misdiagnosed by doctor after doctor who kept telling me it was my imagination, mild heart palpitations, a more serious heart problem (though I kept seeing a cardiologist who said my heart was fine), to "female" problems, to doctors just telling me to stop worrying! Blah. A year and a half ago, I had another attack, really severe, and could not keep anything down. I just quit eating and was so anxious I thought I was dying. I was severely scared and didn't want to leave my house or my husband's side. If it weren't for my children I really think I would have died, Vic. I finally went to see a hometown doctor, and finally coming right out and saying, "Do not tell me this is all in my head. There is something WRONG WITH ME!" Well, after blood test after blood test just to rule out physical things like thyroid, he told me I was suffering from Anxietal Depression. I thought that was funny because I wasn't suicidal or alcoholic or anything, and he chuckled and told me I had Anxiety Disorder and Panic Disorder, and that didn't necessarily mean I'd be suicidal. He put me on Paxil, and explained every single step and thing that happens to the body when it's going into Panic. OMG. I was stunned, and realized right then and there that all this time, for 15 years, I'd been thinking I had something wrong with my heart or body, and it was simply a physical brain disorder that can be easily treated! I still suffer from Panic (I had a recent bout two weeks ago), but it's more like my body is going into "panic mode" or something but I don't panic. Like the Paxil is preventing the actual panic - I'm-going-to-die - feeling. I can feel my body shifting, still break out into a sweat, my heart races, fingers go numb, the usual, but I don't panic. At least I can get through them now! But this has been far more infrequent on the meds.

Paxil literally saved my life. I swear by it. Within a month I learned that my entire family on my dad's side suffered from depression, OCD, anxiety disorder and panic - grandparents, aunts, cousins - but nobody really talks about it. My sister also suffers from agoraphobia, panic, and anxiety and has gone on Paxil. She's doing sooo much better, too!. And I feel so much better - so normal! I didn't even realize how depressed I really was until I went on it! The other thing it has affected has been my writing - not the stories, but in my actual writing because I used to be really manic about it. I could sit for 16 hours and write without even eating or drinking - but not anymore. I actually have trouble sitting my butt in the chair, but I'll live with that. I'm a whole new person, and can actually go to a party and not hide in the corner! Yippee!

Vic: Regarding the hereditary part of this. It is extremely hereditary, and I also discovered that these disorders are rampant on my father�s side of the family, and go waaay back. And when I look back on my own father, I can see now that he had it, too. And the unfortunate part of that is he was never able to get help. He suffered his entire life, ending up alcoholic by way of "medicating himself" for the only relief that was available to him. How very sad, but how very fortunate that we are now able to recognize our symptoms and have them treated! None of us has to hide or be ashamed or "medicate ourselves" in a way that would ruin our lives.

Adele: The thing that's weird is that my OCD has gotten worse for some things - like picking - and better for others - like fear of germs. Ever see AS GOOD AS IT GETS? That's me, only I was never that severe. If you haven't seen it, you should. It's an incredible movie. One of my favorites. In Virginia, I was living in a small town, and I truly think it's a wonder that a small town MD would know so much about it and be able to diagnose me after one incident! OMG, the years I suffered, saw doctors, spent money on tests, even had panic giving birth, and not one doctor in a fine big-city hospital figured it out! It almost makes me mad! Okay, sorry to let loose but I have a real feeling for this.

I do feel passionately that this is just another disease and should be treated as such. Why can't we talk about it? If I were a diabetic I'd talk about that, too. Just because this is a brain malfunction doesn't mean we're mentally unstable!!!!! Oh, that makes me mad! Why is diabetes accepted but Panic is not??? One involves a physical disability in the brain, an organ, the other the pancreas, an organ. ARGH ... You know why? Because more women suffer with it, or at least suffer with it openly, than men, and it's a disease that primarily alters mood. Therefore, it's got to be either associated with "female" stuff, or "all in our pretty little heads." OMG. Do not get me started on that!

However, I have felt in the last year and a half that I will talk about this with anyone. I'm certainly not ashamed of it, and there's so much good treatment out there - the problem is just finding a doctor or therapist who understands it! I think so many women are misdiagnosed, like me, that they sit and worry that there's something really wrong, when they could be on meds or getting therapy! I've considered linking my site with the Obsessive Compulsive Foundation (OCF) and Anxiety Disorders of America Association (ADAA) as well as a site for depression. I have no problem talking about it, and wish that I could do something to help other people, especially women, who suffer from this or are afraid to come forward, or just don't KNOW. Do you think this would help? I don't know how many people actually come to my site, or if it would make a difference, but I have absolutely no trouble admitting and discussing my disorders.

Vic: Oh Adele, I think the idea of linking information about these things to your site would be a marvelous idea. Any way, anywhere, to get the word out and give proper information is important. If you or I can help even one person, then that person will surely help another, and so on.

Adele: Mental illness, especially depression, often occurs in highly creative people, which is why many authors, musicians, artists and actors suffer with it. But Geez, this is the 21st century! Nobody should have to suffer with the meds and therapy available today!

I'm not the least bit embarrassed and I am always willing to share my feelings on this disorder. I've suffered for years, even as young as a teenager, and had no idea. My feelings of severe depression, symptoms of OCD and body dysmorphic disorder (imagined uglines - a related disorder to OCD) during my teen years were terrible, and everybody pooh-poohed them! At least I know enough now to recognize symptoms if I see them in my kids and can get them help early. I feel like I'm living a new life now. I could go on forEVER. LOL!

Vic: You are living a new life, Adele! And doesn�t it feel good?! And another wonderful part about this that you noted is that we are able now to recognize it in the new generation and talk to them about it and make them know they aren�t sick or abnormal or crazy!!! I want to thank you so very much for sharing your personal experience and knowledge with us. And maybe, just maybe, you have opened or will open a new door to a new life for someone else.