 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
1. (Cliff's werewolf Totenmachen-- who prefers his wolf-form over his man-form-- explains his mating-habits to the group)
Totenmachen: "If it's not down on all fours, it's not happening."
2. (Brett's Anasai [were-spider] Christoff is talking to the black fugitive slave who wants to be a minister)
Christoff: "We could have him preach in a secret room in the back of the tavern! It would be like a Christian speakeasy!"
3. (The pack had gathered lots of little prey-animals into a sack to release in the spirit-realm in order to attract the attention of Owl to ask him to be their totem, but instead every other totem EXCEPT Owl showed up and chased the prey-animals around!)
Elsa (pissed-off): "We summoned every spirit-animal in the AREA with this rat-pack!"
4. (Brandon's Corax [were-raven] Lucian Broadstreet is rehearsing how to explain to the mortician who he is and why he's bringing him a dead Jewish mage)
Lucian: "I'm just your average homocidal-- damn! *sigh* I'm just your average English friend of this dead Jew!"
5. (ST Dave tells the pack that they suddenly find themselves in a disco roller rink in the 70s)
Shadowdog (Art's Uktena): "OK, I've GOTTA sense Wyrm!"
6. Hardware store clerk to Lucian: "How much wood do you need?"
Lucian (using his fingers to draw a coffin in the air about the size of Saul Goldman): "Ooh...about 5'10" worth..."
GURPS FANTASY:
1. "Nothing beats a giant Joseph Smith Sphinx!" (Donna affirmed in one of her LiveJournal entries. It doesn't really relate to the game, but it HAD to be on the quotes-page somehow!)
2. (conversation between Miranda's Elf Troy and Dave's Crusader Jason)
Troy: "Are you SURE you're not undead??"
Jason: "I'm sure."
(a few minutes pass...)
Troy: "You can tell us if you're undead."
Jason: "I'm not undead!"
(more time passes...the group is now trying to get Jason to tell them more about himself, but Jason seems reluctant to share)
Troy: "It can't be any worse than us thinking you're undead!"
Jason: "I'M NOT UNDEAD!!!"
3. (Troy creates his own "ancient" Shou-Lin tenet)
Troy: "Thou must be like a river: curvy and wet!"
4. (Lisa gets defensive when the group teases her about her character's accent)
Lisa: "I am role-playing. Behold! Role-playing."
5. (conversation between Lisa's human paladin Alisabetta and Dave's dwarf Orek)
Alisabetta: "Thou wilt be riding a horse."
Orek: "A horse??"
Alisabetta: "Of course!"
6. (Lisa's centaur Rhondari trots up to the inkeeper)
Rhondari: "Is this centaur-accessible?"
7. (Lisa's high elf wizard Klantyre explains to her group why casting Fireball in the small, enclosed space would be a great idea)
Klantyre: "It's OK-- we have more hit-points than they do!"
8. (Troy gives his reason for why the group should pay any attention to the inconspicuous, floating mace)
Troy: "It's not everyday you come across a floating mace!"
9. (Alisabetta protests when her companions ask why didn't attack the Night-mare)
Alisabetta: "Well I've never seen a naughty horse before!"
10. (Alisabetta turns to the cleric)
Alisabetta: "Dost thou know what thou art healing when thou art healing?" (causing a sudden outburst of laughter from the group which bewilders Lisa)
11. (Brett's Shou-Lin swordmaster observes in surprise the Wood Elves' 3-day fast and prayer at the shrine. Normally the Wood Elves spend most of their time running around and having fun, which irritates Brett's strict character.)
Shou-Lin swordmaster: "Much discipline, unlike I expected."
12. (Troy sees a vision of the group's kidnapped comrades in a prison cell)
Troy (in relief): "At least we know they're alive-ish!"
13. (a bunch of wraith-like Shadow Knights speed the group across the Dark Elf land to the border, not letting them feel hunger until they arrive 3 days later)
Alisabetta: "I lost 10 lbs on the Evil Knight-Plan!"
14. (Dark Elf earth-mage Nothia watches a death-knight's horse chomping up some meat)
Nothia: "Those are hungry, hungry horses!"
15. (Nothia backs away from an angry death-knight)
Nothia: "Beep-beep-beep..."
16. (Nachte finds out that shadow knights like her turn into death-knights after they die)
Nachte: "I don't want to die, but if I do it will be COOL!"
17. (Nachte fantasizes dying and coming back as a death-knight and confronting her traitorous brother Daharann)
Nachte: "NOW throw a fireball at me, muthuh!!"
18. Storyteller-Dave: "The night passes uneventfully because there's protection..."
Troy (protesting from the tent he shares with girlfriend Nandi): "Hey! Just because there was protection doesn't mean it passed uneventfully!!"
19. "One moment, please!" (Nachte says politely to the death-knight before she goes to get Gerhann)
20. (Nachte fondles and coos to the skeleton-pet she just made, and Kadrya the necromancer looks at this scene in disgust)
Kadrya: "You do know they're mindless, don't you?"
21. (Nothia tells Brett's charismatic, handsome Dark Elf Orlando that he shouldn't bother rolling dice to hit on her)
Orlando: "Wait-- I'm trying to use my skills!!"
22. (Brett's knight Gareth introduces himself to the group)
Gareth: "I am Lord of the Wilderness-- I have been close to the beasts!"
23. (continued...Alisabetta looks at Troy's new recruit Gareth in concern)
Alisabetta (whispering to Troy): "Troy...might I have a word with thee??"
24. (continued...Gareth points to his pet wolf proudly)
Gareth: "And this is my second-in-command!"
25. (Troy is thrilled when Febben the Halfling cleric resurrects Alisabetta)
Troy (to Alisabetta): "I KNEW you couldn't die a virgin!!"
26. (Orlando is enjoying himself at the orgy he's hosting when sudenly he's summoned by his pet-ogre to assist the D'Veronns)
Orlando: "Well, ladies...finish up without me!"
27. "This is grave news!" (Orlando says, and then suddenly the background music Dave's playing strikes a sudden loud, dramatic chord)
Orlando: "See?? I TOLD you it was grave news!"
28. (pampered Kadrya instructs Daharann what to get as he's leaving to buy her son some toys)
Kadrya: "SWEET toys, not stupid fishing village toys!"
29. (ST Dave tells his players about the evil god called the Father of All)
ST Dave: "He may be evil but he still has manners!"
30. (Nothia asks evil Daharann if he'd like to leave the ball)
Daharann: "I am the champion of the Dark-- I am forced to socialize."
31. (the group discusses their upcoming trip to Belkaria and the skills they'll need while traveling through the wilderness)
Nuite (the sarcastic rogue): "Well I can read lips-- and that's going to be *really* helpful against a bear!"
32. "Now...let's eat!" (Gerhann says to Nachte in-game, and 1 second later the pizza-guy knocks at our front door in real life! Too eerie...)
33. (Alisabetta prepares to shape-shifts into a giant golden eagle)
Alisabetta: "I will roc-out!"
34. (Gareth discovers that the jail cell the dragons stuck them in has no lock)
Gareth: "Wow! Dragons are DUMB!"
35. (Nachte is furious when she finds out that Kadrya is an evil goddess now so Nachte can't physically harm her. Then Nachte realizes that she CAN tell Kadrya that her ex-husband married their mother!)
Nuite: "Well, if you can't inspire fear, you can at least inspire nausea!"
36. (Nuite taunts armor-wearing Nachte about not being able to sneak properly as Nachte's trying to sneak to her room)
Nuite: "You're going to come clinking into my room??"
Nachte (throwing off the armor): "No...I move much better naked!"
37. (Gareth bows to the group and prepares to change back into a horse so he can carry his girlfriend on his back)
Gareth: "No problem! Now I must attend to my duties as a horse!"
38. (Brett is about to roll dice for the damage bear-form-Gareth did after mauling a priest)
ST Dave: "Don't even bother, dude-- you're a fucking bear!"
39. (Sherizan [the wizard who was carried around by the god of magic under his arm for the first part of his life] manages to get two of the party-member pissed at him for his lack of tact)
Elle (Miranda's High Elf): "Poor Sherizan! He was never properly socialized! He grew up in an armpit!"
40. Elle: (Alisabetta barrages Quinn with hints that he should propose to Nandi, who's already pregnant with his child)
Elle: "You are so merciless with men!!"
Alisabetta: "Of course! I have a flaw!" (Intolerance to Dishonorable Men)
41. (The Father of All turns to Daharann at the conclusion of Daharann's wedding ceremony)
Father of All: "Go now and create that heir!"
Daharann (smugly to new wife Soleryn): "Well...you can't refuse a god!"
42. (the friends are musing if Elle the High Elf could have gotten pregnant from her night with the wizard Sherizan)
Alisabetta: "Oh, but Sherizan is sterile, is he not?"
Elle: "Yes, but he was pleasant!"
43. (Quinn announces to everyone that his wife Nandi just gave birth)
Quinn: "Twins!!"
Agnar the Barbarian (growling in excitement): "Twice the love!"
44. (Murdosalen the 9-foot albino Centaur chases off a criminal and only gets 3 silver out of the deal)
Murdosalen (in frustration): "I've done a lot worse for a lot less!"
45. (Klantyre the High Elf's companions tell her they've never heard of her beloved goddess of love Draxia, and that the NEW goddess of love is a dark elf named Ehzerra)
Klantyre (complaining): "And I had no idea there was a goddess named Ehzerra! It's been a bad month!"
46. (Petrovia says Klantyre probably has small elven-boobs)
Klantyre: "I've got GOOD boobs!! I spent 25 experience points for them!!"
47. (Klantyre the fire mage complains about the bad affects of using her fire-breathing spell)
Petrovia (comfortingly): "If there's anything that WON'T happen to a fire-mage it's singed eyebrows!"
48. (the group had been complaining about how quiet and boring their visits to the taverns had been, and then Klantyre and Petrovia get into a cat-fight in the bar)
Klantyre (cheering): "Our first bar-fight and it was US!"
49. (Klantyre looks up excitedly after studying her Heat spell)
Klantyre: "Wow! I could bake warriors in their armor like potatos in foil!"
50. (Alitash the thief/mage gloats over the traitorous Cronsainians after stabbing him)
Alitash: "I don't get mad, I get stabby!"
51. (the grumpy inkeeper is complaining that his best waitress [Draxia] just up and quit)
Gagorlen the Centaur: "Perhaps he doesn't like doing women's work?"
52. Gagorlen (the 9-foot Centaur): "I'll enter the race!"
Petrovia (quickly giving some silver to the bookie): "I'm betting on that pony!"
53. Petrovia (complaining) "We have a very salty captain!"
Klantyre (grinning suggestively): "What did you have to do to book our passage??"
54. (Alitash and Klantyre learn that Jason had died in his sleep not long after they'd visited him. Klantyre doesn't take it well.)
Alitash (trying to comfort Klantyre): "Your boobs were a comfort to him in his last hours!"
55. (Rhondari the curious Centaur pesters Cirran the Dark Elf Warrior)
Rhondari: "What do Dark Elves eat?"
Cirran (without a hint of humor): "Baby Centaurs."
56. Petrovia (to Draxelyn): "Wine?"
Alisabetta, mother of Draxelyn (sighing tiredly): "All the time..."
57.
(Klantyre is trying desperately to get Febben to answer questions about he and Alisabetta's love-life for her chapter on interracial marriage in the book she's compiling. Febben squirms away, and suddenly Klantyre's husband Telbin is standing before her with his arms folded disapprovingly.)
Telbin: "Are you bothering Febben again, Klantyre?"
Klantyre: "But they're the only Halfing/Human couple to get married in existance!"
Petrovia: "You live forever! It's bound to happen again!"
58. (Klantyre looks through her grimoire and gets an idea for how to take Alitash's mind off of Dun'Thex, who just rejected her)
Klantyre: "Oooh-- Enchanted Paramour! I haven't used THAT spell yet!"
Alitash (incredulously): "I'm not having sex with a spell!"
59. (A Barbarian wrestler sees sexy Klantyre and immediately pulls off his bracer, offering it to her in exchange for sex. Klantyre gently declines, so the Barbarian pulls off his breastplate and holds it out to her. Klantyre laughs and shakes her head, waving her ring-finger at him with a smile, showing him her wedding ring. The Barbarian misunderstands her, and pulls a ring off his finger and offers it to her.)
Klantyre (apologizing politely): "Sorry-- there's room only for one!"
Barbarian (looking around for the man who is her husband): "Where's the guy?! I'll wrestle him for you!"
Gagorlen the 9-foot Centaur (walking up to stand beside Klantyre): "Is there a problem?"
(the Barbarian looks up...waaaay up...at the Centaur in fear and admiration)
Klantyre (grinning suggestively): "As I said-- room for only one!"
60. Petrovia: "I need ching-ching jewelry!"
Klantyre: "No you don't! We're on a stealth-mission!"
61. (Gagorlen grins at Petrovia after Petrovia stabbed the chieftain's son)
Gagorlen: "I guess you showed him what it was like to be penetrated!"
62. (Klantyre cries when Alitash berates her for accidentally frying a few of the birds Alitash had summoned to help them)
Klantyre: "I'm panicky! My husband's unconscious on the ground, my goddess is unconscious on the ground, and I just want to go home!!"
63. (Petrovia backs away from the enchanted noose hanging from the dead tree)
Petrovia: "I'm not fucking with some glowing noose!"
64. (the Consainian guard looks from the Centaur...to the three human women...to the high elf paladin with a critical eye)
Cronsainian Guard: "Are these all THY guards??"
Klantyre (reassuringly): "Well...I'm quite defenseless, myself!"
65. (Gagorlen the centaur apologizes when his companions want to go dancing in the tavern and he declines)
Gagorlen: "I can't dance, anyway! I've got two left hooves!"
66. (Petrovia is trying to think of ways to earn money as she's almost broke. She refuses to prostitute herself, but then the suggestion reminds her of a show she heard about once where a human female and a horse had sex in front of an audience for money. This gives Klantyre an idea!)
Klantyre: "You could 'milk' Gagorlen for money in front of an audience!"
Gaglorlen: "You will NOT milk me."
Petrovia: "He's a horse, not a cow!"
Gagorlen: "I'm a centaur, not a horse! And you can't milk me because I don't have teets!"
67. Petrovia: "Can you change me into a Cronsainian maiden?"
Klantyre (smirking): "Not even DRAXIA could fix THAT!"
68. Klantyre: "I can't WAIT to go home!"
Petrovia: "I thought you were enjoying your travels and converting people to Draxia!"
Klantyre: "That's true! I really enjoyed talking to the Belkarian priest...the prostitutes...the fops..."
Telbin (explaining): "She hasn't been out much before this."
Gagorlen: "Boy-- when you get out, you really get out!"
69. (Brynn watches a vision of herself in the future, realizing that she got her cool cheek-scar from the evil Inspector Richards when she elbowed him in the sweets and made his knife slip)
Brynn: "I gotta remember to elbow that guy in the nuts again!"
70. (the transdimentionally-transparent Prince Stephan reveals that he doesn't know how he feels about marrying Brynn in the future)
Forallen: "He doesn't feel "substantially" one way or another!"
71. ("insubstantial" Prince Stephan sees himself in the future renouncing his throne to marry Brynn)
Prince Stephan (to his friends commandingly): "Someone slap him-- I can't!"
72. (Brynn tries to decide if she's going to heal Prince Stephan-- who's been infected by a diseased skeleton and is turning undead-- by telling him she loves him)
Forallen (rationalizing): "You won't have to worry about him giving up the kingdom if he's a zombie!"
73. (Tawney had just given Prince Stephan an ugly get-well bouquet in the infirmary when she found out that Brynn just got the crap beat out of her by the same oldest Richards-boy who beat up Prince Stephan)
Tawney (excitedly): "We'll have to get YOU an ugly bouquet, too!"
74. (Tawney spent the last week obsessively playing with her magically-enchanted toys, talking to them and taking them around with her everywhere and saying they were her new best friends. Hermione finally asks Tawney why she would play with the Daharann doll.)
Tawney: Because he's one of my favorite dolls!
Hermione: But why?? He's EVIL!
Tawney: Because he's so FUNNY!
Hermione: But he's EVIL! Don't you remember your history lessons??
Tawney: (looks at Hermione patronizingly) He's just a DOLL!
75. (the group is wondering who the ghostly Nimbatan woman is)
Brynn: "They killed lots of Nimbatans! Maybe it's one that they killed and she's dead now!
76. (Forallen is frustrated when he realizes their nemesis was kicked out of school so he can't try out his new magical bow on him)
Forallen: "I wanted to shoot him in the head with a mop but he was expelled already!"
77. (Tawney had a big crush on Forallen the Centaur and was hurt to find out that he didn't return her feelings. Later on Forallen is telling the group about his day-dream of meeting a beautiful pegasus to date)
Tawney: "You have really high standards! I don't feel so bad now!"
78. (Emperor Gerhann is the announcer at the first annual Drax Ta'Lan Games)
Emperor Gerhann: "Our next match-- Lady Y'Valla vs. Lady Ehzerra!"
Prince Stephan (whispering): "I think I'll bet on the ex-god!"
79. Hermione (to Prince Stephan): "Watch out for Kadrya-- you're a VIRGIN!"
Prince Stephan: "I should get a chastity belt!"
Alisabetta: "Yes! It bought me lots of time when I got kidnapped!"
80. Miranda (talking about Nothea): "I didn't mean to kill anyone!!"
ST Dave: "You muthuh-fucking brought down the rotunda! I think you meant to kill them!!"
81. Hermione: "I've gotten into a lot of trouble for a Gnome!"
Tawney: "I've gotten into a lot of trouble for a WOOD ELF!"
Hermione: "Oh come on! You can't be the only Wood Elf who gets into trouble!"
Tawney: "Yeah! The forest must be FULL of naughty Wood Elves!"
82. (The group is walking through a forest in Drax Parka on a royal boar-hunt with the D'Veronns)
ST Dave: "You come through the trees and see a cabin on a hill."
Tawney: "Oh no! The boar lives in a CABIN??"
Prince Stephan: "He's fortified!"
83. (Tawney and her friends eat lots of chocolate candy and cake and then meet an agent of the Father of All and don't know how they'll find him again)
Tawney: "Let's throw up chocolate on him to mark him!"
84. (Forallen the Centaur is helping to pick out a Draxian horse for Prince Stephan)
Forallen: "Which one of you horses would like to go home with Prince Stephan, and which one of you would like to go home with ME?"
85. (Tawney peeks at the Merrigan's aura and sees inky blackness surrounding one of his hands)
Tawney: "I wonder why only his hand is black! Maybe his hand is EVIL!"
86. Miranda: "We didn't think Dave's background-music fit until we realized that "school" was synonymous with "Hell!" (a sentiment shared by ALL of Dave's players for Dave's odd choice of doomsday-music that he plays during the University game!)
87. Prince Stephan: "I think we should start sleeping in trees!"
Tawney the Wood Elf: "That's what I've been telling you for YEARS!"
88. (During the group's quest to discover what was wrong with the forest, Foovner became obsessed with the idea that there must be a creature called an "ice-badger" living there that was causing all the problems. At one point Tawney asked her squirrels to sniff around.)
Tawney: "My squirrels say there's something bad under the ground!"
Foovner: "'Bad' as in 'bad'ger?" he grins.
89. (Tawney makes a bird-call, and two owls fly over. She whispers a message to them, and they take off flying)
Hermione (incredulously): "You were talking to the animals??"
Tawney (proudly): "I talked to a pair of hooters!"
90.
(the children watch as the high elf paladins turn into their mystical-form-- great stags)
Hermione: "Look! They're STAG-nating!"
91. Kif: "Was it necessary to threaten the town elders like that?"
Telbin: "I do not like being told 'no.'"
Tawney (grinning): "That's why he married Klantyre!"
92. (Hermione the gnome tries to explain to her gnome-boyfriend Foovner why she and her friends would want to be Crusaders, even though they might lose their families and stuff)
Hermione: "We're tiny cogs in a big machine!"
93. (Art's wood elf Tualik tried out his new poison dart on a bird, killing the bird and almost killing himself, and then remembered that his god Ethengar forbids the killing of birds!)
Montraseu (Brandon's Alainian): "Well I'm glad you're not dead and now enjoying the wrath of Ethengar!"
94. (Tualik goes to Klantyre's love-shop after trying to sleep with a dark elf and having a...premature night!)
Tualik: "Do you have anything to make a guy last longer?"
95. (Anamir the Dark Elf watches two naked Alainian women wrestle at the Summer Games)
Anamir: "I KNEW there was a reason we were protecting Alain!"
96. (Tualik and a Tatkan [lizard-man] meet on the street)
Tualik: "Hello! I am Tualik! I see that you are male!"
97. (Z'Vell tries to tell his cousins his Prophesy name and it just comes out gibberish)
V'Rixxtan: "Ah! So the teachers in the Peanuts comics were just speaking Prophesy all day!"
98. (Ron pratices playing the Cole children's father getting after them for something)
Father Cole: "You know, you kids wouldn't be here if your mother and I hadn't met!" (probably one of the most confusing threats ever!)
99. (ST Dave explains why Salatissa the lizard-goddess's death won't result in a new Tatkan god appearing)
ST Dave: "Salatissa is not an essential god. There needs to be a god of love...a god of war...there does not need to be a god of swamps!"
100. Malcolm: "Well like I said, I wish I had someone to make demands on ME!"
Noiree: "Hey! Let's not start comparing our grass again!" (referring to an earlier conversation about how the grass is always greener on the other side)
101. (Wood Elves Tawney and Telanthalas are excited on their graduation-day)
Tawney: "Wow! We're grown-ups! We can get a tree-house!"
102. Hermione: "Well it's been nice knowing you. At least I had a kid. And YOU had kids! TWO of them! Isn't it harder for Cronsainians to get laid?"
Prince Stephan: "Not when you're prince!"
103. (Anamir finds out the hard way that the spell Feather Fall doesn't involve actual feathers!)
Anamir: "I was just hoping for a cloud of fuzzy things around us!"
104. (an enchantment goes wrong and suddenly Prince Stephan is stuck looking like a Barbarian)
Hermione: "The king's going to think you're really smart!"
Prince Stephan: "I just can't rely on my good looks anymore!"
105. (Tawney sobs at Hermione's graveside)
Tawney: "Now I'm stuck with all these GUYS!"
106. (Virgil is annoyed with the crowing rooster because he has hangover and tries to kill it)
Lucius: "Don't kill the rooster! You can't get any chicks if you kill the cock!"
107. "8!!" (Lisa calls triumphantly after rolling a 6-sided dice. Think about it for a moment...you'll get it...)
108. (Virgil tells his parents about the upcoming war with Cronsain)
Virgil: "I'd hate to be US if we lose!"
109. (Virgil is yelling at the guards, trying to trick one into coming into his cell so he can mesmerize him)
Virgil: "I'll spread the plague if you don't come in!!"
Suzanna (teasing her virgin son): "Darling, of all my sons you're the LEAST likely to spread the plague!"
110. ST Dave: "You walk into the cemetary and see your mother and father's graves..."
Miranda: "Yeay! I mean..."
111. (Virgil is still trying to trick a guard into entering his cell!)
Virgil (shouting): "Guards!! Come empty me bucket!!"
112. (as the group nears Klantyre's house, they can smell something cooking but no one's supposed to be home. Klantyre gets a panicked look in her eyes and starts running toward the house)
Klantyre: "No one's allowed to cook in my house, least of all ME!!"
113. "But the cooking smells good!" Virgil calls after Klantyre.
"That's why I'm concerned!" she calls back, running even faster!
114. (Neko the thief sees a thief-child from his enemy's house steal something in Neko's "district" while Neko is performing for people on the street)
Neko: "They're stealing in my district?? Oh no-- not on MY watch! Magic show's over!"
115. (Neko's contribution to the Famous Shou-Lin Tennants! Neko confuses a captured spy right before killing him)
Neko: "Do not forget, though you shall never remember."
116. (Klantyre is describing one of her rose-quartz-pink airships)
Klantyre (happily): "It's like a big ball of cotton candy floating your way!"
117. (Another Neko-contribution to the Famous Shou-Lin Tennants! He gave this advice to samuri Tsubara, a man at least 10 years older than him!)
Neko: "Sometimes it is more honorable to be dishonorable."
118. (Brett's halfling warrior Abreem Furrtoe helps dispatch two black dagger men, and then realizes he's the only deputy in the halfling village)
Abreem: "I hope there's not more of them because I'm off-duty now!"
119. (Krinkle is giving advice to cousin Tether about the Barbarian custom of offering his bracer to paladin-Aurora in exchange for sex)
Krinkle: "She's more likely to agree if she doesn't have to get off her horse!"
120. (the group laughs and makes disgusted noises when they hear that Lisa's Dark Elf Nachte made a coin-purse out of an orc's scrotum after she killed the orc and then got diseased from touching it [to this day we call an orc male's private bits a "moss man"])
Art (imitating Nachte): "Let me just get my moss-man coin purse!"
121. (continued...Krinkle sighs in admiration after the group discovers a half-orc/half-high elf)
Krinkle: "It's the most graceful moss-man penis you ever saw!"
122. (Dunthander and the other high elves find out that the halflings are trying to offer them bracers for sex)
Dunthander (shouting): "Everyone back away from the halfling cart!"
WRAITH: THE OBLIVION
1. (Lucian walks up to an Italian Renegade, unaware that Renegades are part of the Rebel alliance)
Lucian: "You wouldn't happen to know where the Rebels are, would you?"
2. (Nathanial the wraith cries as his Shadow-- pretending to be his mother-- congratulates him on finally taking charge in his life)
Nathanial: "Wow! I think I just earned a gold star!"
CYBERPUNK:
1. (Lisa's Cyberpunk character Blaze finds out she really IS Angela Featherstone, the famous actress who disappeared and was married to Tom Cruise Jr. Blaze had been paid to kidnap Tom Cruise Jr., and then he'd escaped into the desert somewhere...)
Blaze (in confusion): "I don't know which part of the desert to be the most scared of-- I-80, I-60, or Tom Cruise, Jr.!"
TORG:
1. (Art's character Paul tries to convince the Australlian captain to wait for them in the zombie-infested realm)
Paul: "If I come back to the ship slobbering with one of my eyeballs hanging out and I'm stepping funny, you can have all the money in my wallet!"
2. (Nimue chastizes Shikuro when Shikuro suggests the group should influence people to worship Dorsey's character Garrison instead of Jesus)
Nimue: "I don't think Garrison should be the object of ANYONE'S worship!"
3. (Abim suggests they try stealing a car from the evil supervillians)
Paul: "Did you see how many guys there were?? I don't know about you, but I'm no Blue Scarab!"
4. (Art asks ST Dave who we're fighting and ST Dave turns around one of the TORG books)
Art: "Oh no! It's the guy on the cover of the book!! It's never good when you're facing the guy on the cover of the book!!"
5. (Garrision shouts for Paul, who's wearing a superhero costume that gives him super-strong hands)
Garrison: "Hey, Mighty Mits! Let's go!"
6. Nimue (Rowan's Elf from Aisle): "I only make fun of my friends. If I didn't like them I'd just stab them and run away."
VAMPIRE: THE MASQUERADE:
(Here come the Nero-quotes-- Cliff's Sabbat vampire! The quotes are so hillarious because Nero has the traditional Transylvanian vampire-accent, so keep this accent in mind when reading the quotes!)
1. (Nero tricks a Vietnam vet into bombing a rival-vampire's basement)
Nero (excitedly): "Grenades are fun!"
2. (Nero immitates how a panicked Arch-bishop Carter would sound if Nero and his pack all fell through the weak floor and impaled themselves on the broken boards. I think you had to be there for this one!)
Nero: "Where are all my bishops??"
3. "We better park the car down the street in case their best men are doing their best job." (another of Nero's scene-stopper quotes!)
4. (Nero answers the door and unintentionally insults a cop.)
Nero: "Pardon me-- I have no Charisma." (the classic of all classics-- still quoted to this day!)
5. ST Dave: "Cliff! Don't grab him-- that guy's on fire!"
Nero (confidently): "But I have Celerity-- I can flap like crazy!"
6. Nero (to his packmates): "When you're at the bottom of the barrel the only thing to eat is the rest of the barrel."
7. "Sometimes the best action is to avoid inaction."
8. "Being hunted and killed for creating the anti-Christ?? I couldn't ask for more!!"
9. Nero (on his new favorite topic): "But while we're waiting, let's talk about angels having sex!"
10. (One of the Sisters [vampire-seeress] is reading Nero's palm. She starts talking about everyone except Nero.)
Nero: "Am I in this picture or are you watching a different channel?"
11. (Nero to Hellblazer's John Constantine)
Nero: "John, it is interesting to see you out on this night."
John: "Why?"
Nero: "Because I...did not know McDonalds was open so late!"
12. (Vanessa and Nero are talking)
Vanessa: "They said someone's coming for us who's ancient and doesn't like us very much."
Nero (with a gleefull smile): "Hmmm...could it be...God?"
13. "Let's show him what the Fire Dancers are all about! Did you bring your fire-toys?"
14. "If that is his ghost his ghost is going to die!"
15. "I'll not cry...I will kill."
16. "There's nothing in the manual against a flying Jesus."
17. "I yearn for your attack!!"
18. (Lisa's Sabbat Serpent of the Light vampire Vanessa talking to Nero)
Nero: "Are there any big, mean-looking werewolves around?"
Vanessa: "Don't poke the doggy!"
MAGE: THE ASCENSION:
1. (a nervous Kassandra is being hit on by two guys at the cabal's house-party)
Kassandra (to ST Dave): "So...both of the guys are male?"
2. (Aidan and her cabal-mates are studying a book that's giving off lots of Prime, and one of the cabal-mates wonders if the cover is made from Mage-skin since both give of the same kind of "shine")
Aidan: "Just because it's shiny doesn't mean it's made of people!"
3. (talking about Kristin's hermaphrodite Verbena mage Kaiden)
Aidan: "She's genderless!"
Kaiden: "No, not genderless, gender-FULL!"
4. (Kassandra ponders if Darcy and Aidan are boyfriend and girlfriend)
Kyril: "They're a couple-- they sleep together!"
Kassandra (referring to Kaiden's promiscuity): "Ask Kaiden what that means! Jack squat!"
Kyril: "If you're like Kaiden, you can jack AND squat!"
5. (Aidan attempts to discribe her Seeking to her cabal-mates)
Aidan: "I had this dream! Well...it wasn't EXACTLY a dream, but it was LIKE a dream, and it happened when I was sleeping!"
6. (Brett's Euthanatos mage Count Voldia tells Storyteller Dave what he's doing for the afternoon)
Count Voldia: "I'm going to go shopping for sexy clothes. The count needs to be sexy!"
7. (Aidan is waiting impatiently outside Darcy's door)
Aidan (to ST Dave): "I'm giving him 5 minutes and then I'm coming in. If he's in the middle of nude-yoga that's HIS problem!"
8. (Kassandra is excited when she hears that Kyril was able to transfer ownership of the head-shop over to her cabal)
Kassandra: "Free rainbow shirts for everyone!"
9. (as the group travels deeper into the Weaver-infested realm, Aidan fights the the smaller servant-spiders of the queen by stomping on them)
Peter: "I believe we can handle the queen-spider."
Kassandra: "We're going to need a really big shoe!"
10. (Kyril is worried that he's going to have to have sex with a female werewolf to seal the werewolf-mage alliance, because a similar proposition happened to Aidan when she wanted to seal the fae-mage alliance)
Kyril (in fear): "Death by shnoo-shnoo!!"
11. Kaiden: "I look more like a girl now."
Aidan: "Do you have breasts?"
Kaiden: "Little ones!"
Kassandra: "Your boobs will come in time...like the summer frost." (this prompted many a confused stare at Lisa. To this day Lisa doesn't know why that came out of her mouth!)
WEREWOLF (THE PURE LANDS):
1. (the werewolf-children are playing hide-and-go-seek)
Okwire (worriedly): "The wolf says we'll be easy to find!"
Liir (confidently): "We're not stupid!"
(And then Cecil literally flings himself over the arm of the couch and crouches next to the couch sneakily! Nope...no one saw that!)
2. (the group tells Kan-Hatki to aim for the huge wyrm-creature's goons when attacking because it's got to be a big target)
Liir: "It can't be well-hung, it's EVIL!"
3. (Lakota gives each of the new packmates a fetish)
Liir: "I want more gifts!! This is like Native American Christmas!!"
4. (the packmates are trying to think of nicknames to tease Oiseta with after they found out she has THREE men chasing after her the morning after she lost her virginity)
Liir: "Spreading Eagle!"
Tillaminook: "Port-of-Many-Storms!"
Kan-Hatki: "Slut!"
5. (Continued...the packmates just can't drop the subject of Oiseta-nicknames. Now they're teasing her about the man she likes best named Eagle-Of-The-Sun)
Kan-Hatki: "Spreaded-By-Eagle-Of-The-Sun!"
Onera: "'Spreaded??'"
Kan-Hatki: "I'm an Indian! What do you want??"
6. (sept-leader Chipowata informs Kan-Hatki that a girl he's only talked to once wants to marry him)
Onera: "She likes you??"
Chipowata: "Her heart beats for him."
Onera: "Does she even KNOW you??"
Kan-Hatki: "Apparently not!"
7. (the Pack of the Thundering Earth are travelling over enemy lands on a moonbridge; Liir tells his pack how much he'd like to pee over the side of the bridge onto the Huron below)
Liir: "How do I aim? Am I good? Oh I bet it takes archery."
Onera: "Archery?? If only I had a penis! I'd be so good!!"
Cyberpunk:
1.
(Zee the Nomad and Bling the Fixer are meeting for the first time)
Zee: "Just what is it that you do?"
Bling: "I put two and two together and hope it adds up!"
2. (Dave asks someone to throw him his Cyberpunk book that has the vinyl book-cover on it, and then catches it easily)
Dave: "See? The skin makes it tossable!"
Lisa: "Boy, there's a sentence you never want to hear out of context!"
3. "We'll discuss this in character later."
4. (Cecil is describing his character Eve to new player Dorsey)
Cecil: "I have a short skirt and a long jacket."
Dorsey: "Isn't there a song about that?"
Dave: "Yeah, 'Dude Looks Like A Lady!'"
5.
(Bling and Eve are bragging about their accomplishments for the day)
Eve: "I have 1 rep!"
Bling: "I have 2.4!"
Eve (bitterly): "Suck my cock."
Bling (referring to the device implanted in Eve's vagina to increase her sexual stamina): "That doesn't come standard with the Midnight Lady!"
Mage: Sorcerer's Crusade:
1. (Dante the Celestial Chorus Catholic priest has called his parishoners in for a meeting about the murder that took place to try to calm them down. But first he goes about the standard church announcements.)
Dante: "There are some sick amoung us-- I'd like to point them out..."
ABERRANT:
1. (Damage threatens to take the file on the senator's family away from Aura, and Aura prepares to activate her Quantum Vampire power)
Aura (threateningly): "I'm going to suck your pumpkin-ability!!" (one of those lovely unintentional double-entendres!)
2. (Aura explains to the new StormWatch members about how the labs downstairs like to test their body fluids regularly)
Aura: "Yeah, so for the guys you'll walk into your bathroom and see a Playboy sitting there and know 'Hey! It's sperm-count day!'"
Storyteller Dave: (starts cracking up with a Lifesaver in his mouth) "Careful! I'm trying to swallow!" (this prompted everyone ELSE to start cracking up! Gotta love those double-entendres again!)
3. (Aura is standing behind the 16-foot ancient evil behemoth Apophis that overpowered Supreme)
Aura: "If I'm standing behind him can I do something stupid?"
Storyteller Dave (grinning like a Cheshire Cat): "You certainly can!"
4. (ST Dave is getting after Aura for her decision to punch out the man she was searching when he got on her nerves)
ST Dave: "Do you think a regular police officer would be able to get away with that?
Aura: "Well I *AM* from Los Angeles!"
5. Damage (to Aura): "Aren't you telepathic or something?"
Aura: "No, I'm...(Aura can't remember the word "telekenetic")...tele-throwing!"
Damage (imitating Aura in a mocking-tone): "I'm not tele-anything! Not even tele-gent!"
6. Storyteller Dave: "You have a 1 in 4 chance, so roll a D6." (this is another one you might have to think about for a minute!)
7. (the group asks Kat if she has knowledge in forensics)
Kat: "I'm completely useless with people's bodies!"
(Unfortunately for Kat, Mestre-- the man she has the hots for-- was standing right behind her when she said that!)
8. (Lisa is having a mind-blank while trying to role-play Aura having phone-sex as part of Truth-or-Dare)
Lisa: "Do I HAVE to role-play it??"
Dave: "*I* did!" (in reference to Dave role-playing Slider making a dirty phonecall to Count Ortiz the round before)
Lisa: "Yeah but you're Dave! You'd do ANYTHING!"
9. Slider: "DAMN IT!!" (said about once every 5 minutes!)
10. Lance "Stone Badass" Stryker: "And that's a DAMN fact!" (also said about once every 5 minutes!)
11. [Here are the first of the double-quotes where we're not sure who said the funnier line, so both people get the credit!]
(the members of Stormwatch are complaining to Caestus about having to star in the upcoming Stormwatch-movie, and Caestus is trying to convince them it's a good idea)
Caestus: "You get a percentage!"
Aura: "Yeah, but how much can I pay to get my dignity back?"
Damage: "You can't put a price on respect!"
12. (Storyteller Dave is explaining to the group why the sexy Duke was rejected when he came-on to Slider)
Dave: "Slider can't be seduced."
Lisa (referring to the nickname she calls Lucious Malfoy-- the character-picture Ron picked for The Duke): "But the Duke is 'Luscious!'"
Dave to Ron: "Are you luscious?"
Ron: "I am!"
Ryan: "And that's a DAMN fact!" (immitating Lance Stryker)
13. Count Ortiz: "I wanted to buy Aura and Supreme a wedding present. I was thinking flowers...or a vacation home."
14. (Terrance Hauk detonates the explosives taped to his body, trying to kill himself and Aura at the same time. Aura returns to Stormwatch Tower unharmed a short while later)
Slider: "Good job with Terrance Hauk!"
Aura: "The whole thing kinda blew up in his face, ha-ha!"
15. (Mestre and Thundergirl are trying to have a dangerous conversation about the President without anyone overhearing)
Mestre: "Should I call you on the phone?"
Thundergirl: "No!" (taps her forehead) "In my head!"
Mestre (in his thick Brazilian accent): "But you told me to never go into your head! You said if I ever went back into your head you'd give me a libido!" (We're assuming he meant to say "labotomy" rather than "libido," but you never know!)
16. Narcosis: "I believe he asked you leave."
Rage: "He did, and I'm still here."
17. (Aura is pissed that Narcosis fled the club, so she grabs the bartender "Numbers" by the front of his shirt and lifts him off the ground)
Numbers: "But I didn't do anything!"
Aura: "Who cares! No one else is here and I wanna punch someone!"
18. (the following two quotes are part of the conversation between Aura and Raoul as Aura was dangling Raoul high above the city, anticipating killing him)
Raoul: "Aura, I've done nothing."
Aura: "Yeah, well neither did he--" (pointing to Numbers) "--and it's either you or Numbers!"
19. Raoul: "You can't arrest me. I have done nothing."
Aura: "Arrest?? You've got the WRONG Stormwatch member!"
20. (Damage to Bob over Stormwatch's comm-link)
"Stormwatch One, this is Damage. We've got a BIG problem..." (Damage says, looking up at the 40-foot alligator-man nova)
21. (Thundergirl tells everyone that just thinking about Narcosis-- the women who betrayed her after sleeping with her-- is making her angry, so she's going up to her room, but is then frustrated to hear that her room might be full of construction workers repairing all the broken glass from Damage breaking her windows)
Damage (to Thundergirl): "There's nothing to keep your mind off Narcosis like a room full of construction workers!"
22. (Aura asked for a report back from the Duke on what Count Ortiz's women found so alluring about him sexually, and all the Duke would say is that Count Ortiz has high stamina)
Aura: "High stamina doesn't mean anything in sex! It just means you can last longer at BAD!"
23. (Lisa is arguing with Dave about how Totentanz could have suddenly disappeared)
Lisa: "How did he do it??"
Dave: "It would be obvious if it were daytime. You have to think about it for a minute."
Lisa: "No I don't! Tell me now!"
24. Count Ortiz: "I want the Confederate released."
Aura: "You don't think he should be executed?? Oh wait-- nevermind. You're Count Ortiz. Move along!"
25. (The Aberrants are intrigued about seeing the new young "Teen Tomorrow" members. They meet one named Skew and ask him why he's called "Skew." He answers by showing them his force-field-power. Thundergirl doesn't look impressed.)
Thundergirl: "I'm still waiting to see the 'skew!'"
Skew (with a smirk): "Well all the good names were taken...'Thundergirl!'"
26. (Damage is teasing Thundergirl that she's only interested in Teen Tomorrow because she's looking for someone to hook up with for the night. Then he comments that you never know who Thundergirl will go for because of the wide range of love-interests of different genders and ages she's had)
Thundergirl: "I've had plenty of penis!" (she pats Mestre on the back) "MORE than enough!"
(which caused everyone to look at Mestre with new consideration!)
27. (Aura and Damage are having another argument-- this one over why Aura shouldn't try to set up Nox the mermaid-nova and Rick the 40-foot mentally-challenged leviathon-nova)
Damage: "Aura's a crappy matchmaker. All you have to be is the opposite sex!"
Aura: "Well you're 12 feet tall and how tall is YOUR wife??"
Damage (referring to how Rick walks like he's listening to music only he can hear): "Yeah but *I* don't have a soundtrack running through my head 24-7!"
Trinity:
1. (Rowan is explaining to Dorsey how his tough-guy character Aaron is similar to the character Jayne from "Serenity")
Dorsey: "Yeah but that guy's salty! I'm still fresh!"
2. (Rowan's Clairsentient Nuo-Li to Vitakinetic Dr. Tom Iggins)"You said you were a coward-- you didn't mention you were an asshole."
3. (Lauryn the Biokinetic security officer calls to Aaron as she leaves with Laminishay, an alien from the planet Tek. ['Nik' is the Tek-word for 'sex'])
Lauryn: "Nik you later!"
4. (Aaron is feeling satisfied after returning from the away-mission to Andur 5)
Aaron: "No Marines died! This calls for a kegger!"
5. (I can't even remember the circumstances behind this one, but it was funny!)
Chris: "We're on standby."
Nuo-Li: "Well can you 'stand by' somewhere else?"
6. (Lauryn commands Tom to come with the group to the big party because she knows Laminishay is planning on having sex with him for the first time after the party)
Lauryn: "You're coming!"
Tom: "Why?"
Lauryn (grinning): "Because if you don't, you won't!"
7. Tom: "I think the captain should come with us from now on."
Nuo-Li: "Why?"
Tom: "Because wherever we go, important shit happens!"
8. Storyteller Dave: "An hour goes by and Chris finishes." (referring to a repair-job Chris has been doing on the ship, but everyone else starts grinning because of the double-entendre)
Tom: "Yeah, Nuo-Li walks in and is like, 'Hey! You can go an hour by yourself, but when you're with me...'"
Lauryn: "Hey-- my guy's been 'cleaning his gun' for 2 months now!"
Aberrant/Trinity:
1. Thomas (Dorsey's track star/science nerd): "Why were you at cheerleading try-outs?"
Edward (Brandon's juvenile delinquent): "I like to watch boobies go bounce."
2. Ralphie: "That's right! I like to look at comic books and masturbate to the pictures!"
3. (Josie the head cheerleader tells Lisa's cheerleader-character Margaux about a single guy who's exceptionally well-endowed. Margaux's eyebrows raise, and then she grins and quickly writes the name down. Edward writes the name down, too.)
ST Dave to Edward: "Why did YOU write the name down??"
Edward (hushing the storyteller and looking around nervously): "Hey! I don't want it out yet!"
4. (ST Dave immitating the space crew upon arriving back on earth)
"How did we go from 'Remember the line!' to 'Put it in the butt!'??"
5. (Corden-- Ryan's teenage thief-- and Thomas are arguing over who's going on the sneaky-mission)
Corden: "You're staying here because we all-- [points to his high Stealth-stats on his character sheet]-- have Stealth."
Thomas: "Oh yeah? Well that's why I have-- [points to his Charisma stats]-- Intelligence!" (he says proudly.)
6. (everyone looks at Lisa in surprise when she informs ST Dave that her Ministry character Lt. Comm. Xiang has 10 Willpower)
Xiang: "I'm Chinese! I need lots of Willpower!" (I meant that Chinese people have strong willpower, not that they're constantly being tempted so they NEED willpower! *grin*)
7. (Aura is excited when she's handed an electric baton as her weapon)
Aura: "YEAH!! It's Aura in a stick!"
8. (The group is wondering why Dee had to suddenly go by herself behind a tree just as they were about to leave. Edward speculated that maybe she had to change a tampon, and then the group was surprised to find out that he was right!)
Edward: "I'm a girl and even I knew that!" (another Edwardian Freudian slip!)
9. (French Margaux is making the moves on French-hating English Edward, trying to seduce him. First Margaux rolls and gets lots of successes. Then Edward rolls to resist her advances)
Edward (moaning): "No successes. I'm going to go drown myself."
Margaux: "Yeah! I win! FLAG!" (she cries triumphantly, pantomiming staking a French flag into Edward)
10. (Edward looks down at his arm and sees a tiny bit of blood where the bullet had just grazed his arm)
Edward (shaking in fear): "BROWN...TROUSER...TIME!!"
11. Edward: "I was SHOT!!"
Corden: "AT!"
12. (the guys have been talking excitedly about how fun it would be to play a zombies-in-space game and Rowan's starting to get annoyed)
Rowan: "OK guys. Let's go back to our zombie-free game."
13. (the novas are being shown around a Tek village by one of its residents named Oob)
Lady Supreme: "Anteus made all of this?"
Oob: "Yes, and corn!"
Lady Supreme: "Corn is a starch. You shouldn't eat too much."
14. (The group is musing over what impact teaching such phrases as "corn is a starch" and "may the Force be with you" to the Tek is going to have on the future. Damage starts immitating Divis if Divis were to hear the phrase "corn is a starch.")
Damage as Divis: "'Corn ees a starch'...suddenly eet ees all clear to me. Why did I keell all those people??"
(Damage: Divis goes to earth and sees all the people)
Damage as Divis: "Ah yes. Now I remember."
(Damage: Divis lasers everyone with his eyes)
15. (the Centerville group is out camping. Margaux has prepared the fish that they caught earlier. Corden finds a fish intestine in his portion and asks Margaux what's going on)
Margaux: "Well...I cleaned the fish with my eyes closed! It was gross!"
(Edward grabs the fish intestines and eats them lustily, making loud noises to gross Margaux out)
Margaux: "Yeah, well, you English ARE known for your horrible meat!"
(Edward raises an eyebrow at her)
Margaux: "...pie-things..." (she quickly adds)
16. Lisa: "So there's Darius Wright, Papa Wright, General Wright, and Outer-Space Wright?"
Dave: "Right!"
17. (Margaux has been busy cooking a fancy dinner for Dee's dad to try to cheer him up, and then finds out that he's going to be working a double shift at the factor her father owns)
Margaux to Dee: "We can bring dinner to your dad at the factory!"
Kelly: "But you don't know when his break is!"
Margaux: "Who cares!"
Kelly: "Honey, the world doesn't revolve around you."
Margaux: "The cheese factory does!"
18. (the group is at the big mall in New York City-- the girls shopping for New York fashion)
Kelly to Storyteller: "Is there a store nearby that I'd be interested in?"
Storyteller: "Yeah. All-A-Doller."
19. (Margaux is trying to decide which Psi-power to take, and is considering Clairsentience or Biokinesis. While the group is being told about Biokinesis, it's made mention that with this power you can give yourself a penis, vagina, or both! This freaks Margaux out...and then she sees the group of Clairsentients sitting at the lunch-table staring off into space and mumbling)
Margaux: "Maybe it won't be so bad having my own penis!"
20. (Corden is having fun at the coffee shop using his new Electrokinesis-powers to give charlie-horses to various people he hates-- the first being Darius Wright. Margaux tries to cover up Corden's powers by telling Darius that he needs more potassium and should eat a banana. Next Corden gives a charlie-horse to Big Joe...followed by another and another and another until Big Joe is writhing around on the floor)
Corden (calling out to a waitress): "Can we get this guy a banana, please?"
21. (Gwen is telling Damage about all the old Stormwatch-stuff the young psions have in their collection. Damage suddenly gets a panicked look on his face)
Damage: "Wait. VERY IMPORTANT. Do they know about the movie??"
22. (Xiang is trying to decide which Telekinetic power to raise when she comes across "Emotional Achilles" which reads: "...you may subdue your own emotions...")
Xiang: "'Subdue my own emotions??' I'm Chinese! I don't need that!"
23. Kelly: "Six days until Halloween? I need a costume!"
Corden: "You ARE a costume!"
24. Rage to Supreme (in frustration): "Can I at least set you on fire, or something??"
Supreme to Rage: "No." (pauses and smirks) "I just had my EuFiber cleaned." (Supreme's first joke!!)
25. (this was in an E-mail Lisa sent to the gaming group, and the group voted it onto the Quotes-page!)
Lisa: "On a somewhat-unrelated-note, everyone keeps writing songs about Gwen!"
Cyberpunk:
1. (everyone's teasing Kayla's Rockergirl Xion about how she can't afford anything but kibble to eat)
Xion: "I got my protein! I'm satisfied!"
2. (Lisa looks down at her 80 experience points, wondering what useless skills she should blow them on just to be funny)
Lisa: "OOOH! HAHAHAHA! How about 'Pilot: Dirigibles??'"
Dave (defensively): "There's a lot more dirigibles out there than you think!"
3. (on Kayla's very first day ever of role-playing a chromed-out Maestrom Solo approaches Xion)
Solo: "You supposed to look like a corpse or something?"
Xion: "Are you a big tough guy or something?"
ST Dave (in amusement): "That's what you say to him??"
Kayla (flustered): "Oh goodness!"
4. (the Solo continues tormenting Xion)
Solo: "You got a lot of nice shit here and I'm taking it!"
Xion: "It's a lot nicer than it looks!" (this earns the Confusing Quote Award of the year!)
5. (the group talks about how what if the guy they've been hired to kill has an assistant with him who's really deadly, like how William Stryker had Lady Deathstrike in X-Men II. After a while the group goes back to making their plans. Then a little while later...)
Firewire (Kristin's Techie): "Why don't you just send your koala bear to attack him??"
Bling (Ryan's Fixer): See, the koala bear...that's MY Lady Deathstrike!"
6. (Ryan tells everyone about his plan for the future)
"I'll have an autistic kid who will come into the room and say, 'IT'S BOOMER!'" (Ryan pauses to gauge everyone's reactions, and then feels he needs to explain himself after the looks of stupified confusion) "Kids are for OUR enjoyment!"
Wraith/Mage/Vampire/Werewolf/Changeling-epic:
1. (Ryan's trying to decide what his next character should be)
Ryan: "Can I play a fat vampire? Not one bloated on blood, just fat."
2. (Dave is explaining the different Heirarchy Legions to the players)
Lisa: "And don't forget the Phoenix Legion!" (Lisa flaps her arms, teasing Rowan because her Mage Aidan was a phoenix before she was wisked to the Shadowlands)
Rowan as Aidan: "My Sunday school teacher didn't say ANYTHING about THIS!"
3. (the new Wraiths are pulled out of the Tempest by their reaper and huddle in the small boat)
Castrina (Kayla's character): "Who are you??"
Reaper: "I am Daniel the Reaper."
(Ryan starts cracking up at the reaper's name)
Lisa: "Don't laugh at the reaper!"
4. (Kaidan the Wraith finds her friend Kassandra the Mage to warn her about an evil spirit trying to escape from their old chantry)
Kassandra: "Do you have any spirit-powers?"
Kaidan (in a very chipper, happy voice): "No...but Aidan's dead with me! I'll go get her!"
5. (Aidan is watching as Darcy sits on a park bench reading her diary. Suddenly a gang of mean Wraiths approach Darcy and knock the diary out of his hands)
Aidan: "Leave him the hell alone!!"
Gang-leader: "Why should I?"
Aidan: "I'm his girlfriend!"
Gang-leader: "Umm...you're dead and he's alive."
Aidan: "Yeah, I know. We're working it out!"
6. (Kaidan and her Shadow are arguing about whether or not Kaidan should pay a visit to her gay former boyfriend Richard, who would be shocked to learn that Kaidan is now female)
Shadow: "Why are you going to Richard? You have nothing to resolve with him now!"
Kaidan: "I have boobs now! I have to resolve that!"
7. Storyteller Dave: "When vampires cut their hair, the next morning it's reverted back to how it was when you were Embraced."
Vanessa: "Thank goodness I was Embraced in the 70s! Oh wait..."
8. (the Wraith are onboard a Tempest ship headed for Stygia. Suddenly Dave has everyone roll Perception + Awareness)
Storyteller Dave: "Suddenly a huge green tentacle comes over the side of the ship and cracks the ship in half!"
Kristin: "We needed to roll Percetion + Awareness for THAT??"
9. (Kaidan is having a bad dream where Kyril the Spectre has captured her, and is holding her down with a hook through each of her limbs. Storyteller Dave asks what she's going to do.)
Kaidan: "I guess I can't shoot him if my arms are hooked."
Castrina: "You can pee on him!"
Kaidan: "I'm a girl now! I can't pee long-distance!"
10. (Dave finally reveals to all the players that it was just a dream. Aidan had been frustrated because Lisa's Unseelie Sidhe Fae named Elyria refused to fly after Kyril or try to get Kaidan back because of a grudge Elyria has against Kaidan)
Aidan: "It was all a dream??"
Elyria to Kaidan: "HA-ha! You dreamed about me not caring!"
11. (Storyteller Dave is describing a scene)
ST Dave: "Men are standing around an alter, speaking in a disgusting, gutteral language..."
Rowan: "German?"
12. (after being rescued from the King of Tears' clutches, Aidan immediately sets about trying to find the rest of her group-mates. She learns that Kaidan fled back to San Francisco, and Countess Elyria went on to Stygia to raise an army to attack the King of Tears-- trying to take Aidan's place as leader of the group.)
Aidan: "I hate ALL of you right now!!"
Elyria: "You thought I was going to abandon the quest? Hell no! I took it over!" (she grins smugly)
Mage: the Ascension (Rowan's Boston):
1. Lucy (Lisa's Mormon Celestial Choruster explaining why she has to leave at 11:30 PM): "The Holy Ghost goes to bed at midnight!"
2. Lucy (explaining to the group why Mormon missionaries don't go swimming): "Satan rules the waves!"
3. (Lucy is reading one of the scriptures she uses as a Focus for her magick, and it advises the reader not to "put their candle under a bushel, but shine it for the world to see." Dave's Catholic priest Father Sean is bewildered)
Father Sean: "Why would you put a candle under a bushel??"
Lucy: "It's Matthew! Ask Jesus!"
4. (now Lucy is explaining to the group why Mormons don't drink alcohol. Father Sean, as usual, is harrassing her!)
Father Sean: "Didn't Jesus drink wine?"
Lucy: "Yes, but he was Jesus! He knew when to stop!"
5. "Heathens! Pagans!" (Father Sean fantasizes about shouting at passersby as he walks the streets of Boston)
Mage: The Ascension- The End of an Epic:
1. (Kristin's nerd-- Dexter Niedelmeyer-- Awakens, and discovers that Star Trek-type spaceships really do exist)
Void Engineer: "Mr. Niedelmeyer, would you like to come with me into space?"
Dexter: "I'm about to have a nerd-gasm!!"
2. (one of the Technocratic professors interviews Ryan's football jock-- Jeff Green-- after Jeff Awakens, and tries to convince him that having bionic parts put in would be a good idea)
Professor: "What happens if you broke your hip in one of the games?"
Jeff: "Have you been to one of our games?? I don't get broken. I break THEIR hips!"
3. (Dexter and his first girlfriend Sheila get into a big fight over which Star Trek captain is better-- Kirk or Picard. When Sheila picks Picard and Dexter picks Kirk, the two break up. After Sheila storms off, a fellow grad student named Jeremy walks up to Dexter.)
Jeremy: "They just don't understand, do they." (he says, referring to Sleepers not understanding Mages)
Dexter (missing what Jeremy's referring to): "You're for Kirk??" (he exclaims excitedly)
4. (the group is teasing Kayla's Mafia-daughter Mia for dating Sal Jr. because the two were raised as cousins...their parents being "family" friends. As Mia is showering, she's suddenly wracked with guilt, wondering if she committed a sin by sleeping with Sal Jr. Lisa describes Mia's priest suddenly materializing in the shower, looking at her with disappointment. Ryan describes the priest holding a crying baby Jesus)
Ryan (in a bad Italian accent): "You make-a baby Jesus cry when you sleep with cousin!"
5. (Mia is having a vision about becoming Euthanatos instead of Syndicate. In the vision she is visited by a face of the Goddess)
ST Dave: "We are Inanna...we are Inanna..."
Mia: "We are...pineapple??" (Kayla has never heard of the ancient goddess Inanna, but in French class she learned how to say "pineapple": anana!)
6. (Lisa's character, Chakra of the Cult of Ecstasy, offers Dexter one of the "Horny Teenager" jellybeans that Magister made)
ST Dave: "DING! Dexter has an erecion."
Dexter: "AAAAAH!"
Chakra: (looking down at Dexter's erection) "Hang your coat for you, Dexter?"
7. Mother Therese: "What book are you studying?"
Tannin: "A diary. Of Esther...a vampire."
Chakra (trying to lighten the suddenly-dark mood): "Esther the Molester!"
8. (Esther keeps arguing with Prince Evan that she's the hotter of the two)
Prince Evan (in frustration): "I have oh so many axes with your name on them!"
9. Amalia: "You have a fine mausoleum."
Prince Evan: "Thank you. We like to keep it well-stocked."
10. Dave (confidently): "Wales is in England!"
Lisa (in horror at Dave's ignorance): "Dear, England- Utah, Wales- California!" (trying to explain that England and Wales are separate "states" within the same country, much like Utah and California. Come on, people! Work with me here!)
11. Tom-Tom: "No one messes with the Tom-Tom!" (he exclaims triumphantly after driving off Aaron the Werewolf single-handedly)
Dexter to Tannin: "Don't turn down Tom-Tom next time he hits on you!"
Tannin to Dexter in disgust/shock: "Just because he saves me doesn't mean I owe him sex!"
12. ST Dave to the players: "Aaron has 10 Rage."
Lisa: "Yeah, Aaron is a male Gwen!"
Ryan: "Well at least we can count on out-smarting him."
(Lisa scowls)
13. Lisa to Hari: "Jason's diaper is stinky-- sorry! So if you smell something bad, it's not Rowan!"
(Rowan scowls)
14. (the group is discussing which of their characters they think might survive the prophecy games)
Ryan: "Let's see how many of our guys make it out of this! I'm willing to sacrifice Prince Evan..."
(Everyone groans and protests-- Prince Evan being a popular Ryan-character)
Ryan points to his new Nosferatu named 'Pretty': "This guy excites me!"
15. (the creepy Technocracy mage Sleethe looks at Dorian and Tannin in their old-people illusion/disguise)
Sleethe: "If you want me to cure your...condition..." (referring to their old age)
Dorian in an old man-voice: "We're just old-- there's no cure for that!"
16. (Lisa is telling the group about the time her werewolf-group accidentally came across a were-dinosaur in Crinos-form in the jungle)
Lisa: "You know how big a regular T-Rex is? Well this was TWICE that size! I'm not ashamed I peed when it picked me up!"
17. Lisa's Get of Fenris Hildie: "So what kind of mix of creatures do they have in the town? Humans...a magick-user...and...?"
Laughing-Many-Skins: "They have humans and Mexicans."
18. (Ursa the Troll and Rhianna the Horse-Pooka are fleeing from an evil knight who's trying to catch them in the Dreaming. Ursa is riding on Rhianna's back because Rhianna's Wayfare-skill is higher than hers)
Ursa to Rhianna: "Come on, Donkey!" (impersonating Shrek talking to Donkey)
19. Dexter/Erasmus is sitting in the chantry strumming his harp and thinking about his long-lost Helen. Ryan decides to make up the lyrics to Dexter/Erasmus' song:
"I wanted kids, maybe three...but I can't do it with just me..."
20. (Sloan suddenly shows up at the chantry after being missing for 5 years. He tells the mages that he's a master in Spirit and can lead them right to the tainted Technocracy's headquarters in the Deep Umbra)
Nettle: "You can just open a portal and we'll be right there??"
Sloan (cockily): "I'm just that good."
Nettle (in surprise): "Someone with an ego as big as mine! We should lower our heads and run at each other and see who's head is harder!"
Sloan: "I'm a big black man. You easily weight 95 lbs."
Nettle: "I'm wearing a nurse's uniform! And I pushed two babies through a hole this big!" (Nettle makes a hole with her hands to demonstrate the hole-in-question's size)
21. (Dorian the Order of Hermes Mage is trying to hit on Esther the ancient Toreador Vampire)
Dorian: "So...how old are you?"
Esther (thinking): "What year is it? Hmm...over 800."
Dorian (in surprise): "OH!" (pauses) "You hardly look over 600!"
22. (Dorian-- obsessed with experiencing a Vampire-bite-- keeps tempting Esther to bite him until finally she fails her Willpower roll and latches on. Esther can't stop drinking his sparkly Mage-blood, and next thing we know Tania and Dalthania are driving Esther off before she can conceal the evidence. At first everyone thinks that Dorian will have to heal the wound at human-pace since Life magick doesn't work anymore...)
Ursa (remembering that Fae-healing still works): "Wait...I could have healed that!"
Dorian: "You could..."
Esther (thinking of Vampire-saliva's healing properties): "Or I could have!"
Ken (pointing to Dorian's neck with an evil grin): "Have yourself a lick!" (Ken HATES Vampires and is trying to get Esther in trouble with Tania and Dalthania again)
23. (Ken, Nettle, and Dorian are in the Werewolf spirit-realm trying to find spirits to help them fight the spirits that Aaron and the Black Spiral Dancers have summoned)
Nettle (to a fox-spirit): "So what about those angry spirits?"
Fox-spirit: "The best one at persuading others is Owl."
Nettle (smirking): "Yeah, cuz nothing influences men like hooters!"
24. Tannin: "I never lost a Willpower roll-- except when I slept with Cuin."
Ken: "You slept with Cuin?? No wonder he died!"
25. (the group is fighting Amalia and Katerina, and Amalia Dominates Dorian to turn around and start fighting Tannin)
Dorian to Tannin: "Remember, my sword is firey."
Tannin: "Hey! I'm not a vampire! I don't take extra damage from a flaming sword!"
Dorian: "Who DOESN'T take extra damage from a flaming sword??"
26. Ken (asking Nettle suggestively): "So...are your clones EXACTLY like you?"
Nettle: "Hey! Don't have sex with my clone!"
27. (Ken finally wakes up from his magickal coma after 15 years, and Dexter/Erasmus immediately starts bragging about how he's now had more sex than Ken, and telling Ken that he sucks)
Ken (defensively): "It's pretty hard to score when you're dead!"
28. (Pyre the Satyr is using his Gift of Pan to play his panpipes and cause everyone to feel a little...affectionate. Dorian looks around excitedly, asking if any of Nettle's clones came with them to Arcadia)
Chakra: "You left all the clones behind when you came with us."
Dorian (dejectedly): "If I haven't tapped that in 15 years, it's not going to happen."
29. (Chakra and the group are standing outside Ken's room in Oberon's castle. Chakra has been knocking, peeking under the door, writing notes and sliding them under the door, AND trying to use Mind and Correspondence to ask Ken if he wants to go wandering with them, but he still hasn't responded, and Magick won't work in the castle.)
Dexter: "Why don't you just open the door?"
Chakra: "That would be rude!"
30. (the group happens across a bunch of Dryad females who are desperate to get pregnant. The Dryads use their magickal allure to seduce Dorian and Pyre into coming to them, and the rest of the group tries everything they can think of to break the spell. Finally one of the cantrips is strong enough to make Pyre suddenly think his Dryad is a hideous, sore-covered oozing hag.)
ST Dave: "Roll to see if you 'go south.'"
Pyre: "IF I go south?? Umm...very superficial character here! I'm not going to wait to see if she's a nice person!"
31. (the group returns from their adventures in Arcadia, and Nettle finds out that Ian's Fae has finally awakened, and that his Fae is...Loviander Moonglow.)
Nettle: "Ian is Loviander?? That means...my son is my great-grandfather!" (Lisa and Ryan both start doing air-banjo at the same time)
Aberrant: The Final Chapter?
1. (The group is on a ship zooming through space to rescue Damage's daughter, and Aura is trying to get Damage to eat the sandwich that she laced with laxatives as part of a revenge-prank. Damage keeps declining for various reasons, and then finally tells her he's not hungry because he had lobster on the jet-ride over to Germany.)
Aura: "How did we have lobster on a jet??"
Damage: "How do we have sandwiches in space??"
2. (The group is standing around on the ship, waiting for the Tessers to teleport the ship to deep space, when the captain announces on the intercom for everyone to immediately assume safety protocol and strap themselves in. Damage can't find straps big enough for him, and 30 seconds later the ship jumps into deep space, and Damage hurtles into Aura, smashing her against the wall. Later she and Damage are arguing about who's better, as usual..."
Aura: "*I* like to make an impression!"
Damage (cracking his knuckles): "So do I."
Aura (smugly): "I left an impression in your buttcheek when you flew into me!"
Damage: ...
Aura (continuing): "And I blew a raspberry while I was squished there!"
3. (Gwen is standing with the infirmary doctor, asking how long her rescued friends are going to be unconscious. The doctor launches into a complicated medical explanation that Gwen tries desperately to follow. The doctor can see that she's not understanding, so he tries to explain it in more simple terms, but that goes over Gwen's head, too. When he tries to explain a THIRD time, Aura stops him and points to her head.)
Aura: "No. Maximum capacity reached."
4. (The group is teasing Gwen about not being a "thinker-Nova" again, but she reminds them that she went to college.)
Gwen: "I know math!" (Gwen grins and holds up her fists) "One plus one equals two!"
(the group laughs)
Gwen: "And one--" (Gwen holds up her right fist) "--and one--" (Gwen points to Dave's head) "--equals zero!"
5. (Ryan is looking through the Players Guide and comes across the picture drawn to illustrate a Nova with incredible mind-powers. It shows the usual sorcerer-type with a giant goofy-looking head)
Ryan: "Just because I want to BE the brainiac doesn't mean I want to LOOK like Brainiac!"
6. (Damage and Aura are drunk, but Damage passes out first. Aura tells Slider that she wants to do another costume-prank on Damage, but Slider reminds Aura that there probably aren't any costume shops on the space station.)
Aura (looking confused): "But they have Halloween in space!"
_________________________________
(The following are...The Ryan-Quotes! With minimal explanation!)
Ryan is ranting against god for making humans so advanced, yet making their digestions so inefficient:
"Oh no! I just had the worst diahrrea! Good news! I can build a house!"
Ryan on evolution:
"Screw you, Darwin! And your stupid walking fish!"
Ryan on Xstasy and raves:
"I don't want to have to lower my standards so lights are prettier!"
_________________________________
7. (Corden, Radar & Aura have Mr. White hostage. Radar sniffs Mr. White and starts growling and advancing on him)
Corden to Radar: "Wait! He might know where Dee is! You can nibble on his no-nos later!"
8. (Damage, Aura & Cerebra hang out in the abandoned house across the street from Jennifer Lander's house for a long time but nothing happens. Finally Aura decides it's OK to fly off with Cerebra to Chicago to investigate where Cerebra lives. Right after they leave...)
ST Dave: "Damage, roll Perception & Awareness!"
Aura: "What?? If I'd stayed, there would have been no Perception or Awareness!" (meaning that if she'd stayed nothing exciting would have happened! grrr!)
9. (Aura & Cerebra are up in Maxine's room trying to convince her that they need her father's help, when suddenly an alien-looking guy with a big head appears in Maxine's window and gestures)
Cerebra: "We can figure from his bulbous head that he has mind-powers!"
10. Aura to Damage and Cerebra: "We need to SEVERELY alter our contracts! Remember when Jennifer joined the team and we had to give horsie-rides to hospital kids?"
Damage: "Horsie-rides??" (Damage flexes his biceps) "I gave GUN-rides!"
GURPS: Chronicle of Taladas
1. (ST Dave is explaining his new GURPs world. There are two "good" gods, two "neutral" gods, and two "evil gods." The elves only worship the good or neutral gods.)
Ryan (defending why some elf out there might worship an evil god): "Hey-- every little town has its demon-worshipper!
2. (Ryan is again frustrated with god and the creation-myth because of dumb, confusing things like platapuses)
Ryan: "'Order from chaos' my ass!!"
3. (The three sibling-elves and their entourage have been battling a pack of evil ogres for many rounds. Lorelei-- Lisa's bard-- has been singing songs that have glued 4 ogres in place and made them sick so that they're crapping and puking all over each other, and still none of the fighters in the group have tried to attack her helpless targets!)
Lorelei (voice getting tired): "Can someone kill my pooping ogres???"
4. (Ryan's mage-elf Senna keeps teasing her very outgoing sister Lorelei that she's going to sleep with the Kagnesti (Wild) elf hunter Prince Halma who seems to like her, and she'll be calling out the hunter-god Qu'uan's name during sex. ST Dave takes this visual and runs with it!)
ST Dave (pretending to be Qu'uan watching Lorelei having sex): "That's HOT! Can Daddy have a ride??"
5. (The royal elven siblings arrive at the wild elf city Kaganos and are honored with a party that night. Oldest brother-- and heir to the Sylvanos throne-- Celebrion asks wild elf Princess Elera-- heir to the Kaganos throne-- to dance, and then botches his roll and ends up falling against Elera with his hand on one of her breasts)
Lorelei (in horror): "You honked the Voice of Heaven's boob!!"
ST Dave (to Celebrion): "Elera looks at you like she's expecting something."
Celebrion (in great confusion): "So in wild elf culture, honking the boob means you want something??"
6. Elera (obviously anamored) to Celebrion: "I can see the goodness in you."
Lorelei: "Like a Twinkie!"
7. (Lorelei, still smarting from being abandoned by her suitor Prince Halma, quickly hooks up with a strong, handsome wild elf commoner named Elendar at the party. Elendar carries her off to his tree house where the two spend an...eventful night! The next morning the other elven siblings are up and talking near Elendar's treehouse)
ST Dave to Lorelei: "Are you going to go for another round with Elendar?"
Lorelei: "No! My family's around!"
Senna: "That didn't stop you last night!"
Lorelei: "Night-time is for sexy!"
8. (The group of elves reaches the entrance to Thorbardin, capital city of the dwarves. When Lorelei hears that the city is completely underground, she peers down the dark tunnel and starts to get nervous)
Lorelei to Cnutnuck the gnome: "Does it get bigger as it goes down??"
(the dirty-minded group laughs)
9. (Lorelei and sister Senna are discussing dwarves after seeing them for the first time)
Senna: "What do dwarves need mirrors for??"
Lorelei (indignantly): "Grooming!"
Senna (looking around at the dwarves): "Or NOT!"
Lorelei: "The females! THEY trim their beards!"
Senna: "They get other women to do it! They groom each other like monkeys!"
10. (the group is spying on a bunch of evil soldiers who worship the death-god Hemosh. The soldiers are lead by one wearing a skull-mask, and he's ordering them to burn a village. Senna decides to use her Body of Water spell and sneak down to hear what the skull-mask guy is saying)
ST Dave: "Roll Stealth."
Senna: "Stealth?? Kay, I'm gonna go ahead and say that NO one expects a puddle of water to sneak up on them!"
11. (the group enters the cave of the Mother, and each goes into their respective room and touches their respective statue. When they come out of their rooms, they discover that 1,100 years has passed! All their possessions have rotted, except for things like metal and gems. Lorelei is aghast when she realizes that even her extra clothing has rotted)
Lorelei: "MY STRANGE BROWN OUTFIT!!"
12. (the group returns to Thorbardin to see what's happened in 1,100 years, and are told that the elves and dwarves have a kind of strained relationship right now. Lorelei immediately gets out her magic lute, and-- using her bard-magic-- skips through the city singing and playing and gets all the dwarves and gnomes to sing and dance with her as if they're in a musical! Lorelei's siblings are not amused)
Lorelei: "What?! Whatever's happened in the last 1,100 years to hurt relations has been erased by one song!"
13. (the group travels into the minotaur lands and discovers that now everyone speaks a language called Common. The group buys an Elvish to Common dictionary, and Lorelei uses her Eidetic Memory skill to learn the whole language in a few days. When they come to their first minotaur city, Lorelei is ready)
Minotaur Guard: "Halt, citizen! What business do you have?"
Lorelei (proudly): "Find bed in tavern!"
(Celebrion and Senna laugh at her)
Lorelei: "What?! You can't understand a word I said! To you I'm a god!"
14. Drazius: "We leave in one hour."
Senna: "That's not enough time to do what I wanted."
Lorelei: "Come on! Guys only need 2 minutes!"
Senna: "Maybe YOUR guys!"
Lorelei: "They can't help it! They melt in my hotness!"
15. (the group has finally arrived in the lands of Hemosh, God of Death, and they suddenly have no idea where the cave is with the barbarian they're looking for)
Lorelei: "How are we going to find the barbarian in the cave??"
Senna (sarcastically): "Aren't we by a mountain range? You've never heard of a FIELD cave!"
Lorelei (defensively): Many caves have many different entrances!"
16. (while the group is listening to ST Dave's description of the evil Thenol city, Lisa loses control of her Otter Pop, getting it all over her new character sheet. Kristin tries to grab the sheet from Lisa, but Lisa snatches it back quickly)
Kristin: "I was going to lick it for you!"
Lisa (in horror): "You do NOT lick my character sheet!!"
17. (Lisa's high-society priestess Dark Elf, Zin'Dorai, goes to the dressmaker to order a gown for the ball that will be in one week. The dressmaker tells her it will be done in 2 days. After Zin'Dorai leaves the shop, she finds out that the ball has been moved up to tomorrow night! She runs back to the dressmaker...)
Zin'Dorai: "I let you feel me up, now sew faster!"
18. (Ryan's evil Human necromancer, Fenrir, is frustrated that the Dark Elves have such good hearing that they can listen in on his conversations from far away)
Fenrir: "Elves: it's not just within ear-shot, it's within ear-SNIPE!"
19. (Kristin's Dark Elf rogue, Vie'Lytha, invented a psychadelic poison for her crossbow bolts. She tried it out on an enemy, and then watched him run all over the place, swiping at invisible things and making mentally-challenged noises, until someone else finally killed him.
Vie'Lytha (excitedly): "When I go back and see the guy, how does he look?"
ST Dave (in a knowledgable-sounding voice): "In death you don't really look retarded."
20. (the evil army attacks the garrison, and Zin'Dorai and Fenrir both head to the temple where the enemy women and children are being hidden. Zin'Dorai and her helpers round up the attractive young women and lead them off to become slaves for her temple, and Fenrir keeps the old women and children for himself. Ryan describes Fenrir lighting the old women and children on fire, and then says, "Afterwards..." in a happy voice. Zin'Dorai-- who has been trying to figure out for months what turns the scary-looking Fenrir on-- teases him gleefully, glad the mystery is finally solved!)
Fenrir (defensively): "It's really hard to be the Grim Reaper and have sex!"
21. (Prince Typherus has been trying to get Zin'Dorai to say yes to his marriage-proposal, and his persistance pays off when he wears her down and she finally says yes. The army is preparing to take over the enemy-city of Christophan the next day, and the Prince decides that they'll get married in Christophan. Zin'Dorai reacts in horror! Just a month before, Fenrir had detonated bombs in the sewers-- destroying much of the city and covering it in sewer-filth)
Zin'Dorai: "I'm not getting married in the stinky poop-city!!"
22. (Lord Baltaeus-- son of the god Hemosh-- has been searching for centuries for a woman he can impregnate with his child and the lucky woman will then become his consort. High Priestess Zin'Dorai has a special power to see auras, and has been trying to help Baltaeus figure out how to identify this chosen woman. The running joke is that the woman's loins will glow if she's the right one. One night when Zin'Dorai is meeting with Baltaeus, he suddenly grabs her and says he wants to sleep with her. Zin'Dorai-- flattered-- says yes, and the room groans)
Zin'Dorai: "Hey! I have to see if I have burning loins!"
23. (Ulfar tells Lorelei that he's not the heir to his father's crown after all because he's a priest and priests can't become the next ruler)
Senna (singing): "Lowered expectaaaations!"
Lorelei: "Hey! The king stoops for you!" (referring to the fact that by going for Senna, King Andrev is actually picking someone of lower rank than himself)
Senna: "I learned it from watching you."
Lorelei: "No one stoops for me!!"
24. (The group enters the sunken dwarven city of Thorbardin only to discover it's been taken over by naga. When the naga see the group of travelers, they attack on sight. Ryan is asking Dave why the naga would do that when it isn't even their city.)
ST Dave: "They're territorial."
Ryan: "This place isn't theirs!"
ST Dave: "When it sank it landed in their territory."
Ryan: "They had to work to get in! There were doors!"
25. (The group is talking to ST Dave about how they hate it when he describes their character getting injured and then dying when the injury shouldn't have been fatal. As it often does, the group's discussion turns momentarily to the Aberrant game. Lisa gives Dave the example of when Divis Mal shot Aura in the butt with his laser-eyes and she fell to the earth dead.)
Lisa (as Aura): "I've got another butt-cheek! I can make it!" (said in a completely serious voice)
26. (Now the group is talking about how there's a new car out called the Saturn "Aura." Lisa is not happy because it's just a regular old sedan and not something big and powerful. Ryan is mocking her pain.)
Lisa: "They'll never make a car called the "Damage" or the "Pumpkin!" (Lisa pauses for a second and then looks excited)
Lisa: "Hey wait! Cinderella had a pumpkin-coach!"
Ryan (smugly): "Jealous?"
Lisa: "No, because it always gets small again after midnight!"
27. (Lorelei and Celebrion are waiting for Senna to return from the elven lands with news if the elves will join the war. Suddenly they spot her up in the sky flying right towards them...with a crazy hissing lizard-man in tow!)
Lorelei: "That is NOT what we told you to do!! NOT WANT!! NOT WANT!!"
28. Ryan (pouting about the way ST Dave described Senna and the lizard flying in): "There is no dignity with Dave! It's never a cool entrance, it's always an awkward-flying-lizard-entrance!"
29. (Prince Typherus is standing with his fiancee Zin'Dorai on the bridge of the flying zigurrat, looking down at the enemy-kingdom below them.)
Prince Typherus: "One day we shall rule all of these lands in just a second!"
30. (During the final show-down on the bridge of the flying zigurrat, pregnant Zin'Dorai is not only hit by Senna's lightning spell, but also frozen in a block of ice! When the freeze-spell finally wears off the first thing she does is use her priestess-powers to check if she's still pregnant. She is VERY relieved to discover that everything is still OK.)
Zin'Dorai (triumphantly): "Not lightning nor ice shall harm my fetus!"
Vampire the Requiem: New Orleans By Night
1. (Ryan's Deva/Invictus named Alberto owns a high-end dress shoppe)
Alberto: "I'm good at flattery...that's how I sell my shit!" (said in a snobby French accent)
2. (Alberto is very hungry. The first victim he finds is a prostitute. He barely gets enough blood from her to feel somewhat satisfied when suddenly her pimp starts attacking him! He has to spend most of his newly-gotten blood to fight off the pimp!)
Alberto to ST Dave in frustration: "Oh, now I'm going to have to go find another of your stupid whores!"
3. (Alberto turns to the badly-beaten pimp)
Alberto: "Remember, good manners will get you very far!"
4. (the vampires of New Orleans are sent on a blood-hunt by the Prince to find the rogue vampire LeStat. Avery the Ventrue consults animals and Tabitha the Nosferatu consults spirits, and both find LeStat at the same time where he has jumped from his burning mansion and is laying smouldering and unconscious in the alley. But how to transport him?)
Tabitha (remembering she has super-strength): "I can try to pick him up...if he's not too hot!"
5. (ST Dave keeps insisting that girls and guys finishing at the same time during sex isn't so rare. The rest of the group keeps trying to get him to drop the subject and get back to the game)
Lisa: "Will you get ON!" (awkward pause) "With it!"
6. (Tabitha is too socially awkward to find prey to drink from--especially since humans all seem to get sexually arroused when they're drunken from-- but she's extremely hungry. She finally comes up with a plan to make a sliding window in the side of the neighboring plantation's outhouse, and when someone goes in to "go" she'll slide open the window and lean in for a "bite!" The rest of the group teases her about this mercilessly)
Tabitha: "It'll be the best dump he ever took!"
7. (the teasing continues...)
Alberto: "Oh how the mighty have never risen..."
Tabitha: "Hey! I'm just starting out! I'll be really cool someday!"
8. ST Dave: "When last we met...Theodosia wasn't happy with her sire..."
Theodosia (Rowan's newly-born Mekhet/Black Widow concept): "Also not happy about turning into a blood-sucking monster!"
Lisa: "Oh you were that BEFORE!"
9. "Oooh Alberto!" (this is said enough that Dave said to make it a quote!)
10. (Avery is frustrated that it's going to take months for his letter to get to Paris and then months to get a response back)
Avery: "I can't wait until the telephone is invented! That's just going to rock."
11. (Tabitha is setting up a fool-proof way to have her ghost-guards alert Maxwell if danger is coming. She puts a glass jar on a stool!)
ST Dave: "Why don't you just have the ghost knock over the stool??"
Tabitha: "Well EVERYONE hears glass breaking! It's a natural human instinct!"
12. (Avery the Ventrue is having a hard time figuring out who to feed from. Over and over again he finds himself in dark alleyways with hookers and bums to drink from and he's getting tired of it.)
Lisa to Kristin: "You should try drinking from people you like!"
Rowan to Kristin: "Yeah-- people in alleyways are for Brujah!" (this comment earned Rowan some laughter and confused looks!)
13. (Avery and his ex-fiancee's father are having a heated fight, and Avery fails his Resolve & Composure roll. ST Dave describes Avery giving in to his beast and then...humping his ex-fiancee's father! Then ST Dave says he's only kidding.)
Avery in anguish: "I hope my beast isn't gay!!"
14. (the group has been teasing Avery about being in the closet for weeks now and Kristin doesn't understand why, so the group members tell Kristin about which of Avery's mannerisms and behaviors have lead us to this assumption. Kristin denies it all saying that Avery has only ever been with women.)
ST Dave: "Well maybe he IS gay! I mean, if you only try one set of ice cream..."
15. (Avery is going through an Ordo Dracul trial to start the Coil of the Beast. Desmond takes out a straight razor and tells Avery to hold out his wrist.)
Ryan reassures Kristin: "That's OK-- if someone else does it it's not Emo."
16. (the group starts giving Alberto suspicious looks when he keeps passing Dave notes about the secret plotting he's doing)
Alberto: "Hey-- I don't see anyone else doing anything about the current Prince-situation!"
Tabitha: "Hey! I killed the Prince's best friend! I made him sad!"
Alberto: "Vampires don't get sad, they get blood-hunty!"
17. Avery: "If you look in the mirror can you Dominate yourself?"
18. (The vampires arrive at the church on Sunday for the Prince's manditory Lancea Sanctum reglious crap. ST Dave describes various vampires sitting with their Covenants. Tabitha is normally accustomed to arriving alone and asking Marie or Lydia if she can sit on their pew. Today, however...)
Tabitha to ST Dave: "Are we sitting all together? Me, the Baron, and Maxwell?"
ST Dave: "Yes."
Tabitha (face lighting up): "YEAY!! We've got our own pew!!"
Alberto (waving a hand in front of his face): "You sure do!"
19. Theodosia (pissed-off) to Alberto: "If you kill the Prince at my party I will NOT be happy!!"
(Theodosia had been working hard on planning her party for weeks, literally, all the while Alberto had been working hard on planning the Prince's assassination!)
20. (The group is talking about why sometimes players feel awkward interacting with Dave's NPCs when they're flirting with their characters. Dave assures everyone that he had the same awkwardness at first in Dorsey's game with Dorsey as the storyteller)
ST Dave: "Now I don't even see Dorsey anymore! I just see Johnny Depp!"
21. (Tabitha finishes the ritual where she burns ironwood and holly on her alter for a week. The Baron tells her to make the ashes into a paste by mixing them with her blood, and then tells her to spread the paste on her chest. Tabitha-- feeling self-conscious-- turns around to do it, and then as she's turning back around to face the Baron again he suddenly hurls at wooden stake at her chest!)
Tabitha: "Hey! I haven't diablerized anyone in over a week!!"
22. (The group is teasing Theodosia about her very generous cleavage)
ST Dave: "She steals from you after she shows you her boobies!"
Tabitha: "She steals from you WHILE she's showing you her boobies!"
Theodosia: "Hey! I do plenty of stealing that doesn't involve boobies at all!"
23. (Theodosia is taking a tour of the private school she's thinking of sending her Fanny to. She notices a tall groundskeeper with an interesting aura. Dave describes his aura as looking like the electricity that generates in one of those science-balls when you touch it. After the tour, Theodosia visits her Ordo Dracul covenant-leader, Lydia)
Theodosia: "I describe the sparkly things to her, but obviously not the little balls that you can touch."
(much laughter ensued)
24. (the day has finally arrived! Theodosia's wedding to the rich and elderly Mr. Leighton!)
Alberto singing to Theodosia: "Going to the chapel and you're...gonna get lucky...if you...like the old man and he's...got enough money!"
25. (Tabitha looks around the chapel for other Nosferatu or creepy-type vampires to sit with)
Tabitha: "I still haven't met Miss Opal!" (the new Nosferatu in town) "This is wrong!"
Alberto: "You have Auspex! SMELL her!"
26. (Tabitha is excitedly trying to round up all the Nosferatu and other creepy-type vampires to come sit by her on her pew at the chapel. The players argue back and forth for a little while about whether it would be a good idea or not...)
Theodosia: "I don't care WHERE you sit but you damn well better sit on the BRIDE'S side!"
27. (after the wedding the Baron goes up to Theodosia to congratulate her, but whatever Dave has him say is completely unintelligable because of the Baron's thick Cajun accent!)
Tabitha to the Baron: "Not even GOD knows what you just said!"
Ryan pretending to be a confused-looking God: "Good thing I Tevo this shit!"
28. (at Theodosia's wedding reception Alberto goes up and gives Theodosia a hug of congratulations, and they do the European cheek-kiss-thing)
Alberto to Theodosia: "Everybody knows what a kiss means from you: a brush with the Fantastic Two!" (looking down at her chest meaningfully)
29. (Lydia corners Tabitha in an alley, trying to convince her to leave Circle of the Crone and join the Ordo Dracul. The conversation turns sour fast when Lydia insinuates that the Circle of the Crone doesn't have any useful rituals. Tabitha-- who has recently completed her Deflection of the Wooden Doom ritual-- quickly looks around the alley for a wooden crate or something wooden that she can do a demonstration with to impress Lydia. Much to everyone's surprise, Dave claims that there is nothing like that in the alley!)
Tabitha: "I'm prideful!! Give me some wood!!" (referring to her Vice: Pride)
30. (After Tabitha and one of Lydia's Dragons stake Donovan and turn him over to Prince Alberto, Alberto tells Dave that he's going to put Donovan on a cross, hang him from the ceiling, and rig it so that when his fellow Lancea Sanctum allies open the door the cross will swing down and the room will explode!)
Tabitha: "It will be known as the infamous Donovan Double-Cross!"
31. (Dave decided to put the vampire-character Jeanette from the TV show "Forever Knight" in the vampire game. Lisa has a legendary disgust for Jeanette, calling her "wonky-looking" and describing for the group her physical features that have earned her this title. The conversation starts getting silly, leading to Dave describing Jeanette's nipples as being larger than the circumference of her arms.)
Ryan: "Now that's wonky! If Pyre looked at her he'd have automatic Downs!" (referring to Ryan's Satyr Pyre who can't stand the sight of wonky women)
32. (Before the game Lisa puts a box of Whitman's chocolate out on the table and explains to the players that she really only likes the carmels, so if she bites one she doesn't like she'll be funny and put it back, or give it to Jason. During the game the players pick at the chocolates slowly until by the end of the game there's only one whole chocolate left. Jason picks it up and bites it, and Lisa nearly has a seizure!)
Lisa to Jason (completely serious): "CARMEL?? DAMN YOU!!"
33. (Alberto finally awakens from torpor, and Lydia doesn't waste time in showing him around the city and explaining what has changed in the last 90 years. She takes him to a strip-club where he's horrified to see men throwing their good money at the strippers, and yet he finds himself arroused by the women! He doesn't know how to make sense of his emotions!)
Alberto in shock: "It's like a horny Jew!"
34. (Cassidy-- Kristin's Circle of the Crone Gangrel-- calls Tabitha to come help her with a tree in the Esplanade Ridge that's inhabited by a corrupted spirit)
Dave: "The tree's spirit is a little twisted inside."
Ryan (excitedly): "That means it has a secret flavor!"
35. (Tabitha calls on the mages-- lead by Professor Peter-- to come inspect the body of a possible mage who the vampire Dr. Xola just killed. Professor Peter asks Tabitha to describe the ritual she saw Dr. Xola doing when she used Spirits Touch.)
Tabitha: "He does his rituals in Russian."
Professor Peter (completely serious): "Well that explains all the dispair spirits."
36. (Alberto suddenly finds himself overwhelmed with vampires requesting an audience with him. He tells his ghoul Evans to only let people in who have an appointment, or who have Striking Looks of 2 or more dots. After the 3rd appointment leaves, Antoine suddenly bursts into the Prince's office)
Alberto (angrily): "You are neither having an appointment, nor are hot!"
37. (One of Tabitha's patients at the free-clinic-- a black rapper named Jamal-- invites Tabitha to come see him perform at a club.)
ST Dave: "Your guy gets up to the mike and he's pretty good-- not gangster-y like the other guy, but more inspiring, like "Brush your teeth!"
38. Ryan: "Globes trump bear." (you had to be there...)
39. Alberto: "What day is it?"
Tabitha: "I don't remember...I know it's still February because that's Black History Month and I'm so excited!"
NWOD NEW ORLEANS- Mage: The Awakening/ Vampire: The Requiem/Werewolf: The Foresaken
1. (The four brand-new mages awaken in the hospital all together in a big room with four powerful mages watching them. The powerful mages explain that the new mages have just Awakened, and start describing the kinds of things they can do with their powers. One of them-- a creepy young black woman who speaks in a whispery voice (Leona)-- tells the group that she can see spirits and ghosts. Joe Brink (Ryan's detective-character from New York) is very sceptical about all of this and thinks it's a hoax. Leona tries to prove her powers to him.
Leona: "Your mother..."
Brink: "Fuck you YOUR mother!!"
2. (Rowan's character Angel calls her mentor Tia in a panic after almost being attacked by a crazy vampire. She had NO idea vampires were real.)
Tia (talking into the phone): "Hello?"
Angel: "VAMPIRES?!"
Tia: "You have to take them on a case-by-case basis. Some are very good, and some are very bad."
Angel: "I think this one was trying to EAT me!!"
Tia (in a dead-pan/serious voice): "That was a bad one."
3. (After the vampire-scare, Tia arranges for all the new mages to meet with a "good" vampire and ask her questions, and then to meet with a "good" werewolf and ask him questions)
Erin (Lisa's detective-character from New Jersey): "What's your pack called?"
Heartsblood the werewolf: "The Hellcats!"
(the group laughs about the irony of a pack of wolves calling themselves cats)
Ayako (Kristin's 19-year old Japanese mage): "Your pack is made of FAIL!!"
4. (the group is remembering tidbits about various vampires around New Orleans, and ST Dave reminds the group that Antoine owns a cathedral that's actually a brothel, and the whores dress as nuns)
Tabitha (looking disturbed): "OH YEAH!! I went there to get virgin blood and was like, "WHAAAT??"
5. (the mage Dr. Carey Paulson asks Rowan's social worker mage-- Angel-- out on a date, and Rowan asks to see a picture of the doctor before she says yes or no. The group boos!)
Rowan (defensively): "In the game I could see him! In real life I see Dave!"
6. (Mike and Ayako are trying to decide where to eat out on their date, but they can't decide on anything)
Lisa: "Hot Dog On A Stick! They have deep-fried cheese cubes on a stick!"
Ryan: "EEEW!! Not everything's better on a stick!"
7. (Ryan is studying various rotes in the Mage book when he comes across the infamous Universal Languages rote. The description is so confusing and badly-written that he can't figure out the point of the rote. He hands the book to Lisa, and Lisa's head starts hurting when she reads it so she hands the book back)
Rowan: "I want to read that!"
Lisa: "NO! Friends don't let friends read that!"
8. (continuing from the last quote...)
Ryan: "You have to cast the rote to read the rote to understand the rote!"
9. (the group continues to reminisce about past games, and soon they're teasing Rowan about the people her characters have slept with: Aidan sleeping with the Jishna-clone...Theodosia having a three-way with Lydia and Bella...Theodosia having the three-way with the human police officer and killing him...)
Rowan to Nick: "Some of my characters have made bad decisions!"
10. (Morgan, a member of the mage Consortium of New Orleans, goes to Prince Alberto with a complaint)
Morgan: "A vampire has touched a mage improperly."
(I think you had to be there for this one!)
11. (Ryan is role-playing Prince Alberto seducing Rowan's mage Angel, with Kristin sitting between Ryan and Rowan)
Kristin (in a high, nervous-sounding voice): "I'm a little uncomfortable sitting here!"
12. (the group is in Las Vegas to get the Book of Shadows that was left to Nick's mage Raeth by another mage named Redbrook. ST Dave explains what happened to Redbrook)
ST Dave: "Redbrook was helping mages escape. He got caught."
Raeth: "Sounds like my kind of guy!"
13. (Erin is standing outside Tia's house smoking. Sunny the vampire joins her and asks if she can bum a cigarette. Erin looks at her in shock for a moment, and then has Sunny repeat what she said to make sure she heard her right)
Ryan: "We live in a world of vampires, werewolves, mages, magick...I'm not sure we should be so concerned about the undead smoking!"
14. (Erin watches everyone constantly calling Tia when they need help, or coming over and hanging out, or sleeping over at Tia's house, and she starts getting frustrated that Tia-- who was only supposed to be her and Angel's mentor-- has become everyone's surrogate mentor!)
Erin (to Angel): "It's not just cornbread for you and me, it's cornbread for EVERYONE!!"
15. (Ishtar and her daughters take each mage to a private room and do a protection-ritual where they rub ashes all over the mage's body to prevent any of the Lancea Sanctum's weird religious-attacks from harming them. When Joe finds out he has to not only be naked for the ritual, but Ishtar will also be rubbing the ashes all over his penis in order to cover him completely, he starts to have second thoughts)
Erin (to Joe): "Wouldn't you feel dumb if YOU got whipped in the penis?"
16. (Tabitha has always been squeamish that her vampire-bite gives the victim extreme pleasure while she's drinking, so 200 years ago she came up with the idea to put a sliding door in an outhouse and drink from people while they're relieving themselves in order to avoid unnecessary contact with them. Skip ahead 200 years to the present. Tabitha overhears Ishtar saying that when she doesn't want to cause a victim pleasure she just uses a piercing-tool instead of her teeth. Tabitha stands there looking stunned for a moment, and then a big smile fills her face)
Tabitha: "Problem solved! The outhouse is now CLOSED!"
17. (the group found out that Tabitha's been working a shift at the free clinic in the 9th ward. Ryan is particularly interested in Tabitha's appearance when she goes into work)
Ryan: "So you go into work with the stinky hair and make-up??"
Tabitha: "I'm a Nosferatu-- it's not make-up! Besides, I work the graveyard shift! They don't care if you're creepy-looking!"
18. (continued...this sets Ryan off on a roll about how bad Nosferatu fangs must look-- some with curling fangs...some with one fang grotesquely longer than the other...)
Ryan: "It's a Nosfera-tooth!"
19. (Erin is trying out for the Adamantine Arrow by fighting a group of guys. One of the guys does a move that everyone's having a hard time visualizing, and ST Dave's having a hard time describing. Lisa advises ST Dave to get Jason's toy monkey to use to demonstrate what he's doing, but Dave wants a bigger model and asks Nick to stand up. ST Dave gets very frustrated when he fails to clearly demonstrate the move on Nick)
ST Dave: "GRAB THE GODDAMN MONKEY!!"
20. (Early in the game the mages learn that vampire blood can be a very powerful thing if it gets into mage-hands, and that there's all kinds of forbidden magic they might be able to do with it. Time goes by, and Joe's deciding that he needs more information on how to fight an evil spirit. He takes out a vial of Ishtar's blood that she gave him to use to retrieve Kim's memories of fighting a different evil spirit. Joe stares at the vial for a moment..."
Joe: "I have vampire's blood..." (his face suddenly lights up) "I just didn't know it was...NEAT!"
21. (Erin watches Joe storm out of Mike's house after an argument, and she wonders if he's refusing help because he's possessed by the evil little girl-spirit. Suddenly she remembers that Tia just taught her how to detect if someone's possessed, and she gets excited and chants "Spirit One! Spirit One!" while raising her hands)
Ryan: "You...just did 'raise the roof??'"
Erin: "Hey, I've been stuck here with Mike for an hour! I'm half-black now!"
22. (Angel and Raeth are making-out when suddenly Angel breaks off the kiss and pulls back. Raeth is visibly frustrated)
ST Dave (to Nick): "As a guy you've probably had that happen a lot!"
Lisa: "You guys are dating the wrong women!" (turns to ST Dave) "That happens to ME more than it happens to POO!"
23. (Lisa comes back from the kitchen to find that someone's drink made a big spill on her character sheets...again. Kristin grabs Lisa's clipboard and brings it up to her face)
Lisa (shouting): "Don't lick it!!"
Kristin (looking offended): "I just wanted to sniff it to see which drink it was!"
Lisa: "You can't be trusted with tongues and paper!!" (this is referring to an earlier quote-situation!)
24. (Raeth and Angel are talking, and Raeth asks Angel to tell him all about herself and asks her lots of questions. When Raeth is done, Angel goes quiet)
Nick (to Rowan): "I think this is the part where YOU ask HIM questions...if you're insterested."
25. (ST Dave describes a man stalking Ayako, and Kristin asks ST Dave what the man looks like)
ST Dave: "You see a white man watching you."
Ayako: "Is he a good white man or a bad white man?"
26. (continued...)
Ryan (to Ayako): "That depends...if you've got the underpants, he's got the cash!"
27. (Joe watches his son run off and has to decide if he's going to leave his daughter at home and run after his son, or grab his daughter and try to run after his son with her in his arms)
Rowan: "I'm only going to have one kid!!"
Lisa: "But you've got two arms!"
Rowan: "Yeah, but one arm can't stay at home while the other arm runs down the street after my werewolf-son!"
28. (Theodosia-- the most well-endowed vampiress in town-- feels drawn to help the people in a house but wants to know what's going on inside. She sees an open window on the second floor and starts climbing a trellis to get up to the window, but gets stuck for a minute)
Ryan: "Even the house wants to cop a feel!"
29. Ryan: "I hate that we have cell phones now! It's like anyone can call anyone at anytime!"
Ryan (as Alberto getting a call on his personal cell phone): "NO! You call the secretary like a good vampire!"
30. (Heartsblood goes to Erin's apartment and rings the doorbell. Erin looks surprised-- not having realized that her apartment was equipped with a doorbell)
Erin: "Oh I have a ding-dong?"
31. (Erin takes the group back to her apartment to wait for Sunny. They open the door to find Heartsblood cooking dinner...and Erin hadn't expected him to be home...and had neglected to tell the group that she'd invited Heartsblood to move in with her! Heartsblood stammers something about coming over to help Erin with the ant-problem in the kitchen...Erin acts surprised that there are actually pots and pans in her kitchen...but the group isn't fooled)
Angel (to Heartsblood): "I didn't know you could cook!"
Erin (still trying to pretend Heartsblood wasn't cooking): "I've never really used the oven before...maybe there was a turkey in there!"
32. (As the game begins, Ryan comments on how there's a love-square involving Joe, Joe's son Michael, Erin's dad, and Sunny, and then Erin finds out that her dad has liver cancer and only has about 3 weeks left to live. Later on in the game, Joe and Sunny are talking...)
ST Dave: "Sunny steps closer to Joe."
Erin: "The love-square just turned into a triangle!"
Joe: "Why? Did your dad die?"
(Lisa smacks Ryan in real life)
Joe: "Well who ELSE would be out?"
Erin (incredulously): "MICHAEL!"
Joe: "Why Michael? He's 13 and cancer-free!"
33. (continuing...Lisa throws the remote control AND Nick's Eddie Izzard DVDs at Ryan)
Nick: "Hey! Those are mine! And not sturdy!"
34. (Joe overhears plans being made for Erin's dad and Sunny to go on a double-date with Erin and Heartsblood, but he thought it was official that Sunny was now only after Michael!)
Joe (disapprovingly): "You either take the chicken or the egg!"
35. (the group is talking about the movie "Labyrinth" and what they like and dislike about it)
Nick: "You know, I love David Bowie...don't care for his crotch."
36. (Alberto shows up at Erin's birthday party...[let's all take a little pause to absorb that for a moment!]...with 2 female ghouls)
Erin (to Alberto): "You brought snacks?"
Alberto: "Exclusive feeding. It's not like they're serving!"
37. (Ishtar asks Joe if he knows how to dance. Ryan checks Joe's character sheet, and suddenly his face lights up)
Joe: "I can dance!! You may not be able to recognize my dance, but I can do SOMETHING!"
38. (Los Iluminados captured a Lancea Sanctum ghoul trying to plant a bomb in Angel's car. Rafael and Angel are interrogating the ghoul when Ryan starts being silly and interjecting his own questions in a Mexican accent)
Rowan: "Hey! Neither you nor your fat vampire are here!" (referring to the fat Mexican vampire Ryan has been promising to create for years)
39. (continued...)
Ryan: "The fat vampire is ALWAYS here."
40. (Ayako goes to sleep and ST Dave describes her having a dream about gypsies)
ST Dave: "You see a woman who looks very much like your mentor..."
Rowan: "Which mentor?"
Kristin: "Well I hope not Kurt!!"
41. ST Dave (to Raeth): "You and Erin's sister are at the museum..."
Erin: "Oh YEAH! The museum-date!"
Raeth: "I'm not a whore!! I'm there because I'm being paid to protect her!!"
42. (Raeth and Erin's sister Helena are doing some shopping downtown)
ST Dave: "Raeth and Helena get in her car...(long pause)
Lisa: "And it explodes!"
Ryan: "The only way this car is going to blow up is if sexual frustration is flammable!"
43. Ryan: "Why would you box a vampire??" (this one was much funnier after I deleted the explanation!)
44. (Joe and Ishtar are talking, and Joe asks Ishtar how she feels about Theodosia wanting to get into the Library)
Ishtar: "Theodosia...she keeps things close to the chest..."
(about 3 seconds go by with NO boob-jokes or snickering!!)
Ryan: "WOW!! We're adults!!"
45. (Mike hands Ayako a blue rose)
Mike: "I got this because it...
(Mike moves his hand around in front of Ayako's face while trying to think of the right words)
Mike: "...matches your face."
46. (the group is catching Rowan up on the events she missed during the last game)
Erin: "None of us have been getting any snoo this week. Even the soon-to-be-dead Mike!"
Ayako: "Yes we have! (pause) "Once!"
Erin: "No you haven't! We've been watching!"
47. (ST Dave is in the middle of talking and suddenly pauses and listens)
ST Dave: "That's the baby crying...don't you think?"
(Lisa also pauses and listens)
Kristin: "No, that's just your soul."
48. (Devin is talking to Raeth, trying to convince him to work for her but he keeps turning her down. He finally offers to give her the names of some other private eyes he would recommend.)
Devin: "I don't want anyone else! I want YOU!"
Raeth: "You will be disappointed."
49. (continuing...)
Devin: "You come highly recommended."
Raeth (pauses): "Well...I'm good at a great many things..."
50. (The group is trying to decide which culture to use as their future werewolf pack's focus. Rowan comments that the Mayan culture might be interesting. ST Dave warns her that if they choose Mayan, the pack might end up leaning towards darker rituals because of how obsessed the Mayans were with human sacrifice. Rowan argues that it wasn't actually that important to them.)
ST Dave: "Sacrifice was their main thing!!"
Rowan: "No it wasn't! It's just the main thing history focused on! (pause) They also poured beer on rocks!"
51. (The cabal finds themselves in the hospital after the generator explodes, and visitors start showing up to see how they're doing. Ishtar visits Joe and tells him she's going to be hiding up in the air vents above his bed during the day until he's released from the hospital. Sunny goes to visit Erin, and offers to stay at the hospital with her day and night if she wants.)
Sunny: "You want me to stay? I could stay up in the air vent with Ishtar..."
Erin: "No, no...what??"
52. (now that the big battle is finally over, the group is deciding what to do next)
ST Dave: "So we could skip ahead now...does everyone want to blue-book?"
Ryan: "No! I've got things I want to role-play!"
Lisa: "Yeah! Like there's this vam-pur in the air ducts..."
53. (ST Dave had a recent vasectomy, so for this particular game he's having to sit in creative positions on the bean bag chair. At one point Lisa finds him sitting spread-eagle with his legs wide open.)
Lisa (to Dave): "Hey Crotchy!"
Ryan: "Did you say 'Crotchless?'"
Dave: "It's not less!"
Ryan: "It's not MORE!"
54. (the group tells Lisa to write down the previous conversation so it can be put up on this Quotes Page but Dave doesn't want it put up on here because it's a joke about his crotch)
Rowan: "It's not like genitals have never graced the Quotes Page!"
55. (continuing...)
ST Dave: "My genitals are going to be on the Quotes Page??"
Ryan: "It's not the first. David Bowie's crotch was featured last time!"
56. (the mages are watching a vision featuring former members of the Order of the Silver Veil through history, and they see that Theodosia's daughter Fanny disappeared after a spell went wrong-- she didn't die the way Theodosia thought she died. Rowan starts freaking out, and Ryan tells her to shush so Dave can continue.)
Rowan: "I'm sorry! But my daughter was tentacled!!"
57. (Ayako is decribing her latest Tarot card dream to her mentor Devin, and tells Devin that she keeps seeing her in all the dreams-- this time dressed in a gypsy costume)
Devin (thinking about her next concert): "Gypsy costume! I've never thought of wearing that..."
Lisa: "That's because it involves clothes!"
58. (Devin goes to the princely estates to meet with Prince Alberto, and Angel starts acting jealous)
Erin (to Angel): "I'm detecting some green BEFORE St. Patrick's Day!"
59. (Joe and Erin go looking for Blue and find him sitting on a bench in front of Michael's school, watching the school. They start commenting to each other about how this is in NO way kinda creepy-looking!)
Joe (teasing Blue): "You see a van parked in front of the school with 'free candy' written on it and crossed out, and below that it says 'free puppies' and it's been crossed out, and below that it says 'free X-Box!' Keeping up with the times! Kids these days don't care about candy and puppies!"
60. (the mages and vampires are mingling at the Baron's memorial, and Ishtar's sire Barboa goes up and starts talking to Joe)
Barboa: "So...I hear you've been seeing my little girl! Ishtar just raves about you...can I assume the feelings are...mutual?"
Joe: "The feelings are mutual."
Barboa: "Oh good. Because if you hurt her...I'll tear your heart out."
Joe: "I never thought I'd get told THAT again!"
61. (first sentence of the game:)
ST Dave (to Ayako): "You wake up and hear the shower going. Mike's probably in there."
(no one else lives with Mike & Ayako, so one would HOPE it's Mike in there!)
62. (the group is having trouble remembering Ishtar's sire's name, and Dave can't figure out why)
St Dave: "'Barboa' is a common Italian name!"
Rowan: "But 'Barbosa' and 'barbacoa' are much more common."
Ryan: "However, one is much more delicious than the other."
63. Ryan: "I haven't seen 'Smallville' seasons 6 and 7. And I was OK with that until I heard there's going to be a season 8. By the time they're done making these I'm going to be too old to enjoy them!"
Lisa: "You're never too old for Superman! Dave's living proof!"
64. (Angel, Erin & Ayako are standing at the door greeting people as they arrive at the party. First to arrive are the Seers of the Hand-- all wearing veils and some kind of covering across their eyes. They say something otherworldly and head into the party. Next is Natasha Preston with her uncontrollable twitching, followed by Gus-Gus with his crazy eyes and strange set to his mouth)
Angel (whispering to Erin & Ayako): "We are weird people!!"
65. (Alberto looks around at the party and spots Theodosia.)
Alberto (to ST Dave): "I'm going to go talk to the triplets."
Theodosia: "I'm 'the triplets' now??"
Lisa: "He's including your face!"
Theodosia (to Alberto): "When did you start looking at my face??"
66. Lisa: "Together Theodosia and Fanny are 'T & A!'"
67. (the group is discussing what fighting-skills and weapons various cultures use and which they don't, and which ones they don't automatically know)
Ryan: "I mean I had an Asian werewolf and I didn't know fucking kung-fu!"
68. (continued...)
Ryan (pretending to be a Native American): "Hello! Look at our fine selection of...arrowheads and tomahawks!"
69. (Lydia is depressed because she feels useless, and Theodosia is trying to decide if she should kiss her or not)
Ryan: "Come on! How long has it been since you had a foursome??"
70. (The group is trying to remember the name Ryan gave Angel's assistant because it's been a long time since she made an appearance in the game. Everyone remembers it being a silly name that started with Ps.)
Ryan: "Popper Pets!"
(Much laugher ensues, and Rowan groans and protests. Ryan throws out a few other similar-sounding names and then remembers the original name.)
Ryan: "Piper Poots!"
Rowan objects to Poots
Ryan: "Well Dave's not playing her anymore so it's our NPC not his, so Piper Poots for you!"
71. (Sunny and Michael leave Erin and Heartsblood's house and go over to Sunny's. Erin and Heartsblood hide and watch Sunny's house because they're supposed to be watching Michael while Joe's in the Library. After a while Sunny and Michael start heading back to Erin and Heartsblood's house, and ST Dave says that Sunny immediately notices them.)
Erin: "I'm a cop, he's a woof! We GOTTA do better than that!"
72. ST Dave (to Angel): "It's morning and you wake up."
(the group cheers for her in a smart-assed manner)
Ryan: "You know, I'm tired of us rewarding such mundane behavior."
Angel: "Well one morning I just won't wake up then!"
73. (Michael wants to get daffodils for Sunny but it's February and daffodils aren't out yet so he'd have to buy them at a flower shop. However Ryan reveals that Joe doesn't give Michael an allowance. The rest of the players murmur in disapproval.)
Ryan: "The dumb-ass dad doesn't give Michael an allowance because he knows he'll go out and buy condoms!"
Lisa: "For WHAT?" (referring to the fact that Sunny is a vampire)
Ryan: "I don't know...balloon-animals??"
74. (Michael sneaks back to his and Joe's apartment, only to find Ishtar there putting groceries away. Ishtar asks Michael where Erin and Heartsblood are, and he tells her they're "busy doing something." Erin is frustrated that Michael's making them look like bad babysitters!)
Ryan (to Erin): "You're the one trying to get a 14-year old laid!"
Erin: "Under supervision!"
75. (Erin is tired of Michael always sneaking off and hiding somewhere while she's supposed to be watching him. This time Michael has snuck up onto the roof of her house. Erin and Heartsblood start walking from Tia's house back to their house, and Lisa asks if they can see Michael up on the roof. ST Dave says no, it's too dark. Lisa asks Ryan if Michael is wearing a red jacket, or something that would make him stand out against the roof, but Ryan says no.)
Lisa (frustratedly): "Sometimes you can see the little white boy on the roof!!"
76. (Angel sees Mike enter her building and head back to the room with the book in it. She wonders what he's doing there so early.)
Ryan (pretending to be Mike): "Niggas got shit to do in the morning!"
77. (Erin asks Angel why she missed the Adamantine Arrow meeting the night before, and Angel admits she'd gotten drunk. Erin hints that maybe Angel needs to start going to Alcoholics Anonymous, and Angel looks taken aback.)
Erin: "It's just that the LAST time you missed a meeting it's because you were drunk!"
Angel: "It's just that there was this kid that was going to get killed and I thought it was an appropriate response!"
78. (Devin tells Ayako that when Ayako sleeps with Mike at the end of the tarot card-experiment it's going to be so good that he's going to "blow all over the sheets.")
Ryan: "It's not a nozzle! There's no different settings!"
79. (Prince Alberto asks Lydia if she will be his seneschal but she declines and instead recommends he pick Tabitha.)
Lydia: "If Tabitha was allowed to affect change on the entire city I think you'd see a whole new Tabitha."
Alberto: "With all due respect, I'd have to disagree."
Tabitha (whispering): "Action figure!" click to see Tabitha's action figure!
80. (continued...Lisa begs Ryan to tell her where he found the action figure picture, but he refuses)
Ryan: "It's my carrot! To ensure you take me to the finish line!"
81. (Sunny is telling Erin all the details about her magical night with Michael. Her story gets more and more romantic when...)
Sunny: "I love him!!"
And at that exact moment Aurora suddenly lets out a HUGE, LOUD fart. Mood-breaker!
82. (Ishtar and Devin are having girl-talk about men)
Ishtar: "What do you look for in a man?"
Devin: "A cock."
Ishtar: "That's all?"
Devin: "What else IS there?"
Ishtar: "Well there's sense of humor...personality...gentleness...kindness...strength of character...integrity...and yes, a cock."
Devin: "What do YOU look for in a man?"
Ishtar: "All of the above."
Joe: "All right! I'm 1 for 7 now!"
83. (It seems like everytime Ayako wakes up she hears the shower running, and it's been a long-standing joke that HOPEFULLY it's Mike in the shower and not someone else! At the beginning of this particular game Raeth wakes up and hears the shower running. Everyone's making guesses about who's in there, and then Erin's sister Helena walks out. The group-- including Nick-- had forgotten that she'd spent the night at the end of the previous week's game! Then later in this game Michael wakes up at Sunny's house and hears the shower going.)
Michael: "I'm assuming it's Sunny."
Lisa: "I don't know...everyone's got someone in the shower they're not expecting!"
84. (Tabitha discovers that Desmond-- the Koigan of the Ordo Dracul-- is secretly the leader of the Belial's Brood group that's been attacking New Orleans. Carter Landry informs her that every Dragon is tempted at some point to join Belial's Brood, so Prince Alberto orders Tabitha to arrest all the Dragons in New Orleans and bring them to him to be tested. Tabitha goes from Dragon to Dragon, arresting them. The group visualizes Tabitha tying each Dragon to a long rope and dragging them back to Alberto!)
Tabitha: "White people on a chain gang! Faster, honkies! That cotton ain't pickin' itself!"
85. Nick (giving us our group-motto, perhaps?): "It's so nice to be with a group of people that you don't want to punch in the face!!"
86. (this should be the official Alberto-quote)
Alberto to Tabitha: "Just because I don't say thank you doesn't mean you're useless."
87. (while the group is off picking up dinner, Rowan does a little venting)
Rowan: "Sleeping with a 14-year old?? I'm sorry but Angel HATES Sunny!"
Nick: "I don't think you're going to get much slack for hating a child molester!"
88. (Theodosia is sad/confused about why Scratch prefers Tabitha over her)
Ryan: "You can't go to K-Mart and start flashing the platinum card!"
89. (while Sunny's out, Michael looks through her music collection and discovers that she's a big fan of Celine Dion and country music)
Erin: "I'll pay you to destroy all of that!"
Michael (with a sinister grin): "How much??"
Erin: "Anything's a lot to you because you don't get allowance!"
90. (continued...)
Michael: "It's easy to have money when people are buying houses for you!"
91. (ST Dave is trying to sell the players on the virtues of the Shaping Gifts)
ST Dave: "I've seen a werewolf tear up a piece of concrete and hide underneath! YOU could be that cool!"
92. (Alberto is contemplating feeding Antoine and Phillip to the Unholy)
Alberto: "This is like killing so many birds with...one bird!"
93. Ryan (as Cajun-guy): "Don't make me go get dat Honeycut-monster! You won't like how he make your acquaintance!"
94. (all I can say is that it was about 4 AM and we'd all been drinking!)
Ryan: "Cats don't have pajamas! And if they do, you die in your sleep!"
95. (Michael and one of the Thor's Hammer werewolves are locked in mortal combat. Michael rakes his claws down his opponent's face.)
Michael: "No eyebrows for YOU, SUCKAH!"
96. (Continued...ST Dave describes the wounds Michael and his opponent are giving each other. Rowan adds that this quote is especially funny because our characters will go to any length to be as cool as we can!)
Michael: "My scars will be cooler than his!"
Nick: "It's really hard to be cool when you're dead!"
97. (first Michael's opponent's face was claw-raked, and then his neck was snapped)
Michael (triumphantly): "Your battle-scar is dead!!"
98. (Ryan invents a new pregnancy test that gives you an incredibly non-confusing voice-response answer when you take the test)
Ryan: "BABY, motherfuckah!"
99. (Allison/Sin-- Lisa's brand-new 14-year old werewolf-- and her mother Porche are arguing about Sin moving into the Hellhouse full-time)
Sin: "I'm staying here!"
Porche: "You'll have to take that up with your grandparents."
Sin: "No I don't! I killed two people and I'm pregnant! I'm a grown-up now!"
100. (continued...)
Thomas/Akita (Nick's 14-year old werewolf): "Just because you've got big teeth doesn't make you a grown-up!"
101. (Sin, Akita, Danny/Blue, and Sierra/Koi-- Rowan's 14-year old werewolf-- wake up in the morning...only to find themselves covered in honey! It appears to be the work of their pack-mate Jesse/Muse! When they try to leave their rooms, buckets of flour fall down on them. Everyone is pissed...except for Sin, who promptly starts running her hands over her previously-naked body in a sensual manner, enjoying the feeling of the honey)
Koi (reprimandingly): "Revenge first, sex later!"
102. (Lisa brings out her bag of Cheetos to share with the group. Dave grabs a handful and starts eating them, and Lisa gets mad and reminds him that he has his own bag in the kitchen. Dave promptly puts his handful of Cheetos right back into the bag, and Lisa sighs in disgust.)
Nick: "At least he didn't regurgitate them! You just need to remember what to be grateful about!"
103. (continued)
Ryan: "No, no...it's OK to have standards!"
104. (Mercedes-- leader of the young Hellhouse Haunts-- is mouthing off to the Elder Council of werewolves)
Elder Council Leader: "That's it, Mercedes! Your pack is disassembled!"
Sin (grabbing her packmates' arms): "NO disassemble!"
105. Rowan (to Lisa about her werewolf Sin): "You should put down 'turns everything into a sexual innuendo' as a flaw!"
Lisa: "That sounds like Lisa!"
Ryan: "You could put 'Lisa' down there!"
Kristin: "As a flaw??"
106. (While Erin is talking to the police chief, Joe sneaks over to the files and gets a copy of the report about his ex-wife's murder, and then blanks out the names of the Voodooins who committed the crime. ST Dave tells Ryan that now the Voodooins' fingerprints are no longer linked to the case. Ryan is surprised that the Voodooins' fingerprints are already in the system.)
Rowan: "Black people get fingerprinted at birth!"
107. (Continued...the group laughs and chants "quote! quote!")
ST Dave: "No, no...I don't want that getting on the webpage!"
Ryan: "How many black people are you inviting to that website, Dave??"
108. (Erin calls all the werewolves and fighter-mages to meet at her house at noon to discuss the new plan for killing The Unholy. When she and Joe pull up to her house, they see the Fallen Angels' tour bus parked across the street. Devin, Bella and Trista get out and walk up to Joe and Erin. Joe's a little irritated to see them because their cabal backed out on helping fight the first time around.)
Devin: "We changed our minds. You're going to need us."
Nick (immitating Devin threatening The Unholy): "Sexxors!! All over you!!" (while moving his fists up and down)
109. (The group is discussing what vehicles the Hellhouse Haunts are driving down to New Orleans in, and it's mentioned that one of their vehicles is a van. This starts the Scooby Doo jokes.)
Ryan (quoting a line from "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back"): "'Why are we listening to this dick wearing a neckerchief??'"
Akita (the new pack-leader): "I didn't say I wasn't a dick, I just said I'm not wearing a neckerchief!"
110. (The group is watching the beginning of "The Corrupter" to get a peek at the character who inspired Joe's character-picture. We see the character-- an NYPD police officer-- get into a huge gunfight with an entire Chinese gang)
Erin: "We left this for New Orleans?? That's why we're dating vampires and werewolves now! There is no danger in our job, so there must be danger in our bedrooms!"
111. (continued...we see one of the Chinese gang members shoot a guy, and then ridicule him)
Ryan: "Yeah, it's really easy to talk shit to a dead guy!"
112. (The group realizes that ST Dave doesn't have any NPCs named Doug, but ALL his NPCs seem to be named either Richard or Bob!)
ST Dave: "Fine. The next gay shop-owner will be named Doug."
Ryan: "Why does he have to be gay? I've never met a gay Doug!"
113. (The three Adamantine-Arrows-in-training are wondering what they're supposed to do now that their leader-- the only full A.A. member in New Orleans-- is dead. They joke that Erin can be the arrowhead, Raeth can be the wooden shaft in the middle, and Angel volunteers to be the fletching feathers!)
Ryan: "No, no-- you can't have drunk feathers! They have to steer!"
114. Devin (explaining to Ayako about the tarot cards ritual): "It only has to be someone who cares about you, and Raeth cares about you."
Rowan: "Wow! She's looking at qualities beyond penis!!"
115. (continued...I can't even begin to fill in the conversation that happened between these two quotes!)
Rowan: "People without penises can still care about people!"
116. (ST Dave describes the hurricane's devistation)
Tabitha: "NOW who's laughing at my fan-boat?!"
117. (Muse decides to play a prank at Coco's Elysium party. She leaves for a while, and then comes back with the van filled with dodge balls and parks next to the back fence. She then procedes to lob the balls over the fence at the people in Coco's backyard)
Muse: "There are balls flying everywhere, and they're fast and hard!"
118. (continued...)
Muse (to her packmates): "You get a text message, 'Watch out for flying red balls!'"
119. ([This is our first triple-quote!] Lisa was out of the room when Devin hit on Akita, so Nick tells Lisa what happened when Akita rejected Devin)
Akita: "I'm not interested in a sexual relationship! I'm interested in making babies!"
120. (continued...Ryan & Lisa both start singing at exactly the same time)
"MAKING BABIES! MAKING BABIES! LA-LA-LAAA!"
121. (Sin excitedly tells Hartsblood about the riverfront building the pack found to live and work in)
Akita: "It's kind of an upgrade because it's not, you know, condemned."
122. (Erin, Helena, and some of the Silver Veil hide in Dmitri & Paul's new apartment to surprise them. Once the surprise-part is over, Dmitri & Paul are introduced to the people they don't know yet.)
Helena: "Guys, this is my boyfriend William!" (referring to Raeth's given name)
Raeth: "Otherwise I'd just be some random stranger hanging out and that's not cool."
123. (Erin and the Brinks are saying good-bye to everyone before they fly to New York)
Erin (to Hartsblood): "Don't have too much fun partying while we're gone!"
Hartsblood (smirking): "Don't know what you're talking about."
Erin: "I saw the guys carrying cases of beer into the house..."
Hartsblood: "Nah, Levi was carrying in boxes of spare motorcycle parts!"
Erin (nodding knowingly): "Because they work better refrigerated?"
124. (Nick and Ryan are chatting before the game starts)
Nick: "Have you ever tried a fried Twinkie?"
Ryan: "No...it sounds delicious, but no."
Nick: "It's basically eating death."
125. (Koi is searching for a private school run by Awakened beings that she can send her daughter Sparrow to, and as luck would have it she finds one!)
ST Dave: "It's an excellent school! It's all about learning..." (Dave pauses, waiting for Koi's reaction to this amazing news)
126. (Raeth and Ayako position their naked bodies awkwardly on the bed for the tarot card sealing ceremony)
Raeth (miserably): "Days like this make me really, really, REALLY miss Mike!!"
127. (Raeth rolls his Stamina to see if he can masturbate successfully in front of Ayako. He succeeds!)
Raeth (proudly): "Little guy works just fine!"
128. Devin (to Raeth): "I won't let anyone fuck my unconscious student."
129. (Tabitha is trying to decide if she wants to diablerize Nathanial or not, but when she discovers that he's the same Blood Potency as she is she backs off. The players remind her that besides gaining Blood Potency you can also gain a Discipline that the victim has...and Nathanial's Gangrel abilities allow him to change into a chosen animal-form.)
Rowan: "You could turn into an alligator!"
Tabitha: "I don't want to turn into a-- " (Tabitha pauses...and then does an excited O-mouth)
130. (Erin is looking at her to-do list and remembers that tomorrow at 0500 hours is their Adamantine Arrow meeting with The Corps)
Erin: "I'm excited about the new AA!"
Raeth (immitating the old AA): "Aaaaah we're retarded!" (pause) "I didn't like them."
131. (Ryan is looking over the current list of vampires in the city, and asks if anyone remembers which city in California the 5 new Invictus are from. Everyone else remembers Dave saying San Francisco-- the city our last Vampire game took place in.)
Ryan: "Ah man! Just once can't we have an Orange County vampire??"
132. (Michael is trying to remember the name of the pack's business)
Lisa: "Hellhouse CRAAAFTS!"
Rowan (in exasperation): "Lisa! If I had balls..." (pause) "...I mean if YOU had balls!"
133. (ST Dave tells Angel "it's morning...you wake up..." and asks what she's doing. Angel gives the normal response of "I drink coffee and go to work.")
Ryan (sarcastically): "Good God, how are you not married, you're so interesting?"
(the group laughs in surprise)
Ryan: "That sounded meaner than I intended it!"
134. (Joe is waiting for Phrix to tell him what her payment is for letting him study in the library for 6 months on accelerated-speed)
Joe: "There's no happy medium! You either get to do dishes, or you get eaten!"
135. (Theodosia is trying to do a hard math problem and everyone is teasing her)
Theodosia: "Hey! I'm intelligent!" (pause) "Wait!" (Theodosia double-checks her character sheet)
136. (Erin tells Angel that she thinks she might need treatment for her drinking problem. Angel gives her a look...and consults her character sheet.)
Angel: "Where are my response-dice??"
Erin: "Are you trying to punch me?? Because believe me, I'm aware!"
137. Joe: "I haven't gone to the counsellor yet!"
Erin: Yeah, and you better! It's almost Monday! And then we're going to be in Chicago for a week!" *sigh* "We've got a really patient chief! How many days have we worked this year??"
Joe: "Umm...7? We're the George W.s of the precinct."
138. (The group has been filling out various silly charts detailing how straight or gay or easy or monogamous their characters are. Lisa hands one of the charts back to Ryan.)
Lisa: "Did you put Akon on here?"
Ryan: "He's to the way waaay extreme on one of these charts."
Lisa: "You have a gay Frankenstein??"
ST Dave (knowingly): "I think Tabitha wants to know!"
Ryan: "How would a gay Frankenstein benefit her??"
139. (The group is, once again, talking about how everyone's mentors either die or abandon them...except for Tia. Erin describes everyone but herself standing outside Tia's window, whining like sad dogs wanting to be let in.)
Joe: "WE'RE the orphans that Angel won't fucking help!"
140. (Bella goes to the Hellhouse Haunts' store to commission some pieces. The first one she wants is a painting of herself sitting on her favorite headstone in her favorite cemetary. Naked.)
Bella: "I would not be nude. I would be wearing boots."
Akita: "Gotta cover up those toes!"
141. (continued...the second piece Bella wants is a jewelry box carved to look like her favorite headstone. And the third piece she wants is a knife with a pommel that looks like...her favorite headstone!)
Akita: "That would be SO unweildy, and not so knife-like."
142. Nick: "Hairy cleavage is NEVER good cleavage!"
143. (Akita explains to the pack that whenever he thinks of the Hellhouse he visualizes a house with fire shooting out of the front door)
Koi: "Why is fire only shooting out of the door and not the windows?"
Akita: "It's hard for you to see when you're spitting fire out your eyeballs!"
144. (Tabitha brings Papa M'Butu to the Princely Estates to be introduced to Prince Alberto. Alberto sees that Papa M'Butu is wearing a Fortier suit!)
Alberto (in an excited, high-pitched voice with hands waving up and down): "You're wearing my shit!!"
145. (Lisa tells the group about her bad dream involving Ryan, two Chinese sisters, and the gaming group lost in chaos)
Lisa: "If any Asians come down the driveway it's windows down and doors locked!!"
146. (Ishtar proudly shows off the stripper pole she had installed in her and Joe's bedroom)
Ishtar: "It's retractable!"
Lisa: "Like Joe!"
Ryan: "Like Hartsblood!
Rowan: "Red Rocket!"
147. (Joe reveals that he can only have 3 committments at one time: 2 kids and a cabal!)
Ishtar (sadly): "Aaaw..."
Joe: "She put a mirror on my ceiling! What more committment does she need??"
148. "Everybody needs burly ghouls!"
149. (After Akita rejects Bella's advances, Bella asks Sin to help her find a man. Sin decides to use her sneaky powers to scan Hawkeye's mind to see what kind of woman he likes.)
Ryan: "Isn't he the guy who's always walking around with a coffee cup?"
(Lisa's face lights up)
Lisa: "Angel!" (pause) "Coffee and alive! It's the two things he likes in a woman!"
150. (Akita kisses Bella)
Lisa: "And Bella has a little gray-scale rainbow coming out of her head!"
Kristin (as Bella): "I can HAZ!"
151. (Lisa E-mails Ryan with her reaction to the movie-version of Dean Koontz' "Frankenstein: The Prodigal Son")
Lisa: "Martin Scorcese, I hurl monkey-poops at you!"
152. (During one scene, Joe has a moment where he can't remember what happened to his daughter Jessica after school got out. The group teases him about how social workers Tia and Angel are going to show up on his doorstep to take Jessica away. Then Rowan jokes that Tia and Angel will mysteriously disappear and Theodosia will adopt Jessica. Then Ryan jokes that THEODOSIA will suddenly disappear! Then Lisa jokes that even though Theodosia is dead, her boobs will haunt New Orleans! Rowan protests the haunting!)
Ryan: "Oh come on! Those things are magnificent enough that they'd totally have their own spirits!"
153. (the group finds out that if a female virgin is Embraced, her hymen will be restored when she wakes up the next night and sex will be painful all over again)
Ryan (as a female virgin about to be Embraced): "I know this is an unusual order, but fuck first, then suck!"
154. (Erin is talking to the company that's putting a pool in her backyard)
Erin: "Can we have a spiral slide instead of one of those gay straight slides?"
155. (ST Dave describes Fanny showing up to Elysium in a skimpy bikini, and then asks what Alberto's reaction is. Ryan reminds Dave that if people are still arriving then Alberto isn't there yet.)
Lisa: "Wait! Alberto comes last!" (pause) *smirk*
156. (While driving Nick and Rowan home after the game, Lisa and Rowan are talking about how Supreme never tried to help Aura/Rage get resolution or justice against the German swimmers who tried to rape her, and how instead he thought it would be better to just try to control her/overpower her/spy on her when she would get angry)
Nick: "Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think the road to healing for a woman who's been raped is an uber-controlling man!"
157. (Sin wants to join the Fallen Angels in kicking some Boston Consortium ass)
Sin: "Don't gotta have a reason, just gotta have a target!"
158. (Raeth is at a counceling session with Ishtar)
Ishtar: "You know...Isharu's moving into her new apartment tonight."
Raeth (dead-serious): "I didn't realize she was such a nerd."
159. (Sin is complaining that Horus hasn't slept with anyone since his wife died)
Akita: "He's trying to respect his wife!"
Sin: "Who is DEAD!"
Akita: "Cause you totally can't respect anything that's DEAD!"
160. (ST Dave is describing Coco's elysium)
ST Dave: "The older vampires seem to be enjoying themselves, but the younger vampires are bored out of their skulls."
Lisa: "STAY IN YOUR SKULLS!!"
Nick: "They're very useful for when you grow up!"
161. (Alberto is using Auspex to check out new vampire Anna's aura)
Alberto: "Is she a lesbian?"
Lisa: "There's no aura-color for THAT!"
162. (At a past elysium Antoine told Tabitha to come visit him sometime and he'd show her something. However when Tabitha finally dropped by and asked him what he wanted to show her, he told her he wasn't ready to show her yet, and something about gardens growing and fruit ripening and fruit not ready to be picked yet...)
Tabitha (in frustration): "All right, Auspex! Stop fruiting at me!"
163. (At the elysium, Ishtar and Tabitha and Joe and Simbi switch back into their regular forms. Ishtar turns to Joe.)
Ishtar (trying to sound seductive but failing): "Care for a dance, Mr. Pennybags?"
Tabitha (to Joe): "Don't you miss (moves hand and shoulder in her awkward Ishtar-impersonation) Ishtar now?"
Joe: "You turned me off and broke the knob."
164. (At Sunny's costume party elysium ST Dave described every character's costume except Fanny's, so Kristin decided that Fanny came as a giant carrot because when all the good costumes are gone that's the one that's left. This caused hours of hillarity at Fanny's expense. Ryan did an especially compelling impersonation of Fanny running after Theodosia while Theodosia was fleeing in horror and embarrassment, and then Fanny tripping and falling and calling out, "Mama! Where you goin', Mama? I love you, Mama!" By this time it was about 3AM and the group couldn't stop lauging about Fanny. Finally Ryan turns to Rowan.)
Ryan: "I'm sorry I made your daughter handicapped and Southern!"
Rowan: "That's what happens when you're a carrot."
165. (after observing and listening in on the guys in the group for an extended time, Lisa finally draws a conclusion)
Lisa: "So it really sucks being a guy! A)you never know when you're going to have to pee, and B) your testicles go into your kidneys!"
166. Sunny (at Michael's bedside at the clinic): "How do you feel??"
Michael (doped up on morphine): "Kind of like the first day of football practice, only the other person is dead?"
