UnNamed

Duct take wont fix that.
Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.
Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
We dont keep firearms in this house.
Has anyone seen the sideburn trimmer?
You cant feed that to the dog.
I thought Graceland was tacky.
No kids in the back of the pickup, it's not safe.
Wrasslin's fake.
Honey, did you mail that donation to greenpeace?
We're vegetarians.
Do you think my hair is to big?
I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.
Honey, these bonsai trees need waterin?
Who's Richard Petty?
Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
Deer heads detract from the decor.
Spitting is such a nasty habit.
I just couldnt find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
Trim the fat off that steak.
Cappucino tastes better than Espresso.
The tires on that truck are to big.
I'll have the arugula and raddicchio salad.
I've got it all on a floppy disk.
Unsweeteded tea tastes better.
Would you like your fish broiled or poached?
My fiancess, Paula Joie, is registered at Tiffany's
Ive got two cause of Zima for the Super Bowl.
Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
Check Mate.
She's too old to be wearing that bikini.
Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
Hey, heres an episode of Hee Haw that we havent seen.
I dont have a favorite football team.
Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
Those shorts aught to be a litttle longer, Darla.
Elvis who?

DINING OUT
1. When decaning wine, make sure that you tilt the paper       cup, and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of         the vine.
2. If drinking directly from the bottle always hold it with         your fingers covering the label.
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything           prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table....no matter            how good his manners are.
PERSONAL HYGIENE
1. Whele ears need to be cleaned reguarly, this is a job            that should be done in private using one's OWN turck         keys.
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several       days. However, if you live, alone, deodorant is a waste        of good money.
3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no,        as they tent to detract from a woman's jewelry and             alter the taste of finger foods.
DATING (Outside the Family)
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the        first date.
2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've             been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff         on the bathroom wall two years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected            back. Some will say 10PM; Others might say                      "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's           responsiblility to get her to school on time.
THEATER ETEQUETTE
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked       up immediately after the movie has ended.
2. Refrain from talking to the characters on the screen.           Test have proven they cant hear you.
WEDDINGS
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more that 5 seconsds may get you      shot.
3. For the gfroom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a      commerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a             tacky appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes          for this special occasion.
DRIVING ETIQUETTE
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; Even if         the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the      largest tires always has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty h ose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can,        it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral                      procession.