JOKES
Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.
BILL CLINTON VIRUS:
Promises to save your disk, then once installed, does what all of the other viruses tell it to do and ignores its installer.
POLITICALLY CORRRECT VIRUS:
Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microoganism."
THE TOP 10 SIGNS YOU BOUGHT A BAD COMPUTER......
10. Lower corner of screen has the words "Etch-a-sketch" on it.
9. It's celebrity spokesman is that "Hey Vern!" guy.
8. In order to start it you need some jumper cables and a friend's car.
7. It's slogan is "Petium: redifining mathematics".
6. The "quck reference" manual is 120 pages long.
5. Whenever you turn it on, all the dogs in your neighborhood start howling.
4. The screen often displays the message, "Ain't it break time yet?"
3. The manual contains only one sentence: "Good Luck!"
2. The only chip inside is a Dorito.
1. You've decided that your computer is an excellent addition to your fabulous paperweight collection.
NEW ERROR MESAGES DISCOVERED IN WINDOWS 2000....
1. Smash forhead on keybord to continute.
2. Enter any 11-digit prime number to cntinue.
3. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
4. Press any key...no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
5. Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.
6. Close your eyes and press escape three times.
7. Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
8. This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
9. Windows message: You just made a type mismatch! Shall I format your brain?
10. This is a message from God: "Rembooting the universe, please log out"
11. Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
12. Breakfast,SyS halted....Cereal port not responding.
13. Coffee.SyS corrupted...Re-boot Washington D.C.? (y/n)
14. File not found. Should I fake it? (y/n)
15. Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the cat? (y/n)
16. Runtime Error 6D at 417A?CF: Incompletent User.
17. Error reading FAT record: Try the skinny one? (y/n)
18. WinErr 547: LPT1 not found...Use backup...PENCIL & PAPER.
19. User Error: Replace user.
20. Windows VirusScan 1.0-OS/2 found: Remove it?(y/n)
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic?
IF ONLY LIFE COULD BE LIKE A COMPUTER...
1. If you messed up your life, you could press Ctrl-Alt-Delete and start all over.
2. To get your daily exercise, just click on "run"!
3. If you need a break from life, click on Pause.
4. Hit "any key" to continue life when ready.
5. To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster.
6. To improve your apperance, just adjust the display settings.
7. If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.
8. When you lose your car keys, click on find.
9. "Help" with the chores is just a click away.
10. Auto insurance wouldn't be necessary.
11. You would use your diskette to recover from a crash.
12. You could click on "Send Now" an da pizza would be on it's way.
