The Vladimir Guerrero trade July 10, 2004
Through a somber hooded spokesman, the Moline Greens, one-time Northern power, announced today the trade of All-Star outfielder Vladimir Guerrero to the Caracas Polar Bears, the top team in the South. In exchange for Guerrero, Caracas surrendered infield prospect Willy Aybar and the Bears' first-round picks in drafts 2006-2008.
"In a year of poor performances," said the spokesman, "Vladimir remained true to his card, displaying a combination of power, average, defense, and salsa that makes him the most complete outfielder in the game." Losing Guerrero was, conceded the spokesman, "a white flag on this black-letter day." But it also strengthened the team's financial profile. It was, the spokesman said, "a move that will keep the Greens out of the red." At the time of the trade, Guerrero led the Greens in every major offensive category. He also led the league in hits, was in the top three in RBI and BA, and fifth in the league in slugging (.624). His heir presumptive in right field is Jody Gerut, a surprise as a rookie who has found the going more difficult the second time around (.266,.355, .441). "Let me admit," said the spokesman, "that the drop off in production will be prodigious."
The season is half over, said the spokesman, but Moline, one game under .500 and nine games behind division front runners Baltimore and Harrisburg, "hereby concedes its attempt to reclaim the division." The 2004 squad will slump its way through the remainder of the season and hope that some good comes of parting from another vital member of the Big Green Combine, a team that earned four league championships in five seasons. Those championship players--Carlos Delgado, Roger Clemens, Chipper Jones, Scott Rolen, Charles Johnson, Derek Jeter, Mike Sweeney--are all gone now. Only the simulacra of Pedro Martinez and Andruw Jones remain. "The league will never again see such a dynasty," concluded the spokesman, "and the whole league is healthier for that. But the Greens are poorer, and it will be some time before the Moline Greens again shake the walls of the league."