First appearing in the River City Gender Alliance Transformer , August 2000:

If you�re expecting another book review, I�m sorry. I haven�t finished my current tome again. But it�s not my fault. I was on a waiting list for it, at the Omaha Public Library.

I will say this about �Trans-Sister Radio�: it�s incredible, and it keeps getting better.

If you�ve not heard about it, let me enlighten you. It�s a new best seller by Chris Bohjalian. It�s about a college professor who announces the Big Switch, and how the change affects everyone around him, including his new girlfriend, her daughter, and her ex-husband. Either Mr. Bohjalian is one of us, or he�s done his research.

(I am lobbying for this novel to be added to the RCGA Library, so if you can�t find it either, sit tight.)

What I do want to talk about is the Internet. Specifically, chat rooms. I�ve been a regular in the Chats since I discovered the Internet, and I want to see everyone have as good an experience as possible.

If you�re not familiar with a chat room, the concept is simple enough. Multiple people visit the same Internet site, and have conversations by way of typing, and refreshing the screen.

Some chat rooms are simple, while others are complex. Some allow you to post your picture for the world to see, while others are experimenting with real-time voice communication.

A good chat room has a theme, where people who�ve never met can gather and discuss topics relevant to that theme. This is where chat rooms become important to those in our community.

There are chats themed on just about everything, from the X-Files, to parenting, to fixing Chevy�s, trading stocks, and yes, transgenderism. Since many of us are isolated, either socially or geographically, chat rooms are an excellent way to communicate, make friends, and gain information.

When I was living in Hastings, I couldn�t travel to Omaha or other T-friendly places often, so the chat room was a good proxy. I�ve been talking with some of the same people for 4 years now. Even though we�ve never met, we share some of the most intimate details of our lives with each other. And I�m not just talking about our gender issues, but also family, our jobs, and general problems with life, or what not.

While I am a regular at my favorite place, I have visited other chats across the spectrum, some T-related, others not. I have learned a thing or two:

1. If you want to talk gender related stuff, go to a gender related chat room. I�ve been to other places, some sexual, some not. And unfortunately, most non-gender themed places are not receptive to T-girls. Sometimes the inhabitants of say, an �anything goes� room, will get downright hostile once they realize what�s between your legs doesn�t match with your name and picture.

2. Be honest about yourself. Don�t make things up. More often than not, the regular denizens of a chat room can spot a phony, and soon you�ll find yourself on the outside, looking in.

3. Keep at it. Many of these chat room visitors, like myself, have been going for a while. They may have all kinds of conversations going on, and they may seem to ignore you. Just like in real life, a wallflower is going to get ignored. You�ve got to jump in. Don�t expect someone to talk to you.

4. Be guarded. If you�re closeted, don�t give personal information away. That person wooing you may not be a multi-millionaire who wants to take care of you. My rule of thumb is to not trust someone until I�ve had multiple conversations with them. Even then, there are people I�ve chatted with for years, who don�t know my real name, my occupation, my address or phone number.

5. Stay positive. Sure, a chat room is a good place to find support when you have nowhere else to go, but no-one likes a whiner. If all you want to do is cry on someone�s shoulder, soon people will avoid you.

6. Have content. Have something to say. There are plenty of people who just show their pictures over and over. Sure, they may be attractive, but it�s tough to carry on a conversation with a picture. Along with rule 4, know what you�re going to say about yourself before hand, and what you like to talk about.

7. Use a picture. It makes identifying yourself a lot easier. People will remember you better the next time you go. It doesn�t matter if you�re a fox or not, and it doesn�t matter if it�s not your picture. Most people are there for information gathering and sharing. (If you do use someone else�s picture, try to pick something generic, like a cartoon, or a celebrity. If you do use a celebrity, point out it�s a fantasy picture. That goes with being honest.)

8. Brush up on your typing skills. Sometimes the conversations go fast and furious. It�s easier to keep up if you can type well.

9. Be patient. I often have multiple conversations going on, so I have to stop and think when someone asks me a question. Sometimes, computers crash. Internet connections are lost. Don�t assume that someone is ignoring you because they didn�t answer your question right away.

10. Be polite. Because it�s a new medium, cues like a smile or a wink may not be present to show that you�re kidding. Often, your chat friend may be a bad speller or a poor typist, and their message may come out the exact opposite of what they meant. If someone asks you for cybersex, and you�re not interested, just say �No thanks.� If you�re interested, and they�re not, apologize and move on.

There are many, many chat rooms out there. And I think these rules will apply to any of them. But 2 of my favorites are at TG Gallery, and TGForum. Hope to see you there!

[12/12/00] Actually, I'm adding a few rules to my advice on chat rooms:

1a. I traditionally try to greet everyone who enters. But starting immediately, I will no longer greet anyone with a name of an article of clothing, a prefix or suffix indicating a state of arousal, an adjective, or anything else that isn't a proper name. I'm tired of saying things like: "Hello shy" and "Hi Shoefetish4phonesex." If you wish me to acknowledge you, get a name.

2a. I don't do cyber sex. I am a human being with ideas, emotions and a history. Treat me as such. I am not here to provide fodder for your mastabartory fantasies. You may compliment me all you like, but don't think for a minute that I'm going to react to comments about what you would do if we were in the same room.

3a. If I see you treating others with disrespect, you will earn the same treatment from me. Remember the golden rule: Treat others as you would have them treat you. Just because someone has a picture you find attractive does not mean you have the right to treat them as an object. We're still flesh and blood people typing the words you read.

4a. If your first comments to me are sexual in nature, fugitaboutit.

5a. I'm really hesitant about getting involved with anyone I meet in the chat room. So, don't plan on hooking up with me.

More to come....