Natalie had brought home a ton of baby stuff, from packages of diapers, to car seats and strollers, baby swings, clothes, bottles, pacifiers, breast pumps � breast pumps for God�s sake! We had so much stuff it nearly filled what was now the nursery, or the baby�s room, however you chose to look at it. I helped her bring all the stuff in there, and conveniently forgot to mention that I had ditched my Dad and brothers earlier that day. She eventually found out though, and it just turned into another argument. It was getting a lot harder to hide the fact that what I was supposed to be feeling for her, I felt for someone else. I knew she was picking up on it � she had to be. It was a few weeks later, and we had just gotten into another fight, and like I always do, I was leaving to go see DeLorean.

�Be honest with me,� she said quietly from the bedroom doorway as I changed my clothes. She was crying; I could hear it. �Is there someone else, Taylor?� I don�t know if it was the hurt in her voice, or what it was, but I couldn�t lie this time. I was sick of lying. I turned to face her, and I was right, she was crying. This was the moment of truth. We were just standing there, looking at one another. I knew this was it; it was now or never, and never wasn�t an option anymore.

�It wasn�t on purpose,� I said quietly. More tears spilled from her eyes, and she lowered her head. �It just happened, Natalie. I just� fell in love with her.� I said even quieter.

�How long?� She asked.

�Nat � �

�How long, Taylor?� She said, louder this time, angrier.

�A few months.� I answered. I looked down at the floor. I couldn�t bear to look her in the eyes and see that I had hurt someone else that I love. I know that seems contradictory, but I do love her. There is a difference between being in love and loving someone.

�Do you love her?� She asked me. I looked up, and she was just waiting for me to answer, hurt and desperation in her eyes.

�Yes,� I heard myself answer. �I�m in love with her�� She turned away from me; I could see her shoulders shake as she cried.

�Natalie�� She walked away, and I heard the bathroom door slam. I felt like shit. I really did; my intention never was to hurt her, but I knew from the beginning that it would. I prayed she would be ok; she didn�t need this kind of stress with the baby. I went to the bathroom door, and leaned my head against it. �Natalie � �

�Just go, Taylor,� she cried quietly. I knew there was nothing I could say to her, nothing I could do to make it better, so I left. I drove around trying to clear my head for a little while before I went to meet DeLorean. I didn�t have to think about whether or not I wanted to be with her, I just needed to think about what I was doing to Natalie. I knew my family was about to find out, too. I needed to think about how I was going to explain to them � especially my mother.

I met her at one of the parks the children usually play at in the daytime. It was closed, so it was quiet, but it didn�t stop us from sitting on the bench together. She laced her fingers with mine, and I kissed her hand. I turned my head to look at her; the breeze was making her long dark hair blow over her shoulder, and her skin breakout into gooseflesh. I took off my jacket, and helped her into it.

�You should�ve worn a jacket.� I said, kissing the back of her hand.

�I didn�t know we were going to be staying outside.� She smiled at me, and when I couldn�t return the smile like I usually did, she knew something was up. �Taylor?� She said, her tone changing. �What�s wrong?� I looked the other way, unable to look her in the eyes.

�She knows,� I said quietly.

�Oh�� her response was as quiet as my statement. There was silence between us, and for the first time it was uncomfortable. �So what now?� She asked me.

�Nothing. I love you, she knows that now. I�m sure my family will know by the time I get home tonight.� We were quiet again. �I love you, DeLorean. I�ll do whatever it takes to be with you.�

�Think about what you�re saying, Taylor. I love you, too, but you have to be rational about this.�

�I�m gonna file for divorce.� She was silent, just staring at our hands as I stared at her.

�Taylor, don�t. She�s having your baby in a month. Don�t do that to her�� It only dawned on me then just how quickly September had come and gone.

�Are you telling me to wait until after the baby�s born?� She didn�t answer me, and I knew right then and there that she was having second thoughts about this. And it scared the hell out of me; I felt sick.

�Taylor, you need to go home, and sort this out with your family.� She stood up and started to take off my jacket.

�Del � �

�Please,� she begged. �Go home. Call your family. Talk to them. I�ll talk to you in a couple days.�

�A couple days?� I echoed. I didn�t think I was capable of going that long without seeing her.

�A couple days.� She stood on her tip-toes and kissed my lips once, handed me my jacket and walked away without another word. I knew right at that moment, things weren�t going to work the way I had planned on them working. Something inside me was telling me that everything I had planned was going to change, whether I liked it or not.

�Is she ok?� I asked my Mother over the phone. Natalie had packed a few bags and actually went to stay with my parents. According to my Mom, she was pretty broken up about it.

�As ok as she�s going to be,� she answered quietly. �Taylor� why?� She asked me. I knew someone had to ask that question.

�I don�t know, Mom. I wasn�t sure about my marriage with Natalie anyway; you and Dad forced me into it because she told us she was pregnant. I met DeLorean and� God, I just fell so in love with her. I never meant to hurt anybody,� I said quietly.

�You�re not the person I thought you were, Taylor,� she said softly. �I don�t even know who you are anymore.� With that she hung up the phone. I put my head down on my arms, sitting at my kitchen counter, and I just cried. I didn�t know what to do. In one month Natalie was having our baby. Our baby; mine and hers, and I was thinking about divorcing her.

I hated being alone. That�s just what I was for almost a week and a half. I hadn�t talked to DeLorean for more than five minutes. She told me to call her when I had things sorted out; and she needed to think. My brothers had been there for me when I needed them; I confided most in Isaac. He was sort of a liaison � he told me what was going on at the house with Natalie, and I told him messages to give to her and the rest of the family. It was already October fifteenth. I was so confused. I wanted to be with DeLorean more than anything, but I needed to be there for my child. I made Isaac do me a favor that would end up turning things totally upside down for me. He talked to Natalie; I wanted to go with her for her next sonogram. I really, honest to God, wanted to go. I was surprised when he told me she agreed. I didn�t tell DeLorean anything; I hadn�t called her, and she hadn�t called me. But I intended on talking to her soon; I needed to. I needed to know where we stood � and I was praying she wasn�t going to walk away from me.

I met Natalie at the office where she got the sonograms done. At first we didn�t know what to say to each other. What was she supposed to say to her husband who cheated on her? What was I supposed to say to her? I don�t know how it really happened, but we ended up in this amazing embrace. She was crying and I was gently stroking her hair.

�We�ll figure it all out,� I said softly to her. I think I knew in my head what was going to happen, but I refused in my heart to accept it. I wanted to be with the other woman I was in love with, when I needed to be with this one. We went in together, and watched one of the most amazing things I had ever seen in my life. We decided we wanted to know what it was.

�Well,� the doctor said, moving the object she held in her hand over Natalie�s round stomach; she smiled and finally stopped, and looked at both of us. �Everything looks great, as I said. Ten fingers, ten toes. Would you like to know the sex?� Without hesitation, seeing as we�d already discussed it, Natalie nodded. �Then you�ll be happy to know that you�re having a little boy.� There it was. We were having a boy; we were going to have a son. I�m not sure what happened between us then, but it was something strong. She took my face in her hands, and I rested my forehead to hers; we were both crying.

�I wanna come home, Tay.� She whispered, and kissed me gently. I soothingly tucked her hair behind her ear, and lightly stroked her cheek.

�Please,� I whispered. �I miss you.� I didn�t realize it until then, but I really did. I missed her something terrible. She kissed me softly again, and wrapped her arms around my neck. I held her back, and neither of us cared that there was a doctor witnessing this moment between us.

Things were good. Honestly, things between Natalie and I were good. We spent almost a week together without interruption. I went that long without seeing the other woman I had become so completely enamored with; though, I spoke frequently with her on the phone when Natalie was asleep. Natalie and I were sitting on the carpeted living room floor one afternoon discussing baby names. It turned out to be a good experience for the both of us, as well as a good laugh.

�How about�� I thought for a moment, absently playing with her hair as she lay across my lap. �Zane?�

�No way!� She laughed. �That is the ugliest name I�ve ever heard!�

�Is not!� I laughed back. �Besides, it�ll be his middle name anyway � �

�No way, Taylor,� she laughed. �I wouldn�t even be so cruel as to name the ugliest dog in the world Zane.� We both had a good laugh.

�Okay, okay,� I said, still laughing a little. �I get the point; don�t be cruel.�

�Ryan,� she said simply.

�Nah,� I said, scrunching my nose. �It�s too common.�

�Zane wasn�t much better.� She looked up at me and laughed. �How about� Michael?�

�Jordan Michael? Nope; sounds too much like you�re idolizing Michael Jordan.� She laughed again.

�Fine, you do better.�

�I still like Ezra�� I was hinting. She knew I was.

�Maybe,� she said. �It�s tolerable.� She thought for a moment. �I kind of like it��

�Come on,� I coaxed. �You know you like it��

�Shut up, Taylor, or your son will be known as Junior.� She laughed when I shook my head, scrunching my face.

�God no. Anything but that.� We went on like that for a good while, until we turned on the TV, and she fell asleep on me.

On the twenty-seventh I went to see DeLorean. We slept together, but� something was different. It just wasn�t the same. I think we both knew it, but I wasn�t willing to let her go. Natalie had pretended like nothing had happened since she came back home, and so had I. The fact of the matter was something did happen. I was unfaithful, and I was still being unfaithful.

�We shouldn�t do this�� she said quietly. I looked at her, but she was curled up to me with her back against my chest, so I could only see the back of her head.

�Del, don�t.� I said quietly.

�This is so wrong, Taylor. I don�t care how much we love each other, this is wrong, and you know it.�

�DeLorean�� I didn�t know what to say to her because I knew she was right. Adultery was never right. I turned her over, and kissed her softly. �Does that feel right?� I asked softly. After a moment she nodded.

�Yes,� she whispered. I continued proving my point by touching her everywhere, asking each time if it felt right, and getting a �yes�. Finally I moved on top of her, and carefully slipped inside of her.

�Does this feel right?� I whispered, my lips hovering just above hers.

�Yes,� she whispered, closing her eyes and sliding her hands into my hair, pulling me down for another soul-melting kiss. Once more she gave her body to me. If I had known then what would happen, I would have done something to make it just that much more special.

We were recording on Halloween. Of all days; I love Halloween, and I had promised Zo� and the other kids that I would take them trick-or-treating. We had made a deal that no matter how much we had gotten done, we were leaving by four. We had just finished mixing Rock and Roll Razorblade, it was about five-forty-five, and the phone was ringing like mad. Finally Chris, in case you don�t know � he�s our manager, got up and answered the phone.

�Uh, Tay, you might wanna come take this�� I bolted from inside the recording booth and grabbed the phone from him.

�What�s wrong?� I said, thinking something had happened to Natalie or the baby.

�Calm down,� my mother said. �I�m at the hospital with Nat; she�s in labor.� �What?!� I shouted. �Mom, she�s not due for another month!�

�Keep it together, Tay,� she said sympathetically. �She�s doing fine, and the baby is fine. Just get here; it shouldn�t be too much longer.�

�All right,� I said. �I�m on my way.� I hung up the phone and rushed to grab my jacket and throw it on.

�Tay?� Isaac said coming out of the recording booth as well, followed by Zac.

�Everything ok?� Zac asked me.

�Finish up here, and meet me at the hospital.� I said, pulling out my keys and racing to the door.

�Hospital? Why? Is something wrong?� Isaac sounded as frantic as I did on the phone with our mother. I couldn�t help smiling as the next sentence left my mouth.

�Natalie�s in labor.�