When I came into the house Natalie was sitting on the couch watching television. We didn’t say anything to each other at first. I looked over at her after I hung my coat up, and assumed that she was going to give me the silent treatment. I was sorry for hanging-up on her, but she had really pissed me off. I don’t know why. Well, I guess I do; I feel that our marriage is our business and no one else’s. I don’t think she really had any right to talk to my brother about any personal problems we were having.
“Are you going to talk to me?” She asked quietly. I stopped in the doorway to the living room and just looked at her for a moment, and she just sat there staring back at me.
“I thought you weren’t talking to me.” I said.
“You were the one who hung-up on me,” she replied. Okay, so I deserved that. I came into the room, and stood at one end of the couch, facing her.
“Why did you feel the need to involve my brother in our personal lives?”
“I’m sorry, Taylor. He’s my brother-in-law, I trust him with things. I didn’t think it would be that big a deal for me to confide in him.”
“Well it is, damn it! If you feel we’re having problems try talking to me first!” I had gotten angry quick.
“Don’t yell at me! How can I talk to you first when you’re never home?!” I had an answer to that, thank God.
“You knew what it was going to be like way before you put that ring on your finger. You agreed to this the second you said ‘I do’.”
“Don’t even throw that in my face, Taylor. I knew you would have to work a lot, and that work would require you to be away from home a lot, but the fact of the matter is when you’re not home late at night, you’re not at work. Where the hell do you go for so long?”
“I like to get away, Natalie. I like to sit and think, or in some cases not think, just sit and relax.” I had stopped yelling, and spoke in a normal tone of voice, maybe even a little on the soft side.
“But you can do that here.” She said, speaking softly now as well.
“Look Nat, I like my privacy sometimes. Sometimes I don’t want to be anywhere, even home; I just like to be… away.”
“Fine, Taylor, I’m not going to argue with you anymore. I’m tired, and I’m going to bed. If I’m awake when you come up, great, if not, oh well.” I watched her get up, and walk towards the stairs. I realized for the first time that she was actually showing – her stomach had grown in the last month, and you could tell she was pregnant now. It occurred to me that I should probably talk to the baby more, so it at least knew my voice when it was born. What was going to happen down the road? I hadn’t decided. I knew that DeLorean and I were meant to meet; in my heart I just couldn’t deny that. I hadn’t even known her that long, and I was sure that I was in love with her. So why did I meet her after I had gotten married? Why couldn’t I have met her before Natalie? I’m not saying Natalie’s a bad person, she really isn’t. I’m just saying what I know, and that’s that I’m in love with DeLorean, I really am. And I wish that I could spend the rest of my natural life with her – but I already made that commitment to someone.
I lay in bed that night, just staring at the ceiling. Natalie had her back to me, which let me know she was upset with me. It wasn’t my intention to hurt her in any way, but I was being selfish for once; I want what’s going to make me happy, even if it hurts someone else. I know that adultery is a sin, and now, I had committed it in every sense. I slept with DeLorean, and I’m a married man. The way I was raised, that is a huge sin in God’s book. I had better go to confession before I die or I am going to spend and eternity in Hell, paying for this mother of a sin suffering in eternal flame and damnation. Sound like a good way to spend eternity to you? I didn’t think so; it doesn’t sound that appealing to me either. I know that my best bet would be to stop cheating on my wife, break all ties with DeLorean, and go on living my life not looking back. I can’t do that. Some might disagree, but it’s the truth. If I broke off all ties with her, and never saw her again, I’d be miserable for the rest of my life. Maybe I am being selfish, but I don’t want that. I want to live a long, happy life, experiencing real love, and not worrying about whether or not I married my wife for the right reasons. I know that I don’t want to hurt Natalie, but when it comes down to it, I’m not willing to sacrifice DeLorean for her. Now, my child has nothing to do with this. No matter how this turns out, I am the father of this baby, and no matter whom I’m with I’m going to support it. Being a father won’t be affected by the woman I end up spending my life with; not that it wouldn’t put this baby in a bad position if I end up serving Natalie with divorce papers and an annulment. As a matter of fact, I don’t think anyone in my life would be happy with me if I did that, except for a few crazy fans who think they’re destined to marry me. All I do know is that what I do will affect a lot of lives, and right now, the one I’m most concerned with is mine. I know; I have a lot of growing up to do.
“So are we recording or mixing today?” I asked my brothers, standing across from them in the studio.
“I think we’re just recording today. We’ve done a lot of mixing and not a whole lot of recording, and if we’re gonna have this record out by spring 2003 we need to get moving.” Isaac replied.
“Okay; are we spending the whole day?”
“It’s probably the best idea.” Zac answered.
“All right then; let’s get to it.” I smiled. I was actually psyched to be recording more. We had just finished writing Never Let Go, of which I had the most in-put. Granted, I am the married one, and I also have a girlfriend I’m completely in love with… yeah, it’s questionable, but still, it’s a good song. That was the first one we were working on anyway, and I know that when you’re recording you need to have the passion behind the words. That wasn’t going to be hard for this one; although, I’m not too sure which woman I was thinking of.