When I came into the house Natalie was sitting on the couch watching television. We didn�t say anything to each other at first. I looked over at her after I hung my coat up, and assumed that she was going to give me the silent treatment. I was sorry for hanging-up on her, but she had really pissed me off. I don�t know why. Well, I guess I do; I feel that our marriage is our business and no one else�s. I don�t think she really had any right to talk to my brother about any personal problems we were having.

�Are you going to talk to me?� She asked quietly. I stopped in the doorway to the living room and just looked at her for a moment, and she just sat there staring back at me.

�I thought you weren�t talking to me.� I said.

�You were the one who hung-up on me,� she replied. Okay, so I deserved that. I came into the room, and stood at one end of the couch, facing her.

�Why did you feel the need to involve my brother in our personal lives?�

�I�m sorry, Taylor. He�s my brother-in-law, I trust him with things. I didn�t think it would be that big a deal for me to confide in him.�

�Well it is, damn it! If you feel we�re having problems try talking to me first!� I had gotten angry quick.

�Don�t yell at me! How can I talk to you first when you�re never home?!� I had an answer to that, thank God.

�You knew what it was going to be like way before you put that ring on your finger. You agreed to this the second you said �I do�.�

�Don�t even throw that in my face, Taylor. I knew you would have to work a lot, and that work would require you to be away from home a lot, but the fact of the matter is when you�re not home late at night, you�re not at work. Where the hell do you go for so long?�

�I like to get away, Natalie. I like to sit and think, or in some cases not think, just sit and relax.� I had stopped yelling, and spoke in a normal tone of voice, maybe even a little on the soft side.

�But you can do that here.� She said, speaking softly now as well.

�Look Nat, I like my privacy sometimes. Sometimes I don�t want to be anywhere, even home; I just like to be� away.�

�Fine, Taylor, I�m not going to argue with you anymore. I�m tired, and I�m going to bed. If I�m awake when you come up, great, if not, oh well.� I watched her get up, and walk towards the stairs. I realized for the first time that she was actually showing � her stomach had grown in the last month, and you could tell she was pregnant now. It occurred to me that I should probably talk to the baby more, so it at least knew my voice when it was born. What was going to happen down the road? I hadn�t decided. I knew that DeLorean and I were meant to meet; in my heart I just couldn�t deny that. I hadn�t even known her that long, and I was sure that I was in love with her. So why did I meet her after I had gotten married? Why couldn�t I have met her before Natalie? I�m not saying Natalie�s a bad person, she really isn�t. I�m just saying what I know, and that�s that I�m in love with DeLorean, I really am. And I wish that I could spend the rest of my natural life with her � but I already made that commitment to someone.

I lay in bed that night, just staring at the ceiling. Natalie had her back to me, which let me know she was upset with me. It wasn�t my intention to hurt her in any way, but I was being selfish for once; I want what�s going to make me happy, even if it hurts someone else. I know that adultery is a sin, and now, I had committed it in every sense. I slept with DeLorean, and I�m a married man. The way I was raised, that is a huge sin in God�s book. I had better go to confession before I die or I am going to spend and eternity in Hell, paying for this mother of a sin suffering in eternal flame and damnation. Sound like a good way to spend eternity to you? I didn�t think so; it doesn�t sound that appealing to me either. I know that my best bet would be to stop cheating on my wife, break all ties with DeLorean, and go on living my life not looking back. I can�t do that. Some might disagree, but it�s the truth. If I broke off all ties with her, and never saw her again, I�d be miserable for the rest of my life. Maybe I am being selfish, but I don�t want that. I want to live a long, happy life, experiencing real love, and not worrying about whether or not I married my wife for the right reasons. I know that I don�t want to hurt Natalie, but when it comes down to it, I�m not willing to sacrifice DeLorean for her. Now, my child has nothing to do with this. No matter how this turns out, I am the father of this baby, and no matter whom I�m with I�m going to support it. Being a father won�t be affected by the woman I end up spending my life with; not that it wouldn�t put this baby in a bad position if I end up serving Natalie with divorce papers and an annulment. As a matter of fact, I don�t think anyone in my life would be happy with me if I did that, except for a few crazy fans who think they�re destined to marry me. All I do know is that what I do will affect a lot of lives, and right now, the one I�m most concerned with is mine. I know; I have a lot of growing up to do.

�So are we recording or mixing today?� I asked my brothers, standing across from them in the studio.

�I think we�re just recording today. We�ve done a lot of mixing and not a whole lot of recording, and if we�re gonna have this record out by spring 2003 we need to get moving.� Isaac replied.

�Okay; are we spending the whole day?�

�It�s probably the best idea.� Zac answered.

�All right then; let�s get to it.� I smiled. I was actually psyched to be recording more. We had just finished writing Never Let Go, of which I had the most in-put. Granted, I am the married one, and I also have a girlfriend I�m completely in love with� yeah, it�s questionable, but still, it�s a good song. That was the first one we were working on anyway, and I know that when you�re recording you need to have the passion behind the words. That wasn�t going to be hard for this one; although, I�m not too sure which woman I was thinking of.