Here's part 3. Profanity warnings, wishful thinking shonen ai. Oh, there's a reference later on to something I'm not sure if I ever posted here. You know the "I Got My Nakago," song mentioned in the Blanket Scenario, and how Tomo took it as his self-proclaimed image song? Well, Celleri wrote a song and then did a songfic to it. FUNNY. At one point, when he hits the chorus, thousands of SD Tomo's explode into being and start dancing around the room, along with party materials, confettii, etc. There, reference explained.

Love Letters - Chapter 3

After finishing his breakfast, which he actually didn't mind eating because he didn't eat things like that as a child and it was nice to get the chance for a change, Nakago went off to interrogate the Disposable Kutou Assassins for a handwriting analysis. 

"Have a wonderful day, Nakago-sama-chan! See you later!" Tomo singsonged as he cleaned off the table. 

Soi glared at him. "Don't call my Nakkie-poo that." 

Tomo stuck his tongue out at her. "I can call MY Nakago-sama-chan whatever I want, and there's nothing you can do about it so nyah-nyah!" 

Taiitsukun's Moutnain: 

A Nyan-Nyan poked her head up. "Huh? What?" 

Taiitsukun chucked an empty beer can at her. "Not YOU, go away!" 

Kutou: 

"Whaddya mean, YOUR Nakago-sama-chan?!" 

Tomo suddenly developed shiawase bubbles and sparkle eyes. "Because after tonight, Nakago-sama-chan and I are going to run away together, screw you and Seiryuu! He sent me a letter and told me how madly in love with me he is! We're leaving all this behind us, and we're going to live happily ever after, me and my Nakago-sama-chan...." 

Yui blinked. "Nakago-sama..chan....uhm....No." 

Tomo didn't hear, or if he did, he didn't give a rat's ass. "And you know what that means, huh, Soi? I get my Naka-GO! I get my Naka-GO!" He belted out his image song, shiawase bubbles a' bubblin. 

"WILL YOU STOP IT WITH THE STUPID SONG!?" 

Tomo gathered the thousands of illusionary SD-Tomos in his arms and hugged them like UFO catcher dolls. "Go to Hell, Soi! You guys all got songs and I didn't get even one, and I can sing better than all of you put together! So there!" He continued singing his image song. 

When he finished, finally, Soi pounded her fist into the table, cracking it down the middle and sending arcs of electricity through the air. "WAIT JUST A MINUTE, YOU......YOU PAINTED FREAK!" 

"No paint!" Tomo pointed at his face. "No more paint! Nakago-sama-chan likes me better without it!" 

"Okay, so no m-- WHADDYA MEAN HE LIKES YOU BETTER WITHOUT IT?! HE DOESN'T LIKE ANYBODY!" 

"Ba-ka! He told me so in his letter, weren't you LISTENING!? Read it and weep!" Tomo whipped the letter out of his shirt, as he'd been keeping it next to his heart, and shoved it in Soi's face. 

And she read it. 

"THIS IS ALL WRONG! NO! THAT HAS GOT TO BE A FORGERY! SUBOSHI, DID YOU DO THIS?!" Soi pointed a crackling finger at Suboshi, aimed directly between his eyes. Amiboshi made a grab for his flute and raised it to his lips, prepared to play Soi into oblivion. 

"Oh, right, like I'm that stupid. One, I've never seen Nakago's handwriting, two, I'm not so stupid that I would forge 
Nakago's handwriting, because he might find out and turn me into powdered Twinsicle, and three, why in Hell would I help Tomo?" Suboshi remained remarkably calm. "But I do have this really neat picture of Nakago sneezing--perfect timing, too, you can see the spray just exploding out of his nose. And his eyes are still half open, so it looks like someone set off a bottle rocket in his sinuses or something, it's really cool." 

Amiboshi blinked, then grimaced. "You seriously need a life." 

"Don't knock it, Aniki! It's good, honest-- okay, well DIShonest money. Set of five for 5000 mon. You want?" Suboshi made a quick 10000 mon. 

Tomo and Soi compared copies. "WAAAAAIII! KAWAAAIII!!" 

Then Soi realized who was drooling over Nakago with her. "TOMO! NO! There is NO WAY that that letter is real. You're just trying to come between me and Nakkie-poo!" 

"KAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKA! Honey, there IS NO YOU AND NAKKIE-POO! It's ME and NAKAGO-SAMA-CHAN! La la la la la..." And so Tomo skipped off to pick out something to wear. 

Amiboshi sighed. "And I just had to be Seiryuu Seishi. Can't put me with the NORMAL people, noooo...That's just not FUN enough, is it?! Gotta give me a psychotic twin brother and a 'family' consisting of a sadistic asshole, a sadistic floating baby with a hood ornament glued to his bigass forehead, a wolf man that eats my shoes all the time, an ex-hooker who sleeps with people to make them stronger, and okama-Kabuki-boy. Oh yes, let's just screw with Amiboshi for a few years, he'll be FINE! Being in the company of SICK FREAKS isn't going to bother HIM any, is it?! No, of COURSE not! Maybe someday he'll get so FREAKIN TRAUMATIZED that he'll learn to play some REALLY COMPLICATED song on his FLUTE OF DEATH and KILL THEM ALL IN THEIR SLEEP!!!.....ohhh....I have a headache..." 

Suboshi handed him a glass of water and some pills. "Take your medicine, Aniki..." 

Taiitsu-kun's Mountain: 

"Hey, Suzaku! Look what I can do with these nasty fries!" Taiitsukun said, who was nicely toasted by now and had ordered out for burgers. She had them lodged underneath her top lip and smiling like an idiot. "Look, I'm Byakko! Grr, grr, I'm a big fat white tiger god and I like laying on scrolls when Mikos try to read them!" 

Suzaku rolled around laughing. "Oh, oh, I got one!" He put straws up behind his ears, making them fan out and look like dragon fins. "Look, I'm Seiryuu! I abuse my seishi 'cause it's fun, and it builds character! I'm a lousy parent an' I should be sued! La la la, I'm a big gay war lovin' jerk an' I like ta sit on cactuseses 'cause they get lodged in my ass and I'm bitchy for hundreds of years at a time, doo doo deet doo!" 

And Seiryuu burst in. "WHAT THE HELL-... WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, YOU LITTLE RED FEATHER DUSTER?! AND WHAT HAVE YOU SICKOS BEEN DOING TO MY SEISHI!?" 

Genbu threw some chips at him. "Shut up, it's not like you ever do anything good with them anyway." 

"THEY'RE MY SEISHI! What did you do?" 

Suzaku and Taiitsu-kun, who both still had the fries and straws on their person, smiled innocently. Genbu just pointed at the mirror. "See for yourself; we're playing with your Seishi." 

Seiryuu hit the rewind button on the VCR. He watched everything, from the little snake posing as his minion to Tomo being sickeningly genki over the 'response' to his 'letter'. "THIS IS DISGUSTING! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO DO!?" 

"We're tryin' ta give 'em a chance, here! Come on, didja really want him with Soi? Think of all the diseases Nakago mighta gotten from her! And eeeew, think a' the kids... Little Nakagos with red hair, yeccch..." 

"YES, DAMMIT! THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE TOGETHER! NAKAGO IS STRAIGHT FOR A REASON!" 

Taiitsukun thought about it. "Then why is Tomo gay?" 

Seiryuu glared at her. "It's not MY fault-" 

Genbu bitch-slapped his blue-scaled brother and began to yell. "YES IT IS, SEIRYUU! ALL THEIR PROBLEMS ARE YOUR FAULT BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T BOTHER TO PROTECT THEM! YOU KNOW YOUR COUNTRY IS SCREWED UP, AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN TRY TO HELP! YOU CAN GO SCREW OFF, YOU ASS! Go take your scaly, blue, dragon, warmonger carcass somewhere else and LET US HAVE OUR FUN!" 

"Then why must you favor TOMO? Of all my seishi, why do you PICK ON NAKAGO!?!" 

Genbu folded his arms over his chest. "Because I like Tomo. And because Nakago's your favorite and you give him all the power. And because you make Nakago end up with Soi, and never even consider how Tomo would feel about it." 

Author Interlude: 

"That sounds an awful lot like why we write these stories, only we direct all that at Watase Yuu," Aeanagwen noted. 

"We need to do something on Miboshi or Ashitare sometime. Well, maybe not Miboshi, cause he's a DICK. With a capital DICK. Eew, that sounds nasty... Ew." 

"I say no to that, right?" 

Celleri's head made a loud, resounding CLUNK as it hit the desktop. 

Meanwhile, back in Kutou: 

"All right, men. You will all, on the count of three, take out a piece of paper and write my name in your best, cleanest script. I will not accept erasures, scratchouts, or misspellings. You will write in INK, and INK only, if I see a pencil I will blow off your hand and don't think I won't." 

Author Interlude: 

"Watch it, Nakago. You can blow their hands off all you want, but if you even singe the pencils I will personally have Miboshi rape you with a cactus. You better hope that none of them have a colored pencil, and God help you if it's a Prismacolor." 

Aeanagwen sweatdropped. 

Back in Kutou. 

The Kutou Assassins searched themselves for pens. 

"One!" 

They readied their paper. 

"Two!" 

They set their pens to said paper. 

"Three!" 

And all scrawled Nakago's name, except for the three who didn't know how to write. 

Nakago nodded. "Okay, everyone pass your papers to the front." 

Author Interlude: 

"He sounds like one of my teachers." 

Aeanagwen looked at Celleri funny. "He sounds like Vegeta in "The Substitute"." 

(Shameless plug, shameless plug!) 

Back To Kutou: 

Meanwhile, Tomo was in his room, happily dancing around and singing as he tried to pick out a suitable ensemble for a romantic rendezvous at sunset. "I need some advice, and I am NOT asking Soi, 'cause she's pissy today anyway. I can't ask the twins, 'cause they're straight, and thus have bad taste in clothing. Miboshi and Ashitare... ew...... Okay, that leaves Yui-sama." 

And so Tomo went to Yui's chambers to ask her opinion. He knocked on her door, but there wasn't an answer. He knocked again, and again, nothing. Cautiously, he opened the door and peeked his head in. "Yui-sama? Yu--" 

Yui was seated neatly on her bed, several sheets of paper spread out around her, each with doodles of herself and a boy with teal hair doing some really sick things, and a few of a certain Suzaku-no-miko exploding, or with various wounds and gushing blood, and in one case, one where she was getting run over by a tank, driven by a blonde girl on the arm of the aforementioned teal-haired boy. 

"So, once we get back to our world, I'll hit Miaka with a tank and she'll die, and when Tamahome is grieving over her I'll comfort him. Then when she comes back to life, and we all know she will because she's a stubborn bitch and won't have to wait 90 years like a certain Miko, I'll hijack a BUS and run her over with THAT, and then when I get arrested for grand theft bus I'll call Tamahome, and he'll bail me out because he'll have feelings for me, even though he won't know it yet, and then when he gets me out, we'll go and--GYAAAAAAAH! Tomo! How nice to see you? How long have you been standing there?..." 

"Uh, if you're busy, I can come back later..." said Tomo, frankly a bit disturbed. 

Yui smiled nervously. "Heh heh, well, you're here, so what did you want?" 

"I wanted your advice on clothes, I can't make up my mind. I'm meeting Nakago-sama-chan somewhere tonight, so I want to look nice." 

You look pretty nice already, said the part of Yui's brain that keeps us teenage girls on top of things like that. She squelched the thought and nodded hesitantly, trying not to think about the fact that she was going to help a man pick out clothing for what looked to be a date with another man who happened to be the most emotionless human being she had ever met. It was a hard thing not to think about. 

Once they got to Tomo's room, Yui threw open the doors to Tomo's rather large closet. Looking over the assembled rows of opera robes, she sweatdropped. "Tomo, do you have anything else you can wear?" she asked. 

He thought for a moment. "Only the shirt I sleep in," he said. His eyes brightened. 

Yui grabbed his wrist and hauled him out of the room. "We," she proclaimed firmly, in her I-am-miko-obey-me-or-die voice, "are going shopping." 

Author Interlude: 

"Time for a round of dress up!" Aeanagwen said excitedly. 

Celleri gave the world an evil smirk. 

In Heaven: 

"I'm not going to let you do this to Nakago!" Seiryuu shouted. 

"THE HELL YA AIN'T!!!" Suzaku screamed back. "I WENT TA TOO MUCH TROUBLE WRITIN' THOSE DAMN LETTERS FOR YOU TA FUCK IT UP NOW!" 

Taiitsu-kun chunked the remote at Seiryuu's head. "Both of you sit down and shut up!" she barked. "The best part's coming up!"