=plastic1  

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CAVEAT:  This document may not be of overwhleming interest to all
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more or less.

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*** FINAL TENTATIVE RESULTS OF THE

        *** STEVE'S PLASTIC BAGS CONTEST ***

CAUTION.  All results must be regarded as tentative, as some of
the contestants may be represented by International Lawyers, more
or less.

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PART I.

*** PRELIMINARY RESULTS OF THE STEVE'S KITCHEN DIVISON PLASTIC BAG
CONTEST ***

We are pleased to announce that Preliminary Results for the
 *** STEVE'S PLASTIC BAG CONTEST (KITCHEN DIVISION) ***
can now be announced.

The Announcement was made possible by the Recovery of all relevant
written documents.

Those Relevant Written Scribbles were recovered by tipping 
                       STEVE'S INBOX 
                        uPSIDE-
                               Down.

Wagers were as follows:
    Steve    47   (with a 10 Plastic Bag Handicap)
    Samuel   52
    AG       79

The Preliminary Actual Count 
<Subject to Correction after Potential Challenge
 from International Lawyers representing Contestants)ù

is:
                           29    (Kitchen Division Only)

This figure does not include the following DISQUALIFCATIONS:

8 Paper Bags, 7 of which are from the Coop
1 Israeli plastic bag, disqualified for being underweight
7 Flimsy Plastic Bags, disqualified for being Undecorated and
Underweight

Note that only Decorated Plastic Bags of Respectable Weight can be
counted.

If these Disqualifications are unchallenged, the WINNER IS:

                         SAMUEL

Who wins the *** PRIZE *** OF:

*** ALL YOU CAN EAT AT THE RESTORANTE ***        OR
*** 1 BOWL OF MINESTRONE AT THE RESTORANTE ***

================================================================
================================================================


*** STEVE'S PLASTIC BAG CONTEST -- PART 2 -- GRANT TOTAL ENTRY ***

THE FOLLOWING BIDS WERE SUBMITTED:

STEVE:  67  (20 Plastic Bag Handicap )

SAMUEL: 83

AG:    102

These were secretly counted during a recent blizzard (well, the
Swiss might call it a light snowflurry), while the SPONSOR of this
contest (who is also a Contestant but Hey, We're talking honour
system here) waited for his shoes to dry, more or less.

The Results are as follows, more or less:   

(This Section gets a bit Dypseptic or whatever the word is an
means, down the line, sorry, but it's been a bit of a long though
productive day, going on 16 hours now and almost sunset)

Front Room:  9

This figure excludes the following DISQUALIFICATIONS:

Israel Flimsy's:  1
Purchased Insulated Plastic Ice-Cream Bag:  1

Deluxe Bedroom Suite:  7

This figure excludes the following DISQUALIFICATIONS:

Printed Flimsy's:  2
Israel Flimsy's:   1
(The preceeding figure may or may not be included in the figure
that preceeds it.  I'm not going back to the house to eat cold
Museli and recount it.)

Israel Bags:  2 
(That figure may or may not be included in the preceeding figure. 
For explanation of ambiguity, kindly see preceeding remark.  I am
about to put the documentation of this point in the burn bag, if I
warm up enough to start a fire.

IMPORTANT NOTICE:  Unprinted Flimsy's are not Counted.

Incidentally, the Context for this Contest is, as readers of my
Travelogue "An Innocent Abroad in Pagan Lands" may recall, that:
The Swiss have but one Taboo:
Never ask for a Plastic Bag at the Checkout Counter of a
Supermarket, MiniMarket, or even a MidiMarket

UNIMPORTANT NOTICE:  Paper Bags are Not Counted, since there is no
disgrace is carrying, or even asking for, a paper bag, since they
eventually turn back into trees, more or less.

Late Entries:  3
( I have DISQUALIFIED Late Entries, if memory serves. )

OK, crumpled into the BurnBag it is, but not to worry, the matches
are frozen.

OK, in case I didn't say it clearly somewhere up above -- like,
this is 1-Way Screen Jean -- 

*** THE PRIZE TO THE WINNERS OF THIS CONTEST IS :

KITCHEN DIVISION CONTEST:
 *** All you can eat at the Campra Restorante (Under New
Management), or a bowl of Minestrone with a basket of last week's
bread, whichever is more 

TOTAL DIVISION CONTEST:
 *** All you can drink ---


(Nonalcoholic of course: they still have 
a few good liquors left over, if you count Ballantine's and
Gilbey's (for class, try Bombay), although no doubt those too will
soon be replaced with Bar Brands suitable as Apertif to the Plate
of the Week (it's been Bully Beef with Cold Polenta since Sunday)

-- at the Campra Restorante, or a Liter of  35% Apfelsaft,
whichever is more.

Note:  Anyone who can explain to the waiter where to find the last
bottle of Previous Management's alcohol-free beer, may take it as
a Bonus.

Non-smokers are advised to sit in the Smoke-Free Zone, which is a
table by the door; during the dinner hour the staff smokes at the
Table under the TV.
	
PLASTIC BAGS IN THE FRONT ROOM:

Plastic Bags imported from Graubunden:  8

(Does not include Plastic Bags Donated to the Neighbors, in
Graubunden)
                                                        
THE PRECEEDING FIGURE DOES NOT INCLUDE THE FOLLOWING DISQUALIFIED
BAGS:

1 5-Year-Old Olivone Co-op Trash  & Carry Bag 

1 Large Plastic Bag imported from Greece, year and reason unknown

1 Israel Flimsy

All supporting documentation for the preceeding figures is now in
the BurnBag

FINAL COUNT, FRONT ROOM:

Graubunden Sturdy Printed Plastic Bags (Available only by Special
Request in Graubunden):  7 plus 1 equals, according to my notes,
10

Plus 7 Genuine Local Ticono Printed Plastic Bags (Oriental
Lettering not Available:)  

TOTAL QUALIFIED STURDY PRINTED PLASTIC BAGS IN THE FRONT ROOM:  17



QUALIFIED PLASTIC BAGS IN THE BEDROOM:  5

TOTAL NEWLY COUNTED QUALIFIED PRINTED PLASTIC BAGS:  22

PREVIOUSLY QUALIFIED PLASTIC BAGS, KITCHEN DIVISION:  27

GRAND TOTAL QUALIFIED PLASTIC BAGS:  49

GRANT TOTAL CONTEST ENTRIES WERE:

STEVE:  67  (20 Plastic Bag Handicap )

SAMUEL: 83

AG:    102

Scores (Lowest Score Wins -- 
(This Statement is True, and  Most Statements on this Page are
False --  

-------------

WE'LL ANNOUNCE THE WINNER IN A MINUTE, BUT FIRST, THIS IMPORTANT
POLITICAL DIATRIBE


(That's the Paradox of the Liar, eg the Cretan who says, All
Cretans are Liars.  The simplest for is 'This Statement is False'. 
I chanced upon an excellent discussion of it, in the Oberlin
College Philosophy Library, ca. 1959, by C.S. Pierce in The
Journal of Speculative Philosophy, 1863.  


ÿ(Yup, 1863, when citizens of the USA were slaughtering each other
at Gettyburgh and Antietam, in battles whose stupidity would not
be equalled until World War I, in an unustified war over the
question of whether a state which had voluntarily joined a Federal
Union could subsequently seceed.  As for slavery, it still goes on
in all but the legal sense.  As for Democracy, the Bush
Administration , the resurgent serpent of North American Facism,
those grotesque carricatures of middle-aged children, should stop
trying to export democracy, and import a bit of it.
They choose a President with less thought than they vote for the
King of the Prom.   


----------------

So anyhow, the net scores are: 

Steve:  67  (His Bid)  MINUS 49 (Qualified Count of Total Plastic
Bags) Plus 20 (His Handicap)  EQUALS  37

Samuel:  83 MINUS 49 EQUALS    34

AG:      102   MINUS   49   EQUALS:  53

WINNER OF TOTAL DIVISION:  Steve
   Prize:  1 Liter Bottle of 35% ApfelSaft  (350 mililiters of
ApfelSaft net	)

WINNER OF KITCHEN DIVISION (PREVIOUSLY ANNOUNCED):  Samuel
   Prize:  As Previously Annunced

=================================================================

 *** STEVE'S PLASTICS ACQUISITONS CONTESTS -- PART III ***


OUR NEXT CONTEST IS:

*** STEVE'S PLASTIC BOTTLES CONTEST ***

The Problem:

Steve has put a #110 Liter Plastic Bag in one of those Green Mt.
Vesuvious Trashbag holders, and filled it up with empty plastic
bottles, uncrushed, tops removed.  There may be one glass bottle
in the bag.  The bag is now filled to the top, as it it sits in
the Mt. Vesuvious holder.  A few plastic bottles sit on the top of
the heap.  Most of the bottles are 1.5 Liter, or 1 Liter, but some
are 300 ml. or 500 ml.  Guess (A) How many bottles are in the bag
(B) How many liter could be poured into all the bottles in the
bag, if they were taken out.

                                                               
Steve's guess:  75 bottles, 125 liters.
    Steve takes a 5 bottle and 10 liter handicap.


*** THE PRIZE:  PRIVATE USE OF THE RESTORANTE DINING ROOM AT
ALMOST ANY TIME ON ALMOST ANY WEEKDAY, AND ON JUST ABOUT ANY
EVENING -- 
EXCEPTION:  The Outer Window Cill is RESERVED for the Campra Cat.
And the Floor for Charlie Dog.

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