=purav11

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                 THE BROIGES BEGGAR'S GAZETTE 
                   Publiee en Broiges, Belge
         "I had one Grunch, but the Eggplant over there."
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OUR PRICE:       -- NIE (New Israeli Euro) 1.5 --     -- CHEAP--
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                         VOLUME 2:  #9                           
                      Thirsty Av Edition
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The Meor Modi'in Sofer (=HH) said:  R. Shlomo said, in the name of
some Chasidic Rebbe [HH forgets who]:  After the destruction of
the 2nd Temple, all the good parts of Israel went away [or did he
say:  into exile].  The air of Israel] went to Switzerland, and
the wine went to Hungary. [HH forgets where the other parts went.]

I say:  except for Zfat, where a voice from Heaven came down and
said, because you go out in the fields for Yedid Nefesh and
kabalat Shabat as the sun is setting, and remain there until 3
stars, if, this last erev Shabat before the destruction, you will
stand on all 4 sides of the city, you may keep all the air you can
encompass.  And so they did, and so it was, and so it is to this
day.  Says I, having had the privilege of standing on the streets
of Zfat on an erev Shabat.

As for the wine, we've sent Eliahu to Budapest as shaliach, to get
it back, with an explanatory note which reads:  `We're back.  Nu?'
                                                                  
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I walk down Main Street in Mevo Modi'in, I-73122, Cyberspace City.

Yakov Rachama (as_it_is_said, 'eRachman, eRachim') says:

"In the words of Reb Shlomo:  
'You're looking sharp -- sharp like a dog'."  

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The Shomer stops his bubble_gum__mobile and recollects:  Once I
went to R. Shlomo and said, Shlomo, I'd like to talk to you, but
it's loshon hora, I don't know if now is a good time.  He said,
"Brother, how could you not."

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Yitzak says, R. Shlomo says [but Y can't recall his exact words:]
If you're going crazy on a fast day, drink some water, or even eat
something; [and then carry on, I assume].

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You can't hetzi-hetzi a makloket, says I.      ]

If a makloket [an Hegelian_dialektic dispute, "for the sake of
heaven", ie, an academic not business dispute] could be resolved
by compromise, we'd all still be amoebae.

And I says:  whatever tfillin are, they ain't ornaments.  Those
black leather straps look like something you use to tie down a
donkey -- Balaam's ass I guess -- disregarding whatever's in those
little black boxes.

This is about tallit/tfillin at mincha on 9 Av.    

9 Av is the hardest marked day of the year.  And has the most ad
hoc restrictions.


SHTUYOT HaRABBANUT:
There are names for 13 ways to draw correct halachic conclusions;
I'm working on names for 13 ways to get to wrong halachic
conclusions.

The first was:  'Plan to Lose':  eg, start mincha 10 minutes
before shkia, so by the time you get to tachanun it will be too
late to have to do it.
This was the second:  `Hetzi-hetzi Makloket' -- eg, If they say
you can't do something in the morning, but if you think you should
do it, don't do it in the morning, and then do it in the
afternoon.


Sometimes hetzi-hetzi is ok.  Hai -- minhag Cochin maybe -- lights
a single candle for havdalah, and leaves it lit if I recall.
I like those big braided candles, but I've never understood
dunking it in wine at the end -- seems like the Christian heretic
excommunication ritual.  Not to mention the nuisance of trying to
wash the wax off the kos.  So I tried pouring the wine out on the
ground, but that seems like a Greek libation.  So now I do both: 
light the braided candle, put it out; then light a regular, fixed
candle, that burns down to the end.  Goes well with 4th meal, then
lights you to bed and goes out at a reasonable hour.

I guess it's ok, though I do not have the sense of having
discovered the 11th Commandment.  

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3 REASONS WHY I AM A REFORMIE:

#15:  We daven Mincha 10 minutes for skia, and Ma'ariv 20 minutes
after skia.
I say:  One who intentionally creates a situation in which he
cannot fulfill a mitzva is counted as having refused to do it.

#16:  I daven the Shmone Esre, not the 19/18.
I say: He was called Shmuel haKatan because the big guys always
put him down with little digs.

#17:  I like cheddar cheese.
I could say:  'Enzymes ain't mammals; and anyhow it's 60/1'; but I
won't because I like cheddar cheese.

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