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                 THE BROIGES BEGGARS' GAZETTE 
                   Publiee en Broiges, Belge
         "I had one Grunch, but the eggplant over there."
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OUR PRICE:       -- NIE (New Israeli Euro) 1.5 --       -- CHEAP
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                         VOLUME 2:  #2                           
                PURIM SHENI SPRING CLEANING EDITION
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The Rabbi said (best's I recollect)(sa)*:      

     " ... I hope we all brush our teeth." 

[I recollected it better in the '99 edition of this-here parody.]

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The Rabbi said:  I bless us all, we should all pay our debts.
[Recollected, sa; from Modi'in, ca. 1989 ]

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Someone asked the Rabbi: What if you go to hell?
He said:  I wouldn't mind as long as there's a telephone.

[heard (sa) from eshethail at Feldheim shop on King George St.,
ca. 2/'04 ]

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Yitzak ben Yehuda said:  R. Shlomo said of drug use [ie, cannabis,
marijuana (and hashish):

"Chevre, it's time to get out of diapers" 

[heard sa from YbY, 3/'04 ]
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In the name of the Sofer of Modi'in, who is prepared to deny he
ever met me:
The Rabbi said:
You think when brother devil arrives, he won't be wearing a
shtreimel?                  

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Michael Golomb said:  I once asked asked Shlomo, why did the hippy
movement fail.  He said:

Because they didn't keep their mouths clean.  

[Ie, used bad language 
{ more generally (sa):  didn't 'talk good'.
I (sa) often say:  At New Buffalo, The Indians used to say to us: 
'Talk good; that's the way of peace.')]

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The Rabbi said:
Why does a hammentaschen have 3 corners?  Because if it had 4,
you'd have to put on tzitzit.

[Heard I think (sa) from R. Shlomo, Modi'in, ca. 1990+ ]

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I first met R. Shlomo in 1963, at MacMillan Hall in Columbia
University, when I tried to cheat him out of his concert fee.  I'm
still trying to repay that $50.

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Why does Pesach arrive one month after Purim:  
Because:
Purim is a bit like shoplifting:  the first time or too is great
fun, and then you don't want to stop -- to see the world through
the corrective of mockery.

I am just beginning to glimpse the role of (Purim) satire in
advancing comprehension of what is loosely termed 'tora'. 

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A BRIEF GUIDE TO PRE-PESACH CLEANUP 
from the Yeshiva of Chelm in Exile:

On the 13th of Adar (or L'Mehadrin, on the 2nd of Iyar) we begin
our preparations for Pesach Cleaning.
On the afternoon of 13 Adar we send out for a mini-pack of Dunkin'
Donuts, and place one in each room.  
Etc.

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TODAY'S QUIZ:

Someone has stolen the Rosh Yeshiva's Schnappsundschlafrighund. 
Reuven and Simon and O'Flahrety and Pizicati are the suspects. 
The Rosh Yeshiva asks Reuven: 'Did you do it?'  How should Reuven
respond:


A:  He pleads the 5th Ammendment to the U.S. Constitution:  'I
refuse to answer on the grounds that it might tend to incriminate
me.'

B:  He pleads the 19th Ammendment to the Shemoneh Esre:  'I refuse
to answer on the grounds that it might tend to incriminate someone
else.' 

C:  He tells the truth.

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FROM THE REVISED KITZER SHULCHAN ARUCH:
(Special to the Broiges Beggars' Gazette:)

One who is under the influence of cannabis is counted in the
minyan as a shikser, as-it-is-said:  "He goes to the Empire State
Building with a Free Elevator Pass, and gets off at the Mezzanine
Shuk."

{ Comment (sa):  Reference is, obviously, to the Nabatean Empire
State Building at Sde Boker, which has 7 stories. }

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It is kosher to waterproof your boots with pigfat.  But it is not
kosher and not kasher to send your Shabat suit to the dry-
cleaner's.  Not for the dry-cleaner, and not for the environment. 
If it is says 'Dry Clean only', clean it in cold water.  

R. Zalman raised the question:  Is electricity from a nuke
[nuclear power-plant] kosher?                     

It is not kosher to feed your old Mother Earth toxins.  
If the penalty for violating shmita is exile from the land, the
Bushy's will be exiled from this planet.

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At Haverat Shalom, Gary Bean said:  Kosher means:  What's not good
for you, don't eat.

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When heaven gave out the brains, all the Israelis, of course,
pushed to the front of the line.  So there was only one left.  The
heavenly court convened and ruled that it would would be given to
whichever nation made the best argument.  It was awarded to the
Germans, who said:  We only need one.

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29 Mar '04 -- 7 Nisan
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