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                 THE BROIGES BEGGAR'S GAZETTE 
                   Publiee en Broiges, Belge
         "I had one Grunch, but the Eggplant over there."
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OUR PRICE:       -- NIE (New Israeli Euro) 1.5 --     -- CHEAP--
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                         VOLUME 2:  #5                           
                         sIvaN EDITION
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"'Denial is not just a river in Egypt.'"
Tom E. Friedman, International Herald Tribune, 4 June '04

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 itzak ben Yehuda said:  I once asked the Rabbi:  Shlomo, do you
ever get depressed.  He said, Brother, I'm so busy I only have
time for it 5 minutes a day.

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TALES OF THE MYSTIC EAST:
THE SWAMI:

No one knew his true name.  He was said to have steeled himself in
self-discipline by meditating in the cold dawn at the confluence
of the Ganges; and so he was known only as 'Rivers'.
In is youth he had been a great Swami, able to expound the whole
of Torah (the Talmud Bavli, although with only the major
commentaries) while standing on one foot.  But no longer.  The
passage of years seemed to weigh down upon the Swami, Rivers.

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TALES OF THE MYSIC EAST:
THE SHEIK
                                                         
The Sheik was apparently of Spanish descent, perhaps the
descendent of noblemen taken captive in the retreat back to the
desert from Andalusia a millenium ago.  Only is familly name
remained, "Real", the broad place, often the area of commerce. 
And he bore too a surname, apparently also Hispanic, "Rattelan".

Of all the trials which must stoically be endured by the Sons of
the Desert, none is so great as listening to one's wife.  And that
day she was in rare form, infuriated by his silence as he sat
within his tent.  In rising tones, she cried out, "I said, Sheik
Rattelan Real -- "

Just then the virago's attention was drawn by a too-familiar
sight:  as the Sheik looked on in impassive meditation, one of the
stray dogs in the camp was bearing away a half-cut piece of
leather with which she had hoped to recover the bottom one of the
Sheik's worn-out shoes.  This had happened many times before.  
This time it was too much for the good woman, who cried out, 
"and you never do nothing to save your dog-gone sole."

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CONSUMER INFO:
Special to the Broiges Beggar's Gazette:
KUVUTZ YAVNE CANNED BLACK OLIVES: 

Recommended only for throwing through windshields.   

The Editor found these reasonably tasty, but the Editor, who hails
from New England and prefers unfiltered apple cider with Vermont
Cheddar, regards olives as one of the social obligations of making
aliyah, like wearing a hat even in the bathroom.

Eliahu, a gentleman and meta-systems analyst of Italian
extraction,  rates this -5 on a scale of 1 to 10.  Uses too much
Calcium Carbonate CaCO(3), which, he says, tends to assume some of
the properties of quicklime in excessive quantity, and should be
put on roofs to reflect back summer sun (Mr. Wm. Richman, Esq.,
formerly of the State Prosecutor's Office, Chicago, presently
landholder and agriculturalist of Moshav Meor Modi'in, is pleased
to deploy his roofing abilities upon the cupolae of persons of
suitable financial standing. (Cheques must be bonded.)

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In the same of the Assitant Postmaster of Mevo Modi'in:
The Rabbi said:
When Moshe Rabbenu came down from Mt. Sinai
after a 40 day fast
the first thing he said was
Please, could I have some apple juice.

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In the name of the Sofer Mevo Modi'in: 
The Rabbi said:
The difference between LSD and Talmud
is that with LSD you go up and come down
but with Talmud you go up and stay there.

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The Rabbi taught
everyone knows:
Why did Adam and Eve lose Paradise
because he blamed his wife.

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In the name of the Modi'in Chief of the Shabos Police:
More bad jokes from our Rabbi:
A lady went to buy dogfood
She said, its for my husband; he likes it.
The rabbi said, don't do it; 't'aint kosher
and might kill him.
The lady said, No problem, he likes it.
The lady came back next week in black.
She said, the dogfood was fine
but he got hit by a car
when he ran out in the street to chase it. 

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CHABAD IS THE MCDONALD'S OF YIDDISHKEIT.

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NOTICE TO THE RESIDENTS OF MOSHAV MEVO MODI'IN:
IN CASE OF FIRE (Cows Defend Us!):

Contact the Vaad, which will contact the Moetza, which will rebate
Arnona to the Vaad to hire a member of the Moshav to put it out.

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EXCERPT FROM A SHAKESPEAREAN SCREENPLAY: 
Tempest, Act I, Scene 1 (closing shot):
Alonzo, King of Naples, in sea.  Gonzalo, Counselor to the King,
in situ.	

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