=sc_a4b
R. Shlomo Carlebach, Input of Manuscript Transcript A4, Part 2
Follows =sc_a4a
Starting with Page C25
See Notes on =sc_a4a
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I'm a slave I'm running .  Very deep kids.  Have you ever
talked to a slave mind. 

[TANSCRIBER ADDS A FOOTNOTE (2) Superscript, but I find no
Footnote for it.]

Running running . You can't get
through to it.  You say listen, but I want to talk to
you.  Can't.  A slave is running.  A free person, a free
mind is right there right.  Stop.

Ok, listen to this. 
To reach the highest level you are capable of you can not reach
that high level when you're a slave.  A slave
doesn't belong there.  Because what is the higehst highest
level in the world?  To be G_d-like.  Maimonides says
the highest level in the world is, we are created in
G_d's image, means we are completely free right.
Completely free.  Complete free choice.  And now some
of us think I have only free choice to keep Shabbos
or not to keep Shabos.  That's a very high level too.
But this isn't it.  The highest level is that I can
momish choose to think with my mind what am
I doing in this world.  I'm the master of my
mind.  The deepest depth there is.  I have free chocie
over my mind.  What's my free coice about
my mind?  That I can momish force my mind
please tell me, what am I doing here?  You know.
My mind knows.  My mind just doesn't tell me.
I want you to know something deepest depths in 
the world.  The gemorah tells the story about the 
Poorah Aduma (red calf).  Without getting involved, it's a
little calf everybody knows that we needed in
[END PAGE C25 OF MS. A4]
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[START INPUT OF PAGE C26 OF MS. TRANSCRIPT A4]

the Holy Temple and thils littel red calf had to be, a little
red cow which had never tasted the taste of
a yoke.  No yoke.  
{a4b-1}

If you rememer the story, that the
holy Rabbi's went to Rome to buy this little red cow.  And
this pagan, you know, thought it's a joke so he said
to them, come back tomorrow, it's 10,000 piece of gold.  The
next day they come back, give him the ten thousant.  He
says no, I'm sorry.  Didn't make it clear.  The price
is twenty thousand.  They said ok, we'll get another
ten, give it to us.  The next day he pulls the same
trick and he says, oh, I'm sure I made it clear to
you it's thirty thousand.  You know the holy Rabbis
were so holy, you know. Maybe some of you don't
know.  Our Rabbi's were really holy.  Really holy.  Momish
holy. And anyway, they came back.  He did this
five times.  They were already up to fifty thousand. They
said, listen brother, you want to sell it or don't you
you know. We don't have time to fool around. So he
says ok I promise I'll give it to you tomorrow for
figfty thousand.  My word. What does he do that
lousy thief?  That night he puts a yoke on the 
little rd calf and the holy Rabbi's come the next
day and they to to the stable to pick it up. They go
to pick up the red calf. Walk back to this pagan
and they ask, what did you do to it? Why did you
put a yoke on it last night.  Why he says to them
[END PAGE C26 OF MS. TRANSCRIPT A4]
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[START INPUT PAGE C27 OF MS. TRANSCRIPT A4]

how could you know?  So they say it's very simple.  A 
little calf, if it never tasted the taste of the yoke, looks
at your straight.  If its had a yoke on it, it looks at
you from both sides, it's afraid to look at you straight
in the eye.  
{a4b-3}

So even this lousy pagan couldn't help
he says momish, Blessed is the G_d who has chosen
the Jews, blessed are the Jews to know the secrets
of G_d.  The qeusation is, you know, if your mind
has a yoke on it all the time, if its not free, it 
runs here on both sides.  You can't stop it. Some of you
talking to you stright -- what are you doing in this
world you know.
{a4b-2}

You know the most heartbreaking
queastion a person has to ask himself, what am I
doing in this world?  And this is one question
everybody is avoiding the most.  Because for that
you don't have to go to Africa for that.  You don't
have to do any archeology.  All you have to do is
right sit here this seond where you are.  Don't
do anything.  On the cotrary, don't move.  Remember,
the utomost of freedom is, on a mind level, I'm
not moving. Stand. Stand.

I want you 
to know something deep.  Don't you know we're in 
exile right?  Moving around from country to country.
From city to city. To be in Yerushalayim means, I'm
here, not moving. The highest level is I'm not moving.
Right here.  Because what is the holiness of Yerushalyim?
[END PAGE c27 OF MS. TRANSCRIPT A4] 
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[START INPUT OF PAGE C28 OF MS. TRANSCRIPT A4]

what is the holiness of the Holy Wall?  When you
stand thEre you just can't run away right.  Just hits
you . What am I dong here/  what am I momsish
doing here.  But again my mind is a very very
strong thing. The mind does not take any orders
from a slave.  Until the mind tastes the taste of freedom
which is the taste of joy, the mind can not stop. Too
much of a slave.  Not free enough. But the moment
you're filled with joy something happens to you,
so deep and I'm free enough to ask myself, what
am I doing here.  But again, how do I come to
joy?  Where do I beGin?  So he says, why am I a
slave.   this is very very deep.  I'm running away -- 
from mYself.  Why is my mind thinking
about ten tousand different tHings?  Why doesn't 
my mnd talk to me straight.  What am I doing
in this world?  Because mY mind gave up on
me right.  My mind gave up on me. My mInd
says listen I can't talk to you you're such a lousy
I_don't_know_what.  I don't what to talk to you.  It's
no use telling you what you're doing in this
world. Because even if I tell you you wouldn't
do it.  So my mind gave up.  Hae you ever felt
you want to talk to poeple, you try to talk to them.
You know, try a few times, they don't talk to you.
I dojn't want to talk to you anymore.  So he says
[END PAGE C28 OF MS. TRANSCRIPT A4]
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[START INPUT OF PAGE C29 OF MS. TRANSCRIPT A4]

something utmost depths that my mind refuses to
talk to me because I'm thinking so low of myseLf.
My mind is completely convinced that no good
is going to come out of me anyway.  No use telling
me right.  You know I'm not going to tell myself you
can be as holy as the holy Baal Shem if I momish 
believe I'm a garbage collector.  

{Comment (sa):  Hey man, don't knock the scarab.}

So he says the first
thing you have to do, this one of the deepest depths 
of Reb Nachman, and again listen to this, this is based
on a story that happened to the holy Baal Shem.  A 
great sinner came to the holy Baal Shem like a
top sinner man and he said, you know, I'd like to
repent.  You know like some people come to a store who
has all the apples so he came to the holy Baal Shem
because he knows how the holy Baal Shem has 
a good G_d's grocery store.  He says I'd like to
order repentance for this thing, for this thing.  He
gave him a whole list.  Yu know, the Baal Shem
realized he doesn't know what repenting is.  He 
doesn't know what it's all about. The Baal Shem
Tov says, listen brother sinner man, I hate
to tell you bad things but the truth is you
have done so much that there is no hope for
you.  Can you imagine. You know. Can you
imagine G_d forbid I would hear from the 
Holy Baal Shem he would tell me there is no
hope for you you know.  I'd just crack up you
[END PAGE C29 OF MS. TRANSCRIPT A4]
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[START INPUT OF PAGE C30 OF MS. TRANSCRIPT A4]

know.  Absolutely.  ThE Yiddelah really really broke
down. For the first time.  You see he was always
he always thought you know, it's like a business.
You sin and you repent.  He thought just you know.
Kvais you take an apple it's a dollar.  You don't keep
Shabos you fast for a day you know.  
{a4b-4}

Suddenly
he realized it doesn't go this way with G_d.  If
you fail, you know you fail.
{a4b-5}

He began to cry very
much.  Really and suddenly he realized he's
completely gone.  So he said to the holy Baal Shem
tell me am I still  Jew?  Am I still a Jew, at
least that.  At least that.  So the story is that
the holy Baal Shem momish began to dry.  And he
says, he says I was waiting for that.  Becvause if
you know really that you're still a Jew, then
there's hope for you. 
{a4b-6}

 So the holy Baal Shem
Tov says there's a parsook in Tehillem, the
Tzaddikim they praise G_d with their whole life
but sometimes I think to G_d Vaoylee means I'm
still.  That's a way out translation you know. If 
you look in King James you will see I don't know
what kind of a lousy word he's using vaoylee
means {Hebrew script, but I can't make it out -- MISt? -- } --
still.  Still there Vide funtida Yid (?) [QUESTION MARK TR.]
So this Torahla of the holy Bal Shem is one of the 
top top Torah's in Reb Nachman's hasidism.  Ok, so
a person begins to think and he says can't be
that I never did anytjing good in my
[END PAGE C30 OF MS. TRANSCRIPT A4]
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[START PAGE C31 OF MS. TRANSCRIPT A4]

life.  I muSt have done something good.   He's beginning
to think and suddenly he realizes maybe ten years
ago at one time I did somebody a favor.  But
then I begin to also tear this apart.  And I say
to myself you know you did somebody a favor
because it didn't look good not to do it you know.
You want to keep your good name.  Knock this off
also. But then I say to myself how much
percent of the favor did I do only because I
want a good name.  Let's say fifty perent.  But 
wasnt there fifty percent of me which wanted 
to do somebody a favor?  
{a4b-7} 

But then above all he
says, even if I never did anything, but in the 
meantime G_d has chosen me.  Isn't that the greatest 
thing in the world?
{a4b-8}

Do I have to feel great because
I did something.  Maybe I can feel great because
I am great.  Just that.

Now listen to this.  Do 
you know, my mind gave up on me right,
obviously.  So I'm telling my mind, listen
brother mind or sister mind.  I say to my
mind look at me straight.  Look me in the
eye momish.  Got to talk to you.  Do you know
who you are?  You're talking to a Yiddalah.
Suddenly my mind stops.  My mind looks at
me, I look back at my mind.  Connecting
my mind.  You have to realize something
very strong. the mind is such a holy
[END PAGE C31 OF MS. TRANSCRIPT A4 ]
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light G_d gives.  It's absolutley the holieset light G_d gave
us. [   ?   ] {TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE; PRESUMABLY UNCLEAR TEXT}
you could lose your mind. G_d forbid if 
your mind is perverted. G_d forbid you walk into
Belview you know, you see people, nebach. It's the
utmost agony G_d forbid if your mind isn't
normal G_d forbid.
{a4b-9}

You know the gemorrah says
you know you think it's a joke when the first
thing Shmona Essray we're begging Gd, the very first
thing that we Yidden, we begin to ask for is please G_d
give me a sound mind.  ChSha V_ShaLOM  our mind isn't
sound everything looks -- You know G_d forbid
if my mind isn't sound my wife could tell me
I love you and my mind is so perverted that
I say she doesn't mean that -- ah I know what
she means.  Ah ha and I say, Oh who knows
what's she's doing to me G_d forbid you know.
Ok . So we understand.  But the highest utmost light
of the mind is when my mind tells me what
I'm doing in this world.  This is already up
to me. G_d can give me a sound mind but
then it is up to me to take this mind and do
with my mind what I have to do. And I 
momish have to take my mind and say
listen, you'd better tell me.  And my mind
says to me brother, I don't want to talk to you.
I say listen.  Do you know I'm a Yiddalah.
And I don't care what my mind says to me
[END PAGE C32 OF MS. TRANSCRIPT A4]
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I say mind, I don't care what you think, I know
what I think.  Greatest thing in the world, right.
Start dancing like mad, right.  Like mad.  You 
know, right now, a few days before Tish a B'Av,
you know just think to yourself that, straight.
Remember I told you this Shabos, Pesach you
don't have to ask yourself which side am I on.
Tish a B'Av you have to ask yourself, which
side am I on.
{a4b-10}

Which side are you on?  
{a4b-11}

Are you
momisch a Yiddalah?  Are you momish a Yiddale?
{a4b-12}

Are you the Yiddalah who was driven out from 
Yerushelayim?  Ae you the Yiddalah who wants
to go back?  Are you the Yiddalah who's waiting 
for Meshiach.  Are you the REAL Yiddalah, or are
you not.  

Remember this story. This is one of my
favorite stories I'm sure I've told you .  Maybe some
of you didn't.  You know, there is no two ways
you know.  The KOTZKER Rebbe always says only
horses walk in the middle. Human beings walk
on either side.  Tish a B'Av is a time you have to
make up your mind where are you.  Where
are you standing?  You know, take a stand. Where
are you.  Listen to this.  Zonershitz is in Poland
one of the great streets in the holy city.  In Poland
one of the great streets in the holy city.  You know
before the end it was like a little ghetto.  Finally
[END PAGE C33 OF MS. TRANSCRIPT A4]          
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[START PAGE C34 OF MS. TRANSCRIPT A4]

 the Germans told them, this was on Wednesday.  Shabbos 
you know.  Most of the evacuations were always on
Shabbos.  You know naturally, they didn't tell them
we're taking you to Aushwitz to kill you.  They 
would say there's a little summer resort called
Aushwitz and you'd get in very peacefully.  Just
take everything. Don't forget anything because 
you'll need it there you know. I don't have to tell
you stories.  You know. So in Zonershitz they told
them that Shabos twelve o'clock we're taking you
to Aushwitz for the summer.  Every Yiddalah knew
in his heart what's going on.  Needless to say this
is a true story told by somebody who survived.
The yiddalach came to shul and they were thinking
waht should we do for the three days.  What are we 
to do?  Everybody was saying to each other, let's
do this, let's do this.  And there was a little tailor
in that cithy and his name was Yochanaon
the Inkadinker Sneider, Yochanon the limping
tailor.  Everybody who was a little bit holy and
had a nose knew he was one of the L-V Tzadikim
you know. The 36, but they weren't sure. Cause
he never spoke.  So then it was time to speak.
So suddenly Yochanon the Inkadinker Sneider
got on the Bimah and said Yidden:  What a 
question.  What a question what we have to do.  We
have to celebrate.  For three days we have to
[END PAGE C34 OF MS. TRANSCRIPT A4]
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[START PAGE C35 OF MS. TRANSCRIPT A4]
             
celebrate day and night.  They said because right now
everybody here is asking you which side are
you on?  Would you like to be with us?  Would you
like to be sent to Aushwitz and to die for G_d's
Name.  
{a4b-12a}

Or would you like to be on the side
who are killing us?  Which side are you on? He
said it is a dear privilege to be on the side of
those who are killed.  Not those who are kililng.
It's the greatest holiday in the world. 
{a4b-13}

I want you to 
know that for three days they had momish Yom 
Tov.  They davened YomTovdik Shemona Esray. They took
out the Torah and they were dancing day and night.
{a4b-14}

Shabos morning they got all dressed up in white,
its momish heartbreaking and holy.  Them mamaged 
to doven  Yom Kipper Shaharis, Yom Kipper Musaf and
{a4b-15} 
at exactly 10;30, its just so holy its unbeleiveable. 
{a4b-16}
Yochanon the Inkadinker Schneider said Yiddalah, its
time to doven Neila.  You know, the last prahyer of YOm
Kipper.  Gevalt.  Yochanon, Yohcanon the Inkadinker
Schneider, can yoiu imagine, you know he davened
Neila.  Can yoiu imagine what leval?  Then Yochanon
opened the Holy Ark and he says I swear in the
name of Abraham Issac and Jacob, I sware in
the name of all the Jews who were before us and
I swear in the name of all the Jews who will be
after us that I'm ready to die as a Jew.
{a4b-17}          
To be a 
Jew to my last minute.  The question is you
[END PAGE C35 OF MS. TRANSCRIPT A4]
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[START PAGE C36 OF MS. TRANSCRIPT A4]
[When I re-stapled BZ's copy I made an irrelevant note, "Pt. 4",
on the top left, where someone, I think not me and maybe not the
transcriber, had previously noted, "A4"]

know.  Which side are you on.
{a4b-18}    
Are you on the side
of Yohanaon the Inkadinker Schneider
{a4b-19}
or on -- 
there's nothing inbetween.  

Anyway, so my mind
is telilng me, you know what, I'm on the
side of Yochanon the Inkerdinker Sneider.  Thank
G_d.  
{a4b-20}

That much, my mind is still sound you
know.  I'm a Yiddalah.  Nothing can take me
away from my Yiddalah.  Dancing like mad.
Who cares if I'll burn in Hell?
{a4b-21} 
Who care wehre I'm
going to to you know. Greatest joy in the world. Dancing
like mad. 
{a4b-21}

While I'm dancing in the middle of my
dancing suddenly I say to my mind, hey, I am a
Yiddalah.  What am I supposed to do now? And then
soemthing happens to me, suddenly I get in touch with
my own mind, and all the gates of my mind are
open, and I know what I have to do.  Simple as it 
is. and then he says  Vigam Limyla Nasum szekum gadol alyrday
beday nisykum [TRANSCRIBERS'S APPARENTLY PHONETIC TRANSCRIPTION OF
A LANGUAGE SHE/HE SEEMS NOT TO HAVE UNDERSTOOD]  
[TRANSCRIBER NOTES:  "[Tape Ends]"

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[TRANSCRIBER NOTES:  "NEXT TAPE -- MOST PROBABLY CONTINUATION OF
ABOVE (Definately continuatino of above)"]

 ... [3-dots TRANSCRIPT, CLEARLLY INDICATES MISSING TEXT]
to get together iwth me and my mind. Me and
myu head and my foot and m kishkas are ok.
Unless G_d forbid I'm sick.  But it's possible to be well,
have a sound mind and everythng,m and I never
spoke to my mind.  My mind never spoke to me.
So listen to this first step of Reb Nachman's Torahla.
[END PAGE C36 OF MS. TRANSCRIPT A4]
[END MY MINI-PACK OF THOSE PAGES, ppC25--C36 inclusive, which I
designate as "A4 -- Part II" (Only on notes, not in my Inventory,
which is in =inv0494a.*)
This doc, =sc_a4b.* , was preceeded by =sc_a4a.* , and will be
followed by =sch_a4c.* .]

When I finish that, I'll if possible pack those three docs into a
new doc, probably =sc_a4 , and drop all the notes out into a
sepearte doc or two.
================================================================
sa, Mevo Modi'in, 22 July '04 -- 4 Av -- Hot day, Yitzak's green
grapes in full fruit, a bit sour.
===============================================================
**#*  ZOWIE FOR HOWIE

=================================================================

COMMENTS FROM THE PEANUT GALLERY:
as_it_is_said:  "No comments from the Peanut Gallery."
as_it_is_said:  "Oh Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?"
                "Up in the balcony, where the seats are cheaper."

CAVEAT TABBYCAT!:
-------------------------------------------------------------------
{a4b-1}

So anyhow, there I was taking a weekend vacation with Claudia on
one of those weird National Park mudflat islands of the shore of
Bremen -- we'd driven up in her VW from Hamburg -- her blue jeans
got wet in a rainstorm so she wanted to go home, because everyone
knows, blue jeans are miserable to wear when they get wet --
they're the one thing not to wear when you go hiking; when they
get wet you'd be more comfortable wearing corrugated tin --
Claudia was a solidly built slightly enhanced redhead, the colour
was quite fashionable in yuppie Germany those years, this was 1990
with Goofy George Senior manouvering to produce Gulf War I, nobody
could believe it would really go through, fortunately Colin Powell
pulled him out of it in time, which he tried but could not do for
George Jr. 

So anyhow, we were on a little hike on one of the flat, car-free
trails, past nice wood pasture fences, and there was this red cow. 
Same rich red colour as Claudia's hair, sort of a maroon red.  As
far as I could see, no hair on it that wasn't red, though one
doesn't look too closely at a lady of volatile temperament.

I was hanging around with Claudia in the hope of knocking her up;
seemed much less complicated than going to a shidduch and filling
out questionaire's and paying 50 shekels and all that.  Jennifer
remarked, after I turned up on her doorstep in my Harris Tweed
jacket that I got in a junkshop -- took me through many nights in
the rain -- that's not terribly flattering to a girl.  She was a
very good hiker "who floated up trails like a red-maned horse" --
I meant one of Franz Marc's red horses, but she did not find the
poem flattering -- 

  Well, she played to that, without telling me -- persons of
refinement should in conscience declare infidelity, not that one
isn't better off not knowing, but that intuiting something that
you don't consciously know and aren't strong enough to believe,
can make you crazy, and it's not nice to make your part-time
consort crazy -- and so it was that, as George Sr. declared his
little war over and "a glorious victory", and everyone in Israel
went back out to the shuk as usual, that I wound up banging my
head against a wall on a boat back to England, where I wandered
along towpaths from Purim to Sukkot, when I wound up in a Quaker
Town -- Quakers are good people, real Christians, safe -- and then
came back to Modi'in, where I slept on the Mevo Modi'in Free
People's Public Library for a month or two until I scored a pad --
the shomer, a Morocaan guy, came by one night to roust me for
vagrancy, I reminded him that it is forbidden by halacha to
disturb someone's sleep, he apologized and we remained colleagues. 
I don't suppose that usually happens in the USA; they have rather
little sense of humour, or even of humanity.

But I digress. 
Well, I gotta rewrite my autobiography when and where I can grab
the time; the one I typed up at Clauia's on a housemate's 286 --
state of the art in 1990 -- maybe there's a copy with the Egger's
still, in Hamburg; maybe it's now just more PVC in the air.

So anyhow, that was the time I really did find a red heifer, and I
thought I should tell someone, but then I thought, heck, here I am
just walking around in Bordum waiting for Claudia's occasional
scanted favours -- she had this ingenious way of letting one in as
shallow as possible, which is one way to economize at the
pharmacy, short-term at least -- like, nice girls don't do that --
and eating up 100 varieties of German hard cheese, and here I walk
past this apparently genuine red heifer while she's talking about
her blue jeans or something, before we find picturesque thatch-
roof restaurant at which to eat lunch, and how could it be that I
have merited such a discovery, Meshiach comes and we all have to
change our travel plans and all that.  So I think, so maybe
they're not serious about this red heifer bit.  They way they keep
saying at Musaf, but for our sins we were exiled from the land and
so we are unable to go up and offer the required Musaf, even
though all anyone has to do is grab a bus into town, take a few
cops and a cow, and walk on up there and do it.  And these days
we're going through all sorts of ridiculous things to mourn the
destruction of the Temple and our exile from the holy city if not
from the suburbs -- like, who wants Yavneh -- squaresville --
like, in great mourning and affliction we're not showering and not
washing clothes -- well, they're not, I just muddle on with the
usual sorts of excuses -- and it's awfully self-sacrificing and
ascetic and fortitude-inous, but it does happen that we're back
already, the exile ended, so what's with this continued sturm und
drang.   Accept the miracle and go back to work. }

{a4b-2}
{Comment (sa):  I once wrote, from something I overheard:
"Shlomo came to the Abode.  He found a young Jewish woman.  He
said, what are you doing here.  And now she's married and livingin
Williamsburg and has 8 children."}

{a4b-3}
{Comment (sa):  Let's face it, it's no fun to be yoked.  "He wore
the yoke of bondage through / the streets of Mandalay.  / So he'll
he go no more a roving / with a savage to a-fright / He's served
his last great war-whoop / and fought his last great fight."
My neighbors keep a dog, who was such a free-spirited creature,
fenced up in a little yard, spayed, with barely a pan of water in
the summer head, and barely shade, on bare ground amidst her own
dog-shit.  The best of progressive orthodox Judaism, and they
haven't even learned that dogs are human too.}

{a4b-4}
{Comment (sa):  Sounds OK to me.  That's how it goes by the Roman
Catholics, and they're in this business 7/7; we just knock it off
one day a year when you can't get a waitress for love nor money.
And also, they've been doing business at the same stand for going
on 2000 years, that pigeon poo-poo palazzo in good ol' Roma; we
couldn't even get a lease for what seemed eons.
And anyhow, for eating porkchops you don't go to hell, you go to
the potty.  And maybe the WalMart Bypass & Stent shelf.
I mean, for many sins again (wo)men, some restitution, usually
partial, can be made; and for sins against ritual, almost anything
will do:  stand on your head in Plaza San Marco for 10 minutes.}

{a4b-5}
{Comment (sa):  Maybe not:   That's like the -- Lutheran is it --
notion of predestination.  Or the Christian notion of eternal
damnation.  (And PVK said:  Damnation is not eternal.)  I mean,
some of those goyim were real loonies.  The whole point of Judaism
is:  stay cool, and keep on truckin'.  Whatever you've done,
there's a way back, only don't expect them to save desert.}

{a4b-6}
{Comment (sa):  So anyhow, I walk out the front door of Haverat
Shalom onto the porch, this is mid-70's, and there the
Bored_Again__Xians are waiting, bag a few souls like Nabov with
his butterfly collection -- (pardon my metaphor, but Jesus did it
first -- "fishers of men" -- I mean, no fish could have said that
-- not and go back to the palaces of Atlanttis anyhow) -- so ok,
fair enough -- if anybody didn't squeeze through at Ne'eila, Jesus
can pick up the tab -- except RSC,  sort of like a Chabadnik Dan'l
Webster, says hold on Old Buddy, he gets to the end of Sukkot to
make it -- maybe he prefers outdoors to indoors, that's cool --
then Sukkot ends and there's RSC saying, apologies Old Chap, but I
just rememered, actually it's until the last candle dies on
Chanukah.
    And everyone knows:  What do you call a Jew who has just been
baptized:  a Jew with wet hair.} 

{a4b-7}
{Comment (sa): Maybe not:   I'm sitting out on the Midrahov where
"I re_al_ized I hadn't eaten in three days straight" (Bob Dylan),
some dude comes by, hands me a $1000 bill, says, don't thank me,
I'm only doing this to impress this liberal chick from the UJA
Lady Bountiful Mission to Palestinian Paupers; 9 times out of 10
its gets them.  
So I say then, oh well, then I'll not bother to thank you; have
fun in hell; Next.
It's the Christians, and some of my meditating cousins (and PVK
once said, more or less:  What you do is important, but what you
become is more important), who measure spiritual progress by inner
purity, not by "good works" (also a Christian debate).  So ok,
there I am back on the Midrahov, and all these spiritual types
come by, all dressed in white and even feeding the ants, and also
I haven't eaten in three days straight, and they say, we don't
want to interfere with your spiritual development, have a good
day, we'll pray for you in heaven Even.
I mean, this Hindu Guru Chick writes somewhere:  "In the Kali
Yurga, bad thoughts are no sin."  Like, "Call the roller of big
cigars" (Wallace Stevens, The Emperor of Ice Cream).
What I'm trying to say is:  in Judaism, it's what you do that
counts, not what you feel or think. Oh, Effluvia!}

{a4b-8}
{Comment (sa):  Nope.  Not but by a long shot.  I mean, everybody
knows, they say in in the US Army, 'Don't volunteer.'  You could
wind up in hell that way, as_it_is_said (Siddur):  May we not be
tested, and not be put to shame.  And Pascal says, "It is a
terrible thing to fall into the hands of the living G_d."  Hopkins
says somthing similar.}

{a4b-9}
{Comment (sa):  It ain't the illness that's the agony, it's what
they call the cure.  At one point I reckoned that the role I was
going into, I'd have to choose a context for acting-out, either
prison or the looney bin; so I got myself into prison, sad to say. 
And the folks I met there surely agreed with me.  At least in
prison you get to keep your mind, and some of your spirit.  Or
anyhow, have a chance to keep 'em.}

{a4b-10}
{Comment (sa):  No problem Marvin; get me a condo in Yavneh and
I'm out of here; like, who needs these right-wing extremists.  And
I don't like crowds, and haven't had a good vanilla ice cream soda
in ages.  Suburbs, Merv'.}

{a4b-11}
{Note (sa):  That's an old Union song, maybe Woodie Guthrie.  Like
in the 1960's we rediscovered the 1930's, because what we had won
by the '50's -- Ike and John Foster Dulles and J. Edgar Hoover and
Reader's Digest and Gilette Blue Blades ("please make sure that
you have had enough / 'cause a worn out blade makes shaving mighty
tough ") and the San Quentin Gas Chamber and lobotomies -- old Joe
Kennedy, who could afford the best, got one for his daughter --
you see, the '60's is romanticism, whether it's CP (Tom Hayden and
all that) or Rousseau (hippies).}

{a4b-12}
{Comment (sa):  Please don't ask so loud.}   

{a4b-12a}
{Comment (sa):  The lives of those who were killed in the Shoah,
including the way in which some maybe met death, may have
sanctified the all-pervading Divine NAME.  Their deaths did not. 
Involuntary unnatural death is rarely a sanctification; it is
usually a curse upon those who cause it.}

{a4b-13}
{Comment (sa):  This is nonsense.  First of all historically,
Nazi-ism wanted nothing from us but to destroy us; that is what
made it so inhuman.  Secondly, martyrdom is for Christians, not
for Jews, as_it_is_said (by Ezer Weizman): "Don't be so quick to
give your live for your country; make the other son_of_a_bitch
give his life for his country."  "Thou shalt not kill", but
neither shalt he -- forget this 'chosen people' hogwash, no people
is inherently any better than any other, as_it_is_said, "all cats
are alike in the dark".  Only maybe some folks offer to take more
responsibility.  But anyhow, if he wants to kill me and I don't
want to kill him, I should sacrifice my feelings, not my etc.'s,
and shoot quick.}

{a4b-14}
{Comment (sa):  Mazaltov.  And Moses stood at the shore of the
Reed Swamp praying, until Heaven spake in answer saying,
'Shmendrik, learn to swim quick or you'll be shiskabob.'}

{a4b-15}
{Comment (sa):  Yom Kipper commemorates the day Shmuel haKatan
declared himself a Prophet, put a clunker in the Shemona Esre
(which was thereafter known as the Shemona Esre), and tried to
flee to Costa del Sol, but was swallowed by a sardine.
OK Faye, one more time:  the Shemna Esre is a set, or
conglomeration, of 18 blessings.  What Shmuel haKatan added is a
curse.  It has no place in the Shemona Esre, no place in a prayer
service, no place in a Bet Knesset.  I mean, there are quite a few
young Europeans of liberal bent with whom I hope to bed --
(sequentially of course; no profligate I) -- while my wife is out
at martial arts training with the Snias Patrol, and this is not
making it any easier.} 

{a4b-16}
{Comment (sa):  Ben-Zion Gold, a Director of Harvard Hillel in the
1970's, once remarked, there's nothing -- I think he said noble,
or meritorious -- in being a Shoah survivor.}

{a4b-17}
{Comment (sa):  One may be bold before a dog, who has never felt a
bite.}

{a4b-18}
{Comment (sa):  RSC's teachings were given orally; and its
problematic to take them into written form.  Reuven Goldfarb says,
leave it as near verbatim as possible, to let the feel come
through.  But then the written version is merely a shadow of the
oral.  (It's not like working with PVK's teachings, where the oral
and the edited written versions can both be standalone's.).
A written version of RSC's teachings is apt to come out as
sentimentalized shlock.  Of which there was enough in the
original, tho excusably:  he taught personally (however many in
the group to which he spoke), and in the modality of love.}

{a4b-19}
{Note (sa):  A World War I song:  "Mademoiselle from Armatieres,
parlez vous? .... Hinky-dinky parlez vous."
And that other fine line:  "Mademoiselle she climbed the fence;
hit her head with a monkey wrench".  Cute.  A monkey wrench is a
plumber's wrench, for freeing pipes; it's large and heavy.  Not
the sort of thing one bumps into, though you can swing it as a
club.  So here's this emaciated French woman climbing the fence
around the supply sheds of the USA troops, to steal some food
and/or rent her parts to the privates, and this potbellied good
ol' boy, maybe a Quartermaster Corps Sergeant Major,  fractures
her skull with a roundhouse kayo blow, and maybe gets a bit for
free, or has a good belly-laugh anyhow.  "Over there".  "But that
was in another country; and besides, the wench is dead."  (T.S.
Eliot quoted that passage from, or because he could say it was
from, 'The Jew of Malta'.).}

{a4b-20"
{Note (sa):
A World War I pacifist ditty:

"I love my flag, I duely do
 that flutters in the breeze.
 I also love my nose and toes
 and hands and feet and knees.
 One cannon ball could jar them so
 or give them such a twist
 that they'd do me no good at all;
 I think I won't enlist."  

"so nigh is G_d to man
 when duty whispers low, 'Thou must'
 the Youth replies, 'I can'."
            (USA 19th century)

or better, buggerall:

 "so close to one another
  when duty whispers low, 'Thou must'
  the Youth replies, 'Ya Mudda'." }

which takes us to the Yuma Arizona joke:
"Boy, Ah'm sorry ah shot you.  I'd like to name this here town in
yo honor.  What's your name, boy?"
"You Ma--- "                             

Sorry, but I think this was one uplifting heartbreaking Holocaust
tale too many; Wiesel just about used up the ration single-handed.
And anyhow, RSC has told it in many other places.}

{a4b-21}
{Comment (sa):  Oh, save it for Hironymous Bosch with Dante.  Hell
is not a Jewish concept.}

{a4b-22}
{Comment (sa):  I quite agree with King David's ex-wife:  Dancing
is not a Jewish thing.

So anyhow, my Grandmother -- Mollie (Jaffe) Silberblatt Amdur, who
it's said made a visit back to Poland, from her home in
Pittsburgh, in 1939; I can barely imagine why -- and she a short,
thin woman, afraid almost of everything, or was when she had
become an old woman -- so my folks invited her for a vacation to
the place we rented in Maine, and, as usual to honor guests, had a
lobster dinner, and she said -- as my mother recalled; that side
of the family, even though it lost all in the Depression, was
always assimilated German-Jewish; I mean, to become an Associate
Professor even at MIT (Harvard would have been all but impossible,
Berenson and Harry Levy notwithstanding

I found a book by Harry Levy; one of the classics in philosophy of
art,  in a stall in Bremen, sold for a few Groschen.  Claudia
glanced at the cover and said, Ah, another Jew.  


"My name is Solomon Levy, at my store in Baxter Street / That's
where you'll find your coat and pants and everything that's neat.
I've second-handed overcoats and everything that's fine / for all
the boys they trade with me at a_hundred_and_forty_nine.
Oh Mr. Levy, tra la lalala la.  Poor Sheni Levy, tralala,
lalala,la."
All the way through Harvard Yard in a cummerbund, bareheaded
through 30 winter snows, to be "encapsulated on a pin" by Claudia. 
  

) in those days took quite a few dinner parties, Bourbon and
Scotch before dinner etc. -- 
 -- all this on a Lecturer's pay of about $2300 a year in the
1940's -- 
-- so my grandmother says, my mother recallls:  "The lobster is not
a Jewish fish."  So my mother says, she had the image of a
lobster, still its healthy blue color, swimming about in the cold
dark water, wearing a little kippa, negated.

So anyhow, I agree with the wife of that Shepherd boy who played
kinor for the mad king and then grabbed the throne -- Dancing is
not a Jewish way to expression religiosity.  Leave it to the
Philistines -- I mean, the Sea People, remember those friezes of
the tumblers, on Minos, before the sacred bull in its labarynth --

So PVK speaks of Christ dancing on the Cross -- I mean, those
Romans really knew how to torture a dude; we're talking heavy duty
perversion of sexual energy -- no wonder Mel Gibson gets off on it
-- what I'm trying to say is, maybe the souul will do extraoridnary
things to escape extraoridnary affliction of the body; but -- here
I'd go along with D.H. Lawrence, contrary to PVK -- it would have 
been much better, really more spiritual too, if such a test had
never come to pass, and he had just lived his life as a simple
carpenter, shtupping his wife when he had to do it because it was
shtupping time (that's from Lenny Bruce, I think quoted in The
Realist -- EG has a set of Realist's -- Lenny Bruce also held up a
Playboy Picture or some such, and said, 'You see those tits --
G_d, your G_d, made those tits'' -- as many have noted, Lenny
Bruce was an authentic, if paradoxic, Jewish philosopher, forced
by the narrowness of the ptit-bourgeois culture he insisted on
confronted into the traditonal role of a Fool, a "comedian".  (And
as I guess Graham Greene says, there's nothing funny about a
comedian.).

And then there's Shiva too, and the pagan English figure "The Lord
of the Dance".  Pity we wiped out all the pagans; they most have
known something.  Well, "At General Electric 'Progress is our Most
Important Product'" said the Lemming, following General Electric -
- and Sammy Cauman said:  "Ready Kilowatt aand his girlfriend,
Electra_Cutie."  I mean, the fallacy of Spiritual Progress, like
what Chungyam Trumpa, Rinpoche, identified as the fallacy of
'Spiritual Materialism'.

 'The lobster is not a Jewish fish'

 Reb Shlomo once asked:  Why does a hamentaschen have three
corners.  Because if it had four, you'd have to put on tzittzit. 

But I digress.}