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A Mitnogid visited Mevo Modi'in on erev Purim and asked: How is
this night different from all other nights.
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A Yekke came to the Moshav for Shabat. The stars appeared,
followed shortly thereafter by R. Shlomo. They politely asked the
Yekke, Would you care to join us for Mincha. The Yekke replied, I
davened Micha yesterday.
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Two Yekke's went to the beach at Nahariya. One went into the sea,
but soon found himself in difficult. 'Hazilut! Hazilut!' he
cried. The other Yekke looked up from his book and said: All
this time you were learning Hebrew, you could have been learning
how to swim.
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EVERYONE WANTS TO KNOW:
Why is it that in Hutz l'Aretz they observe Purim for one day, but
here we observe it for two days.
The ANSWER is:
The Jews prevailed throught the Empire; but in the Capitol City
they achieved an even greater victory. There, not merely did we
overcome the military and political power of our enemies, but
their socio-economic infrastructure was so thorougly devastated
that many had to take the most menial of jobs, becoming body-
servants to the Jews. Hence the second day of Purim is known as
Shoeshine Purim.
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On Purim we become so high that we see (as other have taught) that
"There is something of good in every man." Some folk, for
example, however prejudiced they may be, have excellent ears.
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I sent R. David Herzberg (zl'b) some of my transcriptions of RSC
teachings, with my appended & interjected Notes. He said, I
liked the notes; almost better than the original.
Now obviously one should disclaim such a compliment. But R.
David was a great teacher, and who am I to dispute his word.
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R. David used to say: My Daddy always told me: Don't make a
makochet; wear socks of two different colours.
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[TRUTH IN LENDING:
And now that we have agreed upon this point, I would like to offer everyone who has just read this the opportunity to acquire a controlling interest in a unique historic single-span suspension bridge, apostrophized in the poetry of Hart Crane
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Last night I asked you to marry me, but I forget what you said.
Oh, she replied, I'm so glad you asked. Last night someone
proposed to me, and I could not remember who.
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The Sofer of Modi'in recalled:
When I was young, I went to a Baal Tchuva Yeshiva in B'nei B'rak.
The Rosh Yeshiva heard that I had also gone to Modi'in and said:
'You can't have one foot in one camp, and one foot in the
other.'
I was very concerned, and asked R. Shlomo. He said:
Well, '' gave you two feet.
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In the name of the Sofer of Modi'in (best's I recollect):
The Rabbi was asked to comment on the goyische minhag of the Necktie. He said:
'"They put the gartel in the wrong place."
The Rabbi said:
Shabat is not a day of rest. Sunday is the day of rest.
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The Rabbi asked his Chevre:
How is one to know whether the wedding he has crashed is Modern- Orthodox, Ultra-orthodox, Reform, or Reconstructionist?
The chevre replied, in a single voice: IF it is modern orthodox, the bride is pregant. HOWEVER, if it is ultra-orthodox, the mother of the bride is pregnant. BUT if it is Reform, both of the brides are pregant. WHEREAS if it is Reconstructionist, both the brides and the rabbi are pregnant. The Rabbi said: I approve the answer of the chevre: In honor of the Kallah, whoever she may be, always sing loudly and with great joy; and don't let the invited guests eat all the chicken. [Heard [more-or-less (sa) ca. '94] from Chana-Leah (zl'b). ] [ The Editor adds: You will know if it is a Conservative wedding, at least in Jerusalem, if you chance to notice that the Bet Knesset faces the British Cultural Center.]---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Zev Ritchie published a commendable booklet of RSC speaking on 'Peace'. After carefully studying it, I was able to conclude:
The Rabbi says we should return the Territories; but only in exchange for the Louisiana Purchase. ---------------------------------------------------------------- In '82 the Rabbi was invited to the first Ruach Camp, above a spiritual community in New York state. They wanted to begin with the deepest secrets of Quabalah. The discussion turned to the halachot of Shabat observance. The Rabbi said: Who knows what holiness there is in those little scraps of paper. ---------------------------------------------------------------- [ This concludes the Teachings by our Rabbi ] [ Miscellaneous shtuyot follows:] =============================================================================
BEDATZ WOULD PUT A HEXSURE ON A PLASTIC CAMEL, IF IT HELD STILL.
UPDATED MITZVA CLASSIFICATION FROM THE ORTHODOX ONION
The Orthodox Omnion ("maklng more fences than an onion makes skins") defines a Class B Mitzva as: Intending to do s mitzva but then not having to do so (e.g: "when he comes around you won't be in").
A Class C Mitzva is: Intending to an avera but failing to do it due to circumstances beyond one's control.
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THIS YEAR'S EDITORIAL:
"Streich Geld von jeder Fehler." (Wittgenstein):
Why do hasidim say of Purim: It is so high that even Yom Kippur,
the highest day of the year, is merely a Yom ki-Purim:
On Yom Kippur we accept forgiveness of our averot from Heaven
("And we like sheep ...",
said the wolves.)
On Purim we accept from forgiveness of our averot from Earth, as-
it-is-said: "He who gives less kavod to the torah of women than to
the Torah of men will in the end inherit gehinnon (cows defend
us!).
CAVEAT: KIDS, DON'T TRY THIS ONE AT HOME:
This notion sails Perilously high to the wind of the Shabatean
heresy.
(I once had the helm as we came into Chesepeake Bay. The
skipper took as my mark an onshore nuclear reactor.
One fudges when possible.)
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Movie Review: THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST:
[ POST-PURIM REALITY CHECK: OTHER CRITICS SAY:
But now let us sip our Bloody Mary's
And now let us return for a last, nostalgic visit, to the Virtual Alternate Universe of Purim, for the Purim review of this fine feature film [ coming soon to a movie theatre on the other side of the Sea:][Editor, 16 Adar]
The Reviewer gives this film: Hetzi Felafel w. ktzat hummous.
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LEGAL NOTICE: Know all men by these presents: WHEREAS the
Undersigned has purchased for $$$ 3 Fish & Flat Beer $$$
COPYRIGHTS to all Commentaries on Parshat Pinchas:
Said Commentaries may HENCEFORTH be published only in proper edit
as APPROVED by the MONEY CONSORTIUM (Money, New York).
I do not like Parshat Pinchas.
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Frank Rich ("'Passion' and the U.S. culture war'", International Herlad-Tribune, Saturday-Sunday March 6-7, 2004) observes that "the film is constructed like nothing so much as a porn movie, replete with slo-mo climaxes and pounding music" and remarks: "no one has nailed its artisitc vision more precisly than the journalist Christopher Hitchens, who called it a homoerotic "exercise in lurid sadomasochism" for those who "like seeing handsome young men stripped and flayed alive over a long period of time." "
[ End Rich quote ]
As Sartre notes with his notion of 'pour soi / pour autres', it is difficult not to xomewhat internalize the bigotry reflected from others. An Afro-American writer confronts and transcends this problem with the remarK:
"I didn't create the'nigger', you did; and now I'm giving him back to you."
[James Baldwin (?) ]
Again: This Gibson flic, however mediocre, is a major anti-Semitic [or more precisely, anti-Jewish ] attack, and must be dealt with as such.
[Editor (sw), 16 Adar (9 Mar '04): ]
16 ADAR RECIPE FOR A BLOODY MARY (Kosher L'Mishuganim):
Place two (or three, if you can handle themJ) ice-cubs in a heavy-base glass liberated from any better Bar or Bar Mitzva (using both hands, and focussing as steadily as possible):
Fill nearly to the top with tomatoe juice (perferably organic):
Add a splash of any vodka except those used by kibbutz volunteeers and baal tchuva's:
Forify with salt, pepper, lemon, a dash of Tobasco, and Worcestershire Sauce.
Granish with a celery stalk
Serve wearing a cold wet white towel over the forhead, and with all musical appliances turned off.
On the morning after Purim, the proper greeting to one's cat is: 'Quit stamping your feet.' [vintage New Yorker, ca. 1950]
More important: This movie is !ASSUR FOR THE FRUM! , because
the young man becomes a Reform Rabbi ( *Cows Defend Us!* ).