=washedox CHOICE OX Selected Poems from CONSOLIDATED OX: Collected Poems with at least some Jewish content, 1984--1989 Steve Amdur, Mevo Modi'in, 73122 IS Lines written under the influence of Carl Shrager's Panama Red Miraculously, the water parted they passed through to Mt. Zion. To one (he to whom the God once spoke in the silence in the heart of the fire in the veins of a bush) the God spoke again and the W O R D of infinite delicate complexity was revealed as LAW Blinded he returned to seal his mountain-top tomb with the shattered calf, and the W O R D was hewn on stone tablets. Mendocino, 1967. to Susan Harrison ----- *Babylonian Shaharit Pausing before entering I drape over my shoulders and knot the imperial gartel yoke of bondage about my neck: 'let my soul not see nor mind comprehend what I put my kishkes through to earn my daily quiche' Senlin says. Cambridge, Mass. Autumn 1984 :rubber ball bounced off a wall by Aiken ------ *the valleys are filled with mist from each rise I find myself, surprised still climbing the distant mountain. (Lama, New Mexicoca. 1969) -------------- *the ancient grape-vine sparkling "wine of ecstacy" crystal Kiddish cup Abode of the Message, 1981 ----- *Full moon on the waves Elul, August; August, Elul a seagull turning Penobscot Bay, Maine, 1982 --------------- *Menorahs of clay Dreidels spin like dervishes The light of your eyes Hanukah 1982 -- to Noor ------- *Boddhisatva taxi-driver longing to see everyone safely home, how could you ever guess where each one really goes and when? (Talpiot, Jerusalem, 1987) ---------- *Blue-green Poem (1) Glimpsing her standing outside, praying, I notice my muddy boots. (2) Sun blown free of the clouds beam of light in a pond's green depths -- her glance. (Meor Modi'in, 1989) ------------ *trying to go "from strength to strength" lonely valleys between cresting waves. -------------------------------------------------------------- * few pale stars above waning moon in the western sky tzitzit - rose dawn-beams eastern sky lightens pale green, pale blue dark blue, the lightening moon crows and bluejays call a mist blows over the pond from the heron's tree cornstalks turnign brown rabbits walk across the road white-tail deer bound off mint, sage, basil, thyme diamond dew on the garden motley of pale greens behind the blue sky yellow sun bursts forth in joy like s strong woman in the stone-cooled hhall flute note in the quiet air earth foods at noontime golden light, green gardens the birds are setting up camp pensive time, Yitzhak Kaballat Shabat sun setting behind the hills bright colored palace cool of day drifts back spectrum of darkening blues looking for three stars Ruach Camp - Abode of the Message 1982. 1983 to Noor *Picking Apples Take 2 Know where you will be if the bough breaks and if the bough breaks where will you be; then you can pick apples. ----- *Whistling in the dark, two tightrope walkers call forth light beams through dusty air, to meet at intersections of imagination, until day break. ----------- *To play ping-pong defensively stay quite attentive reacting as needed. Don't scheme. ----- BASKETBALL: *When someone's closer pass; when you're closest shoot. ----- *Swimming across a lake -- don't get half-credit (Knickerbocker Lake, Boothbay (Maine), 1950. Et seq.) ------------- *an old man walks to the corner fighting harder than a mountain-climber each mitzvah a peak. ----- *Occasionally to sketch in a few clear strokes some minor useful act... ------------- *Impecabbly businesslike the bum insists on a shekl. Some days the best I can do are mitzvot ha-agarot. Ref: 10 agarot = 1/10 shekel = apr. $0.16 agara (Pl. agarot), Gr., Heb. marketplace ------ "With one tochas you can't dance at two Weddings": *One mountain, many trails how impatiently I change greedy for every sight trying to avoid each cliff Old City, Jerusalem, Easter, 1985: -------- *To savor the wine not eat the earthen kelim -- how slowly I learn. ----- *Conceptual Distinctions from the Harvard College Succah If, eg the, eg, Lubavitcher Rebbe were to say (Heaven forfend), "Yiddele, we may now eat pork" all his hassidim would say, "Our holy master has (Heaven forbid) flipped out. ---- I do not understand: my father of body and love and my Father who washes our souls each day they both wanted to shecht me. My friends the angels stopped them. Now, when the sun has stopped shouting commands I can't hear I walk in the fields to ask the winds why. [ sketch for Hebrew as primary ] ----- REVISIONIST AKEDA I. No. Temptations from devils; farts and belches of your own mind: Fattest idol can't be the Highest; Blind obedience's fate of slaves; Test's to hold your own ground. Signs & wonders -- madness' booby prizes. Distasteful battleground. Angel and devil the two inevitable servants accompanied him. An old man spoke plain sense and raised his staff; cast away again, Ishmael's sickly smirk behind our backs. My father's madness called down a wadi flood that only madness could cross. The wood was heavy; I stumbled and fell many times, of course and that damned flame would not go out. A HAND blocks the Place as he pressed forward, through his whirlwind -- unable to move and my father suddenly so small soul surged through opening heavens and saw, some say, "The Awe of Issac" handing my life back to me, as grace my Mother had become a ram, nestling in the PALM. As the silver knife dropped to earth his strength passed to me as a robe. Whole, in the peaceful cool of the day we did not speak again, and went to separate Sabbaths. She returned just once, to show me, afar a strong slender girl descending in golden light to return laughter to my soul living under my mother's peace in the Light of our Lord. II. Redeemed but bedazzled at last by Light (our Lord is magnanimous herbs cooking in venison stew) time to sanctify, at least, my own first-born whose birthright is to santify that Place let him redeem our mistakes. No sharp tools; not burning flesh but sanctified laughter of men and women shall ascend like incense, like music. I dream of a Temple of peace built on no man's back and bone just piled-up field-stones, free-hand chosen where the poor man may dip his bread in salt by ancient olive trees. Who would wage war on the hills? Pesach 5744, Sukkot 5745 Belmont, Mass. (Olympia, Summer 1988) "A quiet man, living in tents" "...nor could I have known whose heel I grasped, my brother's or my own!" Delmore Schwartz, "Jacob" from a far field my father's shadow in afternoon reflected mountain in a still lake grain waving in the wind and the Age of Abel passing one dreams, occasionallly -- to raise up first-cut sheaves.... my brother races to forests fleet as a wolf on the cook-fire stew of the fruits of the earth drying herbs hung about my tent wild brother in animal skin sliding down the dry mountainside, tumbling stones threw himself on the goats' watering trough drank like a great cat and burst through my door ate without pause (I dared one demand) he laughed it away and left to his wives. He tolerates me. We parted friends. That day, my father dying, my mother moved calmly, postponing grief as if she were heir to his peace steering my destiny through that fateful, labored masquerade -- wheelbarrow in a muddy rutted field -- [1] laughter tears and rage (virus forte) one of my brother's rabbits now mocked by that stolen blessing JACKPOT JAKE HITS THE TRAIL WITH THE FAMILY JEWELS always listening (shema, shema) hoping only for begrudged shelter in my mother's land I know livestock. That helps. ... our son, our son at last his dreams recalling me to the truth of my own... Notes: It was Rachel who Yakov loved, for all the children he had by Leah. William Carlos Williams: The Red Wheelbarrow: so much depends upon a red wheel barrow glazed with rain water beside the white chickens Egyptian Eating Brown Rice Belatedly the Butler recalled his omission; the tzaddik was bathed and raised up from the prayers of poverty, "...but it is easy to forget, at our ease". Ref: after a teaching by John Gomez, Taos Cf. Heraclitus, Fr. Bywater 108 ----- Two flowers floating on a pond amidst a consternation of handmaidens. Imagine that moment's glance. I. In a recurring dream she stands by the Riverbank, watching very concerned my sister. It's cold and dark and damp -- I'm scared Mother had me taken home They called my mama One day they sent her away again. II. Having given one's tutors the slip investigated that dusty storeroom scrolls no-one dared destroy Great-grand-uncle, administrative genius malgre lui, rainbow boy become father to the Father of the Land and ours a mean little viper of hate.... III. It's all so distant dried and blown on as dust Bedouin life my wife an oasis, our sons Palms yes, yes Strength from the air and light stars my teachers One's temper, faith, patience may break I struck out empty-handed The Mountain sighs 'above, beyond' the desert echos echad Prophet followed by Little Men in White Suits Such callers don't leave cards, and an option of retrospective distinction after life in the hell of interminable equivocation seemed an imprudent investment. Fighting the waves of my mind ("keep it under your hat, Gyro Gearloose") "I went down to -- Piraeus", Joffa, "Hell, Tarshish!" (thank heaven for money) skulking around friends who said I appeared a bit preoccupied and lied my onto a boat. One copes. ...with my back to the wall of a courtyard cafe at the edge of the world, where the air is clear and calm... and the rise & fall of the hull (get some sleep, get some sleep) confirmed my error, erring tchuve, tchuve, wailed the wind the sin we all dwell in is no ground for guilt yes, yes, repent all your vicious little excesses of despair but turn, "return to the land of your soul" One must pretend as long as possible that nothing's happening sling the bull with the tars rest in the shade of simple atheists damnit, goodness strong as oars pushing on heavy swells instant taslick, they cast me away taslick, taslick, lapped me back on shore "That looks like Jonah, and he looks like fish-puke. Been on a bender buddy?" Have some of our wine -- hell, have it all." Too damned mad at last for conscientious objection "any way the wind blows" I went where they wanted "to the hookers who move in mysterious ways, boy") trying to at least not look the part (thank heaven for clean clothes and money); walked three days through that beige metropolis and went through the motions. They listened with the indifferent courtesy of the rich and declared another festival of despair. Naturally nothing happened. Glutted with godly melodrama and popular farce I elected to die in simple dignity. A lady older than my ancestors brought me under her arbor. It shriveled; I gained weight. Gradually the voices trailed away and left me my mind back, like it or not hideously bored again, stakes back to my favorite, mouse patooties but this time broke for real. There was no point, any longer, in not going home. ----- Let us begin by pretending that once upon a time (say, amidst Musaf of Shemini Atzeret) a scraggly goat with the scarlet ribbon walked up on the steps of the Temple unto the High Priest and said: "Buddy gimme 2 buckets of cool spring water and a quarter-bale of your best alfalfa fresh-cut. Ribbon's still red. Redistribute this necklace of minature monsters that vomit my voice to your flock to repent for themselves; still time if they work quick. Maybe I'm your Elijah." The High Priest replied to the goat: "Elijah or not, eat your hay and go back to the desert of Sinn that the rains may placate your thirst and the ribbon turn white with your bones. If they could then they would have; let us begin by pretending." Kefalonia, motzi Shemini Azeret, 1988 Notes: Briefly: Cf. eg Kitov on Yom Kippur; also the account in musaf Yom Kippur, suggesting that the atonement of Yom Kippur was seen as prerequisite to the advent of the life-giving autumn rains. The argument, of course, is over the role of delegated ("priestly") atonement; the tone is eg that of Dostoievski's Grand Inquisitor. Sinn is part of the southern Judean desert. The phrase 'hard travelin' is that of Woody Guthrie, z'lb. ----- In Search of the Ox with the Gilded Horn Lao-tzu once more and/or that baffled butterly one another's dream olim "as those who dream" awakening from discovered troubled sleep into another dream unable to build up or tear down unwilling to sacrifice desert or pillars of light (1985) ------------------------ Birds sing shacharit. Crazed man and awe-stunned boy toil up Mt. Moriah as traffic streams to Tel Aviv. The sons of Aaron wash their feet and gape at Herod's folly. Korbanot and auto exhaust pollute the air. (1986) ----------------- Yom Kippur Shir HaMalot Less like Nehemia's exiles rebuilding the Temple brick by brick than those squabbling crews of priests whom Jesus wept over forseeing that their 'causeless hatred' would tear it down. (1987) ----------------- Gush Emunim Dream Loud banging on our Clubhouse door Guy in a red-check sports-coat: "Shemi Messias. Hashim sent me. I'm taking over." "OK." ----- and Shemi Messias spake unto the members of Members Only & he says You're all redeemed I just bought Beelzebub's Hockshop on Hashim's credit card & tore up all the tickets You can all go learn at Yeshiva says he. ----- One Tenth of Av Kotel Plaza stayed shady all morning. For three weeks everyone was lined up halfway back to Lod to see the Temple. Then things went back to normal, more or less except for the tourists. ------ "Would ye but heed my voice" Every day in Jerusalem a drunk says "I'm back. Came back in '48. "'t'vin? Gimmee now!" ------------- *The desert town of Narishkeit A quaint domain of black-and-white where (despite rectilinear agitation) nothing really changes and everything has her place. Their world of ideas is an aviary. The Mayor's city walls, just mud and straw, have collapsed into gaps and traps. Meticulously inspected each day, they may not be repaired until the Police-Chief-Designate appears and, having proved his identity to the Proper Acting Authorities annexes the rest of the world. --------------------------------- *but mark that these black-hat acrobats tumbling through heavens happen, apparently, to land neatly on their feet (Imagine, "one misty morning, early" ten assembling, shielded in grey cloaks whose lining comprise the rainbow.) ------------------------------------ * The 2 Head Rabbis of the Holy Capitol City of Jerusalem are supported in Tel Aviv by a hidden tzaddik who dances each Friday night on a bar bottomless. ----------------------------------------------------------------- inside the Old City speeding to Mincha the rabbi's driver honks. ----- *As sunset colors rise to the crescent moon and are pushed back into the sea by blue-black night unrolling to reveal three stars, men sit inside houses of prayer capped in black. ----- *Remus Rebus Rerun doty dadi rabi don't you piss in the stream now the fish can't see good; gotto go upriver try to try again doty dadi rabi you can stand right there now but better button down your fly, bye 'n bye. ----- *the Rebbe's indestrubible picture followed me around all summer reproachfully. ----- *and yet if our Rebbe said the moon is made of green cheese and we're all going there for shal shudes, I'd forgo the cholent at lunch. ----- *Home Guard Pre-dawn Sunday: dressed in my battle-gear I kick out the cat. ----- *Surpised, the Giants watched the spies trying to hide: "We was fixin' them supper what they gonna eat?" "Maybe each other." ------ *teenage mother holds up her baby to watch the passing train. Nahariya Junction, Oct. 18, 1988 ------------ *Sitting, I suspect, opposite the old family hotel blown to rubble 36 years ago, at a table for four -- what ghosts invited me today? 10 Ben Yehuda St., 9/21/86 -------- *Hanukah candles: last spirited leap of flame as wax is consumed. (Belmont, 1982) ------- *after Shaherit how beautiful the tulips Shushan Purim morning. ----- *Peach-trees in blossom waning quarter-moon of Nisan in the pardes your Japanese chametz is up a tree "we have forgotten the tree" perhaps the birds once knew ------------ *as faces in a mosaic revealed only as mist blows away they live among us. Yom haZikaron, 5749 ------------- *Av again, and again that set of questions crude as a constellation: what got broken should I cry when can we stop what then ------------------------------------------------------------------ *In his last public appearance in eretz Israel before Yom Kippur the famous Rabbi confessed his sin: "Once a poor crazy shlepper wanted to come home, and for three days I couldn't make up my mind to write El Al a rubber check." ------------------------------------------------------------------Þ- *Pass Washington D.C.,; Collect 3 Billion Dollars.... who once ran down deer... and Essau Elvis Presley grew gross H-bomb Teddy-bear stewing and gulping pottage blood salt of the earth compulsive denial BIRTHRIGHT Israel may return, pleading: (12/84) ----- *The Meaning of Life according to Renata (1) Sometimes in eternity there's a draft call and some souls have to go down to earth for a little lifetime. As below, so above -- you get all types in the army: The wise old souls go to Iceland and when they grow up they go down to the bars and stay there all the long winter until it's time to go home. They're retired, and dam' well gonna stay that way. The teenagers go to Israel where they make a lot of noise and have adolescent identity crises: "Who am I?" "Who's a Jew?" "Let's all be Palestinians!". But nobody from Iceland goes to Israel. ---- Lines written somewhere above Ein Gedi Breaking a bunch of rules as usual I'm slighly lost on the Judean Desert sans map, hat, water, food, jacket, matches & sleep-sack 2.5 hrs daylight, 2 1200-foot trails somewhere thataway. Unasked jeep stops, bani in back gives me 2 oranges, 2 white-flour pitas and 1/3 bottle of water that tastes of her lipstick until suppertime. *This wandering Jew unshaven, pack on his shoulder moving from town to city and country no special pain in having no home only the dull pain in knowing he can have no home. Others, not born to a quest, mock his confusion and laugh at him because he cannot laugh. at week's end, gathered with his fellows on some bare floor sad folk songs mingle with the darkness Oberlin, Grey Gables, 1958 ---------------------------------------- ÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿ