Pursuing Sexual Wholeness?

by Paul Williams

I want to write a personal article about a dilemma we've all had to face at some point in our lives: trying to live as a Christian while being homosexual. There have been many Christian influences in my life ranging from the Lesbian and Gay Christian Movement to the ex-gay ministry Courage, both of which have helped me in different ways. Unfortunately I have never found myself comfortable with either of them for the following reasons.

Many are attracted to the ex-gay ministries in the hope that their homosexuality can be changed into heterosexuality. Though some of the leaders of these ministries would sincerely deny that this is what motivates their programmes, their public endorsement of a book like Andrew Comiskey's Pursuing Sexual Wholeness (who clearly expects change or healing of homosexuality) causes me confusion as to exactly what their objectives actually are. For many Christians struggling on these programmes comes a painful realisation that for the majority of them change does not happen. Often deep disillusionment and despair set in, and a terribly large number drift slowly away from the church and Christianity altogether. This has happened to many friends of mine, and I am sure that many in Integrity know of similar stories. I believe that the basis for the ex-gay movement's theology lies not (as some believe) in homophobia, but in a distorted understanding of the New Testament, because like any other area of Christian life where healing is sought eg. for disease or disability, healing is not always given.

On the other side of this ecclesiastical 'cold-war' is the LGCM. Many Christians who are homosexual (myself included) remain unconvinced by the claims of the gay Christian movement. I have studied in depth the writings of scholars who would have us believe that the Bible does not say anything negative about homosexual intercourse. I for one do not find their arguments (sometimes quite sophisticated) at all convincing. Often we read into the Bible what we want to see there for ourselves, and then claim the authority of Scripture for our views; reached from very different premises. But I suppose that is something we all do straight or gay.

As an Evangelical, I believe that fundamental to Christian belief is the supreme authority of Scripture as a source of knowledge of God and a guide to Christian living; given what I have said above this presents me with a problem!

I have tried to live as a celibate, but have found at the end of the day that I cannot live the life of a monk! But, I am determined to remain within the church and God's kingdom, to work out a sustainable way of remaining open to God and not to succumb to sexual promiscuity. For those of us in this position there is value, I believe, in a committed homosexual relationship lived seriously and prayerfully before God. I have not found for myself any other way. I do strongly believe however that those homosexual Christians who can live celibate lives should do so, and receive every encouragement and support from Christian fellowship.

For me finding 'integrity' has been hard. I have wanted to accept who I am with honesty, but I realise that I live by God's mercy and grace in the light of the truth about sexuality that is found in his Word.

Reprinted from an Integrity newsletter.

Paul has since become a Roman Catholic and has found the means to become chaste and live according to his beliefs.
More recently he wrote the following article:

Friendship: Necessary for Chastity

This is reprinted with permission from the EnCourage Newsletter. The author was a member of Integrity until he became a Roman Catholic. EnCourage is a support group which helps its members live in accordance with the Roman Catholic Church's teachings on homosexuality.


"To foster a spirit of fellowship in which we may share with one another our thoughts and experiences and so ensure that none of us will have to face the problems of homosexuality alone." - from "The Goals of EnCourage".

Why is fellowship so important? I can only give a personal answer to this question because I suspect that each of us may have a different answer.

For me Christian fellowship is vital in living the Christian life. Why? Christian fellowship used to mean having Christian friends: people with whom to share general anxieties and the joys of life. But it was never that important.

Then about a year and a half ago God gently wooed me to live a chaste life, and I had to painfully discover a deeper level of fellowship. This meant that I needed to be honest about the kind of person that I was, and the kind of secret things that I did. I learnt (and I am still learning) that being a disciple of Christ is impossible without opening up in painful candour to one or two others and asking them to help me in my moments of need.

This discovery, which changed my life, happened at the same time that I was becoming a Roman Catholic, and I am sure in God's plan that this was no coincidence. Before then I believed that I could have all my needs met by God and that he would somehow charismatically sustain me no matter what the crisis. But I found that this sometimes didn't work. There were some days when I would be alone at home and a raging conflict would arise between my conscience and sexual temptation. Because I had not shared my problems with anyone else, I often fell.

I came to realise too that we are all involved in a battle and that means we must be constantly prepared for struggle against the evil one and our own sinful desires. Part of this strategy for living the Christian life was taking the very painful step of talking to trusted friends and asking for their help. I had to make sure that all possible lines of evil were ruthlessly cut off. If the close friend with whom I share a flat was away for a time I had to try and stay with one of these Christian friends so that I didn't fall. If I went to a disco (because I love dancing) I had to make sure I didn't get drunk and end up in a mess. I had to stop reading gay newspapers with their inviting date lines and their pages of homo-erotic images, which just fuelled my mind.

Above all I had to ensure that I didn't face the problems of homosexuality alone. But ultimately it was all God's grace. It was He who gave me the gift of prayer and the gift of faith, and the radical desire to live for him whatever the cost. And he gave me some wonderful Christian friends who always said "yes" to my cries for help. And for this fellowship (of which EnCourage is now a part) I am deeply grateful.

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