In the next few paragraphs you will learn my background in deeper depth.  You may find that some of this information may be repeated from my general bio page.  I apologize for this, but this was the best way I knew how to bring forth my personal feeling in my life.  This is a very lengthy page but gives a lot of information about me.  If there is anything else you wanna know email me. I love answering questions.

To begin, my name is Jason.  Many people call me Jay, Jason, and Jayce.  Others call me not so supportive names, but I cope and live on.  I was born in Indianapolis, Indiana.  Yeah the big cornfield  city.  I spent most of my life in a small town predominately white population.  I had a not so normal life.  My parents divorced like most everyone else's when I was in elementary school.  I chose to live with my dad, which being as young as I was could not have been as wise of a decision as I had thought in the beginning.  Don't get me wrong I love my father dearly, but he was not prepared to take care of a child by himself.  My mother was a very big part of my life at this point also.  I would always call her so that she would know I was fine and she would always make sure I had what I needed, when she could, for school.  Before my parents got divorced we were living the comfortable life and I never really wanted for anything, although I always asked for everything. I was an extremely spoiled only child.  It was easy for me to get what I wanted because we could afford to live as we did.  After the divorce, it was totally different.  At first it was ok, I still had all the things I needed and had food to eat and clothes to wear.  As the years progressed, things began to get more and more difficult for me.  I had to learn how to keep house, cook and take care of myself.  Living with my father was not easy but it did make me a strong individual.  I had a childhood before the divorce, but after the divorce my childhood vanished and I became an adult before my time.  I believe that was the only way I came to survive.  There were days I would go hungry and there would be days that I would feel worthless.  My mother was always there if not in person at least I knew she would always listen to me and help me through my hard times.  At this point in my life I was beginning to have those "feelings" for other boys.  Granted I had those feelings from the time I can remember, but they were getting more apparent.  I mean everyone would call me a girl (not that I looked like one) or they would call me a fag (which I didn't know the meaning until later).  I never acted on these feelings or did I ever want to.  I was at an ackward time in my life.  I was trying to find out why I had these feelings, trying to fit-in with the school crowd and also trying to work out my home life.

  It was about this time that I decided to begin living with my grandparents.  They lived nearby the school I was going to so that I could walk instead of taking a bus everyday.  This helped with the school because I would never see the bullies and I would have a warm home and warm food everyday after school.  I was begining to feel like I had a life again.  I tried to be involved in all kinds of school activities.  This always didn't work because I still had these bullies around.  I did find one thing out about myself is that I was gay.  I finally looked up the word to find out why I was being labeled as gay.  It was true, I knew it had always been true but never knew what I could be categorized under.  I finally reached the big 'ol high school.  I had created a lot of friendships with a lot of people.  I also created acquaintances.  I had no enemies.  I mean I never did anything wrong to have enemies.  Everyone trusted me but I never trusted anyone.  I was too afraid to, there were instances where to save their own popularity they would go to bullying me and calling me names.  I understood though.  I don't have hard feelings for anyone back then.  It was a way of life because that is how we are taught to react to people.  Categorize them by what they wear, how they act, or who they hang around with.  We all did it and we all ridiculed everyone over it.  My high school years were ok.  I was still majorly closeted, but had my slip ups from time to time.   I never tried to approach anyone about my feelings or even try to ask anyone for help.  It wasn't right to be this way in this towns bible. 

After graduating from high school I did my search for the perfect college.  Well I didn't go to the perfect college but it was an experience.  I am not really complaining about going there, but I did run into many problems.  I went through four different majors and many other minors until finally deciding on Communication Media.  This was the only thing that matched anything I wanted to do.  I tried developing a class but was told that I would not be able to complete it in the specified time.  I still had two years left to complete this new major and they still denied me.  Equal opportunity college my ass.  So I stayed in communication media which took me a year to complete.(figure on that when I was taking more classes than what I had planned for the advanced degree i had presented)  I made many friends and explored my sexuality in greater depth as many people do when they have more freedom. This necesarily did not mean I had sex all the time. Sexuality is not always about sex, it's about life and living it.  Who knows I may decide to tell you more about this if I develop another page to place these stories on.  I also have to get the ok from people involved to talk about our lives together.  While going to school I was involved in many organizations and developed a place on campus for me.  I also had various jobs which made me well known and trusted on the campus.  I know things about My college that no one else would know or would believe, but I can be trusted so well that unless it was harming individuals that I would never divulge that information.  You could not believe the things that can be seen or heard when you are trusted so immensely. 

Two of my organizations had the most impact on me in college.  This was BACCHUS and ACTING OUT.  BACCHUS is what you would consider a SADD organization except our organization dealt with sex, drugs and alcohol within the campus.  After I left, the organization went under and no one has heard anything solid from them since.  I feel bad but I can only do so much. They never realized I was the one that did most everything and got the students involved as much as I could.  I had many friends to help keep it going.  ACTING OUT was a theatrical social issues organization.  It took an entire year to get it going and it was great; we made impressions on many of the students and made a statement to the campus that we are not letting things hide on campus anymore.  I had a script on AIDS and another friend of mine had a script on Homosexuality.  There were others like religion, sexism, rape and abusive relationships.  They were all really great scripts and our director wrote the majority of them.    As of this day I do not know of the status of this organization, but I hope it is still going on.


Well this brings me to the present.  I work and live in Downtown Indianapolis in an international business.  Our branch is an extremely small branch.   I enjoy it, but there are times that I need a day off. Until then I will just work the day and get paid.

More to come later.......
 

Please contact me with any questions or comments and I will try to oblige by answering as soon as I can.

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