/man/homosexual/john/thoughts:> Rebuild America: We can't afford to hold on with Bush. /\\\\

I have to build a quick web page because my other one is way out of date; who wants to work on a computer all day at work and then come home to work on a computer? Back in my college days, I thought I'd never get tired of looking at a computer screen .. well back then I spent my time in classrooms, doing homework, reading a page or two from textbooks, and, of course, going out once a week to be with people. It's funny how that all changes one day, graduation. Then I move to Ann Arbor, MI to start my career job - what that piece of paper says I'm edumacated to do (software engineering). Well then, damn, three years go by and I'm already a S.E. III (yeah I'm that good *grin*) and I own a house. What the f--k! Where the hell did that come from!?

Suddenly, I am 27, and now 28, owning my own house and feeling like 30-something on certain days. I just had my 10-year high school reunion and all I can say is 'wow' from all the people I saw. I'm not really sure how many people have drastically changed; aside from marriage and having kids, most people seemed to be the same. Most have added some weight, some have lost some weight, and some didn't change. The sad part is that some still act like they did in high school .. cliques and attitudes. I was able to chat with a few people and it was good catching up and finding out how many gay people were actually in the graduating class. I don't think it was the "average" 10 percent even though it was a class of 200. I am hoping to keep in touch with a few people from the reunion, and perhaps add some new friends.

I'm happy to have a great group of friends, though at "first contact" you'll think they're absolutely whacked. They're great people who don't give a damn how you look or dress, but they're gay too. They only judge you based on who you are and what you do with yourself. They will be there when everyone else has left you single and lonely. Why love one person when you can love many. I'd rather be single with these kinds of friends. Otherwise, the alternative is to be with another man and forget my friends - no way.

I think that every gay guy in high school had some sort of depression, perhaps that would explain the high suicide rate among gay/questioning teens? Looking back at high school, something I don't recommend for a day-to-day basis, I had to find out who I was. Damn it's not hard enough?!

Depression: I have to say that I'm a gay man who has gone, and is still going, through depression and I'm hoping to beat it. I was told that I may have inherited it from a parent or grand-parent, according to "today's studies" which, as you may know, can change today or tomorrow. Depression is not a feeling that is easy to change. It's an illness that has to be understood, dampened, and carefully controlled. Thankfully there are many studies, fine drugs, and intelligent therapists out there to help. I am going through it and I have to say that most of the time, I feel great. When I have told people close to me about this depression, they often comment "but you don't seem depressed" or "you always seem so happy, what makes you feel depressed?". All I have to say is this: you should have seen me when I was trying to deal with its first onset, when I wasn't sleeping, eating, or socializing like usual, when I just wasn't myself and sinking deeper in to a hole that only got bigger; then, you would have seen the difference and you might have a better understanding of what it's like. It's more than one day of feeling down, more than one week or two. That's how I knew for sure.

Guys, just be yourselves. Lose the high class bullshit clothing, hair style products, and attitude most of all. Leave behind the planted notion that you need to keep up with the models and trends, though it's good for ALL gay men to remain up to date in the clothing department, I'm not talking about A&F or whatever. Put away the drugs that you think you need to have a good time; especially put away those "friends" with whom you get high - they'll be gone faster than some boy from Necto. What's left -- go for the permanent solution, build up some friends who are in it for the long haul, and figure out who in your life will not be there until the end. Some fine lonely day, you'll need only those good friends.

Did you learn something from this? Great.
Did I offend you? Good.
Not offended? Even better - welcome to the reality of all the life. You passed the sanity check.

for hname in
Triangle Foundation
Coming Out to your Parents [OutProud.org]
Perl
 ; do ln -s $hname ./


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