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Where were you this October when you first heard about Matthew Shepard? As it happens, I was on-line (one of the few advantages of that tenuous window on reality - it transcends the 'news' that the corporate world spews forth - it was not news in Canada until he was dead, and wasn't heavily covered in the States after his battered body was found a few days before he died).
I was also conscious of the fact that my boyfriend was out of the country at the time. I can't say I had any conscious fear - he's a (really) big boy - but I felt a twinge of worry...
The thing that struck me about Matthew, self-centered as it may be, was
how much he reminded me of a friend in university who was gay and who I worried about at
the time - they were both small guys and had the delicate, calm air about them that calls
to cretins like Russell Henderson and Aaron Mckinney, Matthew's alleged
killers - and, for that moment, I remembered how I fretted about him...and, to be really
selfish, that's not a place I like to live in...I want my friends to be safe, and I want
to
After his death, the Religious Wrong had a field day. I remember watching a CNN special at work (and trying to get through to comment, to no avail) in which the likes of the Family Research Council went on about homosexuality and how it was linked to crime and filth and how they could 'understand' the killers' actions, while, of course, condemning them (am I the only one who responds 'Huh!?' to that?)...all with big TV smiles and stuff about loving the sinner...wash your hands when you get back to your nice, silent, tense family homes, because blood is hard to get off...
And it doesn't help when people like Patricia Nell Warren and Camille Paglia, who, if identity politics had credence, should have been supportive, instead advance respectively the idea that Matthew was brainwashed by promiscuous messages into leaving a bar with strangers (asking for it, huh?) and that Matthew was into rough trade (there's a distinction between that and snuff, Camille...). We won't ever know what he was thinking, will we, when he left that bar? We know that the accused will say he made passes and so on...the defence of the lily-white straight boy against the homosexual pervert...that some judge will possibly believe (though, credit where it is due, judges seem less amenable to that argument of late). So the freak what? What if he hit on them outrageously? What if he fumbled at their belts and tried to initiate sexual acts? It seems that beating, binding and burning someone and leaving him to die may be out of proportion to that 'crime'.
The problem with the whole 'we must be more careful and respectable' argument is that, in a way, it ties in to the likes of the Rev. Phelps, who would be so eager to say that the promiscuous lifestyle and perversion that is homosexuality (in whose opinion, of course - I recall that most straight people I knew, if their accounts were to be believed, were indulging in more catting than the queers I knew when I was younger...and, in any case, again, so what?) was to blame for Matthew's death (not that he spared a moment of compassion) - that fags deserve to die - that it was the fault of Matthew's parents and the University of Wyoming and Matthew himself for not repressing his feelings until the day he died (and that is the gist of the man's press release - to be fair, since the alleged priest is from Lawrence, Kansas, home of the late William S. Burroughs, perhaps he has only met evil, scummy fags *weak grin*). Aren't we human? Don't we deserve love? Don't we deserve to hit on people in sleazy bars? Don't we deserve not to be murdered for errors in judgement (if, indeed, trust and hope can be so labelled)?.
One of the accused's parents said that if it was a woman who was killed, there wouldn't be this fuss. They were right - but they weren't presenting the argument in women's defence. They were defending the status quo - and creating a dangerous equation that needs to have its terms cancelled out. If everyone isn't safe, no-one is safe.
Forgive me if I don't seem entirely rational about this matter - it's
hard to see with my people's blood in my eyes - and tears mingled with that create
stinging...and, when I'm hurt, I fight back...so watch your back, straight boys with your
'faggot' remarks and talk of going out 'trolling' for queers...I'm dangerous, and I'm not
a sweet kid who never hurt anyone in his life...I'll show you rough trade like you never
dreamed...the next one of you who raises a finger, a limp wrist or an eyebrow will get to
be the next scarecrow...and the worst part is, I look respectable and like you...I'll bet
that scares the hell out of you...now you know how it feels, babies...
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